3 Sad Truths About Working At A Car Dealership

"LTK" (wkoblinsky)
06/12/2014 at 09:35 • Filed to: None

Disclosure: This piece is soley intended as humor and any similarities to real world events are (probably...well, possibly) coincidental. Also, this is my article, damnit, so I can be as biased as I want.

1. Nobody Trusts Us, and Deservedly So.

My industry hasn't exactly built the most pristine reputation. We've become known for slick-talking, too-smooth pitches and we're expected to constantly spit out cheesy one-liners as sleight-of-hand to cover our fudged numbers and rusty bumpers. I've seen these kind of salespeople and managers. They usually go by nicknames like the "Hammer" and the "Crusher" and wander from dealership to dealership like vampire gypsies. I've also seen typically honest men and women catch the scent of blood at the first whiff of a "lay down," or easy close. And who could resist being able to tell your significant other that the budget is going to be fine this month thanks to that one car deal? Truth is, I want to be honest and straight-forward with people, but how do I answer the question, "What's your best price?" when we haven't even picked out a car yet? How do I know you got an offer for $53 less at Big Bob's Auto Emporium three months ago? At what point am I no longer responsible for the issues on the preowned vehicle you purchased - the one you put 60,000 miles on per year with mismatched tires and wrecked twice?

2. Buyers are Liars

"I'll be back. I swear on my dead mother." These words mean nothing to me anymore, even coming from the most laid back, honest people in the world. I have been completely desensitized. You could be a priest or the president of the United States. I won't believe you. Also, I'm fairly suspicious of the phrase, "I'm just looking." While some people just want to ogle the new Bindersnatch XLX, most just throw it up as a reactionary, defensive response. What customers usually mean is, "My car just shit the bed, and I'd really like to buy a new Bindersnatch if everything works out." Or maybe I'm just brainwashed by my sales managers.

Honorable mention: "I know someone in the business, so you're not going to pull anything over on me, asshole," which translates to, "I read some terrible car-buying article written by 'experts' on the internet and will end up making this process painfully over-complicated."

3. We Make It Hard On Ourselves.

A fellow salesman recently pulled a preowned truck up in front of the showroom to show a customer and there was a fairly sizable dent in front of the rear wheel, not enough to replace the whole panel, but definitely noticeable. When it was pointed out to him by the rest of us, he panicked. Comically bad advice ensued. "Pull it around the other way so he doesn't see it!" "Stand in front of it when he comes out!" Finally, someone with common sense pointed out that he should just tell the customer about it and explain that the truck is indeed preowned and the price will reflect the condition.

And our advertising! Do any dealership managers think the tiny "up to" in front of whatever imaginary discount or ridiculous trade value claim fools anyone? Or the crazy, sleazy catchphrases yelled with false enthusiasm in radio and tv advertisements by "Crazy Mac" and "Dr. Credit." That just screams respectable establishment.

DISCUSSION (100)

Tom McParland > LTK
06/11/2014 at 21:09

Dude...this is brilliant! Hey I really think this is worthy of a FP post, but the big-shots want a lead image. If you add a pic I'll tweet this to Matt and see if he will flip it.

LTK > Tom McParland
06/11/2014 at 21:52

I added a photo, but I'm not overly attached to it if they wanted to go with something else.

Tom McParland > LTK
06/11/2014 at 22:07

I think it works.

Jason Christensen > LTK
06/12/2014 at 00:25

You nailed it...and yes, the advertising is the absolute worst. There's generally two approaches...

1. Guy screaming madly about how much more they'll give you for a your trade or how they'll finance you as long as you're breathing. I couldn't say it better than you did..."screams respectable establishment".

2. "We're the nice guys" approach aka "we listen" or "we're too honest", etc. At least the screaming ad dealerships know who they are and aren't' afraid to broadcast it. If you have to base you whole marketing strategy on trying to convince everyone you're the honest dealership, then odds are you're not, and they don't believe you anyway.

I left the business after 5 years and I'm still trying to wash the stink off.

LTK > Jason Christensen
06/12/2014 at 08:47

Kinja'd!!!

Takuro Spirit > LTK
06/12/2014 at 09:49

This is why I work in parts. Less crazy customers. Less questionable inventory.

Same bullshit experiences though.

cazzyodo > LTK
06/12/2014 at 09:49

I keep coming back and I keep finding new formatting...though this one will likely be for fp. Well done.

spanfucker retire bitch > LTK
06/12/2014 at 09:51

I've seen this complaint multiple times about buyers claiming they're "just looking" at being absolute lies. I had no idea people lied about that aspect of car shopping so regularly.

Which is a shame, because when I purchased my current car, I really was just looking. I was test driving about 3-4 cars at 3 different dealerships trying to decided which one I'd want to pursue and purchase. I didn't even want to discuss numbers, pricing or financing.

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > LTK
06/12/2014 at 09:57

I was expecting an article on why hawking Eclipses as good cars is detrimental to the soul. Or something like that.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:02

As Tom said, Brilliant!

However, I'm going to pick a few bones with you...

Buyers are Liars

You aren't going to win any customers with subconscious attitudes like that. This plays directly into your #1 point, "Nobody trusts us."

Well, no shit. If you think they are liars, you don't trust your customer. If you don't trust your customer, I guarantee you that your customers pick up on that and respond as someone in that situation would: not believing a damn thing you say.

Some people out there are upfront with why they are there. I did this at the GMC dealer, because I'm considering getting a new truck to replace the one that's about ready to qualify for antique plates.

I flat told the guy 1) I'm not buying. 2) I have only started looking so I want to see what is available, and 3) Purchase timeframe, if I decide to even purchase at all, is end of the year.

He actually told me that he appreciated that, since it took a lot of pressure off him. He ended up being very helpful and if I were to buy a GM truck, it would likely be from him.

That's how you win sales.

Diesel > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:03

Once it's FP'd, it's ruined.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:05

#2:

Or maybe I'm just brainwashed by my sales managers.

Yes, you are.

read this:

http://www.amazon.com/Hey-Im-Custome…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

It's old, and some of the techniques don't work so well in our hyper-connected information-overload world, but it really is an excellent resource for basic ways to treat the customer so that they want to buy something from you.

TheRallyStache > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:07

Spot on.

albo > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:07

Wife went to help her mom buy a new car (her first in her 80 years!). I helped via phone. I was proud that they had the stones to walk out when the first dealership low-balled their trade in and bumped them on the car price. The next dealership offered $1,000 bucks less on the price and gave a fair trade-in price. You can always walk.

pfftballer > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:09

""I'm just looking." While some people just want to ogle the new Bindersnatch XLX, most just throw it up as a reactionary, defensive response. What customers usually mean is, "My car just shit the bed, and I'd really like to buy a new Bindersnatch if everything works out." Or maybe I'm just brainwashed by my sales managers."

No, what they mean is "leave me the fuck alone I'm trying to decide what I want. You are not involved in this process. Just hand me a card and leave me alone, I'll seek you out when you are needed." Pressing beyond just saying hi and giving me your card will all but guarantee I'm not going to buy a car from you. In my opinion what most salesman struggle with is the misguided concept that they are in charge of the car buying process. 99% of people don't need a salesman to tell them what they want or what they need or what they can afford.

And one last rant, if another salesman asks me "so what kind of monthly payment are you looking for?" when discussing price I'm going to punch him in his unctuous smarmy mouth.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Diesel
06/12/2014 at 10:10

Too late.

ncasolowork2 > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 10:11

I think you missed his point. "i'll be back" is something everyone tells a salesman they're uncomfortable with but want a polite excuse to get away from without saying I don't ever want to see you again. As a salesman if he takes that customer at their word and starts to rely on that business being legitimate he's going to be in for some serious heartbreak at the end of the month when all of those people never came back.

Disclaimer: I'm an educated car buyer with no experience in the industry.

Imirrelephant > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:12

Dude, you made it to the FP!!! Congrats!

E92M3 > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:14

Don't forget the horrible hours.

StndIbnz > Takuro Spirit
06/12/2014 at 10:14

I worked in the parts department of a dealer for about 6 years in high school and college, you are correct.

Way to many "Whats my price?" .....um the price I just told you, there is no negotiations here.

Mayhem75 > Jason Christensen
06/12/2014 at 10:14

I've been out for two years, and I still panic if it starts snowing, thinking a manager in a bad suit will come yell at me to go brush off cars....

DMCVegas > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:15

I read this article in this badger's voice:

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > ncasolowork2
06/12/2014 at 10:17

But you are also missing my point, which is you are going to take them at their word, but not rely on this.

Personally, I don't use "I'll be back", it's always "I'll be in contact with you when I'm ready to take the next steps."

Example from my work: I'll have customers whose project managers swear up and down that something will happen, and that our work will start on such and such a date etc., so they want me to schedule resources in advance. This presents the risk that if it falls through, I have people scheduled with no work to do, and that costs my company money.

I always ask for a written statement of work with budget with that. They will always waffle.

So they are told politely "Unfortunately, I can't commit resources for a date definite until I have the SOW signed and returned. Once you get the SOW signed and returned, I will be happy to schedule people to work on this project." Then those people who might have been working on that, are then working on other things.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:18

The sales department art my dealer is exactly like this. I think they've been through a dozen various managers in the last two years. From what I've seen though, they keep the shady practices to a minimum. Luckily I work in service, and we have been very stable. We always do things to help customers out and often charge the sales department for issues that they should have taken care of before the vehicle sold. There was another dealer I used to work for thigh that was really bad. I had done a used car inspection and found this particular car to be dangerous because of tire condition and some broken suspension parts, but a few days later it was detailed and a customer was test driving it. I quit a few days later after giving the GM a piece of my mind, even though he basicallytried bribing me not leave by offering a $6/hour raise and paying 50% of my health coverage.

Justal > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:20

I have bought a lot of new and used cars and rarely do I buy the car on the first visit. I do my research and if I like the deal and the dealership I come back. There are times when I just want to cruise the new cars and am not buying and wish I could do that without feeling pressure. I don't want to waste a salesman time, I just want to look around.

Jonathan Harper > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:23

Why do people even by new cars? You can get much better stuff slightly used.

Takuro Spirit > StndIbnz
06/12/2014 at 10:28

"I told you to order it!/I told you NOT to order it!/I called back and cancelled it!"

Followed by:

"What's a restock fee?"

"Why is the part wrong?"

Because its exactly what you asked for, or you were too proud to admit you didn't know what you needed.

"Why is it so expensive?"

I don't set the prices, unlike those shady dealers that still add a markup to MSRP and people still bitch.

"Can you tell me what's wrong with my car, how to fix it, and let me borrow your manuals and special tools?"

Are you going to buy the part from me?

"Oh no, I'll get it online or at Vatozone."

ArthurTSamuel@teleworm.us > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:28

Start working at home with Google! It's by-far the best job I've had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this - 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link, go to tech tab for work detail www.keptmoney.com

citizennick > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:30

why I don't like you people. you tell me that the only difference between the Focus ST I'm looking for and the Focus SE I DO NOT WANT is the front bumper.

KristinaJSteenr > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:33

last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My neighbour's sister has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out.

This is what I do,,,,,,,,,,

www.bam80.com

SAABerJon > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:34

" or the president of the United States. I won't believe you. " Smart move right there!

BKosher84 > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:38

Advertising: There is a local Kia dealer here in Cleveland that always.. ALWAYS says.. "Blah Blah Blah on EVERY Select 2014 Kia in stock!"

He loves using the buzzword "Every" in all his commercials.. Ugh...

The Artgineer > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:39

Every single men I know walk around lots and "just look" at cars/bikes, even if they bought a brand new TwinCharger Bindersnatch XLS R-SPEC with the moon roof a week earlier.

Heck, it's common to try other cars the same day you buy one in my family, it's a lot more fun when you aren't stressed out about the sale.

Are you telling me you never touch anything you aren't looking to buy if you happen to visit a BestBuy or any other stores?

PumpedSump > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:40

My biggest complaint with car buying (outside of the whole price negotiations) is how impossibly hard to cross shop different brands or even different vehicles. If you say you "I'm here to test drive and haven't driven a couple of the competition yet..." you'll still get told "What can I do to get you to buy this car today?"

Nothing! I'm not buying a car when I have no idea what the competition is like. No scan my license or whatever, hand me the keys, feel free to ride along (just please shut up), and I'll be back in 20 minutes. I might have a few questions. If not, please don't call me tomorrow night asking if I'm ready to make a decision.

WhiskeyGolf > Jonathan Harper
06/12/2014 at 10:41

Someone has to buy new in order for you to buy used! Does CCC buy new?

LTK > citizennick
06/12/2014 at 10:45

No, you're right. The ST also has a different rear bumper, but it's basically the same engine, right?

LTK > albo
06/12/2014 at 10:46

I will always encourage people to vote with their feet and their dollars.

Quadradeuce > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:47

"I'll be back. I swear on my dead mother."

We are actively searching for a new car at the moment, and just started visiting dealerships to LOOK at cars. That means, I want to see them in the showroom to figure out if my damn double stroller will fit. If not, why bother test driving? Try telling that to a salesman who thinks you are lying and starts the hard sell right away.

So why to customers lie? Because you ignore us when we tell the truth. So we tell you what you want to hear to get you to shut up and leave us alone.

This weekend we will move on to the dreaded test drive phase. I really should love test driving cars, but I don't. We are going to test about 5 different cars across 4 different brands. This means I will have to deal with 4 salesman who will want to close the sale the minute I step out of the test drive. Meanwhile, I just want to drive all 5 cars, go home to do some research, make a decision, test drive the final candidate one more time to make sure that damn double stroller fits, and THEN start dealing. And I tell them the truth and they just ignore it, hoping that they can somehow change my mind and make a deal on the stop. So annoying.

OzzyOnIce > ncasolowork2
06/12/2014 at 10:47

But the people, like me, who are truly there to just look, are now liars?

No, that's failed logic, and ensures that I wont be bringing my business back if I do decide i'm no longer just looking. As a buyer, I can pick up on that skepticism in the salesman.

Jonathan Harper > WhiskeyGolf
06/12/2014 at 10:48

Rarely.

Jake Sanders > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 10:48

You can only trust people so many times before you develop this attitude. My first month working in Sales, i'd go back and tell my manager that the Customer said they would be back tonight or tomorrow or whatever, and he would let me know very clearly that they wouldn't be. But I always was hopeful, I knew they wouldn't lie to me. But after the fifty-bajillionth time, you start to develop a callous, and assume they are lying so you can be surprised when they aren't.

Other examples of lies - This dealership offered me a lease with a payment of $XXX.XX super low - beat that or i'm leaving - and we end up closing at a higher price than that by $50. They lie about trade in's, they lie about credit, basically unless you've checked yourself, everything they say is a worthless statement that needs to be verified.

Buyers are Liars is a way of protecting yourself from getting burned.

Remember. Car Salesmen are People too! (some of them anyway!)

LTK > PumpedSump
06/12/2014 at 10:49

I get it, which is why I always hope to be the last stop on your list. Still, I hate losing a sale to a different brand over price, and not quality.

LTK > BKosher84
06/12/2014 at 10:50

That's always true some of the time, right?

ncasolowork2 > OzzyOnIce
06/12/2014 at 10:51

You may indeed be telling the truth, but his point is he doesn't trust you. That doesn't mean he will treat you any differently while you're there, but when you're gone he can forget about you and move on to the next customer.

LTK > E92M3
06/12/2014 at 10:53

Imagine it's your one day off after a 55-60 hour week and you're planning on taking your kid out for a fun day with pops, but your sales manager calls and says, "Billy Von Bueler is coming in at 10:30 and if you're not here, you lose the deal."

The Artgineer > pfftballer
06/12/2014 at 10:54

Yup, and it's the same regardless of what I'm buying, be it clothes, computers, a fridge...

1. Leave me alone

2. Don't fucking hide, countless times I left because I couldn't find a salesman/woman.

It's pretty simple, "Hi, I'm Johnny Sale, if you need me I'll be right there". Sweet, I already like you.

shedonesquirted > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:56

""I'll be back. I swear on my dead mother."

Who cares. Every-time you go to the store or shopping do you buy something? $20,000 purchase is not to be taken lightly.

LTK > pfftballer
06/12/2014 at 10:56

I'd say you're overestimating the number of educated, informed car buyers. An alarmingly high number of customers show up and announce, "I'm looking for a car." When I ask what kind of car, they'll say, "I dunno, something." They're not idiots. Cars just aren't an area of interest to them. They might as well be appliance shopping.

LTK > Takuro Spirit
06/12/2014 at 10:57

Our parts guys release stress over the intercom by putting a little humor into their broadcasts. It keeps them sane.

pfftballer > The Artgineer
06/12/2014 at 10:57

"It's pretty simple, "Hi, I'm Johnny Sale, if you need me I'll be right there". Sweet, I already like you."

^^^^THIS.^^^^ Salesman everywhere heed this advice, it really is that simple.

SoutherthanThou > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 10:58

lmfao... GM.

Pajamas > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:59

Buying a car is easy. I find two or three cars I like and i send a friend to close the deal. He has absolutely zero attachment and will walk away without hesitation if the price isn't right. I do the same for him. It's the best way to not let yourself get wrangled into a purchase you regret.

LTK > ncasolowork2
06/12/2014 at 10:59

I think we've all used a well-intentioned "I'll get back to you" before that just somehow ended up falling through.

Takuro Spirit > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:59

Yeah we purposely mispronounce technician's names when we page them, and watch a lot of YouTube on our down time.

And post on Jalopnik.

fritzo > LTK
06/12/2014 at 10:59

I'm the guy car dealers hate because I'm a car buff and a decent mechanic. Instead of hearing "I can put you into this 2008 for $259 a month", I want to hear the total cost—-after taxes and fees and crap. Once I get that I go through my inspection and deduct all of the major repairs needed.

I went with my buddy to look at a BMW X5 the other day and they actually took it off the lot for being unsafe to drive after I pointed out the broken suspension springs, malfunctioning rear brake calipers, leaking water pump, and melted headlight wire. I with I to a photo because they actually had "Pristine" printed on the windshield :D

Frenchlicker > OzzyOnIce
06/12/2014 at 10:59

actually just reading what he wrote if you were to say you were "just looking" he is going to treat you the same way he is going to treat any customer. So he isn't just going to write you off as a tire kicker.

kyngfish > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 11:00

I think this is a symptom of the dynamic, rather than any real reflection on people or salespeople. Fact is, Salespeople and dealerships, not being manufacturers, make money on the margin of the car. They have no idea how many cars they will sell in a given month, especially in the used car game so they are incentivized to rake in the highest margin possible with each deal, usually, within a certain amount of reason, and sometimes not. If dealers are driven by these incentives, they also drive their salesmen with the same incentives, and reward them based on these things.

Buyers lie because they feel there are some truths being withheld from them. Sellers lie because their "best price" is really one where they make almost no money and makes no sense for them.

Things will work much better when more direct sales models are available to consumers, like buying new cars from the manufacturer, and buying used cars from the actual owner. Manufacturers and car owners are incentivized by many other factors rather than maximum profit on each sale.

Yes, that has its own set of drawbacks, especially used cars from owners who may have skimped on a lot of maintenance and are selling because a number of things are wrong, but lets be honest, how many of those "Certified Pre-Owned" cars have really been gone over that thoroughly? I know for a fact most of them aren't.

Knowledge can be had online on message boards and whatever else, warranties can also be purchased outside a dealership. It's time for dealerships to go.

jariten1781 > pfftballer
06/12/2014 at 11:00

99% of people don't need a salesman to tell them what they want or what they need or what they can afford.

Not at all my experience when I was selling. You'd get a pretty even mix of people who knew exactly what they wanted and their budget vs. people who wanted 'A large sedan with good gas mileage'. The second group was totally clueless about the market and competitors and normally had no idea what they could swing on their budget. Regularly I'd hear stuff like 'well I'm paying XXX per month now and I'd like to keep it the same'. They would have no clue how much time was left on the loan (and it was usually a long time since these are the folks who get 72 month loans), whether they were upside down, etc.

The first group should be left alone other than shuttling them keys and answering questions. The second needs a lot of hand-holding to get them into something that actually matches their needs and budget if you want them to have a good experience; or you can just snowball them which a lot of salesmen do and put them in whatever high margin vehicle the bank is willing to swallow.

More probing than 'Hi, I'll be over here if you have any questions' is necessary. I do agree that once you realize you're dealing with an educated customer you should become a background piece.

albo > Jonathan Harper
06/12/2014 at 11:00

I buy new because I drive them until they drop. That way I get the first 3-4 years of no repairs and I know the service record. The van I'm driving will hit 200k soon and drives great because I maintained it (although it has Chrysler disease and the window regulators don't work).

Nobody knows how to maintain a car anymore, either by themselves or with a mechanic, so I don't trust used. When I had to buy a used beater for my daughter, I made sure the price reflected the grand I'd have to put into it, despite the car's clean look.

Imattation > OzzyOnIce
06/12/2014 at 11:01

Not all men customers!

LTK > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 11:03

I *love* the educated up-front buyers and shoppers. Even if I don't sell you that very day, I always need to "fill the pipeline." I personally thrive on the "be-backs" or customers who come in for information and then return days, weeks, and occasionally months later to buy.

Jonathan Harper > albo
06/12/2014 at 11:03

Right but it can be done right if you know how to find a good used car deal, with service records and a caring owner. Go see the car, haggle, make the deal even better when you find something.

pfftballer > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:04

I think you are overestimating the number of people that want you to tell them what they should buy. Regardless my advice to you as a salesman is to make yourself available to help those who want it and lay the fuck off people who don't. I understand you are trying to make a sale but trying too hard makes you seem pushy. My reaction to pushy sales people is to go somewhere else or come back another day and tell the sales manager that I want to buy a car from their dealership but I don't want to deal with the same salesman. If he gets defensive or gives me attitude I go elsewhere. There are lots of places to buy cars.

LTK > fritzo
06/12/2014 at 11:04

That's the kind of stuff that can get licenses pulled. You should've recorded it.

Whatabouteggs > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:05

the saddest truth i learned from my experience is how pointless the whole excercise is. Cars are treated as white goods now, and with all the information available on both sides, phrases such as "I'm just seeing what's available" fall as flat with salesmen as "this is the best price you'll get" sounds to customers.

I just think it's hilarious that dealerships have somehow made "no haggle pricing" a successful marketing tactic when the prices the customer sees haven't dropped. With dealers lobbying so heavily against the factory direct strategy that Tesla is using, i find it ironic that the dealer experience has become so clinical and self-defeating. If my entry level economy car has an identical price at 20 dealers, why can't i just buy it online and have it shipped to my house rather than deal with some clown that does nothing but impede the process?

Rickster3rd ¯\_()_/¯ > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:08

This is what we are subjected to in Richmond VA

LTK > Whatabouteggs
06/12/2014 at 11:10

Didn't Amazon experiment with that?

R W > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:13

the problem is commission based sales.

sales people should have to work just the same as the rest of us.

you dont get more money for doing your job well, you get less fired.

SoutherthanThou > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:14

My favorite line is probably:

Salesman: This baby's got a lot of get up and go, a lot of pickup, it really hauls"

friend: It's an overweight Dodge Caliber with a continuously variable belt drive transmission and a 1.8L engine... this isn't going anywhere quickly...

Salesman: No, it's a chain drive.

friend: What are you talking about?! This is a CVT. It uses a belt.

Salesman: No this uses a chain, it's way faster.

friend: .... I'm going to just stop you right there. Go back inside. I'm going to find one of your coworkers that isn't an idiot and buy a car from him.

caughtinthecar > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 11:16

I always say "If I come back, I will look for you first."

schrodingers > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:17

Kinja'd!!!

R W > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:19

......

R W > AMGtech - now with more recalls!
06/12/2014 at 11:19

did you report the dealership to the manu? or was it non affiliated?

SirPoopyPants > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 11:21

I think "everyone's out to fuck everyone" would be more accurate.

R W > The Artgineer
06/12/2014 at 11:22

I think they confuse us for their wives.

I have 2 modes:

Looking, not going to buy anything pretty much 99.9% (the 0.1% is maybe some gummie bears on the way out.)

Targeted buy/hunt mode. I know what I want, and I will go out and get it and take it back home with the upmost efficiency.

I dont "shop."

R W > albo
06/12/2014 at 11:24

80 years? i hope you are joking.

scotschris > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 11:25

I advise a few dealerships on Marketing and Advertising.

I have in front of me RIGHT NOW an application from a customer that has two outstanding car loans and one repossession. She swore blind to the sales person that she had great credit, had no loans and had never been repossessed.

This dealership runs no haggle pricing - they can finance in-house and the whole process is as transparent as is humanly possible so they can tackle the 'image' of used car dealers head on....Sometimes that works, other times the customer is going to continue to lie

Mullet Vampire > ncasolowork2
06/12/2014 at 11:27

I visited a bunch of dealers recently, just looking at models in my basic price range and with the basic features I needed.

Any time I needed to speak to a sales person, I was asked a host of questions before having mine answered. Protip: you don't need my email address or my cell phone number, unless you're already planning on bugging the crap out of me.

I hoon, therefore I am > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:27

I'd love to see a dealership/mechanic horror story segment a la Jezebel's (which I seriously thought was a Deadspin or Gawker feature until just now, I swear!) "Behind Closed Overns". Could we somehow drum up enough interest to get that going? I'm asking the Jalopnik boys, not you personally LTK.

Chewbakkah > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:28

You can't be serious right? I hope you're being sarcastic and I'm miss-reading you. I also hope you don't work for Ford.

Jays81DMC > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:29

And truecoat. You guys and you're damn truecoat!

Kinja'd!!!

TxBrumski > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:31

Overheard all the time.

thejensen > Rickster3rd ¯\_()_/¯
06/12/2014 at 11:32

Best commercial evar, amirite?!

LTK > Chewbakkah
06/12/2014 at 11:33

see the disclaimer

almost_hectic > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:34

I worked as a porter at a Pontiac dealership in the late 80s, and 99% of the salesman working there fit the stereotype of slime ball slicksters. They were the dregs of society (most of them)... the ones that werent, didnt last very long at that dealership.

N.Guise > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:35

I lasted all of 3 days as a salesman at a Honda dealership before I walked out. Those 3 days pretty well confirmed everything you hear about dealers and dealerships. Markups on cars for things that weren't even installed (charges for a sun roof deflector, but no sunroof. Or a pinstripe charge with none in sight). A salesman bragging about how he just sold a car for $5k over the sticker price because he convinced the customer to use in-house financing.

Even the training is shady. If car A has a sticker price of $25k, but the typical sale is discounted by $2500, and Customer A offers $24k, you cannot accept that, you must make them pay more "so they feel like they've gotten a deal".

was3859 > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:36

My issue is more that so many of the salesmen have literally no clue what they're talking about. I'm very upfront about my knowledge of cars when shopping. Chances are I know more about the car I'm looking at than they do, which is fine because it should make their jobs easier. Instead I go looking at a Subaru BRZ and am told that it's AWD and more powerful than the Scion FR-S.

I've legitimately had experiences with a saleswoman where she didn't know how to pop the hood. It was painful.

dealershiplife > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:36

Completely spot on. I worked at a dealership for longer than I would have liked and all of what you said rings true. Excellent work.

buyersAREliars > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
06/12/2014 at 11:37

Having worked in retail sales (mattresses - AWFUL work), I can assure you he is correct. It just is what it is; if someone leaves your business without buying, 'I'll be back' is simply North American politeness. Frankly, sales managers don't care about possible sales months from now. You didn't buy, so that's NOT how you make sales. If that sales guy isn't a good enough closer, he might be gone by the time you're actually ready to buy. Just DON'T GO to a dealership and waste these people's time with questions. Read reviews, scour forums, and come in ready to go. (Full disclosure, my dad has been in either the sales or F&I side of the business since before I was born; it was how he fed and clothed his family. I'm biased.)

V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me! > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:38

If you hear me utter the phrase "I'll be back" it's because you as a salesperson said something or acted in a way that put me off. Believe me, I know you are aware that I won't return. That phrase has become a rather subverted way of telling a salesperson to get bent where I'm at. They know it too. Kinda like a southerner saying "bless your heart."

LTK > R W
06/12/2014 at 11:38

(that was sarcasm)

SOCdriver > pfftballer
06/12/2014 at 11:39

Every time I am asked "What payment are you looking for?" I always reply with "Zero, I am looking for zero. Can you do that?" Sometimes they laugh and go with "Well you have a monthly budget in mind?" Then it goes "I sure do, zero. Okay since its negotiation I will go with one dollar." The sales guy either gets the joke and a hint I am not looking at monthly payments or gets mad. I had one guy raise his voice at me over it, I just walked out. Passed another sales guy with customers and just pointed and said "He's really bad at his job."

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > SoutherthanThou
06/12/2014 at 11:40

He got his engine parts mixed up with his transmission parts.

ScottsMerkin > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:41

If someone gives you the "I know someone in the business" You should probably ask them then why they are not buying a car from them then!

Coty > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:41

Oh my god. This is gold.

The Artgineer > jariten1781
06/12/2014 at 11:44

It's necessary if you want to make a sale, but I still think you should leave alone anyone who answers "no, I'm just looking" regardless of your evaluation of their situation. Sales are better experiences for both parties when the buyer is actively participating, but they'll never learn if they keep being herded around the lot.

I long for the day where dealership are only lots and cashiers, and salespeople become car sale consultants with flat rates, untied to any brands.

BLOZUP > Jonathan Harper
06/12/2014 at 11:45

True. I got a "certified used", AKA still had warranty used for a big drop off new and with some decent options. Have a slightly higher interest rate, but still paying less than a 0% new car.

I'm tempted to get new for my next car though. I'd like to at least order one car in my life with the exact options I'd like.

OutlawTorn > LTK
06/12/2014 at 11:45

sorry if this is out of context but how do i post to oppositelock? i have been following jalopnik for many years now, albeit as a visitor. i had to ask some questions regarding my car so i decided to log in and do so but turns out my post was only published to my personal kinja blog. saw some post regarding club openings but they were pretty old.

Collin > Jonathan Harper
06/12/2014 at 11:46

Or even very used (but gently and with a great service history). Sure, the technology will be dated, but a well maintained German luxury sedan will still be better in every way than a comparably priced Corolla.

Ltd783 > PumpedSump
06/12/2014 at 11:46

This. I had a Honda dealership refuse to give me a firm lease quote because, while I did agree I was "ready to buy today", they were my first stop, and I wanted to also test drive the Mazda & Nissan before I bought today.

I ended up with the Nissan because I like the actual vehicle better, but being treated like a human by them certainly helped.