How To Get Someone To Leave You Alone In Court

"SteveLehto" (stevelehto) 12/05/2014 at 14:33 • Filed to: None

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How do you get someone to leave you alone without causing a scene? Here's something that worked for me once. I can't guarantee it will work for you.

36 th District Court is in downtown Detroit and the Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct prohibit me from really telling you my opinion of it. Just suffice it to say that it is one of the most inefficient operations of any sort in the Western world. The court routinely loses documents and files, and judges sometimes don't bother showing up for work. Before 9/11, homeless people would come in from the cold to sleep in the hallways.

One day I had a case set to be heard at 8:30 a.m. and the judge didn't unlock the doors to her courtroom until 11:30. Luckily, mine was one of the three cases she called before noon – telling everyone else to come back "later." This made me late for an important meeting a few miles north in Oakland County so I hurried toward the elevators. As I was rushing down the hall, I saw a man out of the corner of my eye attempt to make eye contact with me. It was not uncommon to be hit up for handouts here at the time, but something told me this was different. The man fell in beside me and matched his pace to mine.

"Let me ask you something," he said, rather curtly, putting his hand in front of me to stop me.

I waved my hand as if to indicate I was in too much of a hurry to talk. I was, and I had no idea what he was going to ask. I don't think he was homeless. He was looking for some free legal advice. I kept walking, around his outstretched hand.

I made it to the elevator and a door opened. It was empty, I stepped in and punched the button for the ground floor. He stepped in and stood too close to me.

"I got a legal problem." He said it as if that explained why I could smell his breath.

I did my best to remain stone-faced. It's something I am actually pretty good at. I've been accused of having the male-equivalent of !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . (Contemporaneous photo above for reference.)

The elevator inched down, floot-to-floor, not stopping at any.

He pointed at my tie. "Ain't you an attorney?" He leaned forward, as if he was going to touch it.

I ran through my options.

What would get this guy to leave me alone? What other excuse might I have to be in this building wearing an expensive suit?

I looked him in the eye and said as authoritatively as possible, "No, I am a drug lord. "

His eyes widened as the doors to the elevator opened. He took a quick step back and then scurried into the mass of humanity on the ground floor. I never saw him again.

I made it to my meeting, albeit a bit late. And don't get me wrong. I have helped strangers before. I was approached in this same court by a crying woman who wanted her grandson to have an attorney and he hadn't hired one. After talking to her for a few minutes I agreed to help. She put a small wad of cash in my hand and said she'd pay me more later. I told her not to bother. When I counted the crumpled bills they added up to a hundred dollars. I wasn't even expecting that. A couple of times, I have also told people to skip sending me anything.

If the guy in the hall had at least approached me politely, I would have talked to him briefly. But, "Let me ask you something," with a hand in the face is not a proper greeting. Not even in Detroit.

Follow me on Twitter: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

Steve Lehto has been practicing law for 23 years, almost exclusively in consumer protection and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! He wrote !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . His podcast, Lehto's Law, is on iTunes !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

This website may supply general information about the law but it is for informational purposes only. This does not create an attorney-client relationship and is not meant to constitute legal advice, so the good news is we're not billing you by the hour for reading this. The bad news is that you shouldn't act upon any of the information without consulting a qualified professional attorney who will, probably, bill you by the hour.

Haimatox > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 14:41

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Ha! Speaking of court, an acquaintance of mine has a court date on Monday. He was caught doing 85 mph in a 60 mph zone. With five people in the car, three of which were not his family, which is illegal for a junior license holder to do where I live in New York. He's an idiot.

Tina Corbett > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 14:42

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Sounds like how I got these religious folks to stop coming to my place. After the 5th time they showed up, I told them I worshipped the devil and there were welcome to join my coven (or whatever it's called). They stopped showing up after that.

SteveLehto > Haimatox 12/05/2014 at 14:42

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Sadly, they can't charge him with being an idiot. The tickets will probably add up . . .

Thanks for the note.

SteveLehto > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 14:43

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That's funny. Thanks for the note.

McMike > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 14:46

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1994 double-breasted goodness.

SteveLehto > McMike 12/05/2014 at 14:46

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Thanks for noticing.

McMike > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 14:49

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How close was I? I had a suit just like that in the early 90s. I couldn't pull off the bitchyface, though. :)

505Turbeaux > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 14:51

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I actually have an interesting car related case, having to do with inspection laws up here in the great state of Maine. I think I am going to toss it at my sister who is a bit closer though she doesn't practice here either, but I would love your opinion of it. You can either give me resting bitchy face over internet without me taking one bit of offense, or maybe you would be intrigued enough to let me toss some sweaty hundreds at you for an opinion. Has to do with what we call up here a "Fish Truck" or "Farm Truck" inspection and my girlfriends father and a supposed "roadside inspection". You might have similar designations for such vehicles in Michigan too

SteveLehto > McMike 12/05/2014 at 14:52

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As for the year that pic was taken, you are very close. I was going to guess 95.

SteveLehto > 505Turbeaux 12/05/2014 at 14:57

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Email me directly and I will give you all the free opinions you can afford.

Lehto@kennon.com

505Turbeaux > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 14:59

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you are the best, I'll hit you in the next few days. Thanks Steve, a scholar and gentleman.

Funktheduck > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 15:08

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Last time I couldn't get a guy to leave me alone I vaguely stated someone was going to bash his face in with a chair in the very near future. It worked.

SteveLehto > Funktheduck 12/05/2014 at 15:15

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That was Plan B.

Birddog > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 15:32

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It sounds like you could get away with Rex Kramer's approach at that Courthouse.

SteveLehto > Birddog 12/05/2014 at 15:38

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I watched that last week. Yes!

Spacegrass > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:18

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HAHAHAHA excellent. However, not something I would think would go over well in a courthouse.

Davos Swinney > McMike 12/05/2014 at 17:20

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Roger Moore approves.

SerialThriller > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:21

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What if he had been a cop?

Paul E misplaced his star > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:22

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Several years back, I was in a grocery store picking up a couple things before I went to a real estate closing (I'm a Realtor), back in the days when suit and tie was still fairly normal in the business world and not just for bankers and attorneys in this neck of the weeds.

Like you, a drunken, likely homeless dude walks up to me while I'm the check-out line and asks me, slurred speech, 80-proof breath and all, "Let me ask you something.... are you a lawyer?" I respond, "Nope." He then asks, "Are you a doctor?" "Nope." Then he asks, "What are you then?" I politely said that I'm a Realtor, but really wanted to say, "I'm an equine proctologist. I can spot a horse's ass a mile away."

killerhurtalot3 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:22

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Is that you Steve the drug lord?

McMike > Davos Swinney 12/05/2014 at 17:23

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Double-breasted was the SHIT, man. I'm now at home desperately looking for photos of me wearing one.

Edit, this is the only one I had.

I really need to get back over to Mom's soon and find the rest of these.

Maxxuman > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:23

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"I have helped strangers before. I was approached in this same court by a crying woman who wanted her grandson to have an attorney and he hadn't hired one. After talking to her for a few minutes I agreed to help. She put a small wad of cash in my hand and said she'd pay me more later. I told her not to bother. When I counted the crumpled bills they added up to a hundred dollars. I wasn't even expecting that. A couple of times, I have also told people to skip sending me anything."

I guess drug lords can afford that sort of beneficence...

Doge_Supreme drives a BRZ > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 17:23

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We had religious folks show up one time at my parents farm. as soon as they opened the door to their car to get out our chiweenie who loves to go for rides in cars and had been out in the mud for the past couple of hours jumped in and bounced from lap to lap of everybody in the car coating them in mud. they never came back they just drive by our house every time.

highplainsdrifter > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:24

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Thats pretty much how I deal with Jehovah's Witnesses. The look in thier eyes when they hear gay porn legend is amazing.

SteveLehto > SerialThriller 12/05/2014 at 17:25

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He would have had to be WAY under cover. And he'd have to blow his cover to stop me.

Tina Corbett > Doge_Supreme drives a BRZ 12/05/2014 at 17:25

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Ive heard of people answering the door neekid, but I'm too afraid for that.

SteveLehto > Paul E misplaced his star 12/05/2014 at 17:26

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That's good. Thanks for the note.

SteveLehto > killerhurtalot3 12/05/2014 at 17:26

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I toyed with the idea of getting business cards printed. But seriously, would a drug lord self-identify as one?

Sean Hoover > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:27

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Drug Lords don't take elevators alone, but you dressed the part I guess.

SteveLehto > Maxxuman 12/05/2014 at 17:27

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Drug lords will help you one time. ONCE. Never ask for more. (Or so I've heard.)

Bigjack > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 17:27

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My dad bitched out my sister's friend's mom at the door in his boxers. My dad is about 300lbs. That was close enough.

SteveLehto > highplainsdrifter 12/05/2014 at 17:27

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That's a good one too. Thanks!

El-Verde > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:28

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1) Put this on a billboard

2) Bait and Switch

3) Profit!

smalleyxb122 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:28

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At that point, he abruptly changed tack and asked you for a hookup?

SteveLehto > Sean Hoover 12/05/2014 at 17:28

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Hey, my story was filled with holes but this guy apparently didn't want to take any chances.

Super Nintendo Chalmers > McMike 12/05/2014 at 17:28

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clearly from the Ted Dibiasie collection.

#bitchyface

killerhurtalot3 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:28

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Who wouldn't? You don't see the drug lords in mexico say they're not drug lords lol.

Then again, they got armed guards around 24/7 and lives in a giant mansion in the middle of nowhere and paid off the police.

SteveLehto > smalleyxb122 12/05/2014 at 17:29

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Drug LORD. Clearly, a drug lord would not be able to dole out less than a full Key. Whatever that is.

Ltd783 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:30

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Another article where you nail it. But seriously, good god, these people...

The "free advice in the hallway outside the initial arraignments since I'm still entertaining the awful idea of going pro se" crowd are a nightmare.

I just hand them my business card, say I'm in too much of hurry to talk now, call me, but most importantly, I never stop walking. If I'm coming up on the elevator, I use stairs. They're total time wasters, I don't think one has ever called me.

BonafideSupraman > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:30

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I think I stole it from Futurama, but when people aggressively try to get me to sign petitions on the street, I tell them that I am legally forbidden to sign petitions, as I am a convicted felon. Pretty sure that's not something that can happen, but no one ever sticks around long enough after I tell them that for any follow up.

McMike > Super Nintendo Chalmers 12/05/2014 at 17:31

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Ted Dibiasie

Who is also left alone in elevators.

SteveLehto > Ltd783 12/05/2014 at 17:32

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Of course not. They could have opened a phone book if they wanted to actually call an attorney. I do have news for you though - the stairwells at the 36th at this point in time were not someplace you would want to use without a bodyguard. And since I was traveling without one that day, I had to use the elevator.

smalleyxb122 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:33

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But couldn't you direct him to a street-level dealer?

SteveLehto > BonafideSupraman 12/05/2014 at 17:33

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That's funny. There is also an undercurrent there which might strike fear in them. Works well.

Funktheduck > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 17:35

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I've only had religious folks come to my door once in many years. The beware of dogs signs and the large dogs trying to bust through the door at them means they don't even try to come down my driveway.

McMike > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:35

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Also see: The fastest way to get home improvement/repair solicitors off the phone and off your front porch.

"I rent"

Works every time. They don't even finish they word they happen to be speaking - they move straight to , "Have a nice day"

Sharaz Jek > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 17:38

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The last time Jehovah's Witnesses showed up at my door, I just said, "Sorry, atheists," and shut it.

Haven't seem 'em since.

Ltd783 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:40

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Hahaha, yeah, as soon as I typed that I thought "stairwell", "public building" and "Detroit" don't add up well... The initial appearance courtroom here is such a crowded mess of trouble there's at least 2 or 3 deputies outside in the hall at all times, so it stays fairly under control. The bathrooms here are much sketchier than the stairwells it seems; most don't have doors on the stalls for "safety".

Poor.Vehicular.Choices. > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:42

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The tie. Goodness.

SteveLehto > Poor.Vehicular.Choices. 12/05/2014 at 17:43

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BTW, this was not the suit or tie from court.

KilgoreTrout53 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:44

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In other words, first impressions COUNT!

SpikeFiend > Sean Hoover 12/05/2014 at 17:45

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Maybe really bad-ass ones do.

Anton > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:45

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I had a horrible experience at the 36th district court. They lost a ticket I got in Detroit for over 4 years. One day it magically appeared and I had a warrant for my arrest as well as a suspended license. It was so much fun getting it all straigtend out, and of course the court helped as much as possible. They told me I should have called every month till the ticket was found. Love 36th district lol.

Sharaz Jek > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:45

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Everybody gets one.

G/O Sucks > McMike 12/05/2014 at 17:45

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Is that a Jerry Garcia tie?! I haven't seen one of those since about 1996!

moardots > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:49

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Although you can't comment on it could it be that the 36 th District Court is such a shit hole because the "Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct" prevent anyone pointing out what a shit hole it is?

SteveLehto > KilgoreTrout53 12/05/2014 at 17:49

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Yes.

SteveLehto > Anton 12/05/2014 at 17:50

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Business as usual. At least in the 36th.

SteveLehto > moardots 12/05/2014 at 17:52

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Well, I can't use that language. We can talk about it. But we can't use language disparaging of the court system. Or something like that.

Vin > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:52

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"Let me ask you something" is my version of Will Ferrell-as-Moustafa getting asked the same question three times : it pisses me the entire fuck off, but I'll most likely do whatever you want (within reason) just to get you to leave me alone. The street canvassers are a little more annoying, but since one of their legion have already used the verbal Kryptonite on me, I've yet to encounter a canvasser that I haven't donated some money to already. I'll normally just respond with "I already donate money to your organization; love the work you're doing. High five!"

Otherwise, general interactions usually go like this:

Person: "Hey let me ask you something -"

Me: "Right. What do you need from me?"

Person: "See I've got this-"

Me: "Just tell me what you need, man/ma'am."

Person: "...Five dollars?"

Me: "Done." *hand over money, walk away*

I'll try the Drug Lord tactic if I get a chance, though.

McMike > G/O Sucks 12/05/2014 at 17:54

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Lots of ties in the 90 had that abstract kind of shit on them.

Like this one from 1994.

Christopheroni > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 17:55

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Male equivalent of bitchy resting face = resting dick face. Just for future reference. lol

SteveLehto > Christopheroni 12/05/2014 at 17:57

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They have a few variations on it but none of them were clean enough to print in the piece!

MFEJAL grey because who knows... > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 17:57

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Knock knock, door opens, two guys in shirt and tie. I look "white", they are "whiter", but I have a surprise for them.

-Hello! do you have 5 minutes to talk about Jesus?

I turned around and yelled mixing spanish and english: Jesus, what you did this time! come here there's a chancla waiting for you! - looking to the guy and with a loco face- that kid is always giving my problems! -turning again - Ahi voy por ti y mejor que no te escondas,Jesus!! - I run inside the house, they closed the door and quickly walked away.

I don't know why they don't use my walkway anymore.

Ad_absurdum_per_aspera > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:02

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"Let me ask you something," he said, rather curtly, putting his hand in front of me to stop me. {...} He stepped in and stood too close to me. "I got a legal problem." He said it as if that explained why I could smell his breath.

Too bad you didn't have the business cards of a few strategically selected colleagues on you — aren't rude day-drinking jerks with a bad sense of boundaries a good source of business for defense attorneys?

Maxxuman > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:03

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I'm betting you got it straight from the horse's head

(no, not mouth - head)

Also_Ran > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:03

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I did my best to remain stone-faced. It's something I am actually pretty good at. I've been accused of having the male-equivalent of bitchy resting face .

I have that, except I call it Geoffrey Palmer face.

< Geoffrey Palmer , actor, not me.

She put a small wad of cash in my hand and said she'd pay me more later. I told her not to bother. When I counted the crumpled bills they added up to a hundred dollars. I wasn't even expecting that. A couple of times, I have also told people to skip sending me anything.

Steve Lehto works for free. You all read it.

r1teway > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:03

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"...it is one of the most inefficient operations of any sort in the Western world. The court routinely loses documents and files, and judges sometimes don't bother showing up for work." - WHY do these things happen and WHY do they continue? These clog the courts, and cost and delay the citizens probably jillions of dollars each month.

Maxxuman > McMike 12/05/2014 at 18:06

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My God, you were a genius with the Lego!

SteveLehto > Ad_absurdum_per_aspera 12/05/2014 at 18:07

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I wish I had thought of that. Or cards of attorneys I don't like.

G/O Sucks > McMike 12/05/2014 at 18:08

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Look everybody, I just lured some poor bastard into posting a picture of himself in the 90's!

Yes, unfortunately I too was there in the 90's and had the ties, the double-breasted suits, the silly hair, etc. At least the music was pretty good. ;)

SteveLehto > Also_Ran 12/05/2014 at 18:15

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I work for free if you are 1) crying and a 2) grand mother.

All day long.

The Old Man from Scene 24 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:15

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My father used to run a lunch truck (aka: roach coach) through Camden NJ back in the 60's and 70s'. He kept a large adjustable wrench with a leather strap looped through the hang hole, tucked into the front seat of the truck. Perfectly legal and quite intimidating when being brandished.

He never had a problem with anyone.

SteveLehto > r1teway 12/05/2014 at 18:15

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They have taken steps to reorganize it recently. We'll see how that goes.

E36TitanM3 > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 18:17

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Funny enough, the Mormons loved coming to my house. One day my room mate gets tricked into answering the door. His friend was over and overheard it was the Mormons so he stripped into nothing but his boxers, walked up behind my room mate put his arms around his waist and said "Come back to bed honey" then stared at the Mormons.

Good advice for not wanting to talk to people that wont leave you alone is to just figure out what it is that goes against what they want, then be that.

SOCdriver > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:20

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You can't hide that small smirk in the corner of your mouth. I am on to you Mr. Lehto.

SteveLehto > SOCdriver 12/05/2014 at 18:22

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Shhhhhhhh. Don't tell anyone.

LoremIpsum010101 > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:22

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Another good way to keep people from bothering you is to keep a few cards for a local legal aid office in your suit. If they keep bothering you after that, then you pull the "drug lord" card.

SOCdriver > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 18:27

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I have a bathroom about 6 steps from my front door. One Sunday brunch I decided Taco's would be an excellent idea, boy were they tasty. About 3 hours later they were also knocking on my colon asking to leave....in a hurry. Once evacuated I realized that I had created a foul stench that would rival the demon of Golgotha, and went to suck it out the front door. Just then there was a knock. The two politest, whitest, Jesusy kids at the door. I could tell they were one extra wiff away from puking on my porch while giving me the Jesus talk. The whole time I am giving the door a small swing to help suck out the smell. They hurried like they have never hurried "God loves you, join us." before. Not once has any religious group returned. I think Jesus told them about me.

Ravey Mayvey Slurpee Surprise > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 18:33

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Note to self: when religious folks knock on my door next, play this:

JackReacher > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:43

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What a stupid article. I would tell people I was a ninja undercover, but that was when i was 8.

Clay_T > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 18:45

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I like that. S'pose a middle age dude in a G-string* would send them scurrying?

(*can't give them any reason to stick around and giggle...)

mshefler > Tina Corbett 12/05/2014 at 18:49

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I did it once after daily harassment for about a week and a half. I had enough and answered the door naked. It was easy to plan because they showed up every day at the same time. They had the balls to ask me to put my clothes back on. I welcomed them inside but informed them I would be naked. They left and never returnd

Tohru > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:53

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Should've told him you were an assistant district attorney.

Then had his car towed.

SteveLehto > Tohru 12/05/2014 at 18:56

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If he owned a car, there was a 50/50 chance it got towed by a pirate tow truck driver anyway. (Another scam in that area . . . .)

wkiernan > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 18:57

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I would have said "Wow! What kind of drugs?"

SteveLehto > wkiernan 12/05/2014 at 18:58

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I suspected this guy wasn't going to ask. Turns out I was right. (If it had gone badly or in a non-entertaining way, I wouldn't have written the story.)

Thanks for the note.

Bacon > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 19:02

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I once had a traffic ticket in the D. The cop that wrote me up must have had 500 cases that day. The courtroom was so booked, there were more people OUTSIDE the courtoom that in. As the day wore on, people were being found guilty without even getting to go into the courtroom. Mine came out and was dismissed (I ran a red light at 5:00AM near VanDyke and 6 mile). No idea why. I didn't complain. Of all the tickets I've had (quite a few were dismissed thanks to being friends with an officer), this was the worst experience of them all.

Chaparral2F > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 19:05

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Lehto, Steve Lehto. Shaken but not stirred. I think we just found our next James Bond. That photo of Steve just exudes confidence, much like Sean Connery.

Bacon > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 19:13

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shop-teacher > McMike 12/05/2014 at 19:17

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Shit! Why the hell didn't think of that!?!

The first few years I owned my house, I needed a new roof. While we were saving up for it, I had to fend off a constant flow of roofing scammers. "We'll get you a new roof for free." Yeah, sure you will asswipe.

SteveLehto > Bacon 12/05/2014 at 19:40

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I'd vote for him!

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > McMike 12/05/2014 at 19:41

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You too? Got I love how quick that gets rid of them.

Tohru > SteveLehto 12/05/2014 at 20:16

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Wait wait wait... are you telling me there's criminal activity in downtown Detroit?
I'll suspend my disbelief this one time for you. :D

Frenchlicker > smalleyxb122 12/05/2014 at 20:17

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Lord, they don't deal with the bottom rung dealers. Maybe at one point but once you get to that status you don't.

smalleyxb122 > Frenchlicker 12/05/2014 at 20:23

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Okay, but maybe he can put me him in touch with someone who can put me him in touch with someone who might have a hookup.

davedave1111 > MFEJAL grey because who knows... 12/05/2014 at 20:25

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I had some guys knock on my door and say 'we're collecting for Jesus'. I said 'great, I am Jesus, how much have we made today?' and they went away.

SalsaShark > Frenchlicker 12/05/2014 at 20:36

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Well well, some body's conspicuously well informed.

Frenchlicker > SalsaShark 12/05/2014 at 20:44

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My town is fairly drug riddled and I find the industry fascinating. I don't think I would be sitting at my computer on a Friday night if I was part of it.

Frenchlicker > smalleyxb122 12/05/2014 at 20:45

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Very true, I guess that's what assistants are for right?