Nooks and Crannies

"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn) 06/27/2014 at 10:42 • Filed to: muffinlopnik

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There is nothing quite like a fork-split English muffin, toasted to perfection, with a heart-clogging amount of butter on it. And none of that whole grain shit, either.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 10:47

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Fuck Yeah.

Jagvar > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 10:48

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I add a layer of butter, then a layer of raspberry jam, because I'm fancy like that.

In the fall, pumpkin butter is also awesome.

ttyymmnn > Jagvar 06/27/2014 at 10:49

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An insane amount of butter and a slice of pastrami is also quite good.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 10:51

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I usually top mine (post butter) with two eggs, and either

>ketchup and cheese

>cajun (CHEF PAULS OR GTFO)

>maple syrup and a dash of cinnamon

>sriracha

taste buds getting BTFO

ttyymmnn > vdub_nut: scooter snob 06/27/2014 at 10:52

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I have never understood the allure of ketchup on eggs. My mom eats that, but I can't stomach it.

Audi-os, Amigos! > Jagvar 06/27/2014 at 10:53

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Dat Pump Butt

vdub_nut: scooter snob > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 10:55

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I always thought it was weird gross and disgusting.

Until I tried it. It's basically salt (which you probably get from either butter or just putting salt on them), and garlic, which is important, given the popularity of the Twilight franchise.

True story: ketchup is a huge amount of vinegar, but vinegar alone makes me nauseous. If I eat something (french fries) covered in it, the taste has me running for a trash can.

OPPOsaurus WRX > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 11:00

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I argue with my wife over this and she ends up walking out of the room thinking i'm insane for how intense I get over how to split apart an english muffin. When you say toasted I sure hope you mean in a toaster over or broiler and not a toaster. Also, finish with peanut butter, after toasting.

ttyymmnn > OPPOsaurus WRX 06/27/2014 at 11:08

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I use a drop down toaster because it's what I have. Slicing an English muffin with a knife is a sacrilege.

spanfucker retire bitch > Jagvar 06/27/2014 at 11:11

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Ever try it with some lemon curd on the buttered english muffin? It's quite good.

Jagvar > spanfucker retire bitch 06/27/2014 at 11:12

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Yes! My mom makes great lemon curd. She inherited the recipe from her very British grandmother, "Nan."

StoneCold > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 11:19

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I think that whole grain shit tastes just fine, especially with some cinnamon.You like your muffins seedless? Weird XD

PanchoVilleneuve ST > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 11:23

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Needs more Canadian bacon, poached egg and hollandaise.

OPPOsaurus WRX > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 11:26

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O man, you need to invest in a toaster oven. you broil the top so its cripsy and the bottom stays nice and soft

ttyymmnn > PanchoVilleneuve ST 06/27/2014 at 11:28

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Eggs Benedict FTW. I love that. I would suggest making it with Smithfield ham, though. Smithfield ham is made in Virginia, and it is a very salty, dry cure. The added saltiness is amazing in the EB. Smithfield ham also makes the best ham biscuits in the world.

Sn210 > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 11:33

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two words: Apple. Jelly.

It's like the Saab of the jelly world

DrGuava > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 13:14

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Eh, Smithfield is basically slave labor. They treat their employees like shit. Avoid Smithfield, and use better ham!

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > ttyymmnn 06/27/2014 at 14:05

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just add bacon

MrPseudonym > ttyymmnn 06/28/2014 at 12:22

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I'm a heathen, I eat those cinnamon-rasin muffins. But I have to agree, there is nothing like it. If you don't want processed cinnamon-rasin things, then butter and grape jelly works too.

Also, have you ever stuck a really smelly onion (that hasn't gone bad, its smell is just really intense) in a ziploc bag, into a fridge? I'm dead serious, when I went to butter my muffins that day, the butter tasted like fucking onions. For real. It was awful.

ttyymmnn > MrPseudonym 06/28/2014 at 12:26

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No, but I can top that. Take a cut lemon, wrap it in foil, put it in the back of the fridge and forget about it for a few weeks.

MrPseudonym > ttyymmnn 06/28/2014 at 12:38

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Oh god. Oh my god no. I will not ruin my butter and/or margarine (seriously, the smell penetrated even the margarine) by lemons. Actually, butter doesn't taste like anything much... But maybe lemon zest/juice on a muffin might be tasty... *has ideas*...

But, speaking of soured/ruined dairy products, a couple of weeks ago, I drank milk that had an expiration date of the 4th of june. On the fourteenth. I didn't realize it was sour until I was halfway finished with the glass. Seriously, I was like "Wait, something is wrong..." but I couldn't stop drinking! It was like a train wreck, where you want to stop looking but you can't. I went directly to the sink and was so disgusted that I just dumped an entire gallon of milk down the sink. And that moment was weirdly cathartic. Just dumping a gallon of sour milk. I was so disgusted. I mean, I didn't even smell it, just said "fuck it, it's probably still good, right?" and drank it.

Kids, always smell milk when it's even a couple of days over the expiration date. Don't end up getting fucked like me because you didn't smell the milk. Guess that's the moral of the story. Because when dairy goes bad, it really goes bad.