My coworkers are way too obsessed with potluck lunches

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 11/17/2014 at 13:39 • Filed to: None

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I started my job on May 27th. In the not-quite 6 months since then, there have been a total of 9 potluck lunches. Today I came in and my coworkers were talking about yet another potluck next Tuesday. These people need to quit it with the potlucks. It's exhausting.

I don't mind contributing to the occasional potluck. A couple times I went out of my way to make something nice to bring for a potluck, but at this point, I'm sick of it, and I don't want to participate anymore.

My coworkers just aren't very good cooks. Their food is ok. Like if you went to an Applebee's with low expectations, and found the food generally acceptable, that's about the level they're cooking at. But but they think it's ahhhhhmazing.

Oh, and they can't just have any old potluck. Every potluck needs to have a theme .

If I cook something for the sake of contributing, it costs way more than if I just bought myself lunch that day, takes a bunch of time the night before, and all I get for my trouble is the privilege of eating the bullshit food my coworkers make.

So I've basically been ignoring the endless potluck signup emails. I show up the day of the potluck and remember, "oh yeah, another damned bullshit potluck." Then I check and see what everyone brought, and I go out and buy something to complement it. Because I don't want to be that guy who doesn't participate in the potlucks.

I can't fathom why they're so enthusiastic about having so many potlucks. It's like all they have to live for.

n54 & s38 > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:44

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That's way too much forced social interaction at a place of business. But I hear ya, nobody wants to be "that guy" who doesn't participate.

GhostZ > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:44

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This sounds like the "No Child Left Behind" of office dynamics.

"We're all in this together!"

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:46

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If you don't like potlucks you will never survive among nordics.

505Turbeaux > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:46

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yeah that is crazy. I have the same thing here, mediocre cooks. Though I always make german potato salad which costs me <$10 to make, and I have leftovers for a week. Easily the best thing that anyone brings.

Even worse I have one for my daughters school tonight to get to know other parents. Half of these assholes made sure to mention how "organic" or "gluten free" all the items are they are bringing. FML

Textured Soy Protein > For Sweden 11/17/2014 at 13:49

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I'm cool with potlucks as long as:

1. It's with people I like.

2. They know how to cook.

Sam > 505Turbeaux 11/17/2014 at 13:49

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Make sure to tell them that the potatoes are not organic and that you added extra gluten for flavor.

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:50

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You will eat the red Jell-O and you will like it.

As Du Volant > 505Turbeaux 11/17/2014 at 13:50

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Le Creuset FTW. Best. Cookware. Ever.

As Du Volant > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:51

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Saw this on Reddit this morning, found it appropriate to this discussion:

505Turbeaux > As Du Volant 11/17/2014 at 13:52

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agreed, Fo Lyfe

As Du Volant > Sam 11/17/2014 at 13:54

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The Asian grocery near me sells jars of the stuff. Yep, jars full of good ol' gluten.

Textured Soy Protein > 505Turbeaux 11/17/2014 at 13:54

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That's a cool stove. I have an almost identical dutch oven.

I can't come up with a potluck-staple dish, because these schmucks always have a new theme for their potlucks. Taco potluck, "world cuisine" potluck, and pasta potluck, are some of the themes.

One time there was a potluck where other people had already brought in mediocre pulled pork; fried chicken wings they had gotten from a freezer, baked, and put in a crock pot to keep warm; and vegetarian chili made with delicious TVP® (Textured Vegetable Protein) .

I went to the grocery store and bought a quart of vinegar-based slaw.

505Turbeaux > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:55

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they could have Chinese food potluck, and fuck em, they are getting German potato salad.

and thanks, 1949 Chambers model 90C. Hunted it down for a year

Textured Soy Protein > For Sweden 11/17/2014 at 13:55

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I love red Jell-O. It would be an improvement over some of the items brought in to my office potlucks.

kiwi_matt > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 13:57

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Potluck lunches would be useless for me. I only eat salad, low calorie dressing and some hard boiled eggs.

Textured Soy Protein > kiwi_matt 11/17/2014 at 13:58

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You have...interesting eating habits.

Mattbob > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 14:03

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To avoid potlucks, I either just be that guy, or leave and fake a previous plan for going out to lunch somewhere. Pot lucks are always a good excuse to get thai food instead.

kiwi_matt > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 14:03

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I'm trying to get down to 10% body fat. Also I found that it's a cheap lunch. I eat meat at night after training. And eggs for breakfast.

Textured Soy Protein > kiwi_matt 11/17/2014 at 14:05

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Well, to put another way: you have far more dietary discipline than I.

Textured Soy Protein > As Du Volant 11/17/2014 at 14:14

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My local asian grocery sells fried gluten balls. I posted this pic on facebook with the caption, "Next time someone who doesn't have celiac disease tells you they don't eat gluten, give them some of these."

kiwi_matt > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 14:20

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Depends on your age. If you are older you need to have discipline, or you quickly put on weight. There's a reason most people in America are obese.

OPPOsaurus WRX > 505Turbeaux 11/17/2014 at 14:24

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Please slip some colon drain-o in there. please please please

505Turbeaux > OPPOsaurus WRX 11/17/2014 at 14:26

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I so want to it isn't funny. One of the moms is a local cop though so I better not

E92M3 > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 14:27

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Haha I used to work at a place like that. When you see your coworkers bad hygiene suddenly potluck no longer interests you.

Half the people would literally just bring something from the grocery store. At one point i suggested we just chip in for catering so at least the items would compliment each other.

OPPOsaurus WRX > 505Turbeaux 11/17/2014 at 14:29

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sounds like you should make brownies.....

505Turbeaux > OPPOsaurus WRX 11/17/2014 at 14:31

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These fake ass hippies would enjoy it too much...

Ill save the weed for myself!

OPPOsaurus WRX > 505Turbeaux 11/17/2014 at 14:41

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greedy bastard send some of that shit south

505Turbeaux > OPPOsaurus WRX 11/17/2014 at 14:44

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I need it for my glaucoma and shit :)

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > For Sweden 11/17/2014 at 17:57

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so long as there is Kringla I'm good.

JDIGGS > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 17:59

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This is easy bro.

Just say you have a food allergy or stomach GI problem, but not in a way that seems like you want to further elaborate.

Then people will feel bad for u not attending instead of resenting u for not participating.

White lies brother, white lies.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > 505Turbeaux 11/17/2014 at 17:59

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that is a rockin' stove. What is in the pot on the right ? (Fish?)

JDIGGS > Textured Soy Protein 11/17/2014 at 18:01

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Agreed. It's so annoying man. I have a serious GI problem life long and am Scottish heritage so people are always telling me this. Thing is I've been tested for it, I've tried not eating it and it doesn't really make any difference.

People are just stupid, it's really annoying because it detracts from the legitimacy of the real issue for people.

Textured Soy Protein > JDIGGS 11/17/2014 at 18:03

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It's a small office, so for the sake of harmony, I signed up to make mashed potatoes. I make kickass mashed potatoes, which are cheap to make, and don't take much effort or make much of a mess.

505Turbeaux > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches 11/18/2014 at 07:50

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BACON

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > 505Turbeaux 11/18/2014 at 08:23

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Organic is good, but being an asshole about it is not.

MisterDew, a Quinn Martin Production > Textured Soy Protein 11/18/2014 at 10:05

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I'm just glad the place where I work only seems to do potluck lunches on special occasions. We used to have Christmas lunch catered, except that we found out that the stuff we bring for potlucks turns out to be better than the catered food and has the side benefit of costing the company absolutely nothing.

Flat Six > Textured Soy Protein 11/18/2014 at 12:48

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I hate potlucks too. Right now I work with a bunch of dudes and we have never had a single potluck in 3 years. Due to vegetarians, vegans, gluten-free people, food-allergy people, caveman dieters, and just generally picky eaters I don't think it would even be possible.

BJ > Textured Soy Protein 11/18/2014 at 13:19

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There must be one person who's in charge of these things, no? Send an email or have a chat with them and let them know that you enjoy participating in the potlucks* but that you find it's an activity that happens a bit too frequently**. Consequently, you may not participate from time to time.

If you can also bring a suggestion for a different social eating activity, do so. It will show that, by contributing new ideas, you're not just being anti-social.

* - might not be true, but it's ok to lie a little

** - the truth is simple and doesn't need to be expanded upon

Textured Soy Protein > BJ 11/18/2014 at 13:29

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There is no one person who is a potluck coordinator. There is a group of several people who get together and decide to have a potluck. They have established that every time someone has a birthday or leaves for a new job, there's a potluck. Then there's holiday potlucks, and random other potlucks too.

I'm more senior than all of them, and I think it's stupid. But as a manager, I recognize that taking something away that these folks enjoy and doesn't hurt productivity, for no reason other than I think it's dumb, doesn't really help anything.