How to Change a Flat Tire in Canada in Three Easy Steps

"lonestranger" (lonestranger)
02/08/2014 at 13:50 • Filed to: DIY, car care, humour, humor

Yeah, this is pretty long. I’m pretty sure that I overdid it. Maybe you’ll enjoy it, maybe you won’t. Whatever. I’m not going to edit it now, but I hope you like it. It’s a mostly-true recent experience of mine, and I just had to share it. Most of the blue links are Canuck references for y’all, eh.

A few days ago, the temperature was around -5° C (23° F). The next day, it dropped to -15° C (5° F). In other words, it was a perfect day to walk out of my house to my truck and find that my tire was as flat as a Saskatchewan !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! field.

The culprit was a screw straight through the tread. It was likely a Phillips head. A !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! screw wouldn’t have been so rude.

Since changing it in the cold Canadian winter was such a painless, straightforward process, I thought I’d share it with you.

Step 1: Gather your tools. Root around behind the seat for the jack, wheel wrench, and all three extension tube thingys. There, you’ll find the toque that you lost at the start of winter. Sweet! Put it on, your ears are getting cold already. Then wonder where your !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! toque went.

Discover that one of the extension tube thingys’ end is bent, like, 30°. Wonder how the hell that happened. Figure “screw it” , you’ll do without it. Realize that two of the tubes have square holes, one has a flat point, and you actually do need all three tubes.

Step 2: Fix the bent extension tube thingy. Put that sucker in the vise, but don’t get too rammy. The tube is pretty thin, and you don’t want to screw it up. Close enough:

Step 3: Retrieve the spare wheel & tire. Like many trucks, my ‘04 GMC Sierra’s spare is held up against the truck’s frame by a cable hoist under the bed, where it gets blasted with water, snow, salt, gravel, sand, & roadkill. It’s #8 in this diagram:

Image source: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

The retainer flange (the wide, flat part on the bottom of the hoist #8) passes through the centre of the wheel and holds it in place. To lower the hoist, you’ll need the two square-holed extension tubes, and the wheel wrench acts as crank handle. The tubes go through a hole in the rear bumper behind a little plastic door (#1 in the diagram). Attempt to open the door with gloves on. Fail. Take off your gloves and fight with this freezing little bastard until your fingers are numb. Now, you need to connect the extensions together like this:

... but in order to assemble or disassemble them, you need to press that little ball that holds them together. This is impossible to do with gloves on. Your hands should be getting pretty cold now, so you should start getting frustrated. Once assembled, slide the tubes in:

Begin cranking the hoist, which spools the cable out, which lowers the wheel & tire towards the ground, and provides enough slack to pass the retaining plate through the wheel. That’s the theory. In reality, it’ll only go down a couple of inches. There’s a secondary safety latch holding it in place. It’s supposed to release, but it’s jammed full of rust and dirt. You don’t know this yet, so search online to see what the hell is going on.

Contemplate using a second vehicle to bring the flat tire to a tire shop. Realize that it’s bald as hell, and isn’t worth repairing even if it were possible. The other tires are just as bald or worse, but replacing them all is out of your budget. Contemplate buying a single used mediocre tire. Realize that you already have a single used mediocre tire, you just need to retrieve it from the clutches of the spare tire carrier.

Find helpful videos !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Grab your channel locks, crawl underneath, and fight with it for awhile. Nothing. Kick the tire, hoping to knock it loose or something. Couldn’t hurt to try. Stay underneath, keep plying and kicking in your gravel driveway until your neck is sore and your ass is too numb to feel the rocks poking into your jeans. Spray the stupid latch with a scuzzy old can of penetrating oil to sit overnight, and call it a day. This blows.

Day two.

Step 3: Reattempt to retrieve the spare tire. The next day is even colder, -19° C (-2.2° F), but you’re better prepared for what lies ahead. Jeans alone aren’t going to cut it while sitting in the driveway, so you put on your !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! pyjama pants on underneath.

By now, you also realize this might be entertaining to others, so grab your !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! Curve and start taking some pics. Since you don’t have any from the day before, you’ll need to stage some pics and pass them off as genuine. The readers will never know the truth, those fools.

For better access, remove your licence plate like the dude in the video did. Grab your car ramps and drive your flat-assed tire up on those suckers:

Make sure the truck’s secure by putting it in Park (duh), and setting the e-brake. Admire the cheapo floor mats that you got at !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and wonder if they’re perhaps the most dependable thing you’ve gotten there.

Realize that the e-brake won’t help much, because it won’t grab firmly even though you’ve tightened the cable as far as you can. Whatever. You’ve got free healthcare.

Crawl underneath and fight with that damn latch some more. The penetrating oil didn’t do anything but make everything stink. Time for Plan B.

Step 3: Remove the entire hoist while the tire is still attached to it. You figure that this freaking latch will be easier to fight if you weren’t cramped under your truck. Regardless of the stupid latch, the tire’s now far enough from the frame that you can access the single bolt (#7 in the diagram) that fastens the hoist to the truck. The bulk of the hoist is held not by the bolt, but by a flange that passes through a slot and sits atop a lip in the truck’s frame. You just need to rotate the hoist to allow the flange to pass through the slot.

It won’t rotate very far with the tire still attached, though. Kick the tire again like you did yesterday. Nada. You have to lay down on your back and push the tire straight up so its weight is off of the hoist. Wiggle the hoist free with your other hand. Oh yeah, that means you need to support the whole tire & wheel with one arm. Avoid dropping it on your face.

Yay, it’s free! Well, there’s still the matter of separating the wheel from the hoist:

Step 3: Remove the hoist assembly from the wheel. Flip your tailgate down and use it as a workbench. Try to release the latch with channel locks again. It’s much easier to work on now, but it’s still not quite releasing. Find a hole in the hoist, jam a screwdriver in there, and pry the latch free. Be so overcome with relief that you don’t bother to take a pic of said screwdriver in said hole.

That’s the latch below, and above is the hoist’s hole that it sits inside. Those two small holes on the side are where you can fit a screwdriver. You never saw them when you were underneath the truck, because they faced away from you towards the front of the truck.

Step 3: Crank the hoist to release the cable. That’s it. Simple. Just crank it counter-clockwise. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey .

Step 3: Remove the wheel from the hoist assembly. Flip the tire over.

Now that there’s sufficient slack in the cable, you can pass the retaining plate through the wheel, followed by the stupid frickin latch thingy that kinda looks like a dick.

Success!

Step 3: Replace the licence plate. Why now? Because you thought of it, and if you leave it until later, you’ll probably forget about it and get pulled over by !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . You can’t fiddle with those screws with gloves on, so remove them.

Step 3: Top up the windshield washer fluid. Because you’re tidying up loose ends, and the bottle was lying in the front floor after you rooted around for the jack tools.

Blindly dump the entire jug in, because sometimes if the reservoir’s nearly empty, it’ll take an entire gallon jug. Today is not that day, dumbass. Overfill it and spill it all over. Take a pic of the remaining fluid from the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! of the 3.78L jug, because Canada.

Put your gloves back on, it’s freezing.

Step 3: Remove the hub cap from the flat tire. These things are held on by plastic nuts that are supposed to look like the actual lug nuts. At least they use the same size head as the real nuts, so you can use the wheel wrench. Use your ratchet instead, because it’s easier and it’s there.

Step 3: Drive the truck down off of the car ramps. The jack probably doesn’t go that high, so you’ll need it back on flat ground. Get inside, turn the key, and... clickclickclick . Dead battery. Batteries have less voltage at lower temperatures. Did you forget how cold it was?

Step 3: Jump-start your truck with your Dad’s Tacoma. Even though it’s bigger than what you think a Tacoma should be, you’ll have trouble getting in and out of it. Maybe it’s because you’ve got a bunch of layers on, or maybe you’re getting fatter than you’ll admit. Say cheese!

Grab your !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! jumper cables from beside your !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! tools so you can jump your MotoMaster battery and realize how much Canadian Tire-branded crap you own.

To attach the leads to your Dad’s Taco, take your gloves off so you can fight with the frozen rubber boot shrouding the positive post. It’s not flexible in this cold, so it will snap. Put your gloves back on, you won’t feel your fingers.

To attach the leads to your truck, you need to open this little plastic cover over the remote-mount positive post. Remove your gloves again to do so.

Drive it off of the ramps, and leave it running in order to charge the battery.

Step 3: Jack it up and swap those tires!

Crack the nuts loose before jacking it up. Be amazed that you found the wheel lock key.

Crawl back underneath and place the jack under the axle. Thought you were done under here, didn’t you?

Don’t suffocate from the rich exhaust fumes.

Assemble the stupid three extension tube thingys with the pointy one on one end and the wheel wrench on the other. You’ll need to remove your gloves again because of the stupid friggin retaining ball thingys.

Put your gloves back on, put the pointy end into the jack, jack it up, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Out with the old, in with the... old? Speaking of Rusty, this spare wheel’s not so pretty. Whatever. As long as it works, right?

You hope it has air. Why didn’t you check this earlier? Twist the cap, and it doesn’t budge. Use the channel locks that you already have laying around, and the whole valve stem spins inside the wheel. You hope that it doesn’t leak there now.

Whatevs. It seems to be firm, so let the jack down. Yay, you have four more-or-less functioning tires!

Notice that your idling truck is emitting the faint scent of coolant. Check underhood, and don’t see any apparent leaks, but the reservoir level is low. By now, you’re tired, sore, and freezing. It’s not even 1:00, but screw it. You’ll deal with the battery tomorrow. Don’t worry, it has a 3-year free replacement warranty, and it’s only 13 months old. Wonder how well made it is if it crapped out after 13 months. The previous battery was the original Delco and lasted nine years.

Step 3: Make some Ichiban.

Boil some water. Take some Extra Strength Advil, because your back and neck are killing you. Your neck will still be stiff when you write this story.

Don’t put the noodles into the water until it boils. Then put the noodles in, and keep it boiling until the noodles are just right. You’ll know when they’re right because cooking Ichiban is way easier than changing a flat tire. Put a bit of the seasoning in your bowl. Put your Californian-made Japanese-style noodles in your Chinese-style bowl. Put a little bit more seasoning on top. Don’t use more than half of the packet, or it’ll be gross. That shit is full of MSG, anyway. Top it with some California-made Vietnamese-style sriracha sauce, and eat it with Japanese-style chopsticks. Canadians are multicultural, eh.

Step 3: Relax. Crack open a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and play some Battlefield. Browse Oppo in between matches.

Day Three.

Step 3: Remove the battery and take it back to Canadian Tire. Remove this silly little brace that is over the battery. What does it do? Who cares right now.

Grab your tools and lock up your truck. Momentarily wonder why the power locks don’t work.

At Crappy Tire, the guy at the parts counter pops the caps, and the electrolyte’s frozen. A fully charged battery won’t freeze above -40° C (-40°F), but a discharged one could freeze anywhere between 0° C (32° F) and -40° depending on its state of charge. Cambodian Tire’s warranty doesn’t cover “neglect” which includes having a battery freeze. Nevermind that the only reason that it froze is because it died, you don’t get a warranty battery.

Find it ironic that !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! touts their batteries being well suited to a cold Canadian winter and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Leave the counter with your dead, frozen battery. Don’t bother getting new floor mats, because the ones you have are remarkably still good, remember?

Step 3: Thaw and charge your battery.

Brr!

Bring it inside and let it thaw all afternoon. Using your MotoMaster battery charger, trickle charge it overnight. Later, take a pic with a different MotoMaster battery and again hope that no-one notices the holes in your story.

Day Four.

Step 3: Bring your thawed, charged battery to a different Crappy Tire store. A different clerk won’t know that it was previously frozen, and won’t deny your warranty claim. He will ask whether you use the top or side posts. Your truck uses the side posts, so he’ll test it via the side. It will fail. He’ll test it via the top ones, and it’ll pass. To rule out the possibility of his equipment being faulty, he’ll then test a new, identical, off-the-shelf battery via both sets of posts, and it’ll pass both. So, this means your battery’s internal side post connections are poor or broken, your battery is clearly faulty, and you get a new one that has just been tested. Sweet!

Leave the store with your new battery. Don’t pick up the coolant that you need, because you’re an idiot.

Step 3: Install the battery. Installation is the reverse of the removal. Notice the new ugly Motomaster logo. Woo. Proceed to drop your Mastercraft ratchet somewhere hard-to-reach.

Re-set the radio’s clock, because the battery was missing all night and of course it didn’t remember the time. Why, then, are all of the radio presets still in the memory?

Step 3: Take ‘er for a rip! Go to the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and fill up your tires. They’re all 10-15 PSI low. Dumbass.

EDIT: I forgot that you need loud music for the road. After a hard, cold day, loud music soothes the nerves. Lamb of God? Very loud, but not Canadian. The Tragically Hip? Very Canadian, but not loud enough. Put your iPod on shuffle instead. It will choose !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for you:

There’s fresh snow, so you get the idea to do some victory donuts. Reconsider, and settle for a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! Boston Cream instead.

Go back to the first Cambodian Tire to grab some coolant. Take a Canadian pic for fun.

Go home, top up the coolant, and begin writing a rambling story. Hope that someone gets a chuckle.

And that’s it! You’ve changed your tire in three easy steps.

DISCUSSION (100)

GhostZ > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 13:53

This is brilliant. FP. Now.

lonestranger > GhostZ
02/08/2014 at 13:55

There's no way that you read it all already.

Thanks, tho!

thebigbossyboss > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 13:59

Kinja'd!!!

I won these jumper cables also. Ukrainin tire ftw.

thebigbossyboss > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 14:04

I laughed at Cambodian Tire. I have heard Canadian Tire called many things, never that.

That sounds like me putting on my winter tires in a way. This was great! Don't you love working on cars in the cold? lol.

GhostZ > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 14:05

I read about 90% of it. Speed reading university student.

The Compromiser > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 14:38

So I looked around the house.... I have way to much motomaster shit ....

I've had to change the tire in my old S10. In the winter. I read this and started getting cold and angry again... And that was 14 years ago (ish).

Svend > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 14:38

Ouch.

I hate those undercarriage wheel holders. A friends Mk3 Ford Fiesta was a pain but nothing compared to the Mercedes ML270. The thing didn't want to let me have it.

I feel your pain. Though never the amount of pain you've been through.

Roberto G. > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 15:06

Kinja'd!!!

Wow: an almost totally worn out tire, if I ever saw one!

lonestranger > Roberto G.
02/08/2014 at 15:16

And that's one of the better ones. I've been on these bald tires all winter, in a 2WD truck with plenty of torque and not much weight in the rear. I laugh at fools with four new snow tires and 4WD that still manage to get stuck or spin into the ditch.

ScreenShot > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:18

What...they don't have free roadside up north?

 > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:22

How to change a tire in 1 easy step. Call the number on the back of one of these and wait for the tow guy.

Kinja'd!!!

cluelessk > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:27

Doing anything outside in a Canadian Winter is exhausting. What would usually be a easy straight forward job ends up taking 2-3 times as long.

I was so mad the day I got a flat when it was below -30. Luckily it wasn't a drive wheel so I didn't have to waste my time swapping around tires.

Ya CT screws you over with a frozen battery. Try to thaw it out first and act dumb or if possible wait till the weather is warm.

Triborough > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:29

Or you could call the CAA, eh.

Diesel > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:32

Kinja'd!!!

You need to find this ASAP. Especially if you like spicy ramen. It's a Korean brand called Shin Ramen. Very spicy and very delicious.

Shane Elliott > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:34

realize how much Canadian Tire-branded crap you own

Hahaha. It's so sad but true.

albo > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:35

Sure your name isn't Zap Rowsdower?

albo > Svend
02/08/2014 at 16:37

My 2001 caravan has that. You turn the nut a bit, then lay down on the ground and kick the living crap out of the tire until it unsprings itself from the rusted-out contraption and lowers itself.

Hawkstrike6 > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:38

Timmy's!

Best donuts in Kandahar.

derf > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:38

This made me laugh enough to actually delurk, log in, and comment.

I salute you sir. Thumbs up from Nova Scotia.

MooseKnuckles > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:44

At least there wasnt much snow. I've got 8-12ft snow banks on every boulevard here in Ontario, 3ft of snow everywhere else.

CunningStunter > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:46

I have had the same issue with Canadian Tire batteries - a perfectly charged battery will freeze when it gets cold and then they deny the warranty claim. They have also denied me warranty on a battery when I lost the warranty card, EVEN THOUGH the manufacture date on the actual battery proved that the battery was less than a year old.

I like your creative solution though.

CunningStunter > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:46

I like your creative solution though.

Jacob Lower > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:52

Those are not 3 STEPS and not even EASY! LIER!

Troll is English for Troll > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:56

How to Change a Flat Tire in Canada in Three Easier Steps:

1. Inspect the car, and- oh, that's a flat tire, eh?
2. Change the tire.
3. Have a doughnut.

Raptord > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 16:57

As a fellow Canadian, this is hands down the best thing I've read in recent memory.

Shawn > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:03

I never knew a battery could freeze.

When the car is protesting that badly, it is way too cold.

DasWolf13 >
02/08/2014 at 17:05

Kinja'd!!!

In the states we call it AAA not to be confused with AA that's for quitters.
But I'm with you no need to change my own tire. Unless I'm in a real rush.

Svend > albo
02/08/2014 at 17:10

The Merc has to have a catch at a certain position (which is trial and error) and is held on a spring so you think you have it, but no, so you raise it, reposition the catch slightly and try again.

My car is simply open the boot, lift a lid, unscrew a large plastic retaining nut after lifting out the polystyrene box or tools and remove the wheel. The car even has a removeable rechargeable boot torch that I can remove and attach to the wheel arch with its magnetics to see what I'm doing. God bless you Skoda.

Kinja'd!!!

lonestranger > albo
02/08/2014 at 17:12

Quite the obscure reference, I had to Google that one. A beer-swilling, pickup-owning Albertan, in a movie directed by a SAIT student? Sounds about right. I bought my truck in Calgary while I was heavy duty mechanic apprentice at SAIT.

This is in BC, but it's one of the only pics from when I had an AB plate and an "I Heart Alberta Beef" bumper sticker

Kinja'd!!!

Dr. Strangegun > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:13

"Re-set the radio's clock, because the battery was missing all night and of course it didn't remember the time. Why, then, are all of the radio presets still in the memory?"

Because it stores them. Storing the time is pointless, because without power it can't advance the time. Why build a storage function into the clock if, when needed/used, it only results in a wrong time and needing to set the clock anyways? At least your BCM module didn't freak out and refuse to start the truck without the 4 digit PIN entered on the radio. I hate GM data integration... I can't replace the AM/FM radio in my 'fleet truck' Sonoma because I'd lose a significant portion of *useful* features because they're built into the radio. So instead I opened it's case and built an FM modulator into the empty space inside, with the 1/8" jack in the radio front panel. But I should have digressed two anecdotes ago...

lonestranger > derf
02/08/2014 at 17:14

I'm glad you liked it. Welcome, eh!

muwenk > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:16

Step 4: move to a warmer place next year?

albo > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:20

Beauty pic, that is.

lonestranger > muwenk
02/08/2014 at 17:23

The summers are nice and hot here .

Kinja'd!!!

lonestranger > Hawkstrike6
02/08/2014 at 17:23

I think I'd rather change a flat here in Kamloops.

BeholdTheCamaro > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:29

I was complaining about the cold here in Texas all day long. Then I read this article. Makes me so glad my spare is in the trunk, among other things.

Forgetful > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:32

I know that Canadian Tire... and that radio station...

lingenfelter > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:34

Stellar article. I have no idea why the radio presets are always good but the time is never good. My car at least has buttons to automatically update it... although daylight savings time will often confuse it.

Thunder > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:34

This.
Was.
Beautiful.
*snif*

TownaceNoah > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:35

Step 1: Bring your tools inside. Let them warm up. Hard enough to work in 19 below, without having to hold pre-chilled tools.

lingenfelter > MooseKnuckles
02/08/2014 at 17:35

Yeah, it's a bit crap here at this point. At least the snowmobilers in southern Ontario have something to do with their sleds this year. I'm anxiously awaiting two-wheel weather.

lingenfelter > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:37

Also, if the valve stem is locked/frozen, grab the stem with needlenose and the cap with another pair of pliers.

lonestranger > Forgetful
02/08/2014 at 17:38

I knew you would ;).

Protip: North Shore CT > Aberdeen CT. Everyone was so friendly and helpful there, especially the parts guy who tested & exchanged my battery.

lingenfelter > Shane Elliott
02/08/2014 at 17:39

Better than one-time-tools (princess auto)...

lingenfelter > Triborough
02/08/2014 at 17:39

see-eh-eh

lonestranger > lingenfelter
02/08/2014 at 17:41

That's exactly what I did, but thanks for the suggestion anyway.

lingenfelter > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:44

Had to go back to check if I missed that or not.

You can check for leaks by spraying water diluted with dish soap onto the valve stem. Development of fine bubbles indicates a leak.

Shane Elliott > lingenfelter
02/08/2014 at 17:45

Well yeah, you can't go wrong with the MotoMasterCraft drop forged tools found only at Canadian Tire for just $20.99

Kinja'd!!!

lingenfelter > Dr. Strangegun
02/08/2014 at 17:46

You can often relocate the factory head unit elsewhere (under or behind the seat, maybe the glovebox) and put in any aftermarket head unit you would like, to maintain the factory options.

But the integration does make everything a little less convenient. I don't anticipate it getting easier in the future, regardless of brand.

lingenfelter > ScreenShot
02/08/2014 at 17:48

Sure, if you pay someone for 'coverage' or own a newer vehicle that hasn't come out of the 'free roadside assistance' period. A 2004 will only have it if it's offered as a perk through his work or he has purchased a membership with a company like CAA.

nmalinoski > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:53

Kinja'd!!!

Canadian cars are strange; USDM batteries aren't user-refillable like this.

Nisman > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 17:57

This was amazing. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It reminds me of my rule of thumb three steps to any repair:

1. Look it up in the service manual.

2. Add six hours to expected time. Also account for at least one injury and one broken tool.

3. Victory!

DatChris > Troll is English for Troll
02/08/2014 at 18:08

*Donut

Stupid americans.

Thisnewformatisrubbish > BeholdTheCamaro
02/08/2014 at 18:14

Oh boy, did we all chuckle at texas and georgia with a little snow.

Stiiles > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 18:27

Or, pump up the flat tire with a little electric pump you plug into your cigarette lighter (while the motor is running to keep the battery charged), drive to the nearest tire store and let them replace the tire. If you're really feeling ambitious, spend another two or three minutes pulling the screw out of the tire first and plug it with the $7 T-handle plug kit you have sitting in the center console, next to the tire pump.

Ask me how many times I've done this...

945T > thebigbossyboss
02/08/2014 at 18:30

trx0x > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 18:36

Kinja'd!!!

ahhhh, Sapporo Ichiban, original flavor: my number one pick for ramen. because, well, that's how it translates. and it's delicious.

Darrell the malevolent > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 18:36

Noticed your Stewart and Stephenson knit cap. Last time I saw that company I worked at SLB....you in the patch too?

lonestranger > trx0x
02/08/2014 at 18:47

SubieNick > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 18:51

Great read. I feel your pain, but on the other coast. It reminded me of the time my car failed its safety inspection (because we have those in NB) in freaking January for it's rear brakes. Instead of ponying up $450 for the parts and labour at the garage I wanted to do them myself. I did the front pads in summer, how hard could pads and rotors on the rear be in the winter (remember, read rotors mean there are also rear drum shoes for the e-brake). It took 2 hours to do one side of the car than, well, 3 months to do the other. I tried for 2 days with my car lifted in the cold ass snowy driveway all weekend including having my dad come to town with my uncles 60Gal air compressor and tools all because one bolt on the calliper was being an utter biatch. Still wouldn't come off. Did the pads and brought the car in for teh proper sticker and they didn't even look to see that I did the work. Sorted out the bolt and rotor on that side (with more new pads) in the Spring. Oh I was cold that January weekend. Actually doing my front struts next weekend, but now I have a friend with an garage on his house. I think buying him beer will get me some time in there.

urbanxplorer909 > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 18:56

Kinja'd!!!

And there are practically no French people in BC. Whereabouts in the interior are you, I noticed CIFM was a preset of yours, and they're out of Kamloops

JustGary > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 18:58

I was about to call shenanigans on it being "Canadian" until you finally mentioned Tim Hortons. I don't believe any story is Canadian unless it included a Tim Hortons reference

lonestranger > Darrell the malevolent
02/08/2014 at 18:58

I used to work for S&S in Calgary, building stim equipment. Most of my time there was when they were still called Crown.

Eightycc > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 19:19

This is what happens when you don't prepare and let everyone do everything else for you. A. Go to Walmart, buy a 25$ roller jack that isn't the size of a pop can and didn't come with the car. B. While you're they're, buy your self some fix-a-flat and a portable air compresser (because duh). C. Most importantly, If you don't intend on using that to make it to a tire shop, always have a spare wheel and tire laying around, especially with trucks, and ESPECIALLY in an area with hard winters. You're lucky that tire wasn't frozen solid to the bed. I live in Ohio, and while weve had our share of polar apocalypse, snow, and cold this winter and my car has had this/broken down 3 times, nothing, not even my fuel pump going out, was as bad as this. Clearly this must be a first because having gone through allll of this before I can promise you he will not do it the same way again. I rarely, if ever rely on auto manufacturer equipment because often times it is the worst possible set of tools given my te lowest bidder. This could have been 10 times easier if he'd had a seperate when for the car (30$ at a local scrap yard) and a jack from Wally World. ... But there's a first time for everyone I suppose. The battery... Well in those temps, you should've seen that coming, know your car. In light of -30/40 windchill a this last month we've bought 3 new ones for cars that are newer than this.

Eightycc > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 19:19

This is what happens when you don't prepare and let everyone do everything else for you. A. Go to Walmart, buy a 25$ roller jack that isn't the size of a pop can and didn't come with the car. B. While you're they're, buy your self some fix-a-flat and a portable air compresser (because duh). C. Most importantly, If you don't intend on using that to make it to a tire shop, always have a spare wheel and tire laying around, especially with trucks, and ESPECIALLY in an area with hard winters. You're lucky that tire wasn't frozen solid to the bed. I live in Ohio, and while weve had our share of polar apocalypse, snow, and cold this winter and my car has had this/broken down 3 times, nothing, not even my fuel pump going out, was as bad as this. Clearly this must be a first because having gone through allll of this before I can promise you he will not do it the same way again. I rarely, if ever rely on auto manufacturer equipment because often times it is the worst possible set of tools given my te lowest bidder. This could have been 10 times easier if he'd had a seperate wheel for the car (30$ at a local scrap yard) and a jack from Wally World. ... But there's a first time for everyone I suppose. The battery... Well in those temps, you should've seen that coming, know your car. In light of -30/40 windchill a this last month we've bought 3 new ones for cars that are newer than this.lastly. You must not have ventured out side before the season because you never spend an extended period of time outside in -15 near the ground with one pair of jeans!? Good Lord. Pam

Mike D F > Shawn
02/08/2014 at 19:32

Actually what happens is when the battery discharges whatever makes the battery acid acid sticks to the plates. Charging restores the acidic balance. However below freezing if you lose your charge the battery is just a large ice cube waiting to happen.

Nobody will actually warranty a frozen battery as it generally indicates another issue.

Deal Killer - Powered by Focus > albo
02/08/2014 at 19:35

Yep, I had to do the same thing with our '01 Caravan last year. Only it was right in front of my kids elementary school, in late March in 35 - 40 degree weather. I tried, I really tried to not swear & curse, but after 20 - 30 minutes of banging away at that stupid spare tire, my temper went bye bye. I had to have a talk with my kids principle about my language. It was not a good day. My kids, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious.

Mike D F > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 19:39

A balmy -15 and you couldn't get it done? Bad Canadian.

On another note whatever inbred dumbass engineer at GM that came up with that stupid lock on the spare tire carrier should be dragged down a gravel road by a Ford til he admits he's an absolute numbnuts. They put alot of stupid, useless, needlessly over engineered crap into some cars and that winch takes home the trophy. I think most of us can agree that if your spare tire falls off, you have bigger issues.

Wacko > Stiiles
02/08/2014 at 19:45

Sure, how many times did you do that?

pierrotechnique > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 19:46

"...the French side of the 3.78L jug..."

This is honestly one of the most Canadian things ever written.

Bearded Bastard > lingenfelter
02/08/2014 at 19:55

Hey! Some princess auto stuff actually lasts quite a while. Every time I go there I leave with a thousand more things than I needed. And so far they all still work

Gtuned > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 19:55

Let's just start with awesome write up, not too many people get to experience the fun of using the spare on those model GMC's, especially in the winter, and you've described it perfectly.

But for those of you who don't know, GMC's wonderfully designed spare tire holder is made by Satan himself. (Fact) And your steps are accurate to the tee. Finally finding the parts to unwind it only for it to stop 2 inches in and having to climb underneath and kick and push and pull and swear and end up eating rust and dirt and salt, then finally look up online that everyone else has done the same and is equally just as pissed, oh that was fun. And by fun I mean hell. Like you stated.

Except it was 20° F, so we had it lucky.

Bearded Bastard >
02/08/2014 at 19:57

I refuse to use that to change my own tire. I would have it done and be on my way before they ever came close to showing up anyways.

Michael H > DatChris
02/08/2014 at 19:59

Grab your Merriam-Webster and look up the definition of donut.

FrankenB5S4 > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 19:59

My dad took the spare tire contraption out from underneath and bolted it inside the bed close to the front. Works perfectly I must say.

Bearded Bastard > muwenk
02/08/2014 at 20:06

Around the mountains , and into Alberta, we get weeks of +40 weather. Usually sits around 25 or so. And while it gets cold, like really freaking cold, -30 or colder for again, weeks at time, without windchill.

It's the price we pay to not have everything under the sun trying to kill us.

Climate is in a love hate relationship with Canadians. Good and bad with all types

lonestranger > Eightycc
02/08/2014 at 20:10

"and let everyone do everything else for you"

Where in my story did I have anyone do anything for me? I didn't call roadside assistance, or a mechanic, or a tire shop, or even a buddy or my neighbour. Other than windshields, tires, and one warranty claim, I've never had anyone else work on any of my vehicles but myself.

"buy your self some fix-a-flat and a portable air compresser"

Fix-a-flat wouldn't have done shit, and one of those rinky-dink 12V compressors would've taken ages to fill a 255/70R16.

"The battery... Well in those temps, you should've seen that coming, know your car. In light of -30/40 windchill a this last month we've bought 3 new ones for cars that are newer than this."

The battery was 13 months old, and it had only -19° C (-2.2° F) for a day. That's not unseasonably cold. The original one lasted 9 years, through much longer, colder winters than this.

"This could have been 10 times easier if he'd had a seperate wheel for the car"

What, like, a spare of the spare? Where would I keep it, in the bed? If so, why not just keep the first spare there?

Anyway, yes, I should have known better. I should have replaced those bald tires. I should have checked and lubed that hoist long ago, even though it has worked flawlessly on multiple past occasions. I should've dressed more appropriately. I shouldn't have bought the cheapest battery I could find. But then I wouldn't have been able to share this funny story, and that was the point. I don't intend to complain, merely entertain.

ocbrad1 used to be iamhoff but is now just wandering around > Hawkstrike6
02/08/2014 at 20:12

Yes they were. I was so disappointed when the Canadian Forces left, because they took the Timmy's and they took the Canadian Forces Broadcasting rebroadcast of Bear FM out of Edmonton. Always thought it was kinda cool to be driving to the NATO Gym at night, hearing the rush hour traffic reports for the Henday and Whitemud commuters. Good times.

ocbrad1 used to be iamhoff but is now just wandering around > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 20:13

As a 'Murican who has been living for the past year-plus in Fort McMoney, Alberta, I relate to and approve of this post. Cambodian Tire...definitely the one in Fort Mac.

lingenfelter > Bearded Bastard
02/08/2014 at 20:14

To be fair I don't know what the last thing I bought there was. But generally I don't have much luck with their products.

lonestranger > urbanxplorer909
02/08/2014 at 20:16

Yep, I'm right in the 'Loops. You?

RikVan > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 20:17

I have 1 memory of Saskatoon.

I was in town for the WLRA (Western Lumberers Retail Association) trade show. I was hammered (as that's all there is to do in town) and tried to go the strippers with a co-worker. Our cab got stuck on the ice outside. I had to push the cab, while wearing a suit and no winter jacket off of the ice and fell over, because I was drunk.

I hate Saskatchewan. I also refuse to use Canola oil. Fuck that noise, give me some olive or avocado oil. I'm a bad Canadian.

I did truly appreciate the references to Wikipedia for all those unknowning Muricans that will read this.

RikVan > Shane Elliott
02/08/2014 at 20:18

I have a CT within about 10 minutes from my place - it's the only place that isn't 45 minutes away to get tools and other BS. I swear, I spend more money there than everywhere but the liquor store...

Mercwri > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 20:30

Every single GM product with those fucking those freezes up down here, from a Combo of salt off the water and salt off the roads. I used to cringe when I had to take one down.

Bearded Bastard > lingenfelter
02/08/2014 at 20:31

I only buy things there that are specialty items. Like car tools. Got my panel splitter set there, worked awesome for removing the floor pans in my car. Windshield removal kit, spring compressor, countless other niche tools, mostly things that I could only find at princess auto. At the prices offered at least.

Sprig compressor at crappy tire was 80 dollars, and it wasn't quite right. Princess compressor was 20 bucks, and had the most adjustability in it. Works great.

I get the stigma though, they do sell lots of shady parts. Things like wiring and wiring connectors, they weren't actually AWG wire, and the insulation was absolute crap, froze and cracked at -10. A really big pain in the ass

Dave-O > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 20:32

This story hits close to home. I drive an 04 silverado that I've never dropped the spare on. Makes me want to take the time and drop it now to make sure it works, instead of waiting for when I NEED it.
Had to saw the one off my old explorer when it seized up and then I built a roof rack for it.

Vincent Davidson > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 20:34

Now that's what im talkin aboot.

Kinja'd!!!

I would assume you'll just throw the spare in the box now, eh?

Greenmobile Supremo Commando, BRZ Extrordinare > Shane Elliott
02/08/2014 at 20:37

Very true...

lonestranger > Dave-O
02/08/2014 at 20:41

I've needed to use the spare on a few occasions in the past, and never had a problem. I wasn't even aware of the secondary latch until it failed. I'm gonna just cut that sonofabitchin tab right off.

lingenfelter > Bearded Bastard
02/08/2014 at 20:42

China Tire or their partner (Partsource) will often loan parts with a small refundable deposit. Of course, sometimes having your own specialty tools is the preferred option.

Lemonhead > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 20:48

Step 4

Come to the realization that you live in Hoth and move to someplace that 1) doesn't freeze a battery solid, 2) doesn't freeze crap all up underneath your truck, and 3) isn't Canada. :-)

Lomac > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 21:12

I *thought* it was Kamloops. lol. Just moved here from Vancouver and... goddamn. Been neglecting working on my Pathfinder simply due to the examples you've posted up above. lol

Michael H >
02/08/2014 at 21:17

I came just to post this. Well worth every penny, especially if you drive beaters. They can take a while to show up, but at minus anything, sit inside and let the flat tire be someone elses problem.

wontacceptthis > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 21:23

I've had all but the Canadian bits of this story happen with my girlfriend's silverado. It's like they designed a truck that is very acceptable when it is functioning, and a blood-letting misery machine when it isn't.

Eightycc > lonestranger
02/08/2014 at 21:32

You Canadians are just too nice. Lol yes... Ultimate message, in the end, Boy Scouts be prepared. Sorry if this came off abrasive... I think reading this has just piled on my frustrations of owning diesels in the North. And never having cars that run right... I've learned so many lessons from living in the salt belt that I just glare at everyone who gets caught off guard anymore. A single cab truck sucks:( been there.

Jarrett - [BRZ Boi] > Svend
02/08/2014 at 21:37

I hear you! I nearly stripped the jack piece trying to twist it on a Ranger. At least I didn't have to remove the licence plate though!

lonestranger > Lomac
02/08/2014 at 21:43

Yep, that's the Aberdeen CT in the last pic. You'll have a hard time spotting the location of the first one, though. That's Calgary six years ago. In April .