'Tis the season

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
12/09/2014 at 22:14 • Filed to: None

For my Jewish ass to go to the Christmas tree place in front of the mall and strap a Christmas tree on the roof of my gas guzzling SUV, because my Catholic gf luuuurves Christmas so much, because MURRICA.

DISCUSSION (25)

PyramidHat > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:18

Mazel Tov?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:22

Oy vey.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:24

Living the American dream, strapping a tree to a gas guzzling SUV that you bought in front of a mall. Just like in the movies.

I own dead car brands only > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:28

so, what's the jeep packing?

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:29

Kinja'd!!!

You should get a Star of David tree topper, which apparently they make.

Rainbow > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:33

Kinja'd!!!

I thought you were supposed to use a tree, not a shrub.

Actually, that's about the size I usually get, I think...

Textured Soy Protein > I own dead car brands only
12/09/2014 at 22:34

That thang's got a Hemi innit.

thebigbossyboss > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:34

Lol.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Logansteno: Bought a VW?
12/09/2014 at 22:34

They sell Jeeps at the mall now?

Textured Soy Protein > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
12/09/2014 at 22:35

The first time I saw one was in the SkyMall catalog.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 22:35

Probably somewhere.

I own dead car brands only > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:37

aww I have a soft spot for base jeeps, my jeep I want would be a base V6 model with awd. Consider me satisfied.

Textured Soy Protein > I own dead car brands only
12/09/2014 at 22:44

I wanted Quadra-Drive II 4wd with the automatic locking front and rear differentials. Which you can sometimes find on the 4.7, but it's standard with the Hemi.

Textured Soy Protein > Rainbow
12/09/2014 at 22:48

It looks small because they baled it up before putting it on the roof. In the stand, it's right about 6 feet tall not including the one stick in the middle.

Cat included in picture for scale.

Kinja'd!!!

We'll get it all decorated up tomorrow.

Rainbow > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 22:49

Nice! Hang some Hot Wheels on it! :D

Anon > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 23:07

Man I bet yall's family get togethers are fun!

Textured Soy Protein > Anon
12/09/2014 at 23:23

Well, her family is here in Wisconsin, and mine is spread across DC, Boston and Chicago. So it's tough getting everyone in the same place. But various things that will happen include:

Her dad constantly leaving Fox News on in the background, and then saying things that are a little bit racist.

My mom reciting conversations she had with someone else, word for word.

My maternal grandma trying to act like all of her medical problems don't exist, and making up cockamamie excuses like the reason she can't hardly walk any more isn't her arthritis and bunions that are older than I am, but because it's windy outside, the ground is uneven, or her legs are shorter than mine, then sticking her fingers in her ears like a 5 year old if anyone disagrees with her.

Her sister reciting conversations she had with someone else, word for word.

My paternal grandpa rambling on about scholarly meteorology things and then nagging my female cousin and sister to just get pregnant with some great grand babies for him already.

My vegan sister attempting to proselytize us with her vegan-ness by making vegan baked goods that don't taste nearly as good as the real version with eggs and butter.

Her mom talking about all the gambling she's done lately and all of the not-quite-legit Kohl's coupons she bought on eBay.

My 65 year old uncle who lives in Denver making sure to remind us repeatedly that the only people at his gym who can squat more than him play for the Broncos.

My brother finding fault with anything and everything, then talking about himself as if he is the greatest human being in the history of human beings, in spite of his having used his finance degree to land a lucrative career as a bartender.

Her brother-in-law creepily calling her parents Mom and Dad when they aren't his parents.

Everyone asking me for tech support, then beating me at scrabble.

Anon > Textured Soy Protein
12/09/2014 at 23:37

Ehh sounds like a normal family to me!

zeontestpilot > Textured Soy Protein
12/10/2014 at 06:14

So nothing out of the ordinary? :D.

Also, are brother in laws not suppose to call their inlaws mom and dad? I'm curious because I call my inlaws mom and dad, which is still weird inside after 4 years of marriage, but I thought it was the proper way to do it.

zeontestpilot > Textured Soy Protein
12/10/2014 at 06:17

If it makes you feel better, Xmas has evolved to a point that it's no longer focused on the birth of Jesus. The focus is more on the togetherness of the family.

Textured Soy Protein > zeontestpilot
12/10/2014 at 09:32

When I go to church along with her Catholic family, they sure do talk about Jesus a lot. They even have the little play where a 7 year old says, "even though she had not had relations with a man, Mary was with child!" Telling a bunch of 7 year olds about having relations. Pshh.

Only reason I go is because even with my hanging back and not going up for communion, that's less awkward than me just staying back at her parents house while he rest of them go to church.

Textured Soy Protein > zeontestpilot
12/10/2014 at 09:34

Calling your inlaws mom & dad feels weird to you because it IS weird. No way in hell I'd ever do that. They're not my parents, I'm not calling them mom & dad.

zeontestpilot > Textured Soy Protein
12/10/2014 at 11:09

I think it's a matter if preference. They don't mind it. It's weird because it is a 2nd set of parents (and grandparents), but they are the parents of my wife. I did call them mom-in-law and dad-in-law when I first got married, I just shortened it to mom and dad over time.

zeontestpilot > Textured Soy Protein
12/10/2014 at 11:15

I love how they neglect that, during the flood, that every one/thing on earth drowned. Can you imagine thousands of people trying to swim? Whole cities populations, desperately trying to keep their head above the water. The weak easily get fatigue, going into the drop, dark water, never to be seen agsin. The people pounding of the ark's door begging, crying to be let in.

Also, Elijah and the she-bear. No one ever mentions that.

RockThrillz89 > Textured Soy Protein
12/10/2014 at 17:22

At least your uncle doesn't show you pictures of the various hookers he has picked up since the last family get together. It's not a family get together until we get to see pictures of "this colored gal that was coming over a while back." Or my favorite: "Red (some frequent lady visitor that has red hair from a bottle, no idea of her real name) tried out my new stripper pole I put up in the shop." And my father and I are even lucky enough to be able to see these fine ladies of the night nude (albeit whether we want to or not [spoiler alert: we don't]). The ladies in the house only are made to see the tasteful pictures (usually amounting to the ladies wearing what would barely pass for a bag that oranges are sold in).

The rest sounds about right. Especially having Fox News in the background.