In a Chrysler, it's Yours to Discover, Eh?

"KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs" (kusabisensei)
03/03/2014 at 18:55 • Filed to: Travelopnik, Rants, Canada

Warning: Rant Ahead. Have a Chrysler for your trouble. I'm beginning to think that I should not take any more trips to Canada. Don't get me wrong, I love Canada: You Canadians don't know how well you have it, with a beautiful country and polite society. I just cannot stand the CBSA/ASFC. They are basically as bad as the USCBP.

I've been to Montreal before, and got the third degree from CBSA and Immigration Quebec. I figured that boiled down to language politics (Broad stroke, I know, but it does fit), and this time went to GTA.

I did get a Chrysler 300 from Avis. In Black. Shazam. It's a very Toronto car, I think.

There's effective border controls, and then there's just complete and utter paranoia. Sorry, but it just doesn't compute to go gaga over a single man, travelling alone, from the US to Ontario, and staying a week. And after explaining that I cannot take normal holidays, because my line of work requires me to support my clients (because they are in retail normally, and holidays mean more demand), I still get crap about going to visit Canada in the winter.

Me: "I live in a place where it's normally 20-35 degrees (C). If I wanted hot weather, I can very easily stay at home. You don't have to have perfect weather to enjoy visiting a country: I visited Belgium and the Netherlands while it rained!"

And here in lies the comparison: I have never dealt with this kind of treatment going to the Schengen Zone. I have been issued a long stay visa in the past from France. I've even had a French border agent say to me, when admitting me to France for my third trip to France in the last 10 years, "We're glad you came back to visit. Have a good holiday."

As a USian, I wish someone would bring some sanity to border controls in the US, as it's likely some of these kneejerk reactions are really reactions to the US going into lala land over international travel. Figures, since depending on who you ask, anywhere from 2/3s to 1/2 of Americans don't have a passport.

Please, Canada. I want to love you enough that I spend more of that awesome stuff called tourist money! But your government makes me want to save to keep going back to Paris and Amsterdam.

And it makes me sad. You don't want to make people sad, do you, Ottawa?

DISCUSSION (38)

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:00

I was going to use Paint to take a Land Rover Discovery and have two versions: "Land Rover Discovery" and Land Rover: Discover, eh?" with Canadian flags poorly added everywhere and a beaver and a mountie and a moose. But then I realized I'm still at work and have been procrastinating *quite* enough already.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
03/03/2014 at 19:01

There's no way you'd get into Canada driving that.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:03

I'm *almost sure* there are dealers in upstate NY. With a fresh checked over purchase and a breakdown kit, you'd be almost sure to get far enough to be towed to Toronto.

CRider > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:04

There are certain parts of America that might as well be different countries. Texas, for example. And if you live in Texas New York or LA will feel like a different country. And Hawaii. Americans don't really need passports to travel to foreign places, or to take thousand mile road trips.

After all, what is Canada but Oregon where people speak French and act polite?

Boss2452stolemylunchmoney > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:08

I thought for sure your problems would have been while traveling back to the US. Maybe you're skin isn't dark enough, though.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:10

If it makes you feel any better, I've been given similar treatment going into the US.

Worse yet: my mother-in-law (who is lovable, and not at all suspicious looking) always gets stopped for supposed 'random' security checks. Every single time. They most certainly aren't random. I'm not kidding about the 'always' thing. Without fail, whenever she is travelling abroad, she'll get 'randomly' checked.

Heck, even as a Canadian, they make me feel like a criminal when arriving back in my own country.

Why can't we all adapt a system like Israel, where they do more behaviour profiling than anything?

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
03/03/2014 at 19:10

Not if you get the one border guard who feels insulted by it.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > CRider
03/03/2014 at 19:12

But Quebec is probably one of the least polite places in Canada if you don't speak French.

However "Least Polite" in Canada is like saying "Least Fat" in the Southeastern US.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:13

Maybe he'd respond to threats. Threats against his moose, or maybe the local Timmy's. "Let me cross - or I'll drop this Tim Horton's doughnut *on the ground*!"

As Upstate NY has a Timmy's or two, this plan is flawless.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > BaconSandwich is tasty.
03/03/2014 at 19:16

For all that it's worth: I apologise on behalf of the morons, idiots, and cretins in Washington, DC, who do nothing but cause grief and anguish for our Canadian friends and neighbors when they want to stop in and visit.

I feel it should be a requirement for every border guard to travel extensively abroad, and know what it feels like to get stopped and selected for "secondary" "random" screening.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > BaconSandwich is tasty.
03/03/2014 at 19:17

I had a decidedly non-random security check heading out of Germany once. Actually, it wasn't because they suspected me of anything, but because they wanted to practice their chemical sniffer and side-scan on my ukelele in its soft case.

Germans are *weird*, man.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Boss2452stolemylunchmoney
03/03/2014 at 19:17

It still doesn't justify how the US treats visitors upon arrival.

Boss2452stolemylunchmoney > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:18

Much less it's own citizens.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
03/03/2014 at 19:19

There's a few Timmy's in Columbus, OH!

I guess that's "Southern Ontario".

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:20

If Columbus is a secret Canadian exclave, that would explain quite a lot.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Boss2452stolemylunchmoney
03/03/2014 at 19:21

True that. Imagine being treated like a criminal because you dared to step foot off your own country's soil.

What the hell are we, East Germany?

CRider > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:22

Fat Americans have a reason for being fat. Chicken and waffles doesn't eat itself!

Impolite Canadians are just a shame to their fellow Canadians, and should apologize profusely and offer to send maple syrup to any American (or other) they have offended.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
03/03/2014 at 19:22

They have to work hard to hide the accents, eh?

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > CRider
03/03/2014 at 19:24

It was surprising when as a brash, impolite American, the following occurred:

I open door to restroom to leave. Canadian man is standing there as the door opens.

Much apologising occurred by everyone involved (Including the American).

#AmIReallyASecretCanadian?

Boss2452stolemylunchmoney > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:25

I guess I'm lucky I'm white (yeah, I cringed for even thinking it) so it would probably never happen to me. But it makes me so mad to think our country has regressed this far. If I was at the border and my friends got detained, I would be speaking very harshly to the CBP officers.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Boss2452stolemylunchmoney
03/03/2014 at 19:29

For all the supposed globalization that has occurred in the economy, there are still anti-globalization policies that control the borders.

Not saying that this is good or bad, just what it is.

CRider > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:29

You've been to Canada too many times. Overexposure to that high level of politeness is known to cause brain damage and personality changes which can include becoming a nicer person. I recommend a week driving in LA to cure this. Spend as much time on the 5 during rush hour as possible.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > CRider
03/03/2014 at 19:32

That's some potent Canadianness. I've been twice in 2 years.

And wouldn't you rather spend time on the 405 than the 5? Because I was on the 5 in Sacramento a week ago.

CRider > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:41

I'd rather spend time in jail than on the 5, but the road surface is worse than 405 and it's always traffic through LA. The farther north you go, the better California gets but south of Burbank it's all terrible. And anything south of Temecula is just Mexico.

Boss2452stolemylunchmoney > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 19:43

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with protecting our borders... It's like the first sign of a sovergn nation... But they need to treat people with respect and dignity.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Boss2452stolemylunchmoney
03/03/2014 at 19:48

I'm not going that far either, but being dicks to people is a surefire way to make people not want to work and visit your country.

Kinja'd!!!

Spasoje > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 20:02

I'm glad it's not just me - and I live in Canada!

It has always been smooth sailing at the US crossings whenever I drive down. Crossing back into Canada oft feels like when a bad cop tries to force a confession out of an innocent person...

FWIW though, all government in-person treatment here is like that! It's not just the CBSA guys, unfortunately.

PS9 > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 20:07

Kinja'd!!!

Shazam?

The Compromiser > Spasoje
03/03/2014 at 20:19

Which is odd because I get it the other way

Spasoje > The Compromiser
03/03/2014 at 20:36

I actually have a friend that has had his car taken apart on the US side on more than one occasion...

The Compromiser > Spasoje
03/03/2014 at 20:47

I had a border agent get upset because he asked when I'd been to the us last I said 3 or 4 weeks. He asked if it was 3 or 4, or 2 or 3. I said that it could be. He said well which is it??? Fuck off. I was off by a week(Possibly?). I had a stamp in there from Juarez Mexico. Land crossing. I expect a cavity search from that. Even going from city to city in Canada I expect any cop to violate me in an uncomfortable location ( not the backseat of a Volkswagen) just for that stamp (2 actually).

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > The Compromiser
03/03/2014 at 23:16

Even I didn't get a lot of crap when I spent four months in El Paso, and I had more than one opportunity to go through an internal border check.

So that might make me a bit sensitive.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Spasoje
03/03/2014 at 23:35

Although some of the horror stories from USCBP make me upset as an American...anyway

Yet there's all the tourist advertisements in the US to visit Canada. God help the poor American who would like to visit, though.

http://us-keepexploring.canada.travel

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Spasoje > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/03/2014 at 23:45

Speaking of the damn money, merchants in the US are courteous b/c they're aware that you're putting food on their table. In Canada, though, merchants act as if they are doing you a favor just by existing!

Then again, why the hell would they be polite? You came to their store because you want something from them!! (lol)

It's an interesting difference I've noticed.

Jobjoris > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/04/2014 at 07:26

Better try Amsterdam without the rain next time. Or Antwerp.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Jobjoris
03/04/2014 at 14:05

I love Bruges. Bruges and Amsterdam are great with no rain and sunshine. Mainly when you can ride bicycles in town.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > PS9
03/04/2014 at 14:26

Kinja'd!!!

No... This shazam.

Jobjoris > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
03/04/2014 at 16:38

Try Antwerp. And Gent. And Breda. And Utrecht. And Nijmegen. The list is sheer endless!