Craigslist Find of the Day: Bro Truck Edition

"JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!" (jqj213)
04/20/2014 at 12:21 • Filed to: Craigslist, CL, Find, CL find, bro truck, bro

Looking for cars and I came across this ad titled: "Cummins HOLY FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE!!!" It is quite clever and seems really original. Enjoy!

You found this truck now what are your other two wishes. Just imagine it....race trac gas station... All your friends are there..."chillen"...all they can hear is your florida Georgia line cd on repeat as you roll through the fog in this orange orgy machine in the late hours of the night. They will legitly (not a word) drop a chalupa in their homemade boot cut jeans when they see this thing roll up. This truck will make all them diesel hussies wetter than a bus full of fat old women on the way to a Ricky Martin concert. (Man that's moist) That r on the shift knob doesn't stand for reverse it stands for rape...any honda civic that wants to race/ it's also the smoke gear. Too young to get into a bar? This truck is for you!!! This rig has everything you need to get those truck sluts into the cab. From it's sunburst orange paint job that screams "HEY look at me, I'm all important and stuff," right down to the 5 inch straight pipe that has an obnoxiously loud crackle when you give it too much moose juice. Does it leak oil? No it bleeds horsepower. This truck is far from being cherry. The outside looks great but inside there's 205k hard hard miles. But let's face it, it's pretty much like getting to shake the sheets with Megan fox (before she took a bitch trip down Lohan lane) you know you're not the first one to be in there and romp on it but do you really care? Now this truck doesn't have "stance" like all the other trucks in town because I didn't want it to look like it should have hydraulics, gold wire spoke wheels and a big elaborate sticker on the back window that says Hernandez or something Spanish. This truck has a drinking problem that is fueled by the great p7100 pump. Can I put my juice with attitude or smarty on it as soon as I buy it? NO! What part of mechanical injection do you not understand? But you can go find another truck because you are too dumb to buy this one. It has a big Hamilton cam in it but you most likely don't know what that is. Are you ready to put your windows down and cruise? I was at first but all it got me was into debt from burning fuel and leaking oil. Let's face it the only thing now days that gets good mpg is a Prius or a scooter. (Still better than driving them lamberfeeties) Buy this thing today and I will throw in the flga line greatest hits cd and a iTunes gift card. This thing has tow mirrors already installed so you can flip then out and pull that ghostly gooseneck around town in style. It makes the black smoke just incase you were wondering. In the cummins community we call that Rollin the coal. Trucks like this sell for 15k all day so for $70,000 more you can have an orange one. The engine block was cast in the fires of mordor and the head was ported and polished by the last air bender high in the alps. The cooling system was hand chiseled by the kraken so it pumps water faster than Michael phelps can swim through it (even when he's already high). The transmission has suncoast parts that were made from a chunk of the sun! The gears are harder than obtaining a passing score on the fcat* to a spoiled white girl with daddy issues, ugg boots and yoga pants standing outside of Starbucks waiting on someone like you to pick her up in a truck like this. So what are you waiting for get your dad you cut you a check for $85k, throw on that flat bill lakers hat. Bust out that nelly cd. Cut the sides of your jeans,get them square tow boots and prepare to run these mud terrains on the asphalt till they pop! THIS THING WILL NOT LAST LONG! If you are reading this post it hasn't offended anyone..yet.. And it means the truck is still available. Hurry hurry hurry!

*FCAT is Florida's standardized statewide testing we do in schools. They are stupid easy. That is the point.

Original ad here

DISCUSSION (15)

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
04/20/2014 at 12:25

This truck will make all them diesel hussies wetter than a bus full of fat old women on the way to a Ricky Martin concert. (Man that's moist)

HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Brian Silvestro > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
04/20/2014 at 12:25

This is the most Floridian thing ever.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Brian Silvestro
04/20/2014 at 12:27

It really is. Sums up my area perfectly (unfortunately)

Brian Silvestro > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
04/20/2014 at 12:28

*shudders*

run.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Your boy, BJR
04/20/2014 at 12:28

But let's face it, it's pretty much like getting to shake the sheets with Megan fox (before she took a bitch trip down Lohan lane) you know you're not the first one to be in there and romp on it but do you really care?

Your boy, BJR > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!
04/20/2014 at 12:30

Kinja'd!!!