What's The Dumbest Thing You Have Heard From A Car Salesman?

"macanamera" (macanamera)
12/12/2014 at 13:10 • Filed to: None

Once, I test drove an MP4-12C, and I complained about the shift paddles being mounted to the steering wheel, instead of the steering column (I like it when the shift paddles are big and stay in the same place, like the GT-R). The salesman told me "You're not supposed to switch gears while turning, anyways. It's bad for the transmission."

DISCUSSION (64)

LappingLuke > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:12

My dad and I stopped at the GM dealer in town years ago to look at the then-new Silverados (previous body style). The salesman who intercepted us mere milliseconds after exiting our car told us at one point the limited slip rear end worked by locking up 100% any time there was any difference in speed between the two wheels...

jariten1781 > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:14

I post this every time this question comes up because I still haven't seen worse:

Fun story. Back in 96 or so I saw a used car dealer had a MR2 turbo in the classifieds and I was in the market. Drove over, and as normal, it had 'just been sold'. I told the guy I wasn't really interested in anything else as I was just looking at the MR2 because I was interested in a cheapish mid-engined car. He goes 'Oh, we have just the thing around back, stay here and I'll pull it around'.

So I'm wondering what it's going to be...X1/9? late 70s Espirit (they were dirt cheap at the time)?...Nope, it was a freaking del Sol. I'm like 'Um...that's not mid engined...' He ensures me that it is so I pop the hood and point and say...'No it's front engined see'.

He goes "All cars have their engines in the front. What mid-engined means is that it's the companies middle sporty car. The MR2 is mid engined because it's faster than the Celica but slower than the Supra. The del Sol is mid engined because it's faster than the Civic, but slower than the Prelude.'

So yeah...

macanamera > LappingLuke
12/12/2014 at 13:15

The fact that he vaguely knew what a differential does is shocking enough that I will give that a pass.

macanamera > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 13:17

Yikes.

ACESandEIGHTS > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:21

"Cleveland is much more important now, culturally. They just opened the Gay Games this week." At which point the dealership owner made a "whaaaa?" expression/noise and elbowed him out of the way with an "anyway, so..."

True story, hand to God, can tell you both of their names.

djmt1 > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:22

I thought the whole point of the 12c's paddles was that you could switch gears while turning?

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:23

The dumbest thing a car salesman told me is:

Dad: "Hey your arms are getting big, you should take steroids."

You: "no way it will make my dick shrink."

Dad: "So what? it's not like you use it."

HAHAHAHAHA

Kinja'd!!!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 13:25

lol wutermelon

BorkBorkBjork > LappingLuke
12/12/2014 at 13:25

He might have just gotten his terminology wrong. The last gen trucks did have an electronic locking rear diff on some models.

OPPOsaurus WRX > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:27

I went with my brother-in-law to look at Corolla's. He would have gone for a Model S but it was 3x or 4x more than he wanted to spend. The Sales guy put down my WRX and Subaru's in general and didn;t know if ther was a difference in the engine between the typical Corolla and the Sport model. He said something pretty dumb about the CVT but I cant remember it.

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 13:27

I'd seriously have put him on blast.

macanamera > djmt1
12/12/2014 at 13:28

Idk. It's a matter of preference, but on the GT-R they are always just right there. Left is down, right is up. Always. On the 12C, it's like if you turn the wheel a quarter turn to the right, then up is down, and down is up.

Captain of the Enterprise > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 13:30

faked me out for a second he still would have been wrong but I thought he was going to explain that it was mid engined because it was behind the front wheels

macanamera > Luc - The Acadian Oppo
12/12/2014 at 13:30

But I told you that...and I'm not a car salesman...

LappingLuke > BorkBorkBjork
12/12/2014 at 13:33

Yeah but they don't lock when one wheel goes faster than the other...if it did it would lock anytime you tried to turn and it might as well be locked 100% of the time

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:37

He should try driving my car which takes roughly 7 million shifts every couple miles to stay in the powerband. I'm shifting through corners all the damn time.

Group B Enthusiast - Captain of the supercharged barge > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:42

I always just assume the sales guys have no idea what they're looking at, and I'm rarely disappointed. lol Though, I have met a few that were gearheads through and through.

HammerheadFistpunch > LappingLuke
12/12/2014 at 13:43

to be fair, it he could have be talking about the G80 autolocker option.

HammerheadFistpunch > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 13:46

HAHA! love that. reminds me of when I was shopping for cruisers and I kept asking out of state dealers if it had the locker option (front and rear lockers were an option).

yup!

oh great, so it has the front and rear lockers?

yup, the button (its a dial) locks everything up centrally. (he was talking about the center diff lock that ALL cruisers have)

Um, no, i mean does it have the front and rear axle locking option, its a dial near the steering wheel.

Yeah, its got that button, it locks everything up from the middle.

Sigh. Thanks, bye.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:47

The V6 in this has great pickup right? Gets the H3 moving real good!

The above rage comic face was exactly the look on my face when he said it. (5 cylinder in case you didn't know)

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:50

but it's still funny!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 13:51

whelp, now we know why you tell it everytime this question is asked.

you win

jariten1781 > HammerheadFistpunch
12/12/2014 at 13:51

Haha...my only memory of my great-grandmother came after I spouted some nonsense as a child. She responded with:

"Boy, if you don't know nothin, don't say nothin"

Double negatives aside, it was good advice.

macanamera > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
12/12/2014 at 13:52

Didn't they switch to the V6 in later models like the Alpha and stuff tho?

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:52

When we were buying my wife's Versa, the sales guy kept telling us it had a CVT, which was incorrect and if it was true, we wouldn't have bought the car. I asked him if he was sure, and he was, so I didn't press him on it.

JGrabowMSt > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:52

"There's nothing wrong with this car."

HammerheadFistpunch > LappingLuke
12/12/2014 at 13:53

The G80 is a speed sensing locker. I'm not aware that GM has ever put an electronic locker in their trucks, but I could be wrong. Anyway, check out the G80

Tom McParland > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 13:59

I've mentioned this story before as to why there were rear drum brakes on a 24k VW Jetta, "Oh they are the newest thing, all the brand are going that way." Not enough face nor enough palm for that comment.

macanamera > Tom McParland
12/12/2014 at 14:03

You should have told him you aren't stupid. If drum brakes are the newest thing, I want a car that has them all around. Got any of those, jackass?

HammerheadFistpunch > Tom McParland
12/12/2014 at 14:04

its a vw thing. I remember when we were shopping for the sportwagen my wife mentioned that she really liked the space of her B5 passat.

"oh well the new jettas are built on the same platform as the old passats so they are basically the same car."

I just looked at here and mouthed "not really" and shook my head when he had turned.

Tom McParland > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 14:05

I asked why all the Audis on the lot still had 4 wheel discs...he said "Oh they haven't caught up yet." I went inside and asked the manager if I could have a different salesperson that actually knew what the hell they were talking about. When the next guy came out, this dude had a long walk back to the showroom.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 14:06

nope 2 different I5's lived in it and then the 5.3L V8.

I'd totally DD a V8 H3 for the record, I even enjoyed driving the I5. Can't see shit out of them though, and we were shopping for my wife's DD not mine.

Dsscats > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 14:06

"It's stick shift because you can change gears with this button"

macanamera > Tom McParland
12/12/2014 at 14:08

I would have said:

"It's your lucky day, my friend. I happen to be an eccentric billionaire, and I want to make your day. From now on, any new VW or Audi you get with drum brakes all around I will buy. From you. You get a shipment of 100 in, I'll buy all 100 from you. Here's my card."

macanamera > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
12/12/2014 at 14:09

Wait there was a V8 H3? I didn't know that!

macanamera > Dsscats
12/12/2014 at 14:10

That's just a fact everyone knows that.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 14:10

Kinja'd!!!

in the ALPHA

lol. I normally wouldn't put this face on something, but just because you actually mentioned the Alpha model hahaha

Tom McParland > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 14:12

Hahahaha

Evil-B > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 14:49

I prefer the paddles on the wheel because I do shift mid corner.

Evil-B > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 14:50

WOW

macanamera > Evil-B
12/12/2014 at 14:50

I get the feeling you are saying that with little experience.

Funktheduck > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 15:00

when I was car shopping this year I had the slimiest salesman you can imagine. He had the stereotypical painted on fake smile and was willing to say anything to make a deal.

When they asked what I was looking for I said a manual focus. After about 15 minutes he pulled up in a fiesta. Got things sorted but no manual focus. Drove an auto instead. I told him I was basically choosing between the focus and mazda 3. He said they were the same car bc they shared a platform. That was true in the past but not anymore. He also kept going on and on about the McPherson struts, basically implying the 3 didn't have them and they were super special. This focus had rear drums and he said they were better than rear discs because the car would stop faster.

He pissed my girlfriend off because he kept calling her "the misses" despite her repeatedly saying we're not married and she has a name.

Evil-B > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 15:02

If by experience you me hooning the living shit out of a rental 2015 Corolla S on some winding country roads in Wisconsin you would be correct.

I'm still kind of sad I didn't notice it had paddles for the first 48 hours I will never get those 2 days back.

I have driven many cars and the only car I found more fun than that Corolla was a 97 twin turbo rx7, don't ask why I honestly have no idea I just got excited every fricken time I got in that car. I am aware that sounds retarded.

Funktheduck > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
12/12/2014 at 15:11

So you basically live in a fast and furious race scene

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Funktheduck
12/12/2014 at 15:13

Essentially yes. Except for the slowness and diesel tractory noise.

macanamera > Evil-B
12/12/2014 at 15:13

Uh twin turbo RX7s are awesome so no, that doesn't sound retarded at all.

Also, in my experience, paddles mounted to the steering column (instead of the actual steering wheel) are better.

Funktheduck > OPPOsaurus WRX
12/12/2014 at 15:13

Every corolla has the same engine except the rare xrs model which has the celica engine

Evil-B > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 15:19

I mean about the Corolla being be second choice at all. lol

Funktheduck > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
12/12/2014 at 15:19

The early movies' drag scenes took 10-15 minutes to go 1/4 mile. That's slower than I walk. You're practically speed racer.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Funktheduck
12/12/2014 at 15:21

is there anything differnt in the tuning maybe? or do they just stick an S to the back anbd call it a day

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Funktheduck
12/12/2014 at 15:24

That's true. Plus I manage to finish that distance without crashing into a truck.

Funktheduck > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
12/12/2014 at 15:49

or manifold issues that cause your floor pan to fall out

Funktheduck > OPPOsaurus WRX
12/12/2014 at 15:50

Mechanically the same. The s has a better interior and usually audio upgrades. Usually a spoiler and body kit added

I had a corolla s. Compared it to base and top model

AM3R shamefully returns > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 16:46

a salesmen once told me that the DTC (traction control) button in a E92 BMW meant "dual temperature control" and proceded to press it as I'm test driving the car in the rain.

ranwhenparked > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 17:02

Good news, because of your awesome credit score, we can go ahead and add the VIN etching and paint and fabric protector, and your payment won't budge at all.

Redbulldidlo > macanamera
12/12/2014 at 17:24

I haven't had experience, but wouldn't you just know it by hand, not by orientation?

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > jariten1781
12/12/2014 at 22:59

I just had to pause my eating and have a moment of silence for all those blessed with fewer brain cells than our good selves.

Joel Ness > macanamera
12/13/2014 at 03:52

Oh, that's is probably just the dash board wiring (on an e39), we'll get it fixed. It said "Engine failsafe mode". Who knows what kinda shaninigans were going on there.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > jariten1781
12/14/2014 at 00:58

wow

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Tom McParland
12/14/2014 at 01:02

I was going to comment on this "this wasn't my experience, but I read one Oppo where, (your story)" because that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Dsscats
12/14/2014 at 01:03

ef-ing A man...

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Group B Enthusiast - Captain of the supercharged barge
12/14/2014 at 01:15

I was that salesman. Lol. I was really sad to find that not one other salesman gave one single flying shit about cars, at least the dealership I worked at.

I remember one time a fellow salesman saying that a factory blacked out, ( Dodge calls it "Blacktop Package), 4 cylinder Dodge Avenger was a "sportscar" I almost slapped him for insulting sports cars everywhere. my exact reaction was "No its a front wheel drive econo box, with a 4 cylinder engine, and automatic transmission, and about as far from "sporty" as they get." Also this guy once owned an Aztec.

jvirgs drives a Subaru > macanamera
12/14/2014 at 11:14

And when mounted on the column, they are usually massive so finding them isn't really an issue

Group B Enthusiast - Captain of the supercharged barge > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles
12/14/2014 at 12:05

XD I've learned to forgive the average citizen for their automotive-ignorance, but there are times when I just wanna punch 'em right in the mouth. haha Someone once insisted that my Impala SS (B-Body) was a 'fake', because 'those cars only came with a 454'... SMH