How To Fail At Talking Your Father Out Of A 997 Turbo

"ssm-one" (ssm-one)
06/12/2014 at 16:35 • Filed to: None

So I've been conversing back and forth with my father more than usual this week. He is a car enthusiast much like myself. In fact, he was the one that hooked me on these things we call cars to start with. You see, dear old dad is trying to justify the purchase of a lightly used Gen II Porsche 997 Turbo and he must have been looking for me to say that he must immediately go and purchase said 997 Turbo without fail... But I didn't.

My father currently owns a Bentley Continental GTC and a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S, both of which he plans on keeping, so the 997 Turbo would be a third car. He claims that used 997 Turbo's are such a great value right now that he couldn't possibly not consider one (our ideas of "great value" differ immensely).

My first thought was that if I had two bloated 550hp all-wheel-drive vehicles in my garage, the last thing I would want is a third. I expressed this to him and suggested that perhaps he look at something with a soul. That maybe going back to the basics is something that would be fun. Air-cooled. Raw. No electronic aids. Noisy. Harsh. That he should get something that is the complete opposite of what he already has in terms of driving dynamics and experience.

When I was growing up we always seemed to have a Porsche in the driveway, be it a 928S, a 944 Turbo S, or an air-cooled 911. As an adult, my object of desire is a 1987(ish) 911 Carrera. No tail. Grand Prix white with colour matched Fuch wheels. Perhaps a little closer to the tarmac, and with euro front lenses and euro amber rears.

The nostalgia seemed lost on him. He was zeroed in on this 997 Turbo. Many mentions of the bulletproof Mezger mill and how water-cooled tech was a necessity for Porsche to further extract power from the H-6 motors. Talk about better interior layout, supercar performance and so on and so forth. I was beginning to wonder why he asked for my opinion in the first place!

So it was obvious the old man had already spent considerable time having very grand conversations in the bathroom mirror with himself about the purchase of a 997 Turbo. I wasn't yet convinced my work was done though.

I made mention throughout these conversations that I wasn't fond of the Turbo's looks as they were too boy-racer for me, let alone him pushing up against 70 years old. I hinted that it would further add to the steaming pile of douchebaggery that the Continental and Cayenne already are and if he absolutely must go 997, to perhaps look at something a little more clean and classy like a 997 Targa4S (my choice if I were to be buying a 997), or at the least a Carrera4S.

I said that if he could find one with the X51 package, he'd be looking at 380hp, which is plenty enough to get into trouble. He would also have a crisp, clean looking 911 without all of the ducts and wings and valances that lend the Turbo its Fast & Furious looks. For a moment, he agreed. He said he knew I was a fan of Targas, but he has always been a coupe guy, and that perhaps he should indeed be looking at a Carrera4S. And then he went full-circle back to the 997 Turbo again.

I could go on and on. This kind of banter went on and on for days and days. He is still set on the 997 Turbo and failed to read between the lines in that if he just bought a classic 911 rather than the 997, he could afford to buy his dear boy a classic 911 too! But I'll also never forget his response when asking him for his stainless Rolex Submariner when he upgraded to a gold GMT Master.... " I still use the Submariner for washing the cars and cutting the grass, so I'll have to think about it. "

Oh, dad......

We did come to one conclusion though. The one thing this 39 year old and his 65 year old father agreed on was that deciding which 911 to buy is much like deciding whether to suck on the right tit or the left tit. You can waste time debating the finite details of each, but in the end you can't go wrong with either one...

This is not his car. It is click bait.

DISCUSSION (19)

Jonathan Harper > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 16:39

Naw, left tit is always better.

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 16:47

I'm going to be honest. As a fellow motorist, and enthusiast, I can just say that your dad doesn't seem too concerned with the opinion of others, and the 997.2 turbo seems more status symbol than an old 911

Manuél Ferrari > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 16:48

Even if he wanted to go modern he could get a 997 GT3. Those things are appreciating.

If you didn't like how the rear wing looks it could be removed or swapped out with a ducktail.

Mmm. GT3 with ducktail. That sounds so right.

Crest > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 16:49

So lemme get this straight…..right tit or left tit

Kinja'd!!!

ColoradoTaco > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 16:49

Tell him to buy this one. Or a GT3 RS

http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/cto/450768…

Kinja'd!!!

Audi-os, Amigos! > Jonathan Harper
06/12/2014 at 16:50

"You went left?"

ssm-one > McChiken116 - Patrick H.
06/12/2014 at 16:50

What would possibly give you that idea?

Kidding. I agree.

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 16:54

But presenting that to your dad might convince him otherwise

ssm-one > Manuél Ferrari
06/12/2014 at 16:55

GT3 unfortunately isn't on the table due to budgetary constraints.

Budgetary constraints meaning approval from the wife, of course...

ssm-one > McChiken116 - Patrick H.
06/12/2014 at 16:57

Already done. over and over. He is a master at influence - including himself. Key to his success I suppose.

ssm-one > ColoradoTaco
06/12/2014 at 16:58

He is in the U.K....

Manuél Ferrari > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 16:59

What is the price delta between a 997 GT3 and Turbo these days?

Crazy cause the Turbo was originally more, wasn't it?

ColoradoTaco > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 17:00

My fault, I didn't see any erroneous u's in your post so I assumed you guys were Stateside.

ssm-one > ColoradoTaco
06/12/2014 at 17:04

I'm in Canada so must be spelling like a 'Murican today if there were no precious u's sprinkled throughout the conversation. He's been across the pond 20ish years.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 17:05

I could never live with driving a 911 Turbo unless I was taking it to track days exclusively. They sound like a Jetta unless you're stomping on the throttle.

ssm-one > Manuél Ferrari
06/12/2014 at 17:10

He was saying around 45k UK pounds sterling for a nice Turbo. Not sure what the price delta is but sure it also has something to the GT3 being a little harsh...

Manuél Ferrari > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 17:20

I have yet to drive any GT3.

I'm not sure about the 997.1 GT3's standard options but I believe the 997.2 GT3 came standard with PASM. My base 997.2 C2 doesn't have PASM. I bet the 997.2 GT3 is less harsh than my car.

Electronic dampers are the shit.

TheCraigy > ssm-one
06/12/2014 at 17:46

Let your poor dad buy the car he wants. Buy your own car and your own sub ;)

ssm-one > TheCraigy
06/12/2014 at 19:37

The best subs are gifted subs. If I had sub money to throw around, it would be on another car ;P