Damn Porsches.

"McChiken116 - Patrick H." (mcchiken116) 03/04/2014 at 09:37 • Filed to: None

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So, I was trapped at my mechanics for 3 hours yesterday, thanks to the unique way a 997.2 turbo works. If a 911 turbo dies, and you have the frunk open, in no way should you even think about closing that. If you take the battery out, and close the frunk, you doom yourself to tearing apart most of the car, just to put the new battery in. What happened to straight up cables you guys?

Edit: forgot to mention the normal method of getting it back open wouldn't work for whatever reason, and the car died while mine was on a lift that couldn't be brought down with the dead 911

Party-vi > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:38

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1) Open electronic frunk

2) Remove battery

3) Close frunk to...shit

4) Cry into hefeweizen

t_s > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:40

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Open the fuse panel in the footwell, pull out the jump connector and connect your jump pack. Connect other lead to door catch. Open frunk.

DO NOT USE THIS METHOD TO TRY JUMP STARTING, YOU WILL KILL YOUR ELECTRICS TO DEATH.

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > Party-vi 03/04/2014 at 09:40

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5) fly to Stuttgart to punch Porsche engineers in the dick

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > t_s 03/04/2014 at 09:41

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You would think that would reliably work, right? Nope haha

Bad Idea Hat > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:41

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For as much as I love Porsches, this still makes me laugh in complete and utter disbelief.

EL_ULY > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:42

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try replacing batteries on Astons. Good thing i'm in the parts department now lol :]

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > Bad Idea Hat 03/04/2014 at 09:43

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That's what we all did for the 3 hours, was laugh and wonder why they did this

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > EL_ULY 03/04/2014 at 09:43

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Is that process somehow worse?

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:44

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Also, Aston Houston?

Party-vi > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:44

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Ze Germans: But Herr McChiken116, zis is how it is supposed to werk.

McChiken116: *dickpunch*

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > Party-vi 03/04/2014 at 09:47

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WHAT HAPPENED TO CABLES?! AND I MEAN CABLES THAT YOU CAN LATCH FROM THE CABIN NOT ONES YOU HAVE TO DISSEMBLE THE CAR TO GET TO?!

Party-vi > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:49

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Cables are for AMG drivers and cavemen.

~Martin Winterkorn

quarterlifecrisis > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:49

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I've got to give the Corvette engineers this one, there's a hidden lock cylinder on the car that pops the trunk, and also has a mechanical pull cable to pop the door open in the case of a dead battery.

Kind of defeats the purpose of having a proximity key, since I still carry the real key to the car just in case...

EL_ULY > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 09:52

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Yes sir, Star Motor Cars. Blunion05 swung by once around thanksgiving time to pick up my 100 box of HotWheels to give at Cars and Coffee. I was a tech for Volvo and front end specialist for Volvo, Aston, Lotus, and Mercedes from 10-12. Still had to work all 4 brands (waiters). On a regular ass V8 Vantage for example. Pull the back seats bottom out (and giant speakers if it's a hip hop dude's car), unbolt the seat back, unstrap a couple wiring looms (some models), destroy your hands taking apart the rear strut tower brace, wiggle the battery out finally, then reverse order lol. All while the customer is waiting impatient. Could be worse, it could be a common wiper motor failure on a DB9.... chassis off body :(

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > McChiken116 - Patrick H. 03/04/2014 at 10:27

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A friend's Bawkstah has somewhat of the same problem with absent/dead battery - frunk cable *sort of* accessible through the wheel well, but not really.