Below Average Cars: Lotus Elise

"Merkin Muffley" (merkinftw) 04/11/2014 at 11:07 • Filed to: None

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Welcome to Below Average Cars, the first in an occasional series about kickass cars you can buy for less than the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! *

Here's how this works- when I get bored, I browse cars on the internet. If I find one that I think is worth writing about, I'll write about it. I have no affiliation with any seller, nor any preference for a particular sales site. My picks are made based on the price of the cars, the interestingness of the cars (particularly if there is a relevant new car to compare them to), and whether or not I think I can manage to write around 1000 words about them. So without further ado...

This time we have a no holds barred, uncompromising driver's machine, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

A fella in my town has one, and unless he finds himself at a stoplight or sign, he never uses his brakes. Ever. He just gets up to speed, and takes corners at that speed. I have never seen anyone have more fun at 25 mph. Seeing him going 35 looks like the 55 of mere mortals.

That's the true point of the Elise. There is no other car on the road today that lets you have that much fun without breaking the law. It doesn't do 200 miles an hour. It won't hit 60 in under three. It will, however, make even a trip to the dentist fun. It is small enough that you can park it in a multi-story without fear of getting a whiskey lick on the way out, it isn't quite expensive enough new to make people instantly hate you, and it is rare enough that it brings smiles and hastily taken smartphone snaps wherever you go.

It also bears the greatest mark of honor you can bestow on a used car- people will think you spent a lot more money on it than you did. This is helped by the fact that brand new ones still look basically the same.

What about reliability? I don't want to break the spell that derives from a combination of man-math and wishful thinking, so I'll just say that it has a Toyota engine and move on.

The Elise, for everything it has going for it, is not a perfect car. It laughs at you for even thinking about carrying anything larger than a briefcase, and take a look at the interior:

There are literally Trabants with more options. The Elise does not have comfortable seats. It is not quiet on the road. It does not have an audiophile's wet dream of a sound system. Hell, it doesn't have carpets. If you are particularly tall or even slightly wide, the Elise is somewhere between snug and trying to do it in the back seat of a Beetle.

But who cares? Look at it! Imagine flogging it around town, tires chirping, achieving lateral G levels heretofore thought impossible at 35 mph. There are very few things that can provide that much legal fun per dollar. Why buy a Camry when you could drive one of these? For that matter, why buy a Miata?

Oh yes, I went there. A used Elise should be a serious consideration for anyone thinking about buying a new Miata. The Elise out-Miatas the Miata in almost every respect. Consider this thought experiment:

If I asked you to describe the reason for buying a Miata in one word, what would that word be?

The most common response would be "Handling."

The second most common response would be "because racecar," because math sometimes eludes us.

To both responses, I submit this:

Sure, a Miata might have carpets. A Miata might have a useable trunk. A Miata might be civilized, it might even be comfortable in a certain light. It is not, however, a mid-engined pint sized hellbeast lubricated with the crushed dreams of autocrossers and fueled by a casual disregard for one's own personal safety.

Because of this, the Lotus is a truly great below average car.

*Following this advice will often make your SO hate you and your mechanic love you. You may end up broke, wrapped around a tree, or both. Just because you can buy a Below Average Car doesn't mean you should, except it obviously does.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Merkin Muffley 04/11/2014 at 11:21

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The title of this made me think you were going to talk about how the Elise is a below average car. These things are freaking awesome (i would imagine since I have never driven/driven in one).

Stef Schrader > Merkin Muffley 04/12/2014 at 01:03

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Pfffffffffft, it's so impractical that it's practical. You don't need all that extra caca. Just the basics.

(Parking sucks, speedbumps suck and clams are unobtanium-level expensive to repair, but DO WANT.)

Alex Kollos > Merkin Muffley 04/15/2014 at 18:49

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My girlfriend and I saw one the other day. They way she reacted, you'd have thought it was a Koenigsegg.

LionZoo > Merkin Muffley 04/16/2014 at 17:05

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Everything said above is true, except you can get some pieces of carpet as options. Also, Lotus somehow managed to find the one Toyota engine that thinks its British, but that's a tale for another day.

seansverige > Merkin Muffley 04/23/2014 at 07:14

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Really need to think of another title "Below Average Cars: Lotus Elise" really doesn't impart what the piece is about (and would it have hurt to put the actual figure in the piece?) Without knowing what future subjects might be - cheap thrills might have been better title this time, especially as I understand that they were pretty damn expensive in the States (S1 Elises start at about £5k here but values are firming up).

Merkin Muffley > seansverige 04/23/2014 at 14:34

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it is a play on words. The cars are below average in the sense that their cost is below the average amount paid for a new car here, yet they are certainly not below average in other respects.

seansverige > Merkin Muffley 10/19/2014 at 18:30

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Wow - hadn't realised it had been so long since I'd visited Jalopnik. Wouldn't have otherwise bothered but little hacked off at just how stupid you apparently think I am. Of course I UNDERSTAND the titles meaning - and if I hadn't it's explained in the first bloody line; I just didn't think it was very good. Still don't; 'below average' hardly has positive connotations. Just dropping 'cars' would be an improvement.

Still don't see why avg. new car price couldn't have actually been stated in the piece, and every other time I've seen articles of this type before they also include typical values of the model being discussed - also omitted. So you've managed to 'complete' the piece without actually including the specific data that was apparently the reason for it in the first place, hhmmm...