JEREMY CLARKSON HAS NO SOUL

"Raphmoe" (raphmoe)
12/09/2014 at 09:59 • Filed to: tips, journalism, journalismism, raphmoe, save the manuals, row your own, 5 speed, manual, manuel

jalops, I am utterly astounded and flabbergasted. Jeremy Clarkson is against row your own gearboxes.

WHY!? Well, he wrote thusly:

Oooh, it's happening quickly. Five minutes ago, hybrids were for stupid people who thought that driving a car with two engines would help to preserve the world's resources. And electric cars were for the terminally idiotic.

No, really. They were. I once staged a head-on crash between a G-Wiz and a kitchen table, and the table came off best. And what's the point of driving a car that makes the world a better place, if you're not going to be around to enjoy it?

But that was then and this is now, and everything is very different. The two best supercars ever made are hybrids, the BMW i8 is leaving all who drive it slack-jawed with admiration, and on the electric-only front, we've gone from the G-Wiz to the i3 in one move. Which is a bit like Orville and Wilbur Wright landing at Kitty Hawk and saying: "OK. That sort of works. Now let's build an F14."

The good old-fashioned internal combustion engine is being eclipsed at an astonishing rate, and sitting around lamenting its demise puts me in mind of Neil Young endlessly moaning about the death of vinyl and how digital sound doesn't have quite the same richness. That may be true, but you can't scratch the songs on your iPod.

It was convenience that killed off the LP, and yet more convenience that heralded the demise - in about a month - of the CD. Because when a better idea comes along, it's incredible how quickly it takes off. One minute, you had a phone on your hall table. The next, you didn't. Because it was in your pocket, or on your wrist.

One minute, you were using a typewriter, and then - bam! - you had a laptop. One minute, you were posting your letters in a postbox. And then you were sending emails. One minute, you were recording an episode of Downton Abbey on a video-cassette recorder. Because you'd set the control wrong. And then you were using Sky+.

There never seems to be much of a transition period with these things. The world doesn't sit around for a few years chewing a collective Biro and wondering what's best. One minute, you smoked cigarettes. And then you smoked vapour. One minute, you went to the library, and then you had an internet.

This is what's happening in the world of cars. Because how much time do you need exactly to choose between a Porsche 911 and a BMW i8? You learn that one needs a gallon of fuel to do 20 miles. And the other needs a gallon to do 134 miles, and you make your mind up immediately. Unless you are a raving lunatic.

And let's not forget, shall we, that the i8 is a first-generation performance hybrid. It is the equivalent of those early mobile phones and early green-screen home computers. So if the pace of change is as fast, imagine how good cars like this will be in five years' time.

And imagine what else, apart from the motor, will be powered and run by electricity. Already, it is used to handle the steering and to find the most efficient route and to avoid crashing into the car in front. It's used to keep you in your lane while you're sending a text, and to turn on the lights when it goes dark and to move your seat about.

And I'm not talking about expensive cars here, either. All of this stuff is available right now on common-or-garden hatchbacks. I have an Audi S1 on test now, and it's a forest of electro-cleverness in there.

And yet. It is still fitted with a manual gearbox. So was the brand-new Corvette I tested recently. And so are various Astons.

Don't you find this strange? We live in a world where the auto industry is capable of making cars that won't crash and will do 134mpg. And yet it is still making manual gearboxes. Which is a bit like living in a high-tech flat and using candles to find the loo.

Now I will admit that, when I'm at a track, I spit tacks and use bad words when a car refuses to engage the gear I've selected on its flappy-paddle system. I know why, of course; because if you ask for second when you are doing 70mph, you will blow the engine to smithereens. But it's my engine, and if I want to blow it up, then why should I be prevented by an electronic nanny?

It's much better to have a manual when you are driving on a track for fun. Because then you are in charge and you have more control. But at all other times, a car with a manual gearbox is like a television with no remote control. A damn nuisance.

Speed is one thing. A while back, Richard Hammond and I had a bit of a drag race - with police permission, I should add, in case the Daily Mail is reading this - on a Romanian motorway. He was in a Ferrari California with a double-clutch flappy-paddle gearbox. I was in an Aston Martin DBS with manual. Both cars accelerated at exactly the same rate, but every time I changed gear, I would drop back about 10 feet. His changes were seamless. Mine weren't. Mine couldn't be.

Then there's traffic. It's always bad to be caught up in a slow-moving jam, but when I am in a car with a manual 'box, I am tempted sometimes to get out and kill myself. Because constantly balancing the clutch pedal is wearisome and painful. It's like being in a gym. And nobody in their right mind would choose to visit one of those.

Country roads? Town? Car parks? I can think of no place in the real world when a manual gearbox is better than a modern paddle-operated manual or a smooth-shifting auto. And yet, in cheaper cars, there seems to be no appetite to make a change.

Money is one reason, of course: double-clutch systems are expensive. But so is fuel injection. And that's never cited as a reason by anyone for launching a car these days with twin-choke Webers.

Flappy-paddle 'boxes were lamentable when they first came out. They were jerky and imprecise, and you could never parallel park on a hill. But now they are smooth and there's some inbuilt creep, and they are wondrous. And so surely, it is time to wave goodbye to the manual.

Oh, I know there will be some snuffly noses and damp handkerchiefs from the purists. But look at it this way: when we are all driving hybrid cars that can find their way around by themselves and sipping fuel in the same way that a vicar sips his tea at an old lady's funeral, there's nothing to stop people who crave the past driving a big V8 with a manual 'box and a longwave radio.

In the same way that today the horse is completely useless. You can't even eat it. But the countryside is full every weekend with people using them just for fun.

Source: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

DISCUSSION (82)

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:04

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/well-i-guess-t…

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:06

He's not wrong, it wont stop me buying manuals for as long as I can though.

JR1 > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:09

He is a grumpy old man who wants conveyance over excitement

For Sweden > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:10

Which is a bit like living in a high-tech flat and using candles

For a man who gets all weepy-eyed over a Jag replica he's a horrible romantic.

Raphmoe > JR1
12/09/2014 at 10:10

He is no longer a true Jalop. He does not understand the soul of cars like we do.

wkiernan > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:10

Got no soul

But he sure can troll

Kate's Dirty Sister > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:11

It was about the time he realized that. I'm a bit puzzled as for why he completely omitted to mention the Model S for the electric part of his column.

As for the manual, our friend The Daily Hoon wrote pretty much the same thing ONE YEAR ago, and people thought he was a troll.

http://jalopnik.com/the-point-is-t…

Raphmoe > For Sweden
12/09/2014 at 10:11

but jaguars will have sex with you and perform coitous in various forms where as the cars he is talking about are not; what i am trying to say is Clarkson is no longer a true jalop and is an old bag of sand.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:12

Pretty much everything he said there is right. Manuals may be more fun, but they are not as good as a modern automatic for real-world daily driving.

Raphmoe > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:12

False; I prefer to row my own and heel-toe downshift all the time.

Manuals are real.

Manuals are love.

Raphmoe > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again.
12/09/2014 at 10:13

sorry friend i did not see your post from this morning; I did not mean to repost.

JR1 > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:13

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nRB8Jo…

Raphmoe > JR1
12/09/2014 at 10:13

yeah stick that horn up his butthole

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:14

Yes, but just because some people prefer it doesn't make it easier or better.

Kate's Dirty Sister > wkiernan
12/09/2014 at 10:14

I don't think he's trolling, I think he's just tired of people continually missing the point for the sake of purisitery

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:16

Not mine, ethenseals.

BrtStlnd > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:18

"But at all other times, a car with a manual gearbox is like a television with no remote control. A damn nuisance."

So true. There is fun to be extracted from a manual gearbox, but for many people, it's a very small percentage of overall driving.

duurtlang > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:19

True. But because some people prefer it, it invalidates your statement. It's not like automatics have only got advantages and zero disadvantages. If modern double clutch automatics are better depends on what you consider important. It's a matter of opinion, not fact.

wkiernan > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:21

Excuse me? "Prefer it" is pretty much the same thing as "is better," at least in the preferrer's opinion.

Kate's Dirty Sister > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:21

the BMW i8 is leaving all who drive it slack-jawed with admiration

That's exactly how I felt driving the Model S, I had no real expectations, just a fair share of curiosity. But after having driven it, and driven fast, I was just like "take my manual and my IC engine, I want a performance EV"

Looking forward for that Model 3, and more realistically, to the new Chevy Volt

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > duurtlang
12/09/2014 at 10:22

Yes, but that's not my point. My point is that, as much as people enjoy a manual, hell, as much as I enjoy driving a manual sometimes, there will come a day when you really can't buy a new car with one anymore, because for the majority of the population, they are a pain every day. The fact that there are some who prefer them all the time won't be able to save them. I'm not saying this is good, I'm just saying Clarkson is right that manuals are on the way out in new cars.

duurtlang > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 10:22

I don't think he was being a troll, but he did posit an opinion as a fact. Which is true for Clarkson as well.

duurtlang > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:23

There's nothing in there I disagree with. Manuals are on the way out. Sadly.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > wkiernan
12/09/2014 at 10:24

But the number of people who prefer it does not make them shift smoother, or faster, or get better fuel economy. And while a manual may have a large set of distinct advantages, the days when you can buy one on a new car are numbered.

I don't prefer manual or automatic, I'd drive either. I'm just saying that manuals are not likely the future.

wkiernan > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:25

I hope to be dead by then.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > duurtlang
12/09/2014 at 10:25

The good news is, we should be able to buy some truly excellent used bargains with manuals in the future, and we still have probably 5-10 more years of significant manual presence on the market.

thebigbossyboss > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:25

False. The best transmission is the one you like best. It's your car, if I want a manual, I am going to have one.

thebigbossyboss > wkiernan
12/09/2014 at 10:26

Yes. In economics they would call this "non homogenous preferences"

crowmolly > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:26

If you take enjoyment out of the equation (I know that's a big request) I don't know what else a modern manual can really offer over a modern automatic.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:26

Is it bad that I agree with this 100%?

thebigbossyboss > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:27

Automatics have been around since about 1945. What didn't kill manuals in the last 69 years won't kill it now.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > wkiernan
12/09/2014 at 10:27

I hope you're not, because it may not be too long.

thebigbossyboss > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 10:28

Where did you get to drive Tesla?

thebigbossyboss > BrtStlnd
12/09/2014 at 10:28

The only thing that gets me is when there's a long line for a stop sign.

jariten1781 > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:28

I prefer a manual box even if it's objectively worse in most (all?) metrics...just like I prefer home cooking where it's more expensive, requires effort, things are measured imprecisely with pinches and cooked in an oven with large temperature tolerances to cheaper factory made food where salt is measured to the exact grain and cooked with tenth of a degree precision.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > thebigbossyboss
12/09/2014 at 10:28

Correct, but the fact that you want one does not guarantee that carmakers will build them forever, which is my point.

bob and john > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:30

no, hes right. The auto is now better then the manual in every measurable way.
now which way is more fun?

its like carbs VS FI. Fi is better in every single way. they use less gas, they are more powerful and they are easier to tune. but some people still want carbs.

I dont mind having an auto for my daily driver. being stuck in traffic and what not. I COULD 'man up' and get a manual. but for a daily...why would I? why make a job harder for the sake of making it harder? Especially on a car that is supposed to get from point A to point B and nothing else.

if I want fun? yes, then I prefer a manual. but other then that, its kinda useless these days.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > thebigbossyboss
12/09/2014 at 10:30

I think the difference was, in 1945 they were slow, jerky, and generally not good. Today, they are smooth, fast, and efficient. That's the big difference. Look at how popular manuals used to be vs. how many there are now.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 10:31

ITT: Things being objectively "just as good" or better in a way qualified with metrics is totes the same as something which is distinctly different as an activity, because taste is totes not a thing, only the relative "goodness". Totes.

I'd be the first to agree that a lot of cars are better with autos in terms of the character of the car (I drive a Benz, after all), and that a lot of performance models are more in their idiom with a double-clutch. Also, that demand that every model have a stick is idiocy. That doesn't mean that we can't conjecture that the intangible qualities of certain types of drivers' cars work quite well with a stick, and "no manuals for you because technology" is a totally farcical statement.

Let's assume by way of analogy a shepherds' pie and a steak-and-kidney pie that are available at a lunch place somewhere. The shepherds' pie will be better for you, probably, and less intensive of resources, and may even be objectively better in various quality metrics - more balanced seasoning, less oversalting, fresher ingredients, a chef more expert in its production... Yet for all that, let's say 10% of customers still want the steak-and-kidney. Yes, let's tell them all to fuck off? Even with the profit margins being weaker on the pie, even with a less certain popularity, one might understand the indignation if it just disappears from the menu. The replacements, for all the metric similarity this and better technology that are simply not the same thing, and we shouldn't pretend that they are because some quasi-mythical idea of "progress" requires us to.

The Transporter > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:33

I couldn't help but notice that the name "Tesla" was conspicuously absent from his discussion of electric cars.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:33

Kinja'd!!!

Jeremy: Being realistic is the easiest and swiftest path to mediocrity.

thebigbossyboss > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 10:35

In the US they're declining. But the USA is not the whole world, even if it is the leading automotive nation in many respects.

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 10:41

Clarkson seems to have it in for Tesla for whatever reason. The i3 seems okay, but...c'mon.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > thebigbossyboss
12/09/2014 at 10:41

That's mainly due to the popularity of different styles of cars, and older cars in a lot of the world, but you have a point.

And even in other countries, autos are gaining popularity.

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 10:45

So now Clarkson is arguing for cars that make the most sensible transportation, as opposed to the one that just speaks to you for whatever indefinable reason? And this is the guy who wrote a whole book about how some machines had "soul" and others didn't?

Well, he's a genius, isn't he. He writes to rile people up, to get a reaction, which brings him readers.

And...it's working.

Kate's Dirty Sister > thebigbossyboss
12/09/2014 at 10:52

Friend of mine bought one

boobytrapsandtreasure > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 11:34

He and Musk have not been on good terms since TGUK did a review of the Tesla coupe a few years ago. Clarkson said some unkind things about it. Musk objected and called into question Clarkson's ability to tell the truth.

boobytrapsandtreasure > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 11:37

As someone who commutes I prefer driving a automatic. A stick would be a pain in the @$$.

Kate's Dirty Sister > boobytrapsandtreasure
12/09/2014 at 11:45

Ah yes, I remember that bricked Tesla story now

Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast > bob and john
12/09/2014 at 11:53

"...but for a daily...why would I?"

"...if I want fun? yes, then I prefer a manual"

Why would you not ALWAYS want to have fun driving? Even on a daily commute. Having fun counts as a use to me, so 'useless' is going a little far I think.

Kate's Dirty Sister > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet
12/09/2014 at 12:00

Not sure about this one.

Take Bill Caswell, he failed to be realistic, got his 15 minutes of glor, and now his he's drunk, penniless and mediocre.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 12:07

Well, ouch.

The human race has been beaten and held down by generational doctrine of being mediocre.

thebigbossyboss > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 12:35

Neat. I saw one on the street here in Ottawa, it had some vanity plate. I've seen two so far.

Kate's Dirty Sister > thebigbossyboss
12/09/2014 at 12:38

I see them pretty much on a daily basis here in Montréal, I'm surprised you don't see more of them in Ottawa

thebigbossyboss > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 12:40

...Your dealership is the closest and it's an electric car with limited range (like 200 kms right)? Because of inter provincial shenanigans, buyers may buy them in Toronto as well so that's a 5 hour drive. I think that's why.

Raphmoe > boobytrapsandtreasure
12/09/2014 at 12:41

well, turn in your jalop card

Raphmoe > NotUnlessRoundIsFunny
12/09/2014 at 12:42

he is no longer a jalop in my eyes

Raphmoe > The Transporter
12/09/2014 at 12:43

yeah i wonder why?

Raphmoe > Kate's Dirty Sister
12/09/2014 at 12:43

to be fair, he was always drunk and medicore, only now he has no money. lol, oops

Raphmoe > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet
12/09/2014 at 12:44

I agree. He is giving in to the sheep.

Raphmoe > BrtStlnd
12/09/2014 at 12:45

the pleasure from a perfect heel toe downshift is far greater than "comfort" while commuting. I choose to be different.

Raphmoe > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 12:45

Some people prefer slavery if they own slaves.

This does not make slavery better.

Clarkson prefers automatics now. Does that make them better?

No.

Dsscats > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 12:47

This brings up a good point. People have to get off of the "manual is better" bandwagon. Sure, 40% of the time it's more enjoyable, but for people who commute in traffic, it's just more stress, problems and concerns. Both manuals and automatics have their merits, and this circle-jerkism around manual being better is just frustrating.

BarryDanger > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 12:48

He's right, old cars are just like horses, for fun and nostalgia. Most people only take out their classics for a weekend cruise anyways. Why is this any different from the way people use horses?

For the average traffic packed commute, auto is better.

Raphmoe > Dsscats
12/09/2014 at 12:50

It's not circle jerkism because it is true.

Three pedals are the perfect lay out for cars and anything without three pedals is bad.

Raphmoe > BarryDanger
12/09/2014 at 12:51

Horses have souls, manual transmissions have souls. Automatic transmissions are soul sucking pieces of trash.

bob and john > Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast
12/09/2014 at 12:52

because the commute is not fun. I'm not trying to nail apexs or wring the crap out of my car. I just want to get to work.
the commute is on the highway. boring. And in traffic. At that point, the manual become a chore, its not fun.

now, if my commute was in the swiss alps, that would be a different story

boobytrapsandtreasure > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 12:59

I wish I could. I got drunk with Torchinsky and Orlove. They talked me into getting tattooed on my butt cheek.

Raphmoe > boobytrapsandtreasure
12/09/2014 at 13:01

you will regret that when they are replaced

RallyWrench > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 13:04

I thought Waymoe was love.

Raphmoe > RallyWrench
12/09/2014 at 13:04

fuck that guy

Dsscats > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 13:05

Just driving my point home.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 13:05

I meant "better" in the sense that they a now faster, smoother, and more efficient than their manual counterparts.

I'm all for manuals, and I totally get the advantages and why some people like them. But Clarkson is correct in saying that they do not pose enough advantages to enough people for most automakers to continue to offer them long into the future.

RallyWrench > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 13:05

I just shift my beater Subaru without the clutch. Best of both worlds!

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > RallyWrench
12/09/2014 at 13:05

I drive a manumatic.

Raphmoe > Dsscats
12/09/2014 at 13:08

auto tragically

RallyWrench > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 13:08

Kinja'd!!!

Raphmoe > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
12/09/2014 at 13:09

no, he is wrong and an ass and I eagerly await an article from Travis saying why Clarkson is correct and then an article from Jason or Raph saying that Clarkson is wrong.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Raphmoe
12/09/2014 at 13:17

Maybe he's wrong in saying that manuals present no real-world advantages, but come on. If manuals are so much better than autos, than why are so many automakers getting rid of them, so few consumers buying them, and so many enthusiast worrying that they might die.

1) You do not need to prefer manuals to be an enthusiast. That is a fact.

2) With the recent improvements of automatic transmissions, the number of consumers who would prefer an automatic in most developed countries is so great that for many automakers, it no longer makes financial sense to develop/sell a manual. That is also a fact.

These are the two main points the "ass" was making. You may not like the way he made them, but that's what they are.

Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast > bob and john
12/09/2014 at 13:20

Yeah, I'm just giving you a hard time. To each his own. :) Fortunately there are great car choices regardless of transmission.

A big thing I personally enjoy about a manual is that you are integral to the act of driving, an autonomous car will never be manual, so even at slow speeds I like the control and finesse it takes to move a ~2,000-4,000 lb machine using the clutch pedal. I'm a simpler enthusiast I think, and am never really aiming for apexes either.

It's simply the connection to the machine that I enjoy.

bob and john > Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast
12/09/2014 at 13:58

Dude, i ride a motorcycle, you dont connect much more then that.

but for getting to the office? I'd love to just get in a bubble, have it drive me so I can nap or catch up on some work or something on the way.

Wurrwulf > Raphmoe
12/10/2014 at 10:46

"You can't rationalize cars like these. They're not something you buy with your head; you buy with your heart because you love them, and who can explain love?" -J. Clarkson, Top Gear [07x03]