My life is about to change...

"BaconSandwich is tasty." (baconsandwich) 12/08/2014 at 23:41 • Filed to: dadlopnik, oppodads

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My wife is about to have a baby. Any advice for a soon-to-be dad?

AM3R shamefully returns > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/08/2014 at 23:43

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Happy wife=happy life

Kids=free labor!

-guy with no kids

itranthelasttimeiparkedit > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/08/2014 at 23:43

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prepare to have no free time. We have a 2 month old and I went from vigigames 2-3x week and working on my fleet every weekend to constantly doing baby things and waiting on my wife

PS9 > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/08/2014 at 23:43

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None. Just tons of envy and wishful thinking, mixed with the false hope that reincarnation is a thing.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/08/2014 at 23:45

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https://twitter.com/baddadjokes

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/08/2014 at 23:47

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Long term: Don't try to make them be what you want them to be. I mean stuff as in career, schooling(where to go to college), hobby's, sports, etc. You can try to make them be good person, that's okay if you want that.

-have no kids, just general advice I've heard along the way.

Redd, the RX-7 that could > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/08/2014 at 23:50

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The advice I have for you is irrelevant at this point.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Redd, the RX-7 that could 12/08/2014 at 23:54

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Ha ha! I can only guess what it may have been. This was planned. We both want children.

EDIT: Or to put it how they did in Band of Brothers - "Now remember boys - flies spread disease, so keep zipped up!"

Phyrxes once again has a wagon! > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 12/08/2014 at 23:55

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So much this....

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 12/08/2014 at 23:56

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I'd say that sounds pretty solid.

Phyrxes once again has a wagon! > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/08/2014 at 23:56

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As I write this my 7 week old is sleeping in a swing in my office. The Mrs. went to sleep a few hours ago and I've stayed up with him. I am about to try and pull off some mystical ninja moves and put him in the bassinet without waking him up.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 12/08/2014 at 23:58

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Oh man, that's awesome. Right in line with my sense of humour.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > AM3R shamefully returns 12/09/2014 at 00:00

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Reminds me of a Reddit thread I saw a few years back. The guy was saying "It took years, but it's finally starting to pay off" - and posted a picture of his kid mowing the lawn.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 12/09/2014 at 00:02

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Oh, I'm already there with no free time. I'm currently working two jobs, and am always trying to get little side projects done here and there.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > PS9 12/09/2014 at 00:03

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I'm sorry to hear that.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but I do believe people will be given a chance to learn/grow in the next life. Perhaps there is yet hope.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Phyrxes once again has a wagon! 12/09/2014 at 00:04

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Feel free to tell me how that goes. Some children seem to sleep like rocks. Others... not so much. I'm hoping for the former.

PyramidHat > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 00:06

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Random thoughts from a guy that went from being single to being in a relationship with someone who has a 5 (now 6) y/o daughter...

You're already married, so you're accustomed to the fact that your free time is not 100% yours; get accustomed to the fact that now even less of it will be 100% yours, fairly soon. Juggling your schedule to get to some of the projects that you want to do will become a challenge.

Kids have their own logic system that defies...well...logic, and they will get upset at the most ridiculous shit. Related: The floor can become lava at any point; crying will ensue if they can't get off of the lava fast enough.

You will spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning out your car. The GF's car is fairly thrashed, but I keep my car fairly clean. So when we came back from a road trip I looked back to find crushed Cheddar Bunnies in the rear carpet. I had to drive directly to the car wash. I am able to handle brake dust and rain smutz, but for some reason crushed Cheddar Bunnies were more than I could handle. Mind you, this is a Volvo station wagon, so it's more or less designed for this, but it's still the nicest car I've ever owned, so I still freak out.

Take a firm stand against stickers on the inside windows of your car. That may be the only battle you'll win.

The 6 y/o has shockingly good eating habits, which I attribute to her mother. I'm talking salmon and tofu and broccoli and such. Meanwhile, I power-throttle pizza into the face hole, like it's my last meal. Point being, maybe you might luck out on this; talk to your wife.

I used to roll my eyes when folks would talk about how much they love seeing the joy in the child's face (e.g. during Christmas). Now...well, trust me bro - that shit's real. A few weeks ago, we stopped off at a park that had a small rail line and she wanted to go on the train...she was absolutely ecstatic; because of that, so was I shockingly. Now - I can't say whether I'd feel that same ecstasy if I had, say, a 997 convertible, so take that for what it's worth.

Not sure how hold you are, but birthday parties are not what they used to be. In my day (the 70's) parties were cone-shaped hats and a 1/4 sheet cake served from the kitchen table while me and my friends horsed around in the backyard. Now they have places that you rent out for 2 hours with slides and Habitrail tubes and such. The kids play for an hour, they ring a bell and herd everyone into a back room where lunch and cake is served, then they kick you out after another hour. No clean up; just haul out the left overs and the presents and leave behind $350 for the experience (whoever thought of this is a genius).

Most importantly, most indoor kart racing has a lower age limit of ~8 years old, so keep that in mind.

Finally, Enzo is a fine name for either a boy or a girl, as far as I'm concerned.

Congratulations.

Spaceball-Two > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 00:10

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Girl: buy a gun

Boy: up your insurance

The sage advice my grandfather had for my dad.

I'll be in your shoes shortly. So good luck brotha!

Bandit > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 00:15

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Don't sell the car. I don't know if you have a fun one, but if you do, don't sell it.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Bandit 12/09/2014 at 00:15

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Hah, there's definitely no risk of that. Mine's got four doors - hers has two.

Redd, the RX-7 that could > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 00:16

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Having just grown up though (I'm 21) I actually do have some advice for you. Make sure you do whatever you can to let your kids experience the world. Kids are young and don't know how much there is out there. Put them in lots of sports, encourage them to try new things, they won't know for sure that they don't like it until they try it.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Redd, the RX-7 that could 12/09/2014 at 00:18

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I certainly like that idea. My wife and I want them to try a variety of things - even little things like food. They don't have to like it, but they have to at least try it once - and licking a piece of food isn't the same as trying it.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > PyramidHat 12/09/2014 at 00:41

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Oh man. That's some solid advice.

I understand that children do tend to get upset/excited about the most random things. Exhibit A: http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com/

As for the car thing: it doesn't bother me too much. I'm not the kind of person who has a dirty car inside, and I have come to the fact that it's going to end up filled with goldfish crackers, coloring books, crayons, and smell like sour milk. I'm okay with that. Maybe once all of our children reach a certain age we'll get something nicer, but for now our pair of 10+ year old cars are going to be fine.

That's totally awesome about the good eating habits. My wife works (worked?) as a librarian at an elementary school, and I'm the youngest of five (all my siblings are married with multiple children). We've seen plenty of good examples of what we'd like our children to be like, especially when it comes to food. It's okay that they don't like things, but they at least need to put in an honest effort into trying it.

For birthdays, it sounds like we are of a similar vintage. I totally dig the idea of hotdogs, watermelon and birthday cake (although I suppose it'll be in winter, so we'll need to adjust for that). It's keeping things simple. I don't care too much for the idea of all this Pinterest inspired stuff. That Habitrail thing sounds pretty crazy though. Sort of a modern-day Chuck-e-cheese.

As for the joy - that's totally awesome. I'm sure there are going to be some very challenging moments ahead, but it's the moments like that that make it all worth it. I know some people give Top Gear America a hard time, but I'll say this - Rutledge Wood seems like he's a pretty awesome dad. He's almost always smiling, and he takes pride in the little things. That's the kind of dad I'd like to be like.

PyramidHat > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 00:49

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Very good! One final thing I forgot: I read (on Cracked.com of all things) words to the effect of: If you #1 worry is that you're screwing up your child, then you're going to be fine. True, you may make mistakes, but in the end you're still focused on the right things.

Aaron James > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 00:53

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Enjoy every second of it. Being a dad is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Nobody knows what they are doing when the first become a parent but things just come naturally and you figure them out quick. Congratulations to you both, it's truly a beautiful thing.

HammerheadFistpunch > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 01:35

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Congrats again, just roll with it and pick your battles. Those little kiddos will be both the world to you and your occasional unlueing. Being tired alot means little things become fights, make sure to step back and realize you are both tired, and trying before letting it get to intense, its easy to fall out when your knackered

GrauGeist > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 01:51

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I surely hope that "her" car has rear doors, because lifting baby through the front door to a rear seat is going to get old real fast, no matter how strong your backs are right now.

Also, get the 3-wheel Expedition stroller - it's way faster and smoother than the 4-point 6-wheelers.

Try not to buy much stuff - kids go through stuff way faster than you'd think, and a lot of it is unnecessarily cheaply made.

Aside from that, you'll probably do fine, so try not to stress over everything.

Stef Schrader > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 02:08

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Puffalumps: fun for many, many, many years to come.

Also, start saving for college, like, now. It's already ridicuballs expensive. If somehow we overthrow the current backwards system and it magically becomes cheap by the time your kid's that age, then you'll still have a sweet little nest egg built up for the kid to go do some fun stuff or take care of other needs (reliable transportation, for example).

Stef Schrader > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 02:09

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I'm still mad at my dad for getting rid of his Corvette before I was born.

STRAP ME TO THE ROOF, IT'S A C3!

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 02:29

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Invent a savings account that you can put hours that you've slept into. For example, you slept 9 hours last night, but that was too many, normally you only sleep 7. Put the extra 2 into savings account for use later when your child decides explosive diarrhea at 2am between diapers is a good idea.

When your wife goes into labor, she is your queen. Figure out how she wants labor to go beforehand (water birth, home birth, no epidural, whatever) and make sure the doctors and nurses stick to this plan. They can be very pushy and stubborn. Do not leave the labor and delivery rooms unless your wife tells you to.

If money is tight or you just want to help the environment and save a few bucks, use cloth diapers. https://m.facebook.com/SmellephantFlu…

Around 10 days old your child will pretend to be a reptile and shed skin. It's gross but perfectly normal.

Don't know if you're worried or not, but daddy instinct will kick in as soon as you hold the kid for the first time. For lack of a less cheesy and clichéd term, it's magical.

Be patient. Be loving. Be there. For your wife and child.

orcim > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 02:56

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Ya know, I've had three, they are 21, 18 and 12. All boys, but in our various groups growing up, I got to see the girls grow up too ( it is SO weird seeing the 5 yr old girl become a woman... Really weird on one level and surprisingly normal on another. It was the 5 yr old phase that made it weird.)

What do you need to really know? That sleeplessness is in your future? That initially it may take a few weeks/months to connect with the new arrival at the level culture (and you) expects? That your partner may become a *different person* initially and your job will be to express your genetic inheritance to adapt and be flexible? That diaper changing comes not in time or space, but in numbers of diapers (my record is a 9 diaper event.) That you should be ready for "the shit" if you, your partner or your child becomes sick/ill/whatever (yeah, I've done the sick kid thing and my landmates have lost a child and then done the premie thing. Ugh.)

Base advice: forget what you were. That's in the past and irrelevant. The baby coming is going to be what it is. It's *not* going to change. Oh, you can *coerce* it to be what you want, but you'd be violating the basic human code of spirit - never destroy a spirt. Teach, mentor, love, but never destroy. You're already dead ( as in the "little death". Hanging on to what you were.) The baby coming defines a new you - get over it. If you hang on, then I predict pain and lots of it.

Your most important weapons? Happiness with what is. A few clearly defined "I gotta have this" rules (write them down.. no more than 3). And... realize that your partner is the reason for the prodigy - and that she is #1 in the relationship energy field. The kids are a *product* of that love and not the reason for it... don't confuse those. 10 years from now, that's going to be *real* important.

Phyrxes once again has a wagon! > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 07:52

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Our biggest thing was putting in a schedule for handling sleep and him; for reference I teach high school and my wife works from home. She has started going to bed earlier and I stay up handling him. Last night he slept from 8:30 to about 10:30 in my office, after he woke up I fed him, changed him, and put him back in the swing and he was about out by about 11:30. At that point I moved him into the bassinet in our room and went to bed myself. According to my wife he woke up around 3:00 this morning wanting food, I didn't even wake up until my alarm went off this morning.

AM3R shamefully returns > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 08:23

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Haha it's very true, I was mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, and raking leaves when I turned 11. The kiddo will also be the one carrying all the groceries from the car!

BJ > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 08:43

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Know that your job as a parent is two-fold:

(1) Keep the child safe that it may grow up healthy and strong. This doesn't mean you have to be hover-dad; it means that you make simple, smart choices that benefit the child. Good food, teach them right from wrong, show them a good example, and always be there to talk.

(2) Create an independent human being that can contribute to society. You can pamper your little princess, you can love your little monster even when he makes trouble, but if your special little snowflake can't make a positive contribution to society without expecting everybody else to hold his hand and carry his weight, then you've failed.

I have 3 kids and it's not easy. It's not always fun. It's not always clear what the right thing to do is. But it's an experience, a journey like no other, and it's a beautiful gift. Enjoy!

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 09:17

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Sleep now, you won't get to after the kid shows up. At least not for a few months. When you bring the kid somewhere bring an extra set of clothes for them. They will poop up the back. For the first few months they don't do much and are immobile. Enjoy this while you can. Once they start moving around you will be paranoid about what they will find on the floor and eat. They will eat flies and other dead bugs. Don't worry, those have some nutritional value and don't seem to be harmful. Start baby proofing your house now. It is easier to do it a little bit at a time than it is to do it the night your kid starts rolling around. Before they start crawling they will probably get around by rolling. A baby can cover a surprising amount of ground by rolling. Make it very clear that the baby only sleeps in your bedroom for a very short time. Everyone will start sleeping better once baby gets their own room. Sometimes they will cry. It's OK if they cry. Usually it is because they are tired/hungry/need to poop/went poop/thirsty/scared/there is a bright light/it is dark/it's Tuesday and sometimes it is totally random. Usually they will calm down once someone picks them up, but sometimes they don't. It is OK to put them in a swing and let them cry sometimes. Make sure your wife gets enough sleep. This means you are going to have some days when you don't get enough sleep. You can deal with lack of sleep better than your wife can, especially right after the baby is born. Your wife's hormones will be going crazy after having the baby. Relax and don't take anything she says too personally, things will calm down after a few weeks. Make sure you give your wife a chance to get out on her own and take a break from you and the baby. Make sure you get the occasional break from the baby. Spending the night in a La-Z-Boy not sleeping while you try to get the baby to sleep sucks and is the most amazing thing in the world.

itranthelasttimeiparkedit > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 09:42

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promise it will only get worse. I used to work 7am to 9pm during the week and then 10ish hours on the weekend. I've cut back to more normal hours and still have less free time

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 09:50

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Dude, my wife submitted a picture to Reasons My Son Is Crying, it got put on the site, and then it went global:

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Stef Schrader 12/09/2014 at 09:51

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My dad let go of a 356 B Super 90 after my oldest brother was born...

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 12/09/2014 at 09:56

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All of this.

Coachrotte33 > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 10:10

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Always be willing to sacrifice. Whether it is time, or things you would rather be doing, it will always be worth it. Congrats

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 10:20

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Congrats!

I've read through all the other comments already, and there's lots of good stuff that's already been mentioned. Our kids are 8, 6, and almost 2 (boy, girl, boy) and along with their mother, they're the joy of my life. Like others have said, it's not easy, and it's very tiring at times, but it's all worth it.

Kids don't know what's impossible in this world, so let them hold onto that amazing sense of wonder and limitless creativity for as long as you can. Let them dream and encourage their dreams. The world will eventually show them the hard truths of this life, but as their dad, let them shoot for the moon, while preparing them all the while for the realities of life if they don't make it.

I'm sure you've heard that it all goes by quickly, and it's very true. Do what you can to savor it. I have a journal for each of my kids that I write in from time to time (not as often as I'd like), and it's a way for me to remember little things from when they were littler. I'll give these to them at some point in the future as a gift; maybe when they leave for college. I'm sure they'll think it's super-cheesy at that age, but they'll know, in no uncertain terms, how much I love and care for them, and have their best interests at heart.

Also, I once read that the best gift you can give your kids is to love their mother. As much as you're able, put your wants and needs behind hers, especially in the short term, and show your kids in no uncertain terms that you adore her. And be intentional about keeping your relationship strong as your kids grow up; make time for just the two of you, with help from family or babysitters, as often as possible.

All the best!

Stef Schrader > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 12/09/2014 at 11:01

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{ cringes }

ttyymmnn > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 12:03

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I have three boys, one is 12 the other two are twins aged 9. I was talking to a friend a few years ago, soon after the twins were born, and I asked, "What was I thinking ?" He said, "You know exactly what you were thinking."

First and foremost, get as much sleep as you can, when you can. Sleep deprivation does things to your mind that you can't imagine. And you can't take it out on the source of your insomnia. It doesn't know what it does.

All I can do is wish you patience and understanding. I have grown rather cynical over the last 12 years. I remember the feeling when there was this little human who was crying and all it took was holding it to make it feel warm and safe again. I wish you patience when holding the baby isn't enough, because it won't always be. This little creature has no idea what it's doing in this world, nor how to function in it. Many adults still haven't figured that out. I wish you understanding in those times when your child does things that are so inexplicably crazy that you wonder how the human race survived.

I have heard it said that there are no good parents or bad parents, only those who try and those who don't try. All we can really do is try our hardest and hope for the best. Good luck to you and your wife.

Take a deep breath, and jump in.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Phyrxes once again has a wagon! 12/09/2014 at 12:42

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I noticed that when living with my sister and her family. At the time they had a 2 year old daughter that, every night at 8:00 pm, had a routine that got her in bed by 8:30 pm. Since we plan on breast feeding for the first bit, it might be a bit more difficult though.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > BJ 12/09/2014 at 12:43

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Some very good words of wisdom. I'll try to remember them.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 12/09/2014 at 12:46

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I suspect "free time" doesn't come again - even in retirement.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 12/09/2014 at 12:46

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Hah! That's awesome!

BaconSandwich is tasty. > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 12/09/2014 at 12:52

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That sounds like some very solid advice! Thanks a bunch!

BaconSandwich is tasty. > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 12/09/2014 at 12:54

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That's awesome. I quite like the idea of the journal for each child. I just might have to do that...

Phyrxes once again has a wagon! > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 13:15

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We have been breastfeeding and supplementing with formula as needed but my wife pumps so I can do the late night feeding. Depending on your health insurance status the pump can be at no cost to you, it was for us.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 13:18

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The reason was: they received new hats.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 14:11

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Congrats I can't say I'm not jealous. I've always loved kids, some have called be the baby whisperer since walking in the mall or something for some reason kids alway look and smile at me for no reason(and I don't think it's because I look funny). My friends have kids they start crying and I can 90% of the time sooth them in under a minute.

But a guy like me that love kids so much for some reason can't have any after 2 years of trying. The wife and I both got checked out and I have healthy swimmers and they can't seem to find anything wrong with her after the first checkups.

We are currently in line to meet with a fertility clinic but in Edmonton it's over a year waiting period.

I'm currently the last person in my entire bloodline that can continue our family name. If we can't have kids the Allain bloodline dies(NO PRESSURE).

The only advice I can give is don't sweat it you'll do fine. And remember you are their friend but you also are their parent and sometimes you'll have to be the parent instead of their friend.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 12/09/2014 at 14:57

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I'm sorry it's been rough for you and your wife. Don't ever give up hope, though. My brother and his wife were in a similar situation. After a few years of trying, they had a rather sudden surprise. They were on holiday, and she slipped and fell and hit her head pretty good. After they got back, she was feeling dizzy, so got checked out. The doctor came in and was like "Congratulations!".

I hope the best for you and your wife.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Phyrxes once again has a wagon! 12/09/2014 at 14:58

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Right. I had forgotten about pumping.

itranthelasttimeiparkedit > BaconSandwich is tasty. 12/09/2014 at 20:51

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I've been told once they hit 1yr or so that its a bit easier. but right now its change diaper, feed or burp her every 15minutes