I did not accidentally....

"Tom McParland" (tommcparland)
05/28/2014 at 22:36 • Filed to: rants

...read that Jezebel article, or the Kotaku article, or Gawker, or Deadspin, or Lifhacker, or the iO9 piece. I read it on purpose, because it's OK to want to read something different, strange, or uncomfortable. Because even if you don't understand everything, or agree with the point of view, or maybe even feel a little defensive...sometimes it is good to see where other people are coming from.

/endrant

This was not directed at anyone in particular.

DISCUSSION (36)

RyanFrew > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 22:48

Amen. Although the comments at some of the above sites tend to be a different story.

HammerheadFistpunch > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 22:50

Read? you bet. Comment in? hell nay. I wont touch those places.

Tom McParland > RyanFrew
05/28/2014 at 22:50

And there are plenty of a-holes on the Jalopnik FP

cluelessk > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 22:51

I enjoy reading the other sites. I don't understand half of what's going on in Jez.

Tom McParland > HammerheadFistpunch
05/28/2014 at 22:53

Yeah I won't comment much outside of Jalopnik

Cajun Ginger > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 22:53

Thank you.

If any of y'all want to talk about the stories without being asses there are women around here.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 22:54

Kinja'd!!!

Leadbull > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 22:55

Of course, but I think that's not the norm here. On some of the other sites, it's unfortunately much more common.

Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius > HammerheadFistpunch
05/28/2014 at 22:58

Oh, they aren't all bad. A few feisty Jezzies are a hoot. I have found a lot of the negative comments just come from a complete misunderstanding of my humor. Once I clarify, I get an 'oh, I get it' but the comedy is dead my then.

Nothing like Angerblog.com. The articles are ok and timely, but the commenters are from hell.

Tom McParland > Leadbull
05/28/2014 at 22:59

Those other sites have a much larger audience...so from a pure numbers perspective, you are going to see more of that.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:01

but everyone who has a different opinion to me is just a click baiting crackpot that is clearly in bed with the left wing illuminati aethiest nazis

ddavidn > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:01

OK to read about someone else's opinion that doesn't exactly match my own? I THINK NOT!

Just kidding. I read them all the time too, even if I know I'll walk away shaking my head. There really are at least two sides to every story, and often times they both deserve to be heard.

RyanFrew > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:02

Ha, I almost a added that in my own comment actually. Communities like the ones here, AVC.com, and a few other places are the exception, not the rule.

yamahog > Cajun Ginger
05/28/2014 at 23:04

Second that, in the other thread I offered to dig up a non-Jez article on the same topic too. If that helps someone deal with their objection to the tone and read the actual content, I don't mind.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:04

I love how people are like, "Whoops, just read that by accident."

No, you did not. Your mouse did not slip onto the link to the article by accident, and your eyes did not accidentally wander onto the page in such a way that you read the entire article and took it in enough to form a critical opinion of it. You chose to sit down and read it, perhaps solely so you could kvetch about it. And you aren't funny.

yamahog > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard
05/28/2014 at 23:08

Those would be some fancy uniforms though.

mazdaspeed2 > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:09

I think they meant more of how the article(s) were written. If we are talking about Jezebel (which I think we are), they often will bring up interesting opinions and topics. The problem that I find with them is that they will use their opinions as facts and they don't seem to be open to opposing arguments and counter points. I easily could have just read the bad articles and missed the good ones, but that is my $.02.

yamahog > mazdaspeed2
05/28/2014 at 23:17

If you are interested in a topic but want to avoid the Jezebel writing style, let me know which article and I'll try to find something on the same topic with more palatable writing. I would much rather link people to things they'll actually read than have the entire thing dismissed because it came from the Gawker writers.

mazdaspeed2 > yamahog
05/28/2014 at 23:24

I can't think of anything right now, but thanks for the offer. I have nothing against gawker writers, they obviously have loyal readers, so they are doing something right. Since I wandered over here from the FP I enjoy reading articles here than on the FP. Tom's posts are always top-notch, and so are many others. I must be spoiled by Oppo, haha.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > yamahog
05/28/2014 at 23:25

Silk made from only the most racist of silkworms.

f86sabre > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:29

io9, for the most part, are our people. They are excited about something. We are excited about cars and mechanical stuff and they are excited about there thing. They are encouraging and tolerant. No harm there. Some of the other areas where they are about tearing things or people down bother me.

Tom McParland > f86sabre
05/28/2014 at 23:33

Don't get me wrong, I prefer some sites to others but I don't think Oppo should be the place to complain about what we read on other sites...just for the sake of complaining. Now if there is some technical tid-bit worth debating that is different... But I'm just being grouchy.

f86sabre > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:44

I think your post was dead on and refreshing to see. It is ok to have other interests and seek out other points of view! What I was trying to say, poorly, was that I appreciate the general encouraging and supportive vibe here and over on io9 and the Observation Deck.

The Compromiser > Tom McParland
05/28/2014 at 23:59

Dear BBC Producers,

can't comment. Have to read article entitled "I just accidentally read a..." I don't know what they (gender neutral to keep the broads happy. Chicks dig that sensitive, wussy shit. Right?)accidentally read, because it won't all fit on the tab. I must remain neutral until I have an opinion. This is the internet and I would hate for it to be canceled because I ruined it with poorly judged commentary. The NSA can just guess what types of thoughts I am having. ;P

Sincerely,

Terrence, Chauncey Basil Smithwaitesonfielersonison (the 3rd) 8th Earl of Nossex-Upon-Couch.

Garrett Davis > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
05/29/2014 at 00:50

Since this certainly must be caused by a post I wrote, I will say that of course I didn't accidentally read it. I clicked it by accident, and then ended up reading it.

There was a little humor in that title, but I guess not good humor: http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/if-it-was-goin…

Garrett Davis > Tom McParland
05/29/2014 at 00:56

Damn. Didn't mean to come off like a douchebag.

I guess "accidentally read" should have been "accidentally clicked on," because it was a miss-click that lead me to the article. That was supposed to be a humorous title.

I agree that it's good to see where others are coming from, I just didn't want to make my comment on the article in their domain, because I'd surely be torn apart for any counterpoint, no matter how mild. So I brought my post here, on more neutral grounds as a rant. I guess I'll stick to just car stuff on here from now on.

Garrett Davis > Cajun Ginger
05/29/2014 at 00:58

It says not directed at anyone, but since I wrote this , I think I can guess who it's about.

Was I really being an ass in that post?

Tom McParland > Garrett Davis
05/29/2014 at 07:59

I don't think you came off as a douchebag, in fact your post really wasn't bad at all. However, there are some elements here on Oppo that seem to think there is a long standing us vs. them dichotomy between Jezebel and Jalopnik. So when I see several "I read a Jezebel article..." posts in one day I feel the need to put on the moderator hat and send the message that we are above that.

As to only posting about cars, this is a place where you can post about whatever you want and that is totally cool. We have all kinds of readers here from various communities (even Jezebel), I don't want to perpetuate a false cross-community conflict that doesn't really exist.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Garrett Davis
05/29/2014 at 09:10

Yeah, I pretty much knew you were exaggerating, I just felt like expressing my agreement with Automatch; reading new things won't hurt you that much. I understand that some articles aren't exactly for everyone, but it's not worth it to go somewhere else on Kinja and complain about it. God knows if folks from lots of the other sites came on here, they would likely leave thinking that we, and our love are cars, are pretty weird. Oh well, no harm done.

Cajun Ginger > Garrett Davis
05/29/2014 at 09:29

What you did missed the point of the article. That can happen when you cherry pick one thing and take it out of context. That's a tactic frequently used by a group to derail a discussion and attempt to turn it around and make it about them.

It's also possible that you're missing the place that entire article came from. There's a twitter hashtag,#YesAllWomen, that women are using to tell their stories of abuse and discrimination. When you tweet under that hashtag you will get responses from men that say either #NotAllMen are like that or #YesAllPeople because men face violence too. We're not stupid. We know both of those things. If you look at the numbers men are the group most likely to face violence and that's from other men. Until you factor in sexual assault.

If you want to feel sick to your stomach go through and read a few hundred thousand of the personal stories being told. The common theme is that women are blamed for their assaults either directly or indirectly.

There were some really shitty comments that you got. Plus yours was not the only post like that.

Honestly I rarely go on Jezebel because there are too many crappy comments. Like the person that said "Chances are I'd figure out a way to shoot you" to a different commenter. When I replied to that commenter I was the only person they didn't reply back to. (Haven't checked back lately to see if they've gotten more replies and not replied to them.) Did they go through my posting history and realize that I'm a gun owner in a castle law state so I'm obviously not antigun?

To put it in further context would you have liked it if I had picked one thing out of your post, posted that to groupthink, and then said blah blah blah men. Then gotten a comment saying "all of their "story times" are pretty much the female equivalent of a pissing contest" and replied "Nailed it." When we tell our stories we're not getting into a pissing contest with each other over who has it worse. We're either looking for understanding, advice or letting other women know they're not alone in the things they've dealt with.

You have three choices: call me a feminist bitch, continue this discussion or choose not to reply but think about what I said.

Garrett Davis > Cajun Ginger
05/29/2014 at 13:26

I choose option B with a bit of C thrown in for good measure.

I completely understand the point of the article, and I don't really like cherry picking examples, but many of them are similar and I really wasn't trying to write a novel. Like I said in the original post, "not saying that all injustices are equal between genders, just that men aren't exempt."

I agree wholeheartedly that there are some very scary situations to be a woman, and can honestly say that I'm glad I to be a man for many of those reasons. It's also why I'm extremely protective over my girlfriend, family and friends purely because as a 6'4" 250lbs male, I am in a position to be able to do this better than most. Women face different challenges in these situations — BUT being a man isn't an automatic free pass. I know that most people are perfectly aware of this, but I didn't really feel like that was well represented as a counterpoint. I view the events in that discussion equally as awful as you do, I'm not discounting anyone's experience here.

Like I mentioned, I was randomly assaulted a few years back and due to those injuries, have since been forced to quit my career as a guitarist halfway through recording a studio album, I cannot write for more than a few minutes at a time and I cannot properly lift weights or certain heavy objects without risking serious re-injury. Am I saying that this is equal to what others have gone through? Not at all, I got off easy compared to what could have happened, but I at least have some relevant point of reference.

As for the "Nailed it" comment, I took what he was saying as describing the comments section rather than the article itself or the #YesAllWomen movement. Like with any relatively closed off group, there tends to be a bit of "circle jerking" when it comes to opinions. You'll see the same thing in even in something as obscure as an early 1990's Ford Escort enthusiast forum. Hive minds tend to paint in broad strokes, Opposite Lock here is absolutely guilty of this as well.

Either way, looking back now, it was a fairly poorly worded rant, and left out the caveats I've included here purely for the sake of brevity. I'm not going to call you a feminist bitch because I don't believe that's true. The feminist bitch was the woman who slapped me and tried to kick me in my "sacred area" for pointing out that she dinged my door when getting out of her car (which she turned into a gender issue somehow) — but even that isn't fair, because there are idiots and assholes is every walk of life.

Garrett Davis > Tom McParland
05/29/2014 at 13:28

Agreed 100%.

Cajun Ginger > Garrett Davis
05/29/2014 at 16:04

I'm in a bit of a hurry. Just landed a bit ago and now I have to prep for tomorrow's flight and herd my kids but thank you for your thoughtful response. I especially like the part where you talk about the idiots and assholes in every walk of life. Last time I led with a knee it was because some guy was trying to grind against me. And yes I know men experience that too and for guys to fight back against that gets tricky for many reasons. Last time a woman did that to my husband I told her I'd lay her out cold if she touched him again. Not as bad as your injury. Just the shit that happens that shouldn't. And yes I responded with a threat of violence to violence (her grinding against him was every bit as much a sexual assault as when it happens to me) but we all need to come together and say enough. Like I really shouldn't be happy that ONLY one of my fellow flight students has groped me. The rest of the guys were great though and started making sure to always stand between us. Won't it be nice when you don't have to worry about the women in your life? (I'm an optimist) wow this was one long rushed paragraph. Hopefully I'm making sense.

surenanigans > Tom McParland
05/29/2014 at 17:11

You're a good egg, Tom. So good, I even delurked to say so.

Tom McParland > surenanigans
05/29/2014 at 21:34

I hope you feel that you don't have to lurk anymore. I made you an author on Oppo. Drop on in...most of us are pretty cool. Whether you know a lot about cars or just want to know more. This is the place to be. :)

surenanigans > Tom McParland
05/29/2014 at 22:23

Awww, thank you. Don't worry, it's 99% just being interested but not having anything to add and only 1% "help, there's bears out there" intimidating.