The Motorcycle Chain-Lock Warhead For Organized Crime

"Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura" (sundowne36) 04/13/2014 at 16:52 • Filed to: Amazon Reviews, Amazon, Two Wheels HOLY SHIT, Two Wheels Good

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When this sucker showed up, the delivery guy, after putting the forklift away, came back and punched me in the face. I was not upset as I had just tried to pick the box up and realized I had put his life in danger by ordering this burley, tough, heavy bastard.
The first time I took it out, slung over my shoulder like one of those huge automatic weapons slung by our favorite action movie stars, I inflicted $26,000.00 in damages to the bicycle rack I locked my bike to. When the police showed up to investigate the massive damages to the otherwise innocent rack, I merely swung the chain over my head and they made me their leader out of fear, and awe. And they were right.
Two days later, I came out of a coffee shop to a disturbing scene: A craven thief had seen my bad-ass bike and tried to break this behemoth in order to steal it: he simply exploded. Needless to say, I had to find a hose to clean the 150-plus pounds of meat and guts and hair from my bike and the surrounding landscape. I was late to band practice and am considering legal action against the Kryptonite Corp for damages due to being summarily fired as the hamonica player for my (former) band.
I am currently in talks with local organized crime figures as they want to rent or lease the chain from me on occasion to sink stool-pigeons, uncooperative football teams, and other undesirables in the river.
Even when I leave it at home, I am no longer allowed to fly on domestic airlines as they feel the mere ownership of this unstoppable theft-ender makes me too dangerous for their formidable insurance policies to bear.
And it's worth all this. This is the toughest, most evil bike lock ever conceived by mankind. It weighs in at 2,300 kilos and can (and has) withstand a 40 megaton nuclear detonation.
The warnings on the package state clearly to NEVER store this chain in a pile because its intense density will trigger a major cosmological event generating a deadly black hole as the absolute cruelty displayed will fold in on itself and create a singularity.

Plus if you lose your keys, they'll send you new ones.

Edit: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

CPT Speedbump > Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura 04/13/2014 at 19:35

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I've been wnating to get a New York series, but not wanting to pay for it.. lol, or lug it around..

jkm7680 > Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura 04/13/2014 at 20:45

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Nice review! I don't have one of these yet. But I do have Disc Locks.