"Old-Busted-Hotness" (old-busted-hotness)
03/04/2014 at 09:00 • Filed to: None
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"Old-Busted-Hotness" (old-busted-hotness)
03/04/2014 at 09:00 • Filed to: None | 1
| 7 |
Okay, it seems we're stuck with the attitude that our cars are supposed to save our lives. Stability control, lane-departure warnings, auto-braking, etc now join the airbags, safety cages and ABS that we're familiar with or have at least grown to grudgingly accept. But are they enough? Hell no! Let's look at some new ways to save us from ourselves.
Tobacco Sensors!
Ever wish your car would sniff the inside air and display some anti-tobacco propaganda on the info screen every time you light up? Let's override the radio and nav to make sure you pay attention.
Speed Nag!
GPS can compare your speed to the posted speed limit, and issue a verbal warning to slow the hell down for Christ sake you do want to kill somebody THINK OF THE CHILDREN! This would be similar in concept to the speed warning some Buicks had in the 1970's, but that was just a buzzer. Think how much more effective a Judge Judy voice would be.
Butt Sensors!
How about a HC sensor in the seat cushion. Excessive "output" from the driver could trigger the display of helpful information about a more healthy lifestyle. Imagine the lives we could save if mandatory lectures came on about eating right every time you tooted. For that matter...
Big Ass Sensors!
Let's say you have a big ass. Computers can calculate your height based on the seat position and read your weight directly from another seat sensor. If your BMI falls outside acceptable limits, the info screen could display a helpful screed about how you're going to die you big fat fatty. The lecture could be stopped by having the driver recite "I'm a terrible person" once for every pound over optimum weight.
Auto-parking in the farthest available spot!
Parking at Wal-Mart? Have the info screen display available parking spots that are furthest from the door. That way you get a healthy walk. Along with a lecture, you know, just because. If you use the auto-parallel-park feature, the car will assume you're close to where you want to be and drive a couple blocks away before actually parking, for the same reason. Walking is healthy, you lazy, lazy person.
So that's all I can come up with. Let's see what y'all can do to make our lives better, courtesy of our cars.
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Old-Busted-Hotness
> Old-Busted-Hotness
03/04/2014 at 09:09 |
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One more:
Carbon Warning! Crack the throttle over, say, 30% and you'll be treated to a 10-minute on-screen lecture by Al Gore, along with images of drowning polar bears.
Harrycarry250
> Old-Busted-Hotness
03/04/2014 at 09:14 |
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Not me. I dont have any driver assists and I have had zero problems with the storms up north. 1984 300TDT
puddler
> Old-Busted-Hotness
03/04/2014 at 09:14 |
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my truck is made of steel, thats 99% of it's safety technology. that last percentage is split between the tires, brakes, and lap belts. and i'm okay with this. if i get in a wreck the rust dust should give everyone within 100 ft radius a healthy dose of tetanus.
jariten1781
> Old-Busted-Hotness
03/04/2014 at 09:44 |
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People are seriously floating the speed limit thing. Except in the proposals it would govern the car to the speed limit for new cars and old cars would be force retrofitted with an audible warning.
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Old-Busted-Hotness
> puddler
03/04/2014 at 09:50 |
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My God. You're going to die horribly. I hope you at least wear a helmet and fire suit when you drive that death trap!
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puddler
> Old-Busted-Hotness
03/04/2014 at 09:56 |
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you might be right, but i won't go alone. my front fuel tank doesn't work anymore, but it's not empty. and i drive with a hand on the door latch in case i need to bail.
Meatcoma
> Old-Busted-Hotness
03/04/2014 at 10:10 |
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My 2010 Camaro has a speed warning... It goes up to 55 mph. You could just set it at that for highway driving and never go over 55! It's the pedal on the right Grandma!