Chasing Crappy Cars

"Matthew Keyser" (teisco15) 02/26/2014 at 23:16 • Filed to: CHASING CRAPPY CARS

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While driving through a local town today, I was passed by a car so terribly awfully modified that I just had to chase it down and snap a picture. As I was in a moving vehicle, the picture is rather blurry but here's the just of it.

Basically what this automotive abomination is, is a 1990's Saturn that had the usual large wing and wide variety of bumper stickers that you have to hide rather embarrassingly every time you see your girlfriends dad. That was obviously not enough for this man. He was looking for a more advanced level of automotive idiocy. As a result this man added a wheely bar that stocked out from the rear bumper about 2 feet and get this, a boat propeller on the back.

Let's just get this out there. 1990's Saturns ARE NOT fast. The wing literally does nothing and if the car was somehow fast enough to make that rear wing function, he would be pulling weight off of the front wheels meaning a loss of traction. This is a pretty common addition to crappy front drive cars by people that wish they knew what good cars were. By there is a more important question to be asking here. What did this man with his finite amount of knowledge plan to do with the wheely bar on his car. It serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. Ever. I don't care what you say it just makes you seem painfully ignorant. And no, the boat prop does not aid in power. Get over it.

So what is the worst car you've seen driving around your town? There are plenty of places and TV shows where you can look at rare and expensive cars that will break down if you look at them sternly enough, but this is the place where you can look at the other end of the spectrum. "Chasing Crappy Cars." Show me what's lurking around your town in the comments below.

E30Joe drives a Subaru > Matthew Keyser 02/26/2014 at 23:19

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Look what I found:

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Matthew Keyser 02/26/2014 at 23:27

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*correction*

Painted bumper and those taillights tell me it's either a 2000 or 01 SL1.

Sorry. It's actually not a 90s Saturn. I'm being a pedantic dickbag.

Being an SL1, it has the single cam 1.9 that puts out about 102 hp and 115 lb ft of torque.

The twin cam was pretty quick for a compact sedan when they came out in 1990. 125 hp and 125 lb ft in a car that weighed under 2500 lbs was good. But this is one of the last SL1s, weighing in around 2700 lbs, with the single cam. If it could cover the 1/4 in under 20 seconds it'd be surprising. I know. I had a 95 SL1 5-speed.

Argent > Matthew Keyser 02/26/2014 at 23:39

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To be honest, I love it. I think the owner was just going for pointless fun. He knows his car is shit. He knows it's not fast. He might as well make it interesting. NO one would put a boat propeller on their car and be serious about it. And it doesn't really appear that he's sunk that much money into it. No need to get so worked up over it. :)

Your boy, BJR > Matthew Keyser 02/26/2014 at 23:45

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Maximum Trollverdrive? I made my old taurus look as sketchy as possible on purpose. Covered the back in obscene and surf stickers, had a red army faction air freshener, took the wheel covers off, put metal militia chevrons on the front fenders (not the moto-x team, the 80's group of metal heads from jersey), replaced the headliner with a soviet flag, had a ceramic hula girl mounted right in front of the passenger airbag, a pussy wagon keychain, and had 2 pirate flags mounted on the front fenders, staff car style. I knew how awful it looked, and i got pulled over QUITE often in it, but hey, I adored that car in all of its stupid glory.