The Jalopnik Ten Commandments

"Just wear your damn mask..." (jimal)
04/06/2014 at 08:46 • Filed to: Ten Commandments

A little something to do on an April Sunday. There are certain opinions around here that have become sacrosanct. But are they worthy of the Jalopnik Ten Commandments?

Step One: Throw your best ideas into the comments below. I'll start with some of the more obvious ones:

- The answer is always Miata

- Love thy Panther

We'll keep this open for a couple days until he conversation has completely devolved.

Step Two: We'll vote on it. his is quasi democratic, so the top ten most voted for will win, unless someone dicks with the vote.

Step Three: The Jalopnik Ten Commandments shall be presented for all to obey, lest ye be smited... or resigned to drive a base model Camry for the rest of your heathen days, you non-believer. Whatever.

DISCUSSION (59)

Pitchblende > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 08:52

- Thou shalt not covert thy neighbor's Prius.

- Thou shalt not hoon another man's car, unless he says you can, in which case hoon it until the wheels fall off.

- Thou shalt not Orlove.

Crocket Bernet > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 08:53

Thou shalt not drive an automatic.

PatBateman > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 08:53

I'm a sinner. No love for Miata.

Jagvar > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 08:53

Kinja'd!!!

- No fatties.

f86sabre > PatBateman
04/06/2014 at 09:02

I don't love the Panther. We can burn together.

Eazy-O > Jagvar
04/06/2014 at 09:04

Kinja'd!!!

Hue hue.

I love you but I've chosen hooning! > PatBateman
04/06/2014 at 09:06

Yeah but you like vaseline on toast.

Nibby > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 09:07

Thou shalt respect fellow oppoites and their cars.

f86sabre > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 09:11

My 10.

The open road is a temple. Treat it as such.

Diversity in opinions, tastes and desires is holy. Embrace diversity.

Judge not what your brother or sister has done to their car. You do not know what makes them smile, what works in their community and how much money they have.

Enjoy what you have, but dream about the future.

Respect the past. Not everything that is awesome was developed after you were in junior high.

Race if you can. Do it safely and on a track.

Talk to your fellow car people. Even if it is only, "Hey, nice car!"

Turn your own wrenches, even if only for basic maintenance, if you can.

There are millions of colors in the spectrum, pick something besides black, white, red and silver.

Be a good enthusiast. Don't give the automobile haters reason to hate.

Axial > f86sabre
04/06/2014 at 09:44

What if we genuinely enjoy red or white, and/or matching those colours together on the same vehicle?

Tom McParland > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 09:44

When in doubt, flat out.

Eutropius > Eazy-O
04/06/2014 at 09:49

Is that seriously a sticker aimed at the highly niche market of sexist Skoda ricers (ghulashers?) with ruined suspension?

fhrblig > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 09:51

Drive what you love, and love what you drive.

Eutropius > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 09:52

Thou shalt lust after diesels and model variants unavailable to you no matter how shite.

f86sabre > Axial
04/06/2014 at 09:52

if the bible can have massive inconsistencies then so can I! I figured someone would notice that.

Kinja'd!!!

My hovercraft is full of eels > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 09:59

Thou shalt not behave like an asshat.

Thou shalt definitely have other gods besides me.

Kinja'd!!!

Roberto G. > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 10:06

Thou shalt not give $1k to support an idea you like, because that will ruin your life. No one will like you anymore, even if it was you who invented the javascript.

Just wear your damn mask... > Roberto G.
04/06/2014 at 10:08

Fantastic. Off topic, but fantastic.

Dingers Ghost, Champion Jockey > Crocket Bernet
04/06/2014 at 10:12

I do. Not by choice if I could, but I do.

cbell04 > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 10:28

Thou shalt not bear false witness without sr20

Agrajag > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 10:31

-Covet thy neighbors motorcar.

-W123 shall be the best beater. (too soon?)

Then what everyone else says.

Michael Ballaban > f86sabre
04/06/2014 at 10:34

This is a beautiful 10.

samauskanada > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 11:49

Wagons, one word, that's all you need

Gt3-ted > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 12:03

You can live in your car but you can't drive a house. Priorities are important.

Speed costs money - how fast do you want to go?

.... and There is no substitute for cubic money.

Captain_Spadaro > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 12:22

I'm trying to think of one for British cars but I got nothin'.

mr_gofast > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 12:24

thou shalt not tailgate

thou shalt not text and drive

thou shalt affix a dashcam (if youre in russia)

thou shalt attempt to get a manual rwd wagon with shiny bits and a loud motor

thou shalt not drive a Prius except in a emergency or attempting to pick up a tree hugger chick

thou shalt hoon responsibly

thou shalt not raise your truck

HammerheadFistpunch > mr_gofast
04/06/2014 at 12:36

what's wrong with a lift?

mr_gofast > HammerheadFistpunch
04/06/2014 at 12:51

guess i should of editted that...thou shalt not raise your truck unless you really really need it.

ColonialSaab > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 13:31

0. If thou art a witness to an accident, thou shalt do thy utmost to render assistance.

1. Thou shalt drive safely, obeying all laws of the Man and of common sense. Thou shalt be aware of the laws of physics, for they art written with an impartial hand.

2. Pedestrians are God's chosen people. Should they step into a busy street, the cars shall move aside like the proverbial waters did part. For yonder pedestrian, pushing the perambulator may be the saviour of mankind. Or his mom.

3. Thou shalt not tailgate, brakecheck, hog the left lane (especially while driving slowly) or use high beams without necessity.

4. Thou shalt not park like an asshat. If thou art of sound body, thou shalt NEVER park in a handicapped spot.

In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you > Captain_Spadaro
04/06/2014 at 13:39

Minis are the best hatchback stateside

Pockets > Axial
04/06/2014 at 14:46

I remember the days when white cars were horrendously uncool to most people (my first car was white and everyone I knew mocked the colour), but car enthusiasts drooled over white Hondas and AE86es. Now white cars are cool to the majority and dismissed by enthusiasts. I don't get it. My prediction for colour trends: after brown, it will be purple.

asdfghjkasdfghjkl > ColonialSaab
04/06/2014 at 14:54

3a. Thou shall not call it the "Left Lane"; Its the "Passing Lane" and shall not be abused.

Dslay04 > Just wear your damn mask...
04/06/2014 at 15:19

Thow shall always pick a manual When possible

Eazy-O > Eutropius
04/06/2014 at 15:31

Well, it is seriously a sticker. :D

http://www.tuningpower.cz/no-fat-chicks-…

Is it sexist because... er, I see, the fat chick is clearly on the right, where there isn't a steering wheel, thus insinuating that women don't drive (well?) anyhow? But if the owner of the car is male, that's okay, since he's driving his own car anyway? Or... what. *shrug*

Axial > Pockets
04/06/2014 at 17:04

I actually don't generally like white on automobiles. To me, it only works when there are contrasting body components. The vents on the new Stingray, the rub-strip on the C4 Corvette, the side detailing on the Ferrari F50, etc.

Red brake calipers are also non-negotiable to me if the car is white.

As for colour trends, bah! Who needs 'em. Like what you want, screw the crowds!

Captain_Spadaro > In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you
04/06/2014 at 17:16

Except when they break.

Skif6996 > Pitchblende
04/06/2014 at 18:05

Thou shalt CONVERT thy Prius-driving neighbor.

All religion is about spreading the word.

In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you > Captain_Spadaro
04/06/2014 at 20:18

When one needeth a part, thoust shall attend the nearest swap meet.

Captain_Spadaro > In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you
04/07/2014 at 00:54

We ARE talking about the BMW Mini, right?

Stef Schrader > f86sabre
04/07/2014 at 01:24

944 is always the answer, anyway.

f86sabre > Stef Schrader
04/07/2014 at 08:15

It even had its own song.

Pockets > Axial
04/07/2014 at 08:20

I agree with you on trends, I just find them kinda funny. But what you're saying is that my first car was cool? I didn't paint the calipers but wasn't like you could see them under the steel wheels anyway.

Random pic of the same model off google:

Kinja'd!!!

I disagree with needing contrasting trim:

Kinja'd!!!

I really, really want an Integra.

In a Mini; let them mock me as My Mini Countryman is higher than you > Captain_Spadaro
04/07/2014 at 09:37

Yes. Mini fans are WAY friendlier than V dubers (which have split into TDi, Aircooled, and Watercooled)

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Captain_Spadaro
04/07/2014 at 11:39

so...except always?

Captain_Spadaro > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
04/07/2014 at 12:07

I guess. I've got a friend with an R53 and it seems to break something about every 2-3 weeks.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Captain_Spadaro
04/07/2014 at 12:09

thats brutal

Your boy, BJR > Just wear your damn mask...
04/07/2014 at 18:09

NEVA SELL NO CRACK WHERE YOU REST!

……wait…..no…..

Milky > Crocket Bernet
04/07/2014 at 18:15

If Crocket had a new Ferrari he would drive a auto.

Dusty Ventures > Just wear your damn mask...
04/07/2014 at 18:15

Thou shalt only race on the track, not on open public roads.

Dunnik > Just wear your damn mask...
04/07/2014 at 18:15

Thy shalt covet a brown rear-wheel drive wagon with a manual transmission and a diesel engine.

Do unto other Oppos as you would unto yourself.

Thou shalt covet strange and unusual vehicles than few others coveteth.

Do not covet thy neighbour's ride.

Lets Just Drive > Just wear your damn mask...
04/07/2014 at 18:21

1. You Shall Place No Blog Before Jalopnik Or Web-Search False Blogs.

2. You Shall Not Take The Name Of Blog In Vain.

3. You Shall Keep The Hoony Saab Bathed.

4. Honor Thy Ford And Thy Mopar.

5. You Shall Commit GTR.

6. You Shall Commit Adult-Oversteery.

7. You Shall Steal And Cross-Post.

8. You Shall Not Bear False Witness; it doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile.

9. You Shall Not Covet Your Neighbors Car, Garage Or Tools.

10. Because Racecar.

Makoyouidiot > Just wear your damn mask...
04/07/2014 at 18:42

If thou wantest OEM's to listen to thee, put thy money where thine mouth is located.

JACU - I've got bonifides. > Jagvar
04/07/2014 at 18:54

I like fatties. Recommendation negated.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Just wear your damn mask...
04/07/2014 at 19:00

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven stance, or any likeness of any thing that is on "its guts", or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them.

Thou shalt not take the name of Miata in vain; for the Miata will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

Remember the track day bro, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the trackday bro.: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Senna made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Senna blessed the trackday bro, and hallowed it.