Recovery = boring. Writing something for Oppo, your questions welcome!

"yamahog" (yamahog) 07/25/2014 at 11:33 • Filed to: None

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As yall may have heard yesterday, I have some nice short term disability leave on my hands while recovering from minor surgery, and I wanted to take this time to put together an article I've been meaning to write for some time which is near and dear to my heart. Hopefully some of yours, too.

The basic premise and working title is:

"Why Isn't My Girlfriend a Gearhead?": Facts, experiences, and opinions to give you some insight

I welcome any respectful input/questions in this thread that you'd like to see addressed as I start to tie my notes, sources, and experiences together and try not to stray too far off base! In what I'd like to consider a companion to Kat's earlier piece on women in car culture (if she'll pardon the heteronormativity in the working title, suggestions are welcome there too), I want to touch on common cultural roadblocks and misconceptions we face that men might not be aware of, and to answer why and how we as car people should be making room for everyone.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Fellow Oppo women, if you'd like me to include any of your personal experiences with car culture, positive and/or negative, online or in person, please feel free to add it in the comments as well or !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! if you'd like to remain anonymous.

For Sweden > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 11:37

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I've dated women who have spent more on shoes than I've ever spent on cars (seriously). I didn't share her passion, and she never tried to coerce me into sharing her passion.

If you're S.O. likes cars, cool. If they don't, also cool. It's all very cool. Well, not really; It's 32 °C in Stockholm; that's not cool.

Nibbles > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 11:37

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When I met the woman who would become my wife, she knew nothing about vehicles except that she liked her old Ram 2500 because it could haul a lot of horses, and her little Dakota was a good truck. Four - wait five already - years later and we now debate design trends/fads, chat about what I'm doing to her truck and the Saab, and I'm pretty sure I've caught her gushing over particularly nice exhaust notes too. It's been a long road, but perseverance and an even keel has brought her around quite nicely :)

If only I could say the same thing about Football.

yamahog > For Sweden 07/25/2014 at 11:40

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Absolutely. This is more for the people who hear about me/CrzRsn, Bird/Ferraro, etc and are all "Oh, wow, that's really cool! You're not like other girls, I wish my wife/gf/etc was into cars too!" as if the "other girls" are lesser for it.

dogisbadob > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 11:42

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Here's to a speedy recovery

Sn210 > Nibbles 07/25/2014 at 11:47

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My wife is the opposite: she loves football but cares very little for cars

Brian Silvestro > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 11:54

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My ex girlfriend hated that I was into cars. She seriously got pissed off at me for pointing out awesome cars on the road. Actively talking down to me about anything car-related I mentioned.

There's no way that relationship was ever gonna last.

Bandit > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 11:55

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I personally don't care if my girlfriend likes cars or not, but it does big me when they are ignorant. My last girlfriend didn't care what she drove, never did any mantainence, and constantly got in minor accidents (at least once a week) because she didn't care. That bugged the hell out of me.

505Turbeaux > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 11:56

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now there is an innovative way to post your email address

For Sweden > Bandit 07/25/2014 at 11:58

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It's one thing to not care about cars; it's quite another to be proudly ignorant about cars.

yamahog > Brian Silvestro 07/25/2014 at 12:00

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There's no way that relationship was ever gonna last.

LOL! If you don't mind me asking, did she think it was an immature hobby, or do you think she was tired of hearing about something that didn't interest her?

yamahog > Bandit 07/25/2014 at 12:03

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Bugged you because of the nonchalance toward safety/being a responsible driver? Do you know if her family had similar attitudes towards their cars?

Brian Silvestro > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:03

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Well she thought that

Anyone who's who's interested in cars MUST also have a sexual attraction to them. Nothing in between not caring about cars and sex with cars.

And that pissed me off.

And she didn't care about them.

yamahog > Brian Silvestro 07/25/2014 at 12:07

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That's one helluva conclusion from her. Interesting.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:07

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My girlfriend really wasn't into cars as much when we started dating, though I wasn't really either. We both sort of looked more into it and I really dove into the culture, becoming a full fledged Oppo, watching some racing and really looking more into the auto world. She sort of followed me into it. She recently asked if we do go visit Germany, which is where a great deal of her family is from, we have to go to the 'Ring and drive it. She is even right on board with the racing seat Forza set up I am trying to build! She now helps in the garage with oil changes and such!

yamahog > 505Turbeaux 07/25/2014 at 12:08

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Lol, I used the anonymous one from an open craigslist post I have, did you have trouble with it?

Brian Silvestro > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:08

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Hope that helps your article.

Bandit > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:09

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That's what bugged me. No, her father is an engineer and a minor gear head. He always did the car work for the family, first time I went to her house her father was working on swapping a power steering pump because she never topped off the fluid and let it get too low.

yamahog > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 07/25/2014 at 12:10

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Cool! Do you know why she wasn't into it beforehand, or are you both just car-hating millennials? ;)

505Turbeaux > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:12

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no I havent used it yet. I know quite a few women in my life that are gearheads. One that just got done with diesel school too. I am buried at work today but I will see what I can provide for content. Ill send a test right now for fun though.

Bandit > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:15

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Oh and her way younger sister (6 years younger or so) was quite a gear head. I took the (now ex)girlfriend to a car show and she brought the younger sister along. The young girl knew everything from Miatas to Shelby mustangs!

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:16

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My wife doesn't care to drive, so she doesn't really appreciate certain cars, but she does like our new FiST and can tell I am enjoying it much more than our 2000 Accord (to be fair to the Accord it is mostly because the clutch is blown).

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Brian Silvestro 07/25/2014 at 12:16

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Well that's... Interesting.

Brian Silvestro > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 07/25/2014 at 12:17

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Yes. Yes it is.

yamahog > Bandit 07/25/2014 at 12:18

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Sounds like Dad realized he didn't want to be fixing both his daughter's cars and passed the car bug to the younger one ;)

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Brian Silvestro 07/25/2014 at 12:19

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I can only assume she met someone who did have an automotive fetish?

Brian Silvestro > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 07/25/2014 at 12:20

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I guess I'll never know. Probably.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:22

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She, like many girls, saw a car as an appliance. It should work all the time and it is for doing one job, A to B. We were born in red-neck Canada in the first part of the 90's. Its not that we were car hating it was just that we came from a place where trucks are the norm out of necessity. Car events we grew up with were demo derby's and mud bogs so its not like an Italian or German car was something we knew a lot about. Even now I could tell you more about Super Swampers then about slicks but we both enjoy the auto world.

Bandit > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:25

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Haha! Sadly no, I asked the sister how she knew so much about cars and she said "dad points things out whenever we are driving." Asked the gf why she didn't know as much and the sister chimed in with "she's too busy on her phone to care." So yeah...

yamahog > Bandit 07/25/2014 at 12:26

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What's their mom like, assuming she is in the picture? And how old is the little one?

Bandit > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:29

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I broke up with the girl before I met the mom, she was always traveling. The sister was somewhere between 10 and 12.

unpredictable_swerve > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 12:57

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My wife didn't care too much about cars when we first started dating, for Christ's sake she got a base model Vibe (shudder) when she got her license. I was poor, broke, living with parents, and driving a beat to shit 4Runner (over 200k when I sold it) but after some mild trail driving she got into it, just a little. Fast forward a few years, I drive an MR2 and am shooting for 400whp in the next 5 years, with 289whp right now, she wants an STi, Mazda3, or FiST/FoST, goes to car shows and on long drives with the local MR2 community, wants her own project car, and will help in the garage when she can. To be fair, its very give and take. She picked up a little of the gear head bug from me, and I picked up the photography bug from her. Yes, I still get the occasional "No, you can't buy "x", I don't care how good of a deal it is". Sometimes she still sighs when I point something out I find interesting "Babe! Come look at how this guy routed his vacuum lines!" But sometimes, I'm sweating, slipping, and swearing while working on the car and she will come out, hand me a beer, and dig in right beside me.

TheD0k_2many toys 2little time > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 13:35

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My Girlfriend is indifferent towards cars/car culture. She has gone to meets and such with me and helped me a little bit working on cars but she really doesn't car to much about them. She understands i eat, sleep, and breathe cars so she doesnt hamper it. Also she complains that its hard for her to work under cars cause her boobs "get in my way"

*I don't mind the last part at all :)

NaturallyAspirated > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 14:13

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My younger sister is an odd duck in my mind. She learned to drive on a manual, she has a CDL so she can safely drive much larger vehicles than I can, she understands how air brakes work, etc, etc. Her previous boss loved her since she was the only person on staff of any gender who could drive their old stick shift bus.

Yet her own DD always ended up being neglected. Our dad or myself always ended up doing her oil changes and regular maintenance.

She always owned "meh" cars too, her first car being an automatic mid '90s Camry, her current car being an automatic Nissan Versa hatchback.

I believe she owned a moped when she lived in Taiwan for a couple of years; she's never confirmed it, but she does have a burn scar on the inside of her calf where someone might brush against a hot exhaust pipe, and since our mother is a physical therapist with an extreme phobia of motorcycles, I certainly don't blame her for wanting to maintain some uncertainty there.

Our parents were never car people. My mom drove Dodge minivans and my dad drove company cars pretty much the whole time we were growing up. I wasn't a car guy myself until my junior year of college, when I "accidentally" bought a '95 Taurus SHO.

She always thought my car choices were impractical, up until my Miata which she though was downright hilarious.

So I suppose what I'm saying is that inclination is more important that skill set when it comes to getting people involved in car culture.

Ferrero1911 > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 16:11

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I think many of my experiences are not representative of women as a whole. Living in a place with such a large car culture, I feel that there is plenty of room for me as a woman. People don't assume my car belongs to Bird unless he's the one driving it, men ask me questions about my car that many people would assume a woman wouldn't know the answer to, and I feel like one of the guys on group drives. I do understand that many women have different experiences and I think the reasons for that are varied and important. I look forward to having different experiences as I move about the country and get to know the car scene in new places. I have many other thoughts on this, but I'm a work right now...I'll email you later.

Stephen the Canuck > yamahog 07/25/2014 at 22:25

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My girlfriend wasn't into anything automotive when we started dating, but she's a good listener, and curious, and knows I have a passion for the automotive.

She has learned how to change the oil in a car (to the point where she changed the oil in my old Grand Am for me because I buggered my ankle), change a headlight bulb, an air filter, swap/rotate wheels and tires on a car, and some other basic things such as what's what under the hood.

She's been to races (Mosport several times) and car shows with me (took me to the Toronto Auto Show for Valentine's Day), car shopping with me, accepts when I pull over to look at random cars for sale on the side of the road. She plays games when were out driving when I pick out a car and get her to guess make and model.

I've always told her that I wanted to teach her to drive stick, and she's been good with it. I've had her try driving stick in an empty parking lot, and shifting the gears for me when I'm driving.

I've had her tell me she wants her own project/race car to work on and drive. She generally knows what kind of car she wants to drive/race/own/wouldn't go near.

What I have tried to do with her, and what I suggest people to with females/males/friends/siblings/anyone is the following;

-provide opportunities to learn/experience

-encourage them in their curiosity

-answer questions

-let them know that being wrong is not a problem, everyone is always learning new things

-listen to them

-try hard not to overload them with info/sensations

- DO NOT PRESSURE THEM

-let them know that you appreciate their tolerance/interest/participation

-make it as fun as possible for them

-reciprocate, and take an interest in their passions/hobbies

It can never hurt to have an open and caring community, and to bring new members to the cult of Machines of Propelled Motion.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > yamahog 07/26/2014 at 00:21

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The girl I've talked about a week or two ago from Winsconsin isn't a gearhead, but she wants to learn everything about being one (same applies to computers), and occasionally drives the old family car, a worn down Saturn L series, but she wants to fix it up with her dad, and she loves riding in her dad's "new" Tacoma.

She's currently dating a guy from LA, but seems to admire me a lot more than him somehow. I really don't want her to dump her current boyfriend just for me, that would be silly and selfish. I've had a friend be the "dumped" guy, and he was venting to me, and raging over the phone.

bob and john > yamahog 07/29/2014 at 14:15

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I think part of the problem (this is just speculation) is all of the grid girls and scantly clad women @ wheels booths and what not. women are over sexualized (is that a word? it is now) and I think it scares off a lot fo women who are genuinely interested in it. then you have all of the 20-25 year old assholes cat calling and what not.
also doesnt help that most girls dont like getting their manicure ruined working on a dirty stinky car (my moms words when i asked her to help me with an oil change)

as far as is my girlfriend into them: she likes the look of some, and was kinda dissapointed when i tell here they are actually complete piles of turd. then she asked me how do i know when i cant have possibly driven
explain the reviews and what different engine configs are and what not, and slowly but surely she was getting more and more intresed. now, she sends me pictures of cool or intresting cars she spots, and yesterday, told me she wants to learn to drive a manual car and learn to ride a motorcycle!

so, I think I got lucky in this respect