UPDATE. Massa officially retires after team order controversy.

"getchapopcorn" (getchapopcorn) 04/01/2014 at 00:03 • Filed to: f1, April fools (comma) bitches!!!!!, MUUUHAHAHAHAHA

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Massa called an emergency, last-minute press conference early this morning in Bahrain to make a huge announcement. Saying that he could no longer play the "victim" and or "porra" role within his team, Massa has decided to hang up his F1 racing shoes. He neither confirmed nor denied rumors swirling that Porsche had offered him a seat alongside former Red Bull driver Mark Webber in the WEC, which would include a Le Mans drive.

News likes this makes me very happy I was unable to purchase a Williams Martini F1 shirt only two days ago. Also, check the [almost] date.

UPDATE: check the additional 'tags'

Somethingwittyer likes noisy > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:20

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I need a source asap. Something this jaw dropping needs an article to back it up.

McMike > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:21

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Unfelipeble!

f86sabre > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:22

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Too soon by about an hour and a half.

Blondude > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:22

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I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE!!

Somethingwittyer likes noisy > Somethingwittyer likes noisy 03/31/2014 at 22:24

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I'm pretty sure your trolling. Well A+.

Jayhawk Jake > Somethingwittyer likes noisy 03/31/2014 at 22:24

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Just ignore any news until Wednesday...

Forgetful > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:24

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Gifthorse > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:28

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Breaking! Go fuck yourself!

Gifthorse > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:31

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You're a couple hours early for April fools homie.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:32

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I was starting to think my Ferrari branded shirts with Massa's name on it were getting obsolete. I'm using my Puma shirt with his name on it at the time of writing.

Although I may know where you're going with this.

thedevilinside > f86sabre 03/31/2014 at 22:36

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But it says in Bahrain, I think that would make it not too soon?

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:40

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Formula 1, April 1...

Bandit > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:43

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I think you need to change your username to lolsohard (yeah... that sounded better in my head)

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > getchapopcorn 03/31/2014 at 22:43

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April fools isn't till mañana

getchapopcorn > Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy 03/31/2014 at 23:43

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/endeth trick

getchapopcorn > Blondude 03/31/2014 at 23:43

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/endeth trick

getchapopcorn > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 03/31/2014 at 23:43

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[early] :P

/endeth trick

getchapopcorn > BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion 03/31/2014 at 23:44

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getchapopcorn > Forgetful 03/31/2014 at 23:45

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/endeth trick

getchapopcorn > Somethingwittyer likes noisy 03/31/2014 at 23:45

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/endeth trick

It's a "Porch-uh" > Somethingwittyer likes noisy 04/01/2014 at 00:20

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I think you meant "you're."