"Collin" (coliin)
04/03/2014 at 16:30 • Filed to: Rehire Doug
12
70|
"Collin" (coliin)
04/03/2014 at 16:30 • Filed to: Rehire Doug | 12
| 70 |
Earlier this afternoon, it came to my attention via the Twitter dot com that our beloved dear leader (for now), Travis, very seriously and for totally for real fired Doug DeMuro over a typo. I get that. Typos are terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things. Who wants to live in a world where people think that "your" and "you're" can be used interchangeably? I certainly don't. Their are few things that are harder, too reed then a post bye a author who can't except that grammar spelling and punctuation is importent. Such authors definately deserve two bee fired, if not shot.
The thing is though, even though Doug deserved to be fired, I firmly believe that he deserves to be rehired. Why do I believe this? To put it simply, it's because he didn't murder me.
I don't know if you've ever been in the middle of a conversation and heard yourself say something that totally made sense at the time, but when viewed out of context, sounded weird or possibly crazy. Maybe that's just me. Anyways, while I have been known to make statements that sound crazy out of context, I also have a habit of acting in a way that may be slightly crazy when viewed out of context.
Such was the case recently when I headed off to attend the Atlanta International Auto Show (which should definitely be called the Atlanta Local Area Auto Show, but that's beside the point). As most of you know, one of Jalopnik's employees currently lives in Atlanta. Upon mentioning that I would be attending an auto show in his city, this Jalopnik employee casually suggested that we meet up.
It wasn't until I texted my girlfriend about the auto show that I realized how weird this actually was.
"Just finishing up with the show. Probably going to see Doug."
"Who's Doug?"
"He's this guy from the internet who I'm going to drive over to meet."
You know, when you put it like that, it sounds a lot less casual than it feels.
"Oh, you know, no big deal. This guy from the internet wants to show me his cool cars, so I'm going to go drive to meet him. Surely he's not going to murder me or drug me and steal my organs for sale on the black market. He seems so friendly in his videos. Bad guys are never friendly. They wear black and kick dogs and stuff. I've never seen a video of Doug kicking a dog."
Even better, my phone was dying. By the time I got close to finding where he was, I had 1% battery left. That's not how horror movies start at all, right?
Then, probably in an effort to make me feel more comfortable with this not-at-all sketchy situation, I got a message from Doug: "Just come around back. I've got the car parked back here."
Yep. I was just a guy about to meet up with another guy off the internet who wants to show me his cool car that he has parked around back, away from all the witnesses, and if I needed to call for help, my phone would maybe only last long enough for me to get out a desperate, "Help..." *click*. Nope, that's not the set up for a horror movie where I get murdered at all.
But you know what? It was not the set up for a horror movie. I did not get murdered. I did not pass out and wake up in an ice bath. To my knowledge, I still have both kidneys. Doug was actually a nice guy from the internet who kicked zero dogs, actually wanted to show me a cool car, and never once tried to kidnap me.
So Travis, if you are reading this (which hopefully you will because I'm about to tweet it at you), please rehire Doug. The world needs more nice guys who show cool cars to other guys that they meet on the internet without murdering them, even if those guys do occasionally submit posts with typos in them.
Travis Okulski
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 16:39 |
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Why would you want to meet Doug?
Reigntastic
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 16:40 |
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Great article, Collin, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
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Collin
> Travis Okulski
04/03/2014 at 16:43 |
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He had an E63 AMG wagon at the time. How could I not?
Tom McParland
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 16:44 |
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I see the Okulski revolution has begun...I better steer clear of Travis, I don't think he likes me.
Hooker
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 16:46 |
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Redacted.
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Collin
> Tom McParland
04/03/2014 at 16:47 |
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Keep your head down. This will not be a (metaphorically) bloodless revolution.
philipilihp
> Tom McParland
04/03/2014 at 16:48 |
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Now I'm regretting making fun of his hair on twitter the other day...
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Collin
> Hooker
04/03/2014 at 16:49 |
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From Twitter at about 9:00 AM — "I'm running Jalopnik for the next 3 days. What do you want to see?
f86sabre
> Reigntastic
04/03/2014 at 16:50 |
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Plus points for Dr. Venture. Edit: I just realized I posted the very end of this episode as a response to a post earlier this week. What can't the Venture Bros do?
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Hooker
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 16:50 |
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See, I don't have the Twitters. It's like a less useful Facebook status (are there actually any useful ones?) with less characters.
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Travis Okulski
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 16:51 |
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He's the worst.
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Travis Okulski
> Tom McParland
04/03/2014 at 16:53 |
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I don't not like you Tom.
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Travis Okulski
> philipilihp
04/03/2014 at 16:54 |
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It deserved it. I got a haircut yesterday.
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Reigntastic
> f86sabre
04/03/2014 at 16:55 |
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This was definitely the episode that got me hooked to Venture Bros, that intro is gut-busting.
Stef Schrader
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 16:58 |
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I want to meet his car, too, but that's not the same as the car's owner.
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Tom McParland
> Travis Okulski
04/03/2014 at 17:00 |
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Cool man, I just picked up a vibe. Sometimes it's hard to read people on the interwebs. Thought maybe I said something that rubbed you the wrong way. Glad that's not the case. Please carry on with the Miata takeover. :)
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philipilihp
> Travis Okulski
04/03/2014 at 17:02 |
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I personally think you look very sophisticated now.
Slow4o
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 17:02 |
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I once had a guy I only knew through a national Mustang forum pick me up from my field camp in Colorado Springs to take me with him to Pikes Peak Rally. Turns out he owned a dispensary. That was interesting and not at all sketchy.
Sir Halffast
> Tom McParland
04/03/2014 at 17:03 |
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Just remember, he doesn't not not like you either. It cuts both ways. Like a two-edged something that cuts things into smaller pieces.
Also, Doug is just uppity. Someone needs to cut him down to size, jumping to permanent Front Page like that. Roots forgetter.
Cable
> Reigntastic
04/03/2014 at 17:03 |
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Agreed, I think we found a replacement for Doug. Plus he knows where Doug lives so he can just go to his house and tell us about the cars instead of having to listen to Doug:)
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f86sabre
> Reigntastic
04/03/2014 at 17:06 |
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Reigntastic
> f86sabre
04/03/2014 at 17:11 |
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All about the kidneys.
Osiris - I can haz Euro spec?
> Tom McParland
04/03/2014 at 17:14 |
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All you have to do is call Jeff Gordon and he'll scare Okulski out of the Jalopnik headquarters.
McLarry
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 17:24 |
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What about Doge Demuro?? Was he fired too????
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Collin
> Stef Schrader
04/03/2014 at 17:31 |
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I never knew I wanted to meet a Mercedes station wagon that's painted like a Hyundai Veloster and doesn't offer a manual transmission, but dang that thing was fast. Whew!
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Collin
> Hooker
04/03/2014 at 17:32 |
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I don't really know how to explain its appeal. I guess some people just "get it" and others don't.
MFEJAL grey because who knows...
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 17:34 |
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After reading that stupid article saying diesels are worst than hybrids, I truly believe he's perfectly fired.
Its completely nonsense. Its only written for a few cities in 1st world countries. Who can afford a Tesla? a Prius? an used Prius? you can buy small diesel engines worldwide, and keep a vehicle for decades if well maintained.
Now I realize why he bought a Ferrari with borrowed money and thinks he owns it.
Dunnik
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 17:38 |
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As a fellow Oppo/Jalop, I like Doug as a car enthusiast. He seems like a nice guy and somebody you'd happily discourse with at a meet, especially if he brought that AMG wagon.
But as a writer? He fails to meet the standards required for publication. Even on the internet.
He rambles. A lot. One article's introduction was six paragraphs long. Six paragraphs to get to the point. His most recent article about talking to the owner of a car before buying it is in "Well, duh." territory. He's nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is - the kind of person who laughs at their own jokes. He is dire need of an editor.
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Collin
> Cable
04/03/2014 at 17:45 |
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Please direct all suggestions that Jalopnik hire me to matt@jalopnik.com
I've been (metaphorically) staring very hard at the back of his head for years now, and he has yet to get the hint.
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Travis Okulski
> Osiris - I can haz Euro spec?
04/03/2014 at 17:49 |
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HAHAHAHAHA this joke never gets old and is totally original and still hilarious!!!
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Travis Okulski
> Tom McParland
04/03/2014 at 17:58 |
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I just don't like that you write things or tweet or like cars or you or really anything you stand for. That's all!
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Hooker
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 17:59 |
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I don't get it.
GrannyShifter (don't judge my Hofmeister kink)
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 18:01 |
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Your right - typos are bad.
BJ
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 18:01 |
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I don't buy it. Doug murdered you and is using your account in an attempt to make himself look innocent.
Hi, Doug!
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Tom McParland
> Travis Okulski
04/03/2014 at 18:01 |
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Whew...that's a relief. Now I can enjoy my Pepsi Max and watch your video again. :D
wtfmike
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 18:09 |
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Forget Doug....he only writes/cares about his Ferrari.
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Osiris - I can haz Euro spec?
> Travis Okulski
04/03/2014 at 18:49 |
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Well, since I don't really frequent the front page anymore, I apologize for said comment that you must hear (read?) multiple times a day. I don't see that comment being made to much on Oppo so I figured I would in this circumstance seeing as that video still makes me laugh. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day sir.
SPNKiX
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 18:50 |
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Definitely cannot tell if any of this is real, and if it is, it doesn't make sense anyway.
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Travis Okulski
> Tom McParland
04/03/2014 at 18:51 |
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I kid Tom. I like everybody.
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Travis Okulski
> Osiris - I can haz Euro spec?
04/03/2014 at 18:52 |
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Hahaha, yes, I hear it quite a bit, mostly on Twitter. Great profile pic. :)
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Osiris - I can haz Euro spec?
> Travis Okulski
04/03/2014 at 19:10 |
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I don't know why I didn't assume that it had gotten old to you. Granted, I don't have an account on Twitter or Facebook or anything like that so I don't notice all of that. Thanks for being a good sport then! Let me know if you're ever in Anchorage, Alaska and I'll buy you a beer.
Fuel_of_Satan
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 19:32 |
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That bit about typos was pure brilliance Collin.
And I too have trusted the sketchiest looking people just because they have, or say they have, a cool car. Though Doug is more of a victim-type, with his relentless showing off all over the internet about how he owns a Ferrari .
(J/K if you're reading Doug, loving the Fezza stories!)
Doug DeMuro
> Dunnik
04/03/2014 at 20:54 |
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I AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS
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Doug DeMuro
> McLarry
04/03/2014 at 20:56 |
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He is more powerful than ever.
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Doug DeMuro
> BJ
04/03/2014 at 20:56 |
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damn. You got me. Now.... buy my book.
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Doug DeMuro
> MFEJAL grey because who knows...
04/03/2014 at 20:57 |
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Who can afford a used Prius? I sold one to a guy for like three grand. He promptly crashed it. So a least that guy.
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Doug DeMuro
> Fuel_of_Satan
04/03/2014 at 20:58 |
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I HAVE A FERRARI. IT IS RED. LOOK AT IT.
God, I'm on a plane right now and I didn't have time to buy Automobile. this is all I have.
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Fuel_of_Satan
> Doug DeMuro
04/03/2014 at 21:10 |
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You really should put a webcam on it, its been a few hours since the last picture of it was posted!
Coty
> Hooker
04/03/2014 at 21:33 |
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With you there my good prostitute friend.
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Hooker
> Coty
04/03/2014 at 21:45 |
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Well, it's nice to know I'm not alone.
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Doug DeMuro
> Fuel_of_Satan
04/03/2014 at 21:48 |
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There apparently are a bunch of cameras in the facility where it's stored. Sometimes I call up the guy at 4am and ask him to give me a live feed.
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BJ
> Doug DeMuro
04/03/2014 at 21:49 |
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Is it available in hardcover? I only read hardcover books. I like how it makes me look intelligent.
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Doug DeMuro
> BJ
04/03/2014 at 21:49 |
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Hahaha.
Perhaps I will wrap it in a hard surface for you.
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BJ
> Doug DeMuro
04/03/2014 at 21:53 |
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That sounds like a threat. I don't know if I should be worried or flattered.
(OK, I'll admit it, I'm actually feeling a bit of both.)
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Fuel_of_Satan
> Doug DeMuro
04/03/2014 at 21:56 |
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I love that! I would too...
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Doug DeMuro
> Fuel_of_Satan
04/03/2014 at 21:56 |
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Haha. I don't actually. But it would be kind of cool.
Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT
> BJ
04/03/2014 at 22:00 |
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The term you are looking for is "Sexually harassed"
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Fuel_of_Satan
> Doug DeMuro
04/03/2014 at 22:01 |
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I have actually considered putting up a camera on my car, just in case. It's no Ferrari, but it doesn't have "the guy" watching over it either!
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MFEJAL grey because who knows...
> Doug DeMuro
04/03/2014 at 22:02 |
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Try to buy a Prius in Bolivia for 3 grand. Or go to Africa and go to your local mechanic with a problem in your beautiful, hippie Prius.
You sold a poor guy who was obviously crazy to buy a Prius, and he promptly killed the car in a flash of pure conscience.
And I totally know what are you up to. Can't fool me.
You are working for the Bolivian government as a mole into our society, trying to raise lithium use.
SHAME ON YOU!
ps: Mr Travis "My new hero" Okulski is my hero because you hate him. And I hate you. Now you need to hate me. And don't forget to move to Idaho.
dogisbadob
> Collin
04/03/2014 at 22:46 |
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Maybe he can go work for Yahoo News or *gasp* TTAC. AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Maxima Speed
> Dunnik
04/03/2014 at 23:39 |
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Doug is better than Travis at writing. Michael Ballaban is better than them both but thats beside the point. XD
P.S. I think we should be greatful for doug just imagine if we had Rob Ferretti
uughh!! it gives me shivers just thinking about it.
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Doug DeMuro
> MFEJAL grey because who knows...
04/04/2014 at 00:51 |
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WELL I ALREADY DO HATE YOU AND IF YOU LIVE IN ATLANTA YOU WILL NEVER RIDE IN MY BORROWED FERRARI. SO THERE.
But really if you do live in Atlanta, we should meet up, because I could then educate you on the Bolivian government and lithium. Or maybe you could educate me.
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MFEJAL grey because who knows...
> Doug DeMuro
04/04/2014 at 01:32 |
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I'm from south Texas, would love to put my butt all over the passenger seat in the bank's Ferrari. And we need to go to Idaho. Because we only live once.
ps: Travis is still my hero.
spanfucker retire bitch
> Collin
04/04/2014 at 08:02 |
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Their are few things that are harder, too reed then a post bye a author who can't except that grammar spelling and punctuation is importent. Such authors definately deserve two bee fired, if not shot.
Viperfan1
> Collin
04/04/2014 at 09:42 |
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DOn't the sotry to all of this but I really enjoyed Doug's articles, if only because he tended to reply to most of the comments. That kind of personal response and laid back writing makes me come back more often. Not even $kay does it for me much anymore :(
highmodulus
> Collin
04/04/2014 at 11:02 |
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Doug used his Ferrari to lure me to a meeting where he drugged me and stole a kidney. 1/10 would not meet again.
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Viperfan1
> Viperfan1
04/04/2014 at 11:59 |
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Jesus I should have spellchecked. Was in a rush this morning. It should say Don't know the story to all of this***
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frankie fizz
> wtfmike
04/04/2014 at 14:35 |
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*** his decade old, not impressive and nothing special Ferrari 360
Remember dialing "popcorn" for the time?
> Viperfan1
04/04/2014 at 14:50 |
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I just figured it was intentional (given the typos from Doug) ... should have gone with that, we'd never know!
Rassss
> Doug DeMuro
04/04/2014 at 16:01 |
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WHAT ARE YOU?