Serious Shit

"Your boy, BJR" (jerseyshoreben) 05/21/2014 at 23:29 • Filed to: None

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Have a brown manual diesel rwd wagon for this post. Seriously, I know I'm generally a jokester, but this isn't anything near that.

Oppo, I have problems.

Some backstory here: My grandfather on my mom's side was born in havanna, cuba, in 1946. His family moved here in '49 and he met and courted my grandmother in 1965. A year later, my mom was born, 10 years later, he left the family due to:

1.) Alcoholism

2.) Gambling addiction

3.) Narcotics addiction

4.) Womanizing

He's seen me once in my life, when I was a year old. He brought me a tonk a dump truck, which was my first automotive related anything. Here's the thing, He's the only other person in my family who could be described as a diehard jalop (maybe the cult of cars can be added to his long list of addictions). Also, I'm a dead fucking ringer for him. We like to say I look like my mom, and I do, but lets just say his genes are strong. Here's the other thing- Addiction is a genetic illness. My mom, she drinks a glass of red wine a night, but never partied, and never took part in any hardcore intoxication in her life, but me? I think I may be beginning to take after my grandfather. Even my friends throughout high school would take notice that the odd times i did attend parties, or some such things, I partied wayyyyyy too hard. As in, I've gotten a reputation among my circle of friends as having a real Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type thing going on. I come off as laid back, benign, even a tad nerdy, but as soon as alcohol and marjiuana are available, I reach Hunter S. Thompson levels of intoxicated. I realize that that has spilled out on to here, and I apologize. I also realize, that, I've started drinking WAY more than I used to. Even as I type this, I'm finishing up my 2nd 40 of the night. Oppo, idk why I'm coming to you for this, But I don't want to be my grandfather all over again. I want to contribute to the world, I want to put shit out that makes people think. I want to be something. But at the same time, I'm battling a crippling (was almost terminal before the prozac) depression, and as much as I hate to say it, booze, grass, poon, and other delights are like, the only thing that truly bring me peace.

Shit.

Told you this wouldn't be fun.

Nibbles > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:35

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Alcoholism (and addiction in general) is a shit thing. Sounds like you're realizing, which is a damned good step. I'd recommend joining AA before you start thinking it's a bad idea and you can handle it yourself. Because believe me, brother, you cannot.

Your boy, BJR > Nibbles 05/21/2014 at 23:38

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Here's the fucked up part- I'm 20. Idk if I could hook up with an AA group.

catkam623 misses his 944 > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:40

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Half my family is alcoholic so I understand your worries it's not pretty. I'd follow up with nibbles idea of AA it can't hurt to try and of it gets worse rehab is an option. For something that makes you feel better try finding a hobby or throwing yourself into your job. Do you have any idea what might be the source of your depression and the reason you're coming here is because car guys are the best kind of people and are always willing to help.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:40

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Well, all I can say is I'm sorry that you're having a tough time right now :(About the depression? I've never gone through it myself, so I wouldn't understand, but from what I have seen, seeking psychiatric help seems to work for people. There is no shame in going to a psychiatrist, and if you ever have severe depression, it might be something that can help.The fact that you think you're taking after your grandfather with the drinking/partying is probably a bad thing, but it's how you're expressing yourself right now. I'm not sure how old you are (I'm gonna guess senior in high school-ish old?) but if you are in the previously mentioned age group, then try to find some positive peers at school!Also, I remember you saying something about a cute girl you work with? (was that you?) If you think it'll help having someone to give your affection to, then try getting a girlfriend(s) who are stable human beings, and will outweigh your yang with her yin.Also, whenever I'm feeling down, these usually cheer me up!

Hang in there man :D

Bad Idea Hat > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:42

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I kind of was in the same boat. My mom's dad had issues with booze, and my uncle is a recovering alcoholic. I understand the Hunter Thompson analogy, because I tended to make it into the zone up until about age 20-21.

I now only drink larger amounts at weddings, have a beer when we go out very rarely, and don't drink at all when it's just my daughter and I in the house. AA might be a good idea, but a better one would be to work on the depression issues, perhaps from a different angle.

catkam623 misses his 944 > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:44

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there's no age limit on going to AA groups

GeorgeyBoy > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:44

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You would be surprised the variety of ages and people in AA meetings.

D > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:45

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AA isn't gonna pretend there are no underage drinkers

edit: at least I made podium

Jacques L' Autre > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:48

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I've never met my mom's dad, he too was from Cuba and ended up leaving very early in her life. Here's the kicker she was also born in 1965, weird.

Addiction sucks though, and the only way to truly manage it is through determination and a lot of support, be it AA, or someone else that has been there and can guide you through the minefields. Best of luck to you.

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:48

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I'm on the young end of this. My Dad has a horrible addictive personality, both hard drugs and alcohol in my life time, who knows what before that. It will catch up to you, the body does deal well with these things in the long term. Now about two years ago he entered the hospital, 4th time in a few months. It ended up being a 9 month hospital stay, countless surgeries, near death at one point, and an enormous medical bill. He did made it out in the end. But now nobody trusts him, that being said nobody really did before either. And while he is a great provider for his family, he still drinks. He hides it, chucks his bottles in the woods when he is done, and thinks were all oblivious to his continuing usage.

Get help now. There will be a point where the addictive personality will make it near impossible to change. It sounds like you are still more than young enough to help yourself. So for the sake of everyone that loves you, and yourself, get that help as soon as possible.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:48

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All the more reason to start now. If a bad night or two don't teach you to slow down, then getting older isn't likely to make it better. Especially when you're an "adult" in the professional world in a few years and being around alcohol is almost essential in some places. You don't have to drink, but you need to be able to know your own limits and what to do. Sadly, I vividly remember the night I mixed a fifth of jack daniels and a whole large pizza.....the WHOLE pizza and the WHOLE bottle of jack. I don't know if I should be thankful that the pizza sobered me up enough to remember what happened next or what but ummmmm......yeah......never again. Never even close to that again. Mother of all that is holy and righteous in this world, never doing straight liquor again. Ever.

But if something like that doesn't seem to remind you to hold back or cut back, then you might want help now before it gets worse.

M54B30 > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:49

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the idea that addiction is an inherited trait is debatable. My family (Irish dad, German mom) drinks regularly. My parents never had issues with it. My sister went to rehab at 22 for her alcohol issues. I never really bothered to touch it. Nobody, besides my sister has a history of alcohol abuse on any side of our family.

As she has come to realize during her rehab, she chose to drink excessively. She chose to drink, just as much as I chose not to. Once she (and by extension, you) come to terms with this, the healing can begin.

My wife loves to drink, as do most all our friends (fun fact: the only sober person gets to shampoo the carpet when someone can't make it to the bathroom in time - ask me how I know!). I get ribbing from them for being sober but it's always in jest.

Learn to say no to alcohol 10% of the time, then 20%, so on and so forth until you find your balance. You don't have to be dry (even I drink from time to time) but if you re pulling a Jekyll/Hyde routine, you'll find yourself drinking alone.

My friend has a good system - one alcoholic drink, followed by a non-alcoholic drink, repeat, repeat, repeat. She'll drink a margarita, then a virgin margarita, or shots between nonalcoholic beers. Is it boring? Not really. Some people learn the hard way when they drink too much, but it seems like you are having a wake up call of sorts right now.

Also, if you're sober or semi sober, you get to see someone else showing their ass and you can realize you don't want to be that person.

My sister loved drinking, but she learned at rehab that it was out of control. She wasn't a constant drunk, but a serious party binge drinker and she realized it was ruining her life, her friendships, her body, etc.

control this or it'll control you. And it hurts your family more than you can imagine.

Your boy, BJR > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 05/21/2014 at 23:50

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I'm a junior in college, can never commit to a single relationship (funny, my brother has the "players" rep, but when in a relationship is loyal as fuck (he's never actually broken up with anyone) While I will take anything with a vagina that will throw itself at me, wether I'm in a relationship or not. I'm going to bi-weekly therapy (hell, I even have a prescription for prozac) but nothing works quite like a nice strong big ass cheep beer to make me feel good. Only thing that comes is going through the twisties at night in an open topped row your own sports car listening to synth revival and the (usually) 4 pot reverb'ing off houses and trees, while really testing what the local PD will let me get away with, speed wise.

JGrabowMSt > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:52

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Ain't life a bitch?

You're not alone in being scared of your future. I'm in line for what might as well be a genetic time bomb, and it's pretty tough to live happily when you know that at some point in the fairly near future, your life is going to literally turn everything upside down.

I'm a dead ringer for my uncle, as my dad likes to say (my mother's brother, hes an only child). What kills me? The fact that all he has to say is that I'm a dead ringer for a dead man. That makes me feel great about myself. Just about every male on my moms side of the family has died of liver cancer going back 4 generations. The only one that didn't was killed in some accident before the cancer developed.

Because of that, I treat my liver as best as I can. Don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs. It's survival to me. I've had relationships fall apart because I wouldn't give in to the party lifestyle. I downright refused to go to parties. I know people who don't drink because they just decided not to, and I support that. I don't drink because I want to live.

If I were in your shoes, I'd make a pretty tough decision. Go cold turkey on the intoxication. You're on meds to begin with, but most importantly (something my girlfriend would be really pissed at me for saying), you need to start off by being happy with being you. You can brush it off all you want, but it's the honest truth. You recognize and can address your problem, which means you're beyond the first step. You're in a place where you can start to make serious changes for your future. A future where you're happy, and you have a life that you love. You don't have to wake up and be miserable for another day, you can wake up, proud of who you are, and you can be the one holding the wheel.

So who are you?

You are an individual.

You are a car enthusiast.

You are irreplaceable.

You've got plenty of people that can give you some degree of mental/emotional support whenever you need it here. Oppo isn't perfect, but life isn't about being perfect, it's about being yourself. To some degree, everyone has their problems. You shouldn't be ashamed of having problems, but you should use that feeling as a catalyst for going full oppo.

When life deals you tires, turn them into smoke.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Your boy, BJR 05/21/2014 at 23:57

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I was raised in a household where nothing of that nature isa really tolerated, and I don't have a desire to be involved in it.

That being said, I have and uncle who is a recovering alcoholic, and a cousin on the other side of the family, who is my age and who I used to be close to, who has been expelled from two high schools for drug possession. It's not always a conscious choice, but when you get put in a certain environment, drugs and alcohol just happen. And as you said, some people are genetically wired for it. Once you've tried alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, or any other related stuff, you become addicted. My uncle, who is an honest, hardworking, successful, and all-around great guy, hasn't had a drop of alcohol for 20 years, because he knows if he did, he would be a drunk again faster than anything. It's no joke, but it's also possible to overcome, if that's what you're saying you want to do. But seriously, there's only so much help we can give you. If you really think you have a problem, and you want it fixed, there are people out there who can help, whose job and whose training is to fix the problem without judging you. That being said, what little moral support we can give on here, we'd be happy to. Sorry for getting up on my soap box and sounding all high-and-mighty, preachy, self-righteous, or whatever you will call it. Best of luck, and keep your funny posts flowing.

Your boy, BJR > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 05/21/2014 at 23:59

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That's my favorite alfa ever. thanks, dude.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 00:00

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Your brother and I have quite a bit in common then, haha!

On the topic of making you feel good, I completely understand. Driving is therapy for me, since school is very stressful. I think it's the fact that you feel that the beer helps is a major contributor to the issue. It's totally up to you how you go about it.

Sorry I'm not being too helpful, I don't have much experience dealing with people having drinking problems....

Again ,some have suggested getting a new hobby. That's a good idea, and it might help if you remove yourself from an environment that contains alcohol

CRider > M54B30 05/22/2014 at 00:00

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Irish dad, German mom? It's like you were bred to drink beer by the keg.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 00:02

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Anytime.

Big Bubba Ray > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 00:05

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Dude that's deep. I feel for you. I used to struggle with some addictions even though I'm only 22.

My family has also had problems with alcoholism and my great uncle died because of it. He worked at AB and got free beer whenever he wanted which contributed to his addiction.

One of my good friends became an alcoholic at the age of 18 which was extremely hard. He struggled with weed, booze, anti-depressants and all kinds of shit. He almost lost his life in a car accident because of his problems. He went to AA and completely turned things around.

I urge you to see out help. I don't personally know you, but I want to hep in any way possible.

Stay strong man. The greatest part about this is that you realize that this stuff might be a problem for you. You're far ahead of many other people who are going through the same thing.

M54B30 > CRider 05/22/2014 at 00:07

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exactly. I never liked the taste of alcohol for some reason. I grew up in Germany where they make unique beer flavors (Banana, Strawberry, Cherry, Hazelnut, etc) but I never got into stateside beers. I drank some Mike's Hard Lemonades here and there, but the carbonation feels unnatural.

I'll stick to Dr Pepper ;)

heliochrome85 > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 00:11

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you are able to go to alcoholics anonymous meetings regardless of age.

if you need help with this stuff, shoot me a message.

CRider > M54B30 05/22/2014 at 00:13

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Dr. Pepper actually sounds like it could be a beer. And it makes me wonder what the world of soda would be like if it still had active cocaine in it.

Squid > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 00:29

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What I have learned is that booze doesn't make you happier in the long run it just deludes you. I do my fair share of drinking but I've never let it get to the point where I need to drink a beer every day. When I was 20 I partied pretty fucking hard, it is just what you do when your that age. If you feel like you need help there is AA and if you are in university they should have a support group set up for you as well. I got the whole "alcoholism" speech many times from my parents because of my grandpa, but it has been drilled into me enough that booze is cool and can be fun, but it isn't the be all end all happiness pill. I mean fuck it probably took me a good year or so of going to the bar about 5 nights a week to realize that but I learned and have moved on. You are still young stop tripping out and try to not drink for a couple of days and see if you need to drink or if it is just a want that you can live without. That's just my opinion but just do you and get help if you need it, there are places to go to help you keep your head on straight.

D > heliochrome85 05/22/2014 at 00:34

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if only jalopnik had PM!

Nibbles > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 00:52

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Give it the old college try. Like others have said, AA does not discriminate against age, race, nationality or legality. They're just there to help

Leadbull > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 03:46

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We all go through dark times... seems like your situation is particularly heavy. I've struggled with depressing thoughts from time to time, but I've not had any direct experience with substance abuse. All I can say is that I hope it gets better for you, man. Just remember, no matter how hard it gets, life itself is still an amazing gift.

Conan > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 05:33

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I'm 35. I've got 4 alcoholic grandparents and parents that make me wonder about it sometimes. I quit drinking after a really terrible kidney experience. Quitting drinking, in turn, has been one of the worst experiences in my life (including a hospital stay) but I feel a lot better now. I'm sleeping more, less depressed, and not out of control. Good luck. I only wish I'd done it at 20. My life might've been a lot different.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 07:54

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This is good I took a psychology class and the first step to stopping an addiction is admitting you have a problem. Now why are you depressed? I can help you in that area my grandpa killed himself because of depression.

ptak appreciates old racecars > Your boy, BJR 05/22/2014 at 08:46

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If a 16-year-old (moi) who will whack it at anything that moves can quit porn because he thinks prostitution is abusive, you can do anything.

(haven't quite succeeded yet but I used to watch porn every day now it's mostly hentai don't judge m8)

Your boy, BJR > ptak appreciates old racecars 05/22/2014 at 13:01

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Oh god, I forgot about porn. That's a whole other problem right there.

Jacques L' Autre > Your boy, BJR 07/22/2014 at 22:02

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Mr. Rolland,

I commented on this post when you originally posted it, and I really hope you're doing better. That being said, the parallel's on our grandfathers are a bit too weird for me to ignore. My grandmother had my mom in 1965 after meeting a Cuban, who promptly left. I don't know a lot about it, my mom wasn't really familiar with him, and I've never had the opportunity to meet him. Growing up in NJ the chances of it being another Cuban are pretty high, but I have to ask. Was your mom's dad named, Octavio?

Your boy, BJR > Jacques L' Autre 07/22/2014 at 22:15

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Nope. Henry Levine, Jr. (His dad was aRussian-Jewish american soldier from Brooklyn stationed in Gitmo)

Jacques L' Autre > Your boy, BJR 07/22/2014 at 22:27

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Bummer, I doubted it would've been the same person, but it would've been pretty extraordinary had it been.