Misplaced Road Rage: Why DC Driving Sucks II

"RaymondStantz" (RaymondStantz) 03/31/2014 at 13:15 • Filed to: DC Driving, Washington DC, road rage

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I really, really don't like driving in the DC area at times. You probably realized this from my !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Today I'll discuss road rage in the DC area and why it's almost always hugely misplaced, with a few anecdotes thrown in to prove my point. I mean, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! did happen all of 10 minutes from my house. We're bonkers here.

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Don't Pass Anyone Ever

Before some of the holier than thou driving gods come and smite me with their burner accounts, there certainly is a way to pass people without being aggressive or dangerous. In a sea of double yellows, it's easy to think that the DC area doesn't have any passing zones. Largely you're right, and this usually leads to the all to common situation of 234 cars sitting behind a 90s Corolla doing 29 in a 45 zone. If you're from here, you know exactly what I'm talking about. In these sorts of situations, all you can do is grind your teeth and hope they turn off somewhere up the road. They don't. Ever. You'd think this would naturally drop into a story of folks raging over said Corolla... Wrong. Let me explain.

In the all too uncommon areas where passing is allowed, this same Corolla has decided to do a whopping 39 in a 50 zone. As it weaves like a drunken sailor, the 2 donuts it's on violently rattle. It's a death trap I'd rather avoid. I line up, throw my car down a gear and pass. I am European. We do this over there without a thought as it's so common. Corolla driver does not like this and promptly speeds up to tailgate with horn blaring. It's always a damn Corolla... Or a PT Cruiser... Of course, I begin to analyze what I could have done wrong. Maybe I cut them too close when merging back in the lane? If I can improve my driving, I certainly will attempt to, but if there's nothing wrong with what I did, how is their rage justified? Help me Oppo.

What is Stop Sign?

Nobody knows how to use a god damn stop sign here. This picks up on the lack of courtesy I talked about in my last piece. Everyone is in a damn hurry to get to their lame job at Government Contractor 67. You probably shouldn't have sprung for that venti caramochalatesoy and wasted 10 minutes. Too damn good for Mr. Coffee and Folgers, aren't you? I'm genuinely not this bitter. I promise.

Heh. Coffee. Bitter.

Anyway... Back to stop signs. Pull up at stop sign first? Don't expect it to be your turn, ever. You'll be promptly cut off by a soccer mom in a Suburban who will give you the single finger salute and a good toot of the horn for even thinking about moving. My mind is full of confusion as to how these people justify their rage in these sorts of situations. I'm just going to place it under the whole, people are bonkers and in a hurry here. That leads perfectly to this...

People are in a Damn Hurry

I try to stay out of people's way as much as possible. I consider it to be courteous to avoid impeding other drivers whenever possible. There is a way to get to your destination quickly, but also safely. However, I've had people pull some genuinely stupid stunts to get ahead...

Sitting at a light where the straight and right turn lane are the same? Expect someone to blow past in the left turn lane, cut the light, and continue on their merry way to turn right. Following rules is for idiots. The icing on the cake is when this happens over multiple lanes. I was once preparing to turn right off of New York Ave and had a car continuing straight next to me. This made the Prius in the left lane think it would be a brilliant idea to cut us all off suddenly and proceed into the street to the right. They didn't bother changing lanes... They just turned. What?

The other day I was tootling along on 395, minding the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! of 45 in order to avoid a ticket from the speed camera. I'm in the right lane and preparing to exit anyway. I look and begin to exit when a wild Maryland driver appears. I immediately swerve back into my lane as this Infiniti with tints of questionable legality and ramz of questionable taste blows past in the exit lane at 80+. He cuts back into the main lanes and proceeds to cut across all lanes of traffic. I assume he was quite mad at everyone for being such an impediment.

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Calm the hell down.

Block the Box

Blocking the box can be a huge problem in DC and the surrounding areas. I swear I've been stuck on Wilson Blvd and Lynn for a good hour from people blocking the box. Arlington has begun cracking down on these folks, while DC has always been more mindful of how much of an issue this can become. I don't like blocking the box. As I said, I know what it's like being on the receiving end of it. It's frustrating, stupid, and wasteful. Ultimately, we'll all get where we need to be faster if we maintain the intersection clear, no? Unfortunately, not throwing yourself into the intersection that's already blocked up is a bad idea. This is where the DC driver attitude causes issues. Everyone will honk until you block the box. You're an idiot and you need to move. Now. Cab drivers are by far the worst. They will go around you and proceed to block the box, then wonder why everyone is honking at them for blocking of a busy intersection.

It's the most frustrating yet avoidable problem I come across on a near daily basis.

To End this All

I really don't understand why people get so angry when they're doing something illegal or plain dangerous, especially at other drivers who are abiding the law. I suppose it's just the mentality DC drivers have of me first. This barely scratched the surface of driving in the area. Feel free to add much more in the comments.

All photo credits to their respective owners

willkinton247 > RaymondStantz 03/31/2014 at 13:24

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Pull up at stop sign first? Don't expect it to be your turn, ever. You'll be promptly cut off by a soccer mom in a Suburban who will give you the single finger salute and a good toot of the horn for even thinking about moving.

Someone started to try this on me once in Falls Church when he was on my left, but I got out in front of him before he was fully committed, made eye contact, and wagged my finger at him condescendingly while saying "no no no" and made my left turn. He broke eye contact and just looked down shamefully.

I look and begin to exit when a wild Maryland driver appears. I immediately swerve back into my lane as this Infiniti with tints of questionable legality and ramz of questionable taste blows past in the exit lane at 80+. He cuts back into the main lanes and proceeds to cut across all lanes of traffic. I assume he was quite mad at everyone for being such an impediment.

This is Maryland drivers to the T. There are so many terrible drivers in MD. Insurance companies agree too, because when they ranked the states based on who has the worst drivers, MD got 14. VA got 38.

Plus, They don't have to get their cars inspected, drive on the highway at any point during their drivers education, and there is so much questionable taste in that state. But that's to be expected, because they live in Maryland.

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > RaymondStantz 03/31/2014 at 13:44

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NoVa isn't much better. It's apparently everyone elses fault when you do something stupid up here. My commute makes me sick to my stomach every morning. And my drive home is constantly a sink or swim course on defensive driving. That's why I drive offensively and don't give anyone the chance to block me in. I won't be constrained to other peoples' stupidity, and I'm probably very European in that sense.

nugu > RaymondStantz 03/31/2014 at 13:53

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I think I would like to add a few more to both your pieces, which, by the way, I love and absolutely relate to.

1) Use their turn signals - Apparently, everyone in the D-M-V are all holier than thou and feel that they do not really need to use the turn signals and it is your fault for not being a fucking psychic in the first place. Why can you not read their damn mind that they're on the fucking phone and so have their left-hand busy and cannot reach the turn signals and you'll just have to deal with it or go to hell.

2) Speaking of phones - GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONES! Seriously! Despite having laws against these kind of things in Maryland, and DC (not sure about VA), I can do daily stats research and have more than 70% of road users still on their phones, changing lanes without turn signals, braking too late and swerving between lanes because they took their eyes off to send another dick pic or something else.

3) Books - SERIOUSLY?!?!? What the FUCK is so interesting in the book that you are reading that you have to drive on the fastest lane on MD50, westbound, at 8am rush hour, doing 55 in a 65, because any faster would end up being too dangerous for you to keep up with your novel? Is it too fucking interesting that you couldn't wait to take out a few families on your way to work?

4) Make-up/dress-up - I still think that any person who has not fully gotten ready at their residence and is doing so on the road should be eligible for the death penalty, or should have not been raised in a barn. I have far too often been pushed off the road by stupid women who are too fucking concerned about their eye-lashes, cheeks, lips and every fucking other thing that they cannot pay attention to what side of the white line they are swerving towards. And not only women, but men do this as well. I've seen some that are too concerned with the length of their tie or beard that their "look-maa-no-hands" driving skill (which they suck at) are employed. These guys end up spending more than a few seconds (which is all it takes to kill someone) looking in the mirror seeing if their knot is not too big, or if their $200 electric shaver properly trimmed the stubble in their $80k+ car, and then start worrying about where all the beard clippings went so as not to get that luxury sedan/coupe dirty. This category is full of pretentious assholes (in MY opinion).

5) Speeds and Lanes - If you're going too slow to be in a certain lane, move right! And keep moving right for every lane available until you feel like you've run out of road, and then move even further right, slow down, shift the transmission until the "P" lights up, and stay there until everyone else has gone to their intended destinations. Either that, or keep up with the flow of traffic ahead of you.

6) Stop being so fucking nosy - Every time there is an accident, incident, or even a traffic stop, everyone wants to slow down to 5mph to see what is going on. I understand that there is a "move-over" law in MD, and that if you cannot move over, than you slow down to a REASONABLE speed so as not to endanger the officer and the vehicle pulled over. However, don't slow down to see who it is, what happened, or if the person is still alive or dead unless you plan on pulling over immediately to help. Otherwise, mind your fucking business and keep driving. This happens a lot on 495 and MD50, even when it occurred on the on-coming lanes where it should not concern you.

Sorry about the ramblings, but this was a good venue to unload.

philipilihp > willkinton247 03/31/2014 at 14:15

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The stopsign etiquette thing is what gets me. I feel like this country's inside roads are built around the system of 4-way stops, especially in major urban areas. Why can't people just pay attention to who arrived at the intersection right before they did and go right after them. If everyone does that, problem solved. But people are too damn selfish and think that going 3 seconds before someone else does will help them get to their destination faster.

jariten1781 > RaymondStantz 03/31/2014 at 14:20

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The best thing about driving in the DC metro: You learn a million tactics to deal with driving bullshit that make you a fucking shark anywhere else you drive.

OPPOsaurus WRX > RaymondStantz 03/31/2014 at 15:05

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I'm sure DC is pretty bad but it sounds like you just described humanity in general. The other day I was on my way to Home Depot. There are two left turn only lanes. I was in the lefter lane behind a Volvo with a fart can Civic in the righter lane next to him. The light turns green and the Civic floors it not to take a left turn but to bang a U turn infront of the Volvo. Its too bad the Volvo was snoozing because I would have loved to see the look on the kids face which would probably have been imprinted on the Volvo's bumper.

BobWellington > RaymondStantz 04/06/2014 at 19:26

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You need to get a dashcam and post these videos on Youtube! There's actually quite a few people that do this for everyday driving (including myself), and it's quite enjoyable to watch for some reason (it's also infuriating). I imagine you could get a lot of good clips in D.C.

Here's one of my videos:

The driving here is tamer than most places, so forgive me if some of the stuff in the video seems too tame.

newistheoldold > RaymondStantz 04/06/2014 at 23:31

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Why is it always Toyota? Seems to me its all the jerks in trucks from the big 3 who are always the douchebags. Why not label them scumbags?

Dest > RaymondStantz 04/07/2014 at 10:09

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This all occurs because DC and the surrounding Metro areas are inhabited by douchebags. Having moved to MD a couple of years ago, I cannot wait to move to a state with better drivers.

Dest > willkinton247 04/07/2014 at 10:10

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They seriously don't have to drive on the highway during drivers ed? That explains why they're all doing 60 on the interstate and I'm always passing in the right lane.

willkinton247 > Dest 04/07/2014 at 10:21

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Nope. Tool around in a parking lot and you got your license.