This short story I just wrote summarizes my luck with girls

"JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!" (jqj213)
05/06/2014 at 00:08 • Filed to: None

I just can't win. I thought I had something. I don't think I do yet. So I wrote this. TL;DR at the bottom. Alfa 8C for your time.

"The Bench"

He took a seat on the worn and splintered park bench. When things went wrong, he'd escape here. Something about the serenity of the park after hours, away from the screaming children and drunken teenagers was really soothing. He sat with his hands supporting his face, a tear slowly forming in his right eye.

Another failed night. Another failed attempt at happiness. He had been following her for months now. They first met in his history class at the community college. She was beautiful. Her straight dirty blonde hair was always kept neatly out of her face. Her big deep blue eyes pierced everything, including his heart. When they first made eye contact, he felt a connection. He doubted it was mutual, but would spend months trying to find out.

He carved her name into the bench. In small letters right on the backrest, away from every other marking, the name 'Jenn' popped. He did this after she got her first boyfriend, who wasn't him. He blamed himself for this. "If only I moved faster. If only i could have more confidence. If only…" It was at this point he'd turn and punch the opposite side of the bench. It was the cause of his bloodied knuckles.

When that relationship fizzled out, he tried again. They began talking. He was loving the attention. It made him feel valued and important. But then, without any real warning, she moved on. Again, he was alone while she was in the arms of another man. He engraved her name deeper into the wood. This time, he underlined it. It was crooked due to the shakiness he had in hand. "Why can't I do anything right?" he cried. "What is wrong with me?" He curled up on the bench and broke into tears.

It was here that he dreamed about her. It was vividly detailed but fully accurate. The message on his phone explained a connection she had with him. She liked him. She wanted to spend time with him. A smile grew on his face; he tried to hide it but the joy was just too great. He got in the car and drove. She was outside her house, waiting. He opened the door and walked up to her. Her arms quickly wrapped around his neck and the words "Thank you" were whispered into his ear. As they walked to the car, he opened her door first and let her in. He then got in himself. He rested his hand the gear shifter, and pulled onto the road. Her hand quickly followed and was right on top of his. A smile grew on his face. He quickly looked over and saw that she too was wearing a similar smile. They drove and talked. For hours on end, they drove down empty roads where every light was green. Momentum never stopped.

He woke up abruptly when he felt water droplets hitting his stubble covered face. As he opened his eyes, a loud clap of thunder engulfed the silence. He jumped up quickly and ran towards his car. This time, it was empty. There was no smile. His hand was on the gear selector, alone. As he left the park, he was blinded by the headlights of oncoming traffic. The mood of the car was bitter. Laughter was nonexistent. All that could be heard was the subtle roar of the heater. This wasn't what he wanted.

The car was jerked over to the shoulder. His hazard lights pierced the otherwise dark road. He began messaging her.

"Hey! What's going on?" He typed. "Yeah, thats good. Small talk first." he told himself in his head.

She responded way faster than he ever expected, as if she was waiting for his message.

"Not much at all. Studying for some test I have coming up."

"Thats not fun at all." he replied.

"No. No no no. Its awful!" she typed back. He pictured her smiling at her own comment.

"Can I tell you something?" he nervously typed. He didn't hit send quite yet. The nerves were getting to him now. He was second guessing himself. His eyes shut and he pressed send. When she quickly gave him the "what's on your mind?" response, he knew he was too deep to go back. This was it. There was no getting out now.

"I… I like you, a lot." he was shaking now. His foot was violently tapping the dead pedal.

"I would love to spend some time with you outside of school." he finished. His heart was racing. This was not how it was supposed to happen. The plans of being there in person and doing an elaborate act were over.

The phone dinged. He was scared to read it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, scared to read what was typed back.

"I know you do! Haha" she replied.

"Shit!" he told himself. That was not the response he was looking for at all. "How the hell do I take that?" he questioned. He struggled to make a reply.

Outside the sky was somewhat clearing up. He swung a U-turn and headed back towards the park. Once in the parking lot, he decided what to send.

"Do I ever have a chance with someone like you?"

"Anythings possible." was the first message. This got him feeling good.

"But I'm kind of done with guys for a little while." she finished.

"FUCK!" He yelled to no one in particular. He smashed his hand into the steering wheel, the horn blaring for a good ten seconds. He went back out to the bench. He took up the familiar seat. This time, he drew a box around her name; these three new lines not perfect but less crooked than the underline.

He lifted his fist. He wanted to punch his traditional spot; the one where you can see the slight indentation in the wood. But he didn't. He opened his palm and held it to the sky. Water droplets hit it softy. He then held it over her name. He teared up again.

"It'll never happen." he told himself. "It'll never be."

TL;DR: My luck with girls sucks. I don't think I have any chance again.

DISCUSSION (35)

Scary__goongala! > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:14

Kinja'd!!!

keep your head up sir.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:16

Change her opinion. Give her a reason to follow you, watch you, accept you.

Never tell yourself "It'll never happen."

What you're talking about is love. Love is impractical, incessant, annoying, but never impossible.

Your story was written well, keep your head up.

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:28

I'm about to come off as an asshole, but I want you to know I think you're a cool guy and dig your posts/tastes in cars (plus, as a jersey boy like myself……respect) so I'll apologize in advance
BUCK THE FUCK UP. One lame ass try isn't enough! If you're willing to give up that easy, you don't fucking deserve her. You're a MAN! Act like a MAN! Be a MAN, and then maybe, just maybe, you'll earn her affections. Don't be that lame ass neck beard who keeps acting beta as fuck because he thinks its earning him "fuck points". ALWAYS BE MOTHERFUCKING CLOSING. You know who gets to go home an fuck the girl? Winners, that's who. And until you start acting like one, DON'T JUST ROLL OVER AND GIVE UP. Look at me, I was told by the only girl I have ever loved that she looked at me as a brother. I moped for a day, got back up, and told her just what I wanted to do since the day I laid eyes on her. So what's happened now? I've fucked her, gotten in her mother's good graces to the point that she chooses me over her own boyfriend to go car shopping, and made her fall the fuck in love with me like I did so many years ago. Are we a couple? No. But what we have is deeper. I know things about her her boyfriends never did and vice versa. We're two against the world. So until you decide to stop fucking whining, Oppo doesn't want to hear it anymore.

In closing, I'm sorry dude, I'm just giving you the speech I wish I could give myself 4 years ago. Take it for what it's worth, if you think its mean spirited and asshole of me, so be it, I just feel a last ditch "kick you into shape" is needed. I want to see you succeed as much as I want to see myself succeed.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Your boy, BJR
05/06/2014 at 00:35

First I'd like to say that you are absolutely right. I didn't take it as you being an asshole at all. Its true. I cannot seal the deal. I cannot step up and do it. And I don't know why.

I really appreciate it. I prefer the "tough love" approach to things. it sits better in my head.

I need to do something tomorrow. I cant do this to myself anymore. Im tired of these dumb chats about nothing in particular.

The pussy out approach doesn't work. I need to be more persistent.

I really do appreciate the pep talk.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma
05/06/2014 at 00:36

Thanks for the compliment. Writing just helps me express these feelings.

And I need to just step up. I dont know why I cant. God its pissing me off that i cant

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:38

If I can manage to be the degenerate alcoholic/womanizer I am, and still find true love, there's hope for you. It may not be a "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, but when you're with the right one, you'll know. She will too.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Your boy, BJR
05/06/2014 at 00:42

And thats exactly the thing. i dont give a fuck about the official title of "boyfriend and girlfriend" I dont give a shit about that. I just want someone that can be there for me. Someone that I can joke around with and fuck with and they'd be okay with it. I want someone in my life. I dont want the traditional (out to a movie, out to dinner, etc) bullshit that happens. I want to be the one who takes her out for a drive to nowhere in particular and we can just talk (like my dream). I want something. Its something I don't have yet. But I know I could.

I feel the confidence building here. I know its there.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:43

Mr. Rolland speaks the truth. I'd like to add you can't keep a girl if you act like a pushover, it turns them off. I'm not bullshitting you either, I lost such a great gal cause I didn't do anything but kiss her feet.

You have to step it up. Obviously you haven't impressed her, she's even turned off to the dating scene, change that mindset. It ain't gonna be easy but it's worth it, you have to do it.

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:44

Go fucking close the deal. Not now, you'll look like a psycho. Also, don't over think it, don't force it, let it happen naturally. Even though it sounds impossible to tell, you'll know when "of happenings"

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Your boy, BJR
05/06/2014 at 00:47

I know exactly what you mean. I sound like the damn Cialis commercial but "when the time is right..."

I have something kind of planned in my mind. I know im done complaining about doing nothing on here. The next post about her will be either good or bad news regarding the results of this talk.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma
05/06/2014 at 00:48

As I was telling Rolland , I just need to do something. My current technique (or lack thereof) is failing me. I need to change this. And I will.

I had a gf before, but it was so much easier since it was all acting on impulse. Ive known this girl too long for that to be okay. Which really sucks

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:49

My best advice to close with is don't have a plan. I had a plan. that plan got me no where. As soon as i deviated, got to what i really meant ("let's fuck"), I found happiness.

PushToStart > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:50

That's really well written actually.

Here's my 2¢, I've read some of your other recent posts. And don't be offended by what I say, it's because I've sort of been there and might be able to offer an opinion. (It's advice I'd give to my brother, it might seem tough but it might be what's best, maybe. I don't know you very well :P)

If things don't work (even after you've tried) you have to move on (at least consciously try). If you don't, it will stay with you longer and longer and nag at you and make you upset that much longer. I'm not saying to separate yourself entirely, but I'm saying that you should "step back" in a mental sense and try to evaluate your situation from basically a 3rd person perspective. Say "Ok, if one of my friends was in this situation and he was feeling this way, what advice would I give him?" You need to realize that some things either A) take a long time to happen or B) might not happen. I know they both sound miserable at the moment (and I'm not saying completely give up), but time leads to other things eventually. Keep talking to her, yes, but try to bear in mind that if the feelings (for whatever reason) aren't mutual, you have to back up a little bit. Maybe think about it a little more. I mean, it seems that you really like her, but really consider if maybe you've overthought it and concentrated on it (the idea of having a relationship with her) so much that it's become a sort of "monster" that you can't get rid of, when it's really not that big at all. It seems from other posts that you feel pressured by your friends that are in a relationship, and that might make it worse. Trust me, you don't have to be dating just because they are, relationships develop over their own course, they aren't something that has a given amount of time and starting date. Also keep in mind that you're young (IIRC). I think I remember you talking at one point that you were in high school or about to go to high school, and you will meet more people there, and so will she, that's just life. And that's honestly a good thing. You can maybe try to use summer as a way to "reset" your perspective on things when your mind isn't so busy with having to see her everyday. Consider that when you go into HS or a new school year that if you're still fixated on her, you might miss an opportunity! And trust me, you don't want that.

TL;DR (I rambled a bit and it might not have made sense or come across exactly how I wanted it to): Relax. It might feel really shitty and you might feel that you have to keep working on it, but you've got to keep in mind that if you dwell on it too much, it could turn into something much more than it is. Separate yourself, maybe try it for a day where you aren't thinking about it so much or thinking about it in the same way (which is way easier said than done, I know, but consciously make an effort). Also keep your future in mind. You might feel that it's your last shot or something or that this is all you'll have for a long time, but trust me, it's not. You've only met a small fraction of the whole amount of people you'll meet in your life, and you'll meet someone that will fit into your life, whether it's in a month, or a year. Don't rush things or fixate yourself onto one thing that would cause you to miss out or be too upset.

That was a really long TL;DR, my apologies. And again, hopefully this helps, and this is just based off of my bit of experience with this sort of thing, and it might seem a little harsh but I promise it's with good intentions.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Your boy, BJR
05/06/2014 at 00:50

So I really just need to bring back my spontaneous actions which got me a gf before... shit, it'll be difficult but im going to get it done. I promise. I need to. Im going crazy here over dumb shit

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:51

Planning out how to make a move on a long time friend SUCKS.

Ben's got that shit on lock, I can't say anything he hasn't covered.

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 00:54

No doy, fucker. That's how you get shit done. Be cool, but without trying. Be spontaneous, not calculating. Be warm, funny, interesting……don't be another fedora guy.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > PushToStart
05/06/2014 at 01:02

That really was a great reply.

First thanks for the compliment. I love writing dark stuff like that, it clears my mind.

Im looking forward to Summer. Like you said, Im young, just about to finish sophomore year of high school. If this fails, which at this point I cant tell which way it'll go, i need this reset. Hopefully meet someone else.

But you do bring up a good point. I should try stepping back for a day. Part of it is jealousy from friends only because I see their happiness and I just go about my days all alone and bored out of my damn mind, so it'd be nice to have someone else to talk to.

Both options suck, but are right. Im just in the odd situation now where she fully knows my feelings and my intentions. And now she knows I do really have them for her still. So im stuck in a spot where I was friend zoned before but kind of broke free. I feel that if I don't talk to her for a day, she may not be happy since she will think im over her. She messages me a lot, which is part of the problem. But she also trusts me too much. As I said in another post a while ago, there was a point where she was asking me about other guys... i was deep in that friend zone bs. So now ive broken out of that. So its like we sort of just met in a sense. We are talking a lot now but about nothing of any value or substance.

Im sure shes not the perfect one for me. But maybe she is. This is one of the few times my optimistic side is dominating my pessimistic side. It kills me since she is almost the whole package. She is smart, quite funny and clever, kind of dark, has a great laugh and smile, and looks great. For now, its one of the best packages Ive seen.

I really do like her. But I cant tell if she feels the same way. There was the point after she broke up with her first bf where she got really close to me. I think i blew my chance there. She wanted me to make a move but I didnt. Which is why she unexpectedly got another guy and thought it was okay to ask me about other guys. I wish I knew sooner that she knew I liked her. The fact that she has known since the first week I met her sucks since I just told her this Saturday.

I didn't find it harsh at all. You are 100% right. I agree with everything you said. The truth just hurts.

Damn, I really rambled on here. Sorry for the novel.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Your boy, BJR
05/06/2014 at 01:04

its just so hard since ive known her for a year now and shes known i liked her since the second week we met...

but I will. I must.

Thanks for all your help tonight

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma
05/06/2014 at 01:06

The hardest part is just learning that she has known I liked her since the second week of school and i only now just told her. It makes me look both dumb and bad. It fucked everything up. If she didn't know, wed just seem like good friends... but its not so I need to get that out of my head now

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 01:08

The girl I'm talking about I've been friends with since first grade and head over heels in love with since 9th grade. I am now leaving my sophomore year of college. No excuses. If its meant to be, it'll happen. If not, It'll crash and burn. Sucks, but hey, fuck 'er. There's other females in the world. And who knows…..maybe you'll come back to each other someday if it doesn't work out.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 01:10

You're not content with that, it's not bad you told her. It's bad if you do diddly squat. She knows now, so what? That's good, you got her attention, now she's wondering whatchu got. Show her.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma
05/06/2014 at 01:12

Thats actually a really good point i never thought of...

she needs to know why that matters.

Thanks again for all your advice tonight

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 01:17

Show why it matters. Don't bother making it evident, she'll realize it, but only if you bring the best of yourself.

Go get her.

PushToStart > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 02:46

That wasn't too long, did you see the book I wrote? Lol

As for her being anxious with you not texting her for a day- good. This might sound weird, but one day won't be enough for her to think you're totally over her. Instead, She'll think about it and wonder if something is up, and that could lead her to possibly saying something along the lines of "is something wrong" which gives you a chance of telling her where you're at as far as trying to know where you guys are going and take it from there. If that doesn't happen, it's fine, just pick back up normal the next day, it shouldn't be an issue.

As for you thinking you blew your chance to make a move- don't think that. It's impossible to know whether you did or not, and sometimes taking a chance there could end up sour and you'd be kicking yourself for screwing things up by offending her then.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 07:55

Ok a few thoughts

1I feel sorry for you.

2publish this into a small novel.

3Man up and grow a pair

4 Hope it works out for you two.

Vicente Esteve > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 08:13

I have read all your posts about whats going on, and let me tell you I understand what you feel in every one of them. They are very well written, and I respect you for having the guts to put them here. There is nothing wrong about feeling like this, Ive seen people go borderline mad for girls and tried to help them. Like a friend once told me: "Man I kid you not, when I took my glasses, all was blurry in the hallway, except her face. I could clearly see her face but everything else was non-existent." I have gave more advice on friends that I can remember, and although some of them didn't use the advice, I am ALWAYS up to help out in these kinds of situations.

What you should do now is show her what you got. She knows since I don't know when that you like her, so she has just seen you try with small conversations. Small conversation are the best way to start, its how everyone starts, including me. But now you have to go to the next level, which may involve doing things that you probably don't like so much. She is now expecting a bigger answer, and thats what you have to give her in the shape of surprises and just unexpected things that make her smile and show that you do care. For now, you have to stop talking to her for some days. I know it may be hard but it will help the surprise more. Go and buy a big bouquet of flowers, deposit it in her front door and just text: Someone is expecting you at the door. Leave. There is no way that that could go wrong. If she tells you: Im not into dating lately. Just go ahead and tell her," I know, I will be patient, I have been like that for a long long time. I just want that, when you are ready for something serious, to be that person who makes you happy." Or say: "When you are ready, I will be there for you."

Also, leave surprises in her locker. It may be chocolates, or another little gift. You have to make this girl interested in YOU. YOU have to be the person she wants to know about every day. She has to come to you because she will just enjoy it more than with any other. And when you do get her (You will man, Trust me) Never let her go. Never make her feel like she has to leave. Don't be like those guys, be a gentleman. Be the person she likes to be the most. I have lived by that same kind of devotion, and this July I will be celebrating my 2nd anniversary with the person that has brought the biggest happiness in my entire life. Hope everything runs well for you, because you do deserve it. Remember, everything happens for a reason, and for the greatest things in life you have to work the hardest.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic
05/06/2014 at 08:26

Thanks, thanks glad you liked it, and I know I really need to!

I don't know how it'll end up, but something is going to happen

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Vicente Esteve
05/06/2014 at 08:30

Thanks for the helpful advice.

And its really sad but I find sharing things like this easier on Oppo than talking with family or friends. Maybe its because I know none of you personally so its easier. I also get better advice from a whole bunch of age groups.

And you are right. I need to do something more bold. I need to step up. I want to step up. I just don't know how yet.

Its harder than it should be. I don't know why that is but im really struggling to do something.

I need to take it to the next level... I just don't know how yet

Vicente Esteve > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 08:39

I also never tell my family about my problems. I mean, they are my problems, I have to fix them myself. There is nothing wrong putting it in Oppo, people help out a lot here.

Yes, deciding what to do is the hardest part since you don't want to overwhelm the situation nor make it seem half assed. I just thought of the flowers because every girl likes flowers. And giving them to her like that is also quite unique. Also, You could give them to her by finding her car parked and leaving the bouquet and a note that says your name. ( -JQJ213-The grocery bagger). When you finally decide what to do and actually beginning to do it. Man you will feel the thrill and adrenaline that will just keep the momentum up. I have felt it so many times and its a glorious sensation.

It is going to be hard, and you are going to have internal fight with yourself. But man, when you do it and you look back and see what you did. The sensation of having done it the right way is EPIC.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 08:48

Next time you see her just grab her by her waist pull her up against you and kiss her. That will show her your priorities.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > PushToStart
05/06/2014 at 12:20

You do bring up a good point here. But at this point im starting to doubt that she even cares for me, so it may not even matter. Now, my mind is just turning dark and depressed and is making me feel useless and worthless. And it is slowly winning.

I want to act now.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Vicente Esteve
05/06/2014 at 12:23

Thats my problem. Im in a spot now where she clearly knows im trying to be with her. But im not fully asking yet. Theres a fine line between being cute and caring and being creepy and stalkerish. Im trying to find that fine line and not break it.

Everyone says that there is a moment where it'll just happen. I just hope thats true, since I need that.

My mind is starting to make me feel worthless and seem like im a bad guy here.

PushToStart > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 12:36

Well, you said you guys talk frequently so she must care or she wouldn't be interested in having a conversation with you. And again, don't let yourself get depressed over this, it'll either work or it won't, but you can't force it and you shouldn't get upset over it, because as I said before, you will meet a lot of other people later. As for acting now, I won't say explicitly to "not to" but I am saying you need to think about it before you go and say or do something in the spur of the moment that could go badly. If you do something without fully evaluating it before hand (with a level head) there's a huge risk there that you might not want to take.

Vicente Esteve > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
05/06/2014 at 16:11

First, you mind will ALWAYS want you to be his bitch.

Second, That fine line is what a lot of people are trying not to break. I think that it is better to do something unexpected. Something that no one has ever seen before so they cant really define it as being cute or stalkerish.

Third, you are awesome. That is just a fact. So try and give yourself motivation to say: "Alright, this is what im doing", and coming up with the best ideas. Ideas that neither she or anyone would expect. I can help any time man, I love giving advice.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Vicente Esteve
05/06/2014 at 17:31

im done