I think my best friend might have died.

"Rainbow" (rainbeaux)
07/08/2014 at 20:58 • Filed to: None

I need some advice... See, my long-time best friend lives across the country in Oregon, so we never see each other face-to-face. It's been about three months since she's been on Skype or on Steam, or anywhere else online. I know she's taken some long breaks without notice in the past, but this is definitely the biggest. I'm worried that the worst may have happened, and sadly I don't think that's much of a stretch. She and I used to talk to each other pretty much daily, about very deep stuff. On a couple of occasions, she had actually attempted suicide. Not just threatened it, but really attempted. I would do my best to help her through it, and I'm sure her other friends were also helpful, but I don't think anyone has been able to reach her in a long time. Add that to the fact that just before she disappeared, she had actually started hormone replacement therapy (she's transgender). So that unfortunately opens the possibility of bullying and public ridicule and such, plus the added stress of what is essentially a second round of puberty.

So I need to know whether you think it's best to keep waiting, or to try to find her town's obituaries for the past few months and just hope I don't see her name. Which, actually, I might not recognize... I only ever knew her by her female name and not her 'actual' one. I think I know what it is, but I could be wrong, and that could mean I would come to the wrong conclusion if I decide to look into it. It's just hard because we have no mutual friends and she doesn't use Facebook or anything, so I can't make contact with anyone who actually lives with or near her.

So... is it better to keep hoping, or to start looking for closure?

DISCUSSION (14)

Nibby > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:00

Can you call her parents or anyone in her family?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:01

In this case, it is really up to you to figure out what you want to do. I personally don't know what the right thing would be for you to do.

Jagvar > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:03

Surely she has a phone, right? I mean, can't you call her?

Failing that, what does she do for a living? You can look up the number for her company and call her at work.

Takuro Spirit > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:06

MAXIMUMVRM > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:06

check with friends/family

jkm7680 > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:07

I'm so sorry.

Maybe call the local Police department, ask to check on her? Records office? Keep your hope alive, and it may just be something small.

desertdog5051 > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:12

Hope it all turns out for the good. Let us know.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:13

You said she has attempted suicide before. Could she be in an institution? I know that most mental hospitals dont allow much if any technological communication.

RotaryLover > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:17

Can't find people with her family name on FB that live in the same town as her? Ask them if they know her. You got nothing to lose!

Taylor Hedgie > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:37

Oh god don't lose hope, one mustn't ever lose hope; I wish no one to experience what it's like to have a best friend end their life because it truly and utterly devastating.

Zibodiz > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:38

I would hang in there a little longer. From what I've read, hormone therapy can really mess with your head. If there were emotional instabilities beforehand, I would not at all be surprised if the therapy would be enough to make things a lot worse, and maybe induce some overreactions, like quitting the Internet for a while.

Also, don't take this the wrong way, but is there maybe also the possibility that your friendship meant more to you than it did to them? I hate to say it, but there's always the possibility that you may have been blocked on Skype and Steam. That happened to me once with someone I thought was my best friend — I seriously thought they'd committed suicide, then ran into them a couple weeks later in a chat room. They were like "yeah, I just didn't really want to talk with you anymore" after we'd been friends for a couple years. Talk about a knife in the back. Of course, I'm not saying they betrayed you like that — just be aware that it's another possible explanation. Especially if there was ever any flirting between you.

EL_ULY > Rainbow
07/08/2014 at 21:39

yeah dude call her job, school, family, someone that you can contact near her. It is not crazy to be worried.

mXxxxXm24 /O/ /O/ > Zibodiz
07/08/2014 at 21:58

It's true. Sometimes you think you know someone...and then you realize you didn't know shit. To the OP: Closure is best. They say time heals all wounds, but it certainly leaves scars.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Rainbow
07/09/2014 at 00:20

Damn... Hoping for the best, and that your fears are unfounded.