My Least Favorite Person Walked Into My Office Today

"Zerofret" (zerofret) 07/21/2014 at 14:20 • Filed to: None

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I mainly dislike him because he never shuts up about how he can beat anything on 4 wheels with this (below), and talks crap about everyone else's vehicle.

CKeffer > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:22

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Wait, there is someone who is under the impression that the Beetle is a fast car!?!

Zerofret > CKeffer 07/21/2014 at 14:23

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Apparently the words "turbo" on the back make it faster than a brand new Stingray.

mr_gofast > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:23

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ask him if he can beat a speed bump...plus tell him his bug has aways to go to be like this

Saracen > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:23

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Not sure if trolling or just stupid fanboy.

Nibby > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:24

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You know what to do.

Party-vi > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:24

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Porsche wheels so it must be fast.

Roadster Man > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:24

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That's bagged, right? If it's sitting static like that then he's nuuuuuts.

Zerofret > Saracen 07/21/2014 at 14:24

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I think it's a weird mutant like mixture of both

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:24

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Duh!

Putting "Turbo" on a car instantly adds Eleventy horsepowers.

Imirrelephant > mr_gofast 07/21/2014 at 14:25

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But it's got Porche wheels! That's easily 50HP on it's own!

Zerofret > Roadster Man 07/21/2014 at 14:25

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Yup it's bagged

Nighthawkwill7, Hoon Depot Manager > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:26

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Roadster Man > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:30

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Phew. I was gonna be like "whaaaaaaaaaat?"

And he talks about how quick the car is? I dunno why a speed freak would bag his car- whether this model is a Turbo or not, you can at least start building your turbo kit/turbo upgrade for the kind of cash you spend putting your car on bags.

This reminds me of high school when my brother would tell me that he beat people in stoplight races driving the Saturn we used to share. I'm pretty sure it was because the other guy wasn't racing....

PS9 > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:36

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I call this 'small cock syndrome'. Someone who unresonably brags about how totally awesome their normal and probably-good-but-not-godly-in-any-way car is.

I once knew a dude who had a slammed honda civic coupe who WOULD. NOT. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. ABOUT. VTEC. That tiny burst of torque at the end on the peaky power band on his 90WHP econobox meant that he could challenge ferraris and win. Not even joking. He 'raced' (in quotes because the other car was minding it's own fucking business and not racing at all) my other friend's tC, and winning that 'race' made him a god among men. Truly an astounding feat that must be retold and preserved for future generations. At least, that's what he must have thought anyway, since this was the second thing HE. WOULD. NOT. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. ABOUT. That + VTEC made him motherfucking unbearable. The 700HP AWD Sorento he told us all about was the final straw for everyone in his life (including me).

Small Cock Syndrome, because you have to be compensating for something if you need to make up lies about your (not at all)godly fast and powerful car. Sure, it's crude, but the people who pull this bullshit are just as crude, so it fits.

Rico > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:36

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Lmfao, someone needs to step on that thing, it looks awful. I saw a Jetta on Saturday that was super low not as low as that but not far from it and it looked like pure garbage.

CKeffer > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:40

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MazdaMonkey > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:43

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Back in college, I sold Toyotas at a local dealer. I once had a customer that traded his Beetle Turbo in for the brand new (at the time) FJ Cruiser. After he signed the paperwork, he kept telling me how much he was going to miss his "Porsche Beetle," how fast it was, and that I HAD to buy it as it was the "perfect" car for me. Insane.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:44

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Is it "souped up"?

zeontestpilot > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:45

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Don't forget the racing stripes. It makes it more aerodynamic.

Alfalfa > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:45

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Tell him his engine is in the wrong place.

Textured Soy Protein > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:46

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That is quite possibly one of the worst cars I have ever seen.

EL_ULY > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:49

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Tell him, "No mames guey!" :]

Leadbull > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:54

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Bulldozer operator: you know what to do.

RazoE > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:55

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Bet he has a German "Das Auto" license plate somewhere.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:56

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You know, even though I don't generally care for bagged cars, I have to say that beetle looks quite nice .

Now, that being said, unless he's running a 100 shot he's not gonna beat many fast cats, especially with all that extra weight from the bags.

JGrabowMSt > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 14:59

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What state? Let me hop in my wagon and teach him something about american muscle.

McMike > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 15:01

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I love people like this. Just give me an audience.

RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 15:12

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Heh, there used to be a guy here with an E46 328i who kept harping about the magic of German engineering.

Jayhawk Jake > Roadster Man 07/21/2014 at 15:16

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It's fast cause when the bags are low it creates less drag so it goes faster, duh.

Look at race cars, they are all low and they are all fast so to be fast you have to be low and the lower you are the faster you go. That beetle is lower than a porsche 911 and it has a short shifter so its faster than a porsche

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 15:26

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I hope he has tuned the engine because if not a FiST can keep up with him...

T5Killer > Roadster Man 07/21/2014 at 15:39

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Its a VW of course its bagged.

Zerofret > Jayhawk Jake 07/21/2014 at 15:40

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And it has Porsche wheels soooo!

Zerofret > JGrabowMSt 07/21/2014 at 15:43

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Texas. Hurry!

Jayhawk Jake > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 15:50

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They must be lighter than the stock wheels so it's better because it's less unsprung weight

JGrabowMSt > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 16:03

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im supposed to stop in florida and see how many carts of groceries it fits, ill leave them in so your coworker has a handicap.

Zerofret > JGrabowMSt 07/21/2014 at 16:13

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haha he's not even my co worker. He just appears at my office building sometimes.

JGrabowMSt > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 16:21

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i might not be italian, but ill bring some fist pumping jersey heat for him anyway.

Tell him if he loses, i want gas money back to NJ.

sketchcat > Jayhawk Jake 07/21/2014 at 18:34

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ive heard arguments like this too many times in the past, its damaged my sarcasm sensors.

...so for a moment i thought.. nevermind. im sorry.

sketchcat > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 18:38

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this guy not old enough to remember these commercials eh?

George McNally > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 20:35

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My 72 year old mom just bought a new 2014 Beetle Turbo. It's a nice car and it's fairly quick, but it's no race car.

I'm not even sure she knows what a turbocharger is, but when I was a toddler back in the early 60's and my dad was still in the Navy.....my mom street raced a 56 ex-police Crown Vic.

She's a grandma, but she has a heavy right foot and still gets after it....maybe this dude can race my mom.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 20:59

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I'll take him down and beat some sense in to his beetle ass. I'll walk all over it and squash him like a bug! Where is he! Let me at him. Charlotte the C4 killing FoST will put him in his fraking place!

He'll be left bitching and crying when we're done with him; IF we're ever done with him.

Jayhawk Jake > sketchcat 07/21/2014 at 22:12

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That was the goal.

Zerofret > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/21/2014 at 22:37

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Careful though! He might cheat and try to strangle you with his "Buckle" brand jeans! Love your ST btw!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Zerofret 07/21/2014 at 22:41

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Haha thanks! I'll have to strangle him back with my Accessport! Let's see how he likes an OBD-II cable! You know what, he may be a special case...Charlotte can only handle Stage 1 tunes because of the OEM clutch, but just for him, I'll put it in Stage 2 which can walk on S60Rs!! One clutch to squash a Beetle, all is well and life goes on. :)

John Bulzacchelli > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/22/2014 at 12:52

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