Is This a bad Idea? (NOT CAR RELATED) EDIT!

"JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!" (jqj213) 03/06/2014 at 22:59 • Filed to: relationships, oppo, advice

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Earlier, I talked about !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . I already have had enough. I'm thinking about sending this to her.. what do you think? Car is added because I needed something to get attention. EDIT: I should add that she is a huge literacy buff and loves reading and writing; long lovey things like this are her favorite!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Good morning! I need to simply get this off of my chest. I know that the whole writing thing is constantly viewed as being cheesy and shows a lack of confidence on my end; and most likely that is true. But, I cannot say this. My mind cannot begin to comprehend or memorize what I’m typing out here. But I’ve been told before that I have some skills when it comes to writing so I figured I’d give it a go.

I like you. A lot. Ever since the first day of school, when I saw you in 7th period. Not to sound like a stalker, but I remember you wearing a Coca Cola shirt and looking beautiful. At first I was on the other (AKA: Special) side of the room. I moved to where I was because I wanted to be closer to you and to get to know you better. We began talking; I learned a bit about you. I loved everything I heard. The best part was making eye contact with you and getting lost in your beautiful smile and eyes. I kept wanting to get closer and closer to you. And on some levels, it worked. We talked a bit; especially in class. I loved giving you answers. I loved joking with you since it let your incredible smile shine.

I tried making small hints that I liked you. Sadly, they were all too small to notice. Like, the time when we were talking and I was talking about going to see the then-new movie Rush and invited you. You were busy with Josh; before the commitment. For some reason, I didn’t feel like giving up. I couldn’t give up. I knew that it wasn’t going to work, but I couldn’t give up that easily.

When you got in that relationship with Josh, I was a bit upset. Josh was a real (I want to say something here that isn’t very appropriate so I will sensor myself) meanie; he yelled at me for talking to you and telling me that you were his and that you hated me. I knew it wasn’t true; we weren’t close but you didn’t hate me. Every day that you would sit next to him and he’d make you smile, I would get jealous. I wanted to be where he was. So, when you broke up, I thought I had a chance.

It started great. You talked to me a lot again. We’d occasionally walk together at the end of 7 th period. I’d love hearing you talk. I loved learning about what makes you tick and what makes you laugh. I kept track of it all. When we had to go and pick classes the other day, and I got to sit next you, it made me smile. I loved that you “wanted” me next to you. I loved that feeling. It is indescribable really.

So last night, when I messaged you asking about what we did in Farrar, I was feeling confident. Despite being sick, I had a decent day and things were finally changing for the better. Again, I tried joking around, but it didn’t really work. I blame the fact that I had to type the things out; it makes it hard to get my tone across. But I wanted to hint at the idea of “becoming more than friends” by asking you to tag along on a movie or two. I was hoping for a great response. I sat on my end nervous as could be, waiting to hear back. But then we started talking about Trent. This made me jealous. It made me rather unsure of myself. I knew what happened: I got friend-zoned. I didn’t move quickly enough and wasn’t smooth enough. My hints were too subtle. My humbleness came back to haunt me. Having you talk to me about another guy that you like was hard. I wasn’t lying with what I told you either. I can tell you exactly who he is talking too. I didn’t want to hurt you. I could tell you were upset though. I could feel the darkness over the text on my screen. I knew I should’ve lied or done something better than I did. Looking back, I did it because I wanted you.

I know I’m not perfect. I know I’m far from it. But I can make you happy. I’d love to do so. I want to be there for you. I really do want to be more than just friends. I don’t know how else I can really explain it. I know that it looks bad for me writing all of this, but every word is true. I never am given the opportunity to really express how I feel. There’s always something preventing it. That is why I wanted to send this. Like I said in the first paragraph, I had this built up since the first day of school. I’ve needed to get it out to you. I don’t know how much longer it could have waited. Am I crazy? Yes. Crazy for trying to get you by writing a letter. Crazy for aiming so high with a perfect girl. Crazy for even trying this. It isn’t like me. You’ve known me for a bit; I don’t do stuff like this. But I want to change. I want to become more outgoing. I want to change things. I feel that if I could spend any time with you, it’d be a great start.

For Sweden > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:00

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TOO LONG

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:00

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TheD0k_2many toys 2little time > For Sweden 03/06/2014 at 23:02

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D > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:03

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For Sweden > TheD0k_2many toys 2little time 03/06/2014 at 23:04

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What's she's going to say is, "I'm not reading all of this"

Concision is next to godliness.

Übel > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:04

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Okay, real talk: You need to man up and show her how you feel. Grab her tits. They think it's cute.

imadeaburner > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:05

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Given the Oppomunities current girl situation right now, I would vote no.

Man up do it in person, it means more.

Anyone can eloquently type up words, but being face to face is the biggest selling point.

As long as you plan responses and what to say and keep body language positive you can get ANYTHING you want.

D > Übel 03/06/2014 at 23:05

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I've been told complimenting her shoes is also good to try.

Fred Smith > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:06

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If you ever do make a proper move, you'd best be suited up. It helps with everything!

Rainbow > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:06

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Unless she already gets butterflies at the mention of your name, she's not going to read all of that. :/ The best advice is to just take it easy and hope she'll come around eventually. If anything, stick with her as a friend and get closer to her that way. There's no such thing as a "friend zone." That's just an excuse to give up. (and kind of makes people sound like entitled pricks depending on how it's used)

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > For Sweden 03/06/2014 at 23:06

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I just added an edit which I should've said in the first place

thedevilinside > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:07

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Step away from the send button.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Übel 03/06/2014 at 23:07

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Who did you tell this to earlier? haha

Dsscats > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:07

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1/2 me says dawwww
1/2 me says creeeeoppppp

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/06/2014 at 23:08

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Hahaha... I just posted an edit that I needed to put in the first place

For Sweden > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:08

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STILL TOO LONG

You're talking about hanging out in high school, not planing out your family and financial life plans before you get married.

For Sweden > Fred Smith 03/06/2014 at 23:08

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Preferably with a bow tie and suspenders

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Dsscats 03/06/2014 at 23:08

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That is my problem here.... exactly my problem

DollaMoneyAve > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:09

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If you have something to say to someone you know, you say it to their face.

D > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:09

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A wise man once said it

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Rainbow 03/06/2014 at 23:09

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I added in an edit which I hope explains why it was so long...

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:09

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Do what I told you to do nd grow a forth ball aka be very ballsy or go to her house with a boom box or car with speakers blast hero by Erique eglassias I know I spelt the name wrong but do something ballsy outside of your comfort zone she will respect that and love you for it your welcome

Anon > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:10

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I'll be honest with you since everyone else is just dancing around it. No.

PatBateman > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:16

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Just some helpful thoughts:

Don't use the word "love"; although I understand what you mean, it might be a bit too strong a word for this application.

You're trying to court her at this point, so relax and don't empty your heart out. Make her feel relaxed about the approach.

I know I'm "old" when I say this, but as you hinted before, much of what you type could be misconstrued as being "stalkerish" even though you aren't (you aren't, right? J/k). I hate to break it to you, but you need an in-person, 30 second "elevator pitch" (Google it). Much of our personal communications actually come from the tone of our voice, our nonverbal cues (how we stand, if we look the person in the eye, if we appear confident or shy), etc. This particular unfriend-zone attempt would be better done face-to-face rather than in an email/text/PM. Practice in front of a mirror at least 10 times before you go on stage.

You got this. And even if the answer is not what you want, you at least know you tried (which is more than most people do). Don't let her be your Great White Buffalo (again, google).

Good luck, brother.

PatBateman > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 03/06/2014 at 23:19

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JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > PatBateman 03/06/2014 at 23:19

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I think it may be coming to that at this point. Luckily, Im in a business class at school so I knew the elevator pitch.... the Great White Buffalo was unheard of though!

And I think I have realized the big issue here... I have really turned too soft around her... I think that I'm too close to be able to come out and just say that.. That is really what is making this hard.

Rainbow > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:20

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I'm not sure if it's quite the same when it's all about you and her, though. I've actually been in that situation before, and sure I'm not this girl so maybe she's different, but it really does seem awkward and almost gives off an "I am so embarrassed for you" kind of vibe. I don't think she'd drop all contact completely if you send it, but I wouldn't be surprised if you mutually decide to pretend that this never happened. Still, who knows... Do what you feel is right, and I wish you the absolute best!

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > PatBateman 03/06/2014 at 23:21

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Also, shit I used the word "love" 10 times... what the fuck? I thought I did it once or twice... I need to get some sleep before something dumb happens

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Rainbow 03/06/2014 at 23:24

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Thanks. and I fully understand what you are saying.. I think its this combination of a lack of sleep, nyquil, and feeling quite sick that is causing this (or caused).. I need to get off my computer before I do something dumb

PatBateman > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/06/2014 at 23:30

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My young Padawan, you must exhibit confidence without being cocky; show courage but not stupidity (there's a fine line between the two ); speak strong enough to have your voice heard, but soft enough so that she'll listen; be brave enough to fight the battle, but not crazy enough to go kamikaze.

These sound like nonsensical phrases, but they're not. When I was in high school, I was a volunteer firefighter (seriously, full-fledged), regularly went cliff diving/rappelling/spelunking/mountain climbing for fun, and had a "No Fear" sticker on my truck. Even then, I was scared to death of asking a girl out. Now, at 37, I share a piece of wisdom with you that took me decades to understand, and you must follow it blindly and trust in it's truth: THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR WHEN ASKING A GIRL/WOMAN OUT.

You're not guaranteed the answer you want, but if you don't ask, the answer is guaranteed to be "no".

Now go forth and conquer the world with this knowledge.

PatBateman > imadeaburner 03/06/2014 at 23:35

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Damn skippy.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > PatBateman 03/07/2014 at 07:58

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Got that right

Pixel > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 03/07/2014 at 09:39

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No. Do not send this to her. The fact that you are into her and she isn't into you is your problem, not hers. This letter reads like a a creepy list of all the ways she "owes" you and how she should be dating you because you "deserve" it.

You spend this entire letter talking about how you tried to send subtle hints that you were into her and that you were jealous of the guys she dated. Want to guess why she dated those guys and not you? Those guys asked her out, or openly expressed interest in her.

Let me makes this *excruciatingly* clear,

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE "FRIENDZONE"!

There are women out there that are interested in dating you, and there are women out there not interested in dating you. For the ones in the latter category, you have to decide if you like being friends with them or of you only want to date them.

If you like being friends with them, then BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. Period, full stop. Yes, people sometimes become romantically interested in their friends, but this is not the reason for being friends with someone.

If you only want to be dating them, and being friends isn't enough. ASK THEM OUT. If they say no, then LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE. Don't continue to be friends with them and act nice to them in hopes that you get to date/have sex with them. If you do that, you are in effect lying to them about why you spend time with them. They think you are doing it because you are their friend, you are doing it because you are hoping for something more. This goes double if you bitch to other people behind their backs about them "friendzoning" you.

Women are not vending machines you put attention and kindness in until dating/sex comes out.