Can You Give Me Some Advice?

"JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!" (jqj213)
05/20/2014 at 20:45 • Filed to: Personal, advice, girls

Yes, it's about a girl. Yes, I know some of you are getting tired of these posts. I'm sorry. But I want someone's opinion on this. Have an E30 as an apology or thanks!

So,some of you may remember that girl I've been talking to…. If not here's !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! posts !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! To put simply, I can't move on yet. I've decided on one last try before calling it quits. And here's where I want your advice.

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A local car dealership is celebrating the third year of the Cars and Coffee Program they have. There will be entertainment, games, giveaways, free food, and a ton of cars. It will be June 7 th .

I want to ask her to go along with me just as a friend. I thought this was smart since there is nothing really romantic about this. It's a big public party and is just fun. I honestly don't know how she will answer.

So, my question is this: when should I ask her if she wants to go? The show is the 7 th . BUT, our last day of school (and basically any physical contact) is the 30 th . So, when should I ask her? I don't want to give little notice, but if I give too much, she might think I've been planning this for too long and it may not work. But waiting too long could lead to other plans. The last day of school sounds rather cliche. And I would rather ask in person... (or is okay to do it over text?) So, any help is appreciated.

Also, how terrible of an idea is this plan?

Thanks.

DISCUSSION (22)

Tom McParland > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 20:52

1st...don't ask her for two reasons. 1. If she says yes you are going to be so focused on her you are going to miss out on the cars...I will repeat that YOU WILL MISS OUT ON THE CARS. (I'm married so I can enjoy the cars at those things). Anyway 2. If she says yes you might ignore her because THERE WILL BE AWESOME CARS. You are a dude...and it is a scientific fact that dudes cannot focus on two things at once especially if one of those things is a woman and the other involves explosions (i.e. engines, cars, rockets etc..)

Ok....since you are going to ask her anyway, just ask her the next time you get the chance to have a real conversation. But do it like this..."Hey so I'm a part of this community that puts on car-shows. There is going to be a show on the 7th, if you want to come I can show you around."

Now I know you don't know the people that put on the C&C but you are a part of a car-community (Oppo) that does put on car shows (we have meet ups somewhere). And you would be able to show her around since you know way more about the cars than she does.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 20:53

Ask her the day before the last day of school.

"Hey, so this dealership is having this thing that I thought would be fun us to go to, wanna go?"

Act like you just learned about it just a few hours earlier or the night before.

I'd personally either call her or tell her in person. Girls don't seem to like being asked to do things over text.

Tom McParland > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
05/20/2014 at 21:01

This...do this. I sucked at picking up women as a teenager.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Tom McParland
05/20/2014 at 21:02

I have to thank you because that is some great advice!

And yes, focusing on both will be hard, but it'll be worth it!

And thats a great way to bring it up. And she already knows Im a member of some car communities so...

Thanks

Vicente Esteve > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:04

It is the best idea to tell her in person. It means you care at least a bit, and you are well mannered. Also, I would suggest telling her in advance or in the first day of vacation when the opportunity arrives. She will say yes, I mean, if she says she doesn't then I don't think she is giving you the relationship you deserve. When you both go, make her laugh at every single opportunity you can. Try and do things you would otherwise be shy of to make her feel she is having a great time with you. When you both leave, or you take her home (because that is what you do) Invite her to get something to eat, but in a modest way, like: "Are you hungry?" or "Do you have any crave or something?" when you both get in the car. Depending on how good it was at the car meet, she may accepts this, which would be Awesome! After that, you just have to keep this going, and randomly invite her to other events. And then to other, and other. Then you declare your love. Then you kiss. Then you enjoy the pleasure. Then you se yourself in the mirror and think "Wow, I just did this, and I am now the happiest dude on earth."

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
05/20/2014 at 21:04

That was my biggest problem. I want to do it in person. And for some reason, I don't get nervous at all talking to her, so I won't get nervous. It was just picking a day that'd be hard. So good idea, thanks!

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Vicente Esteve
05/20/2014 at 21:10

I know I sound crazy, but you have a great way with words! I like your thinking a lot!

Im hoping something like that happens where one thing leads to the next.

I think she will say yes, especially the way things have been going lately.

So, lets hope for the best and I will keep you updated!

Racescort666 > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:11

I'm going to pay it forward since I had a girl question answered today. I haven't read any of your other posts but here's my advice since I'm just taking the info from this post:

Do not wait until the last day of school. She will give you some bullshit wishy washy answer. Fuck that shit. Be direct when you ask her. In fact, the conversation should go down like this:

JQJ213: Hey Jenny, what are you doing on the 7th?

Jenny: umm, IDK...

JQJ213: cool, you should come to this C&C with me, they're going to have some cool shit going on because it's they're anniversary.

Seriously, don't ask her if she wants to go before you find out if she's even available. You won't be able to tell if she's trying to let you down easy (a.k.a. friend-zoning you) or if she's legitimately busy. If you have to plan something else, find out when she's available before making plans. If she's available and starts to make excuses, she's blowing you off.

Anyway, when to ask her. Sometime next week. It should be enough time to get in before a bunch of other shit but no so far in advance that it's weird. I know being in school is different than life after school but planning ahead isn't a bad thing especially if it's something you're interested in (C&C that is).

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Racescort666
05/20/2014 at 21:16

Thanks for the tips. that was my thinking, the last day is so damn cliche but asking like tomorrow leaves way too much time in between. So I will be doing it next week and Im thinking she should say yes because we are friends... so ill just have to see

Vicente Esteve > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:17

Thanks a lot! And I will always read these kinds of posts because I just like helping people in similar situations.

I can assure you that will happen if you just are yourself, since shed seems to like you as well.

I also hope for the best. You deserve it man, you've passed through too much misery that it has to come around for once. And this will be it!

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:18

Do I need to run through my advice again?

George Costanza > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:19

Everyone else's advice is great. Basically just as her. There really no trick. In person. Possibly like Racescourt 666 stated. If she doesn't show up remember that for a young guy once you get your confidence to ask out women it becomes a numbers game. So, I guess don't be too focused on one person, branch out but give equal attention. Probably don't take my advice, in high school I could land a stop sign to save myself.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > George Costanza
05/20/2014 at 21:22

If anything else, it'll be a learning experience.

I had one gf before, but things were not at all traditional, which is why it worked. so this should be good for me

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:24

fuck man, two weeks notice isn't 'planning too much' it's what normal people do when they find out about things. Just ask her right now, the worst that can happen is she's not interested and you can go on your own.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:24

I will sum it up. Boombox, ballsy, say anything, yet casual, go out of your way but be casual, Just ask her out when you see her in the hallway.

George Costanza > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:26

Hell, everyone goes through various phases of pursuing one girl.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard
05/20/2014 at 21:27

but i think that nowadays for asking someone out, its a ton of time. people usually give like a day or two. How many dates have you had planned for weeks?

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:44

But you're not just asking her out for coffee, you're asking her out to an event that would require her to have that day/morning off. 2 weeks notice is fine so she doesn't make other plans.

I know plenty of times that I've only given 2-3 days notice and they've been working or hanging out with their girlfriends. And don't say 'as a friend'. It's disingenuous and will be shooting yourself in the foot if she really does have romantic interest in you.

HiredHand > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:46

Just show her all these posts, that'll break the ice for sure.

desertdog5051 > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 21:52

Ask in person or call her. If she likes cars, she will know it is harmless. Besides, it is in a public venue.

Textured Soy Protein > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/20/2014 at 22:19

Good lord, how could this possibly take so much thought?

Let me make sure I understand this right: you like this girl, and after far too much hand wringing you told her you like her, then she at some point texted you that she thinks she might sorta be back with her ex boyfriend at which point you were like OH MY GOD LIFE IS OVER.

Sounds about right?

Allow me to share some knowledge that is going to serve you well in life:

Any time a girl you like tells you she has a boyfriend/fiance/husband/dude she occasionally fucks, the correct response is ALWAYS "so what's that got to do with me?"

Don't just take it from me, take it from LL Cool J.

Be like LL Cool J. It doesn't necessarily have to be at C&C but FOR FUCK'S SAKE just ask if she wants to hang out, get together, and try to put your hands on her boobs. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein
05/20/2014 at 22:53

THANK YOU. Finally after wading through all this story book fantasy stuff a real answer has emerged. You guys should all be ashamed of yourselves for sending this kid down this path, the "nice guy" path. It's almost like you want him to get walked over by this girl.

@OP :

Listen, point blank you're in high school (I think) you need to treat her like you don't care if she comes or not. If you come off desperate or thirsty it's the biggest turn off like you're literally taking the key out of the ignition. Go with Automatch's advice about being part of this Car community that puts on and goes to these car shows where people come with cool ass cars and see if she's down to go, if she's not down just be like "Alright cool" and keep it moving don't beg or look all crushed either. Ask her to another public event and if she curves you again JUST CUT HER OFF STOP TALKING TO HER. I give girls 2 chances, if you come up with an excuse to do something I don't even bother with a 3rd chance, if they come looking for me to go do something or hang out then I'll entertain the idea.