"waymoe" (waymoe)
11/18/2014 at 11:00 • Filed to: None
3
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"waymoe" (waymoe)
11/18/2014 at 11:00 • Filed to: None | 3
| 3 |
Nazis! Now that I have youre attention: Hello there waymoe here, I am talking to you today about ride sharing pioneer Uber and the journalists who use their services to track other journalists. I spent 6 months livings in the trunk of an Uber vehicle (Panther, manual shifter, very plush) before I made the realize that it was bad plan. I had nearly given up on my search when I was contacted by someone who said they had informations about Uber stalking journalists who wrote against their business practices.
The voice on the other end of the phone said to meet them at the Coney Island YMCA. (I came to find out that my mysterious benefactor had been living there for the past 4 years.) I met the stranger in the mens showers after lights out. He told me to keep digging, that I was on the right path. He turned to leave when I asked for his name and if he would contact me again. From the shadows he said I can call him "Deepbokeh" and that he would call in a week.
I continued my research. I looked at writing patterns and obituaries to make a connection. There had to be a link between murders and Uber. I was at the ends of my ropes when my phone rang. It was Deepbokeh. We met at the YMCA again where he slid over a vanilla envelope marked "#Pics." He told me the answers I needed were in the envelope. I said thank you, the world must know your story. He said that when the times is right, he will be making his story known.
I went back to my apartment and opened #pics. Inside were thousands of photos, poorly framed and slightly out of focus, of politicians taking Uber rides. The evidence was clear: Uber was extremely popular. I poured over the photos, I called in favors and had some of the top instagram users in the world analyze the photos to help me figures out what the fuck the focal point of the pictures were. We were at a loss, Deepbokeh gave us muddled, art school crap. I began to shred my research, fearing I was chasing a white whale when the phone rangs. It was Deepbokeh.
Deepbokeh told me to keep the search going, that I was getting closer to the truth. He told me this went all the way to the top and that when I finished, the world would owe us a great debt. He slid me another envelope, this one labeled #tips. I took the envelope, scanned the parking lot for spies, and went home.
I arrived home and poured through #tips. There was a lot of stupid stuff in there. None of it useful, all of it ended in exclamation points. I turned to throw them away when my eyes passed over #pics. There was a photo on the top of the stack. Slightly in focus, in the uppermost corner, I saw him. President Obama. He was handing a large stack of money to a man holding a guitar case that was obviously holding tons of guns. He was even wearing a mariachi hat and working at a mexican themed restaurant to throw people off the trail, but I knew better.
I laid out my evidence, connected it all with pieces of colored string and made my final move. I was going to mail my evidence to Huffington Post when I received a call. It was deepbokeh. He told me that the world was not ready and to wait until he died as he could not be implicated.
Deepbokeh died this week. It is my great privelage to post my findings !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and to tell you that Raphael Orlove is a great american who helped me uncover a massive assination/stalking/ridesharing/game changing scheme.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> waymoe
11/18/2014 at 11:03 |
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The most sophisticated assination scheme I've ever encountered was a man plotting to sit on a Xerox machine.
BrtStlnd
> waymoe
11/18/2014 at 11:04 |
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Yes, yes sure. Now I'd REALLY like to see you do an F1 end-of-season-plus-off-season-preview/review.
Raphmoe
> waymoe
11/18/2014 at 11:13 |
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DO YOU SEE.
DO YOU SEE.