I Don't Want To Be That Guy...

"Kailand09" (kailand09)
11/16/2014 at 22:40 • Filed to: None

The guy who gets married and whose life becomes boring. The guy who looks back and wonders why he never got what he wanted instead of what everyone else thought made more sense. (This isn't to say that getting married is boring and isn't something I'm 100% looking forward to. I just don't know how to make it sound less harsh).

I'm getting chastised constantly for thinking of getting a manual. The GTI is the only seemingly affordable and sporty 4 door without a manual that gets acceptable gas mileage, and while I love the GTI there are some things that I'm unsure about it.

I was pretty set on the FoST, but again it's a manual... plus some of the reliability issues I'm hearing about. I have the WRX in my head a little bit for the AWD in the winters, but gas mileage isn't so great. I'm getting rid of my shitty dodge and don't really want a charger R/T with pretty bad mileage and a shitty transmission.

I just want the fucking manual without people putting me down about it. I'm disappointed in the direction this is heading and that I'm having to compromise so hard on the first car I'm buying for myself.

ugh.

Sorry for ranting Oppo... Night and here's some optical stimulation for your time:

DISCUSSION (100)

Thunderface > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:42

FiST!

whatisthatsound > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:43

I'm confused, who is judging your decision to get a manual and why?

LappingLuke > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:43

Do what makes you happy!

Kailand09 > whatisthatsound
11/16/2014 at 22:45

my parents, my fiance, her brother, etc etc. I can't make the decision by myself really, because we will both technically be owning it and everyone is saying its dangerous for her and that she won't like it, and pretty much is convincing her against it.

I keep trying to argue my decisions and my parents simply disagree with every point, and the only people on my side are friends who DD manual and my parents discredit them for whatever reason.

Kailand09 > Thunderface
11/16/2014 at 22:45

manual...

Rainbow > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:45

Kinja'd!!!

What's going on here? That's gotta create tons of drag.

Thunderface > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:46

oh yeah...

Kailand09 > LappingLuke
11/16/2014 at 22:46

I wish it was that simple... apparently it's not. I'm kinda bummed out and a bit disappointed

whatisthatsound > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:46

You just need to teach her how to drive a manual, and are you both paying for it or is it just you?

Manuél Ferrari > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:47

What is your fiance's reasoning for asking you to get an automatic car?

Kailand09 > Rainbow
11/16/2014 at 22:47

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. I think someone went too far modding it.

Bandit > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:48

Buy it anyway... It's a transmission... they shouldn't care.

CB > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:48

Buy one reasonable car, then with money possibly saved, find a cheap car to hoon? I understand it may be difficult with more insurance and space requirements, but it might work.

Kailand09 > Manuél Ferrari
11/16/2014 at 22:49

She thinks it will be difficult to learn, and cause her to think too much about it when driving and therefor be more dangerous for now.

I'm like... you'll have to learn eventually when we have sports cars and my rule is you know how to drive every car we own... they say well just for the first car it should be auto so it's easy... makes no sense to me.

Manual is not difficult- just has a stupid stigma for it. Also, what better time than when we're young without kids?

Kailand09 > whatisthatsound
11/16/2014 at 22:49

Just me. And I agree, she's just buying in to the BS my parents are spewing and the stigma behind manual.

There's no better time to learn when we have no kids or any other shit to worry about. We're young, why the fuck later in life?

Kailand09 > CB
11/16/2014 at 22:50

They keep saying to get our second car something I want, and for now she can then inherit this car. I'm like WTF how many cars do you think we can afford with our loan payments?

Kailand09 > Bandit
11/16/2014 at 22:51

If only it was that simple... That would pretty much be directly going against the fiance's wishes and almost be like a breach of trust.

LappingLuke > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:51

Is it your gf/fiance that's giving you shit about it?

Kailand09 > LappingLuke
11/16/2014 at 22:51

not so much at first, she was a bit unsure about it and not too excited about it but not staunchly against it until my parents berated me for it over dinner a few times now.

Bandit > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:51

Why is she against it?

Dsscats > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:51

Kinja'd!!!

This is glorious. What the hell is it?

Manuél Ferrari > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:52

Hmm. Would she be OK with it if you backed off your rule? What if you said it's OK for her not to know how to drive every car the family has? Maybe that would help her not feel intimidated. Then later you can show her how to drive manual when she's not stressed out and maybe she'll actually like it.

In my experience the scariest thing about stick shift cars to women who are not comfortable with them is taking off from a start when facing uphill. If you get a car that has the hill start assistance then it will be a lot less scary.

Kailand09 > Dsscats
11/16/2014 at 22:52

Ginetta G12. They are fucking sweet.

whatisthatsound > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:52

If it is your money, you need to send a statement to everyone about your independence and buy exactly what you want. Your fiancé friends and family etc.. will be less angry that you did that, than you will be if don't get what you want with your money. You will be very bitter about that.

Kailand09 > Bandit
11/16/2014 at 22:53

She thinks it will be difficult to learn, and having to constantly think about gears and everything it will distract her and be more dangerous and that she would rather learn it later on than have to when it might but probably won't be our only car for a little while.

Leadbull > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:53

FoST comes with a DCT, yes?

Also, take her out sometime and teach her how to drive stick. It's not that hard, and she'd probably warm up to the idea if she had experience with it.

This should be a decision only you and your fiancee need to be in on. No offense, but screw her brother and screw your parents. I hate it when people stick their noses where they don't belong.

BrownMiataDieselWagon > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:53

Kinja'd!!!

How can you say no to this? And where did you hear the transmission is bad?

Kailand09 > Leadbull
11/16/2014 at 22:54

I agree 100%. My parents are overbearing and over-controlling. It really ticks me off sometimes, I know they mean well but fuck your opinions aren't the holy divine word.

Funktheduck > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:54

1st: Who's paying for the car? If it's you, tell them to shove it.

2: If it's a car you and your fiancé have to share then you really should consider an auto if she's not proficient on a manual. If you each have separate cars then it's your decision (unless someone else is funding).

I just bought my first new car and got everything I wanted. It's a manual and my girlfriend didn't say one word. A lot of people thought I was crazy because of how much driving I do but no one tried to persuade me otherwise. My money. My car.

Edit: Mazda 3 is sporty-ish. Gets great gas mileage. Cheaper than the options above unless you go with the 2.5l engine. Comes in manual or auto. The auto is pretty good.

Milky > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:55

"DO YOU BOO BOO, CUZ IMA DO ME" is the first thing that comes to mind.

She got her own whip right? Drive free or die.

LappingLuke > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:55

Ugh. It's so wrong for them to do that to you. I say fight it. You're your own man and ought to be allowed to make your own decisions. They will get over it when they find something else to bug you about that hopefully you don't feel so strongly about.

Kailand09 > whatisthatsound
11/16/2014 at 22:55

I know. I don't want to be bitter, and I'm questioning if I'm just being a stubborn asshole or need to stand my ground and get what I want.

I tried explaining that cars are my passion, and that it means a lot to me to enjoy what I have now that I can choose what I want. I don't want to be the guy with regrets.

Kailand09 > Manuél Ferrari
11/16/2014 at 22:56

Well it has a small chance of being our only car for a bit, so she would likely have to drive it...

Kailand09 > Leadbull
11/16/2014 at 22:56

Also not DCT on FoST.

Bandit > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:56

Oh haha, I taught my brother yesterday how to drive a manual. It took him about an hour to get going like a natural. Maybe borrow a friend's car and teach her one day?

Leadbull > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:57

Just be like, "Yo mom & dad, I love you and everything, but I'm a grown ass man who's about to get married, so kindly STFU."

Kailand09 > LappingLuke
11/16/2014 at 22:57

Thanks man. At least I'm not just being a stubborn asshole, I was starting to think that.

Parents kept saying I'm only thinking for myself and being a dick that I wouldn't get something else.

Manuél Ferrari > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:57

Ah, I see

I totally agree with you that it won't be hard for her once she gets used to it. The hardest part is getting her over her fear. There were nothing but manuals in the old days and everyone was fine...

whatisthatsound > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:58

Learning how to drive takes an evening.

Kailand09 > BrownMiataDieselWagon
11/16/2014 at 22:58

Well I wouldn't afford a brand new one... would have to go used.

And all the reviews complain about the tranny, which isn't a huge deal. But it also guzzles gas, probably not great in winter, and I'm not too happy with my '04 dodge's reliability and I'm unsure if I want to get another.

Short-throw Granny Shifter is 2 #blessed 2b stressed > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:59

If 16 year old kids all across Europe learn stick just fine, I'm pretty sure she has nothing to worry about.

I would say, "its your money do whatever you want," but maybe that is why I'm still single.

Kailand09 > whatisthatsound
11/16/2014 at 22:59

Yup, if that.

Kailand09 > Leadbull
11/16/2014 at 22:59

Lol I might.

LappingLuke > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 22:59

Heck no. Put the shoe on the other foot. How would they feel if you ganged up on them and told them their favorite thing was silly and they weren't allowed to have it? That's so beyond fucked up. As long as your bills are paid and you're eating, then your hobbies are yours alone and theirs alone.

edit for clarity: not that your hobbies are yours and theirs, but your hobbies are yours and theirs are theirs.

Kailand09 > Bandit
11/16/2014 at 22:59

I may try that.

Kailand09 > Funktheduck
11/16/2014 at 23:00

I'm paying. We don't know yet if it will be the only car or not.

Kailand09 > Short-throw Granny Shifter is 2 #blessed 2b stressed
11/16/2014 at 23:01

Lol about the single part.

Also, great point. Lotsa kids driving with that all over the place.

Leadbull > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:02

I'm sorry, I meant "six speed automatic with select shift".

It's still probably not bad.

Kailand09 > LappingLuke
11/16/2014 at 23:03

Yeah. I'll have to think of something to calm her down about this.

Auto only severely limits my choices and personal enjoyment. I'm almost at the point that I don't even want to think about what car I'd buy because I can't imagine paying a load of cash for something I don't want.

It just makes no sense to me.

Funktheduck > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:04

What if you get a cheap-ish used car for her to drive while she learns to drive manual on something you really want?

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:07

It might be the car that sways her. You can elt the clutch out in first gear, and if you do it smoothly, it won't stall and will act as a creeper gear at idle. It is very difficult to stall it out.

CPT Speedbump > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:09

Sounds to me like your dad and her brother need to turn in their man cards.

LappingLuke > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:10

Do you guys intend on sharing the car or something? Why are they so worried about your stuff?

CPT Speedbump > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:10

I don't want to be the guy who gets divorced with because of spending money on race car.. but I'll probably end up being that guy ;)

windzilla > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:11

Your getting married, so while fun and all that is definitely not out the window, you will need to learn to compromise.

why not try this, tell her that getting a manual is important to you, and that if you can have the manual, she can chose the car. Add to the argument that driving a manual makes you a safer driver because you are more attuned to the car, and more committed to driving. its harder to fall down the slippery slope of multitasking when you are responsible for the clutch.

but better than that argument about saftey, which you won't win on but can help assauge as above, is to go with the whole i love you, this is important to me, I am willing to compramise thing.

the reason that is the best argument, is because it is true. you will never regret it, you will never need to defend it, you will start a basis for making compromises that are mutually acceptable in the future.

and your parents,

tell your parents to butt out, (as long as they aren't helping put up the scratch, if they are, you've got a problem) you don't need to say butt out exactly, you can tell them, this is my and my wife's decision, but I respect you guys and would love your opinion on which car to buy, I may not go along with your opinion, but i value it and want to take it under consideration. If they continue to press, that's when you tell them to butt out, and that berating you in front of your fiance is not something you will tolerate.

I wish car talk was still live, this is exactly what you need to call about. you should check out the car talk web-site for how to teach someone to drive a manual, theres a pretty decent way that starts with using the clutch only, and the idle, (no gas) to get it rolling, and once that is mastered, then move to actually using the gas. Also, don't hesitate to go to a parking lot and get out and let them buck around for a while on there own, sitting next to someone can make the process more nerve racking.

good luck

Axial > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:12

Step 1: Ignore people.

Step 2: Buy manual-equipped car but, more importantly, buy the car that you want.

Step 3: Give anybody who says anything the finger .

While I understand that marriage is all about making compromises in return for spending the rest of one's life with somebody s/he generally likes, there are some things closest to you that you can't compromise on. You have to decide what those are and, if being a car enthusiast one of those things, don't bend. The last thing you need to do plop down $25,000 on a car you really aren't sure you like that much, because it's going to gnaw at your soul forever and always.

Besides, if you start out on the wrong foot now you're pretty well boned. The next car purchase will be a car for her, and it'll be better than your car. From there, you'll always be putting off buying the car you want because she or your parents or other people close will argue that now is not the right time or you will always try to do the smart thing and not buy a new car.

BrownMiataDieselWagon > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:13

The V6 ones with the 8speed auto really aren't bad at all. No direct injection but still 292 hp and 31 mph highway. And it's big/practical. If you were to give in and compromise, this would be the car to get.

SonorousSpeedJoe > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:13

If it's going to be the only car you two own for a time, then I think the path of least resistance is to acquiesce to the manual ban and save up for something else down the road. If you can, though, try to borrow a friend's stickshift car to get her to learn - hopefully she takes to the manual transmission and it becomes a non-issue, thereby enabling the purchase of a manual GTI.

You said that you'd both technically own the car, but also that you were buying this for yourself - does that mean you're footing the bills on that car in full?

Burrito de EJ25 > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:14

The thing is, though, what if she doesn't like it? I get that you're a car enthusiast, but if this is going to be your one car for a while would it really be difficult for you to wait it out until you can have your own car?

Yes, you're passionate about your hobby, but this is a big investment and your wife should have just as much say in this as you given that it'll be a shared vehicle.

What I suggest is that you try and find someone with a manual transmission that won't mind a smidge of clutch burn and some engine stalling and take her out one evening for some lessons. See if you enjoys it. If she does, well, awesome! If not, then, there's next time.

Pick up a GTI with the DCT, or a WRX with the CVT (they're actually decent).

DipodomysDeserti > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:14

Easy solution: buy her an auto and get a fun manual for yourself. That or find a fun auto. Only one of my four cars is an auto, but it's a 265 hp 425 lb-ft diesel eating german beast. Also, everyone else in your family should really fuck off when it comes to you and your wife making decisions. Maybe find some cheap ass manual something on CL for her to learn on, then when she's comfortable on it see if she would like one as a DD.

Axial > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:17

Ironic, considering a manual forces you to pay attention to what you are doing and where you are going while driving. You also can't get "accidental acceleration" incidents from a stop because the car is in neutral and ain't goin' nowhere.

Have you also mentioned how a manual is more reliable and less expensive to maintain?

Burrito de EJ25 > LappingLuke
11/16/2014 at 23:18

Yes, but he said they're sharing the vehicle. He has to consider her opinions. What if she hates it? It's a huge investment.

Part of being an adult is knowing when to put practicality ahead of everything else. If it's a difference between her hating every second of a drive and him having less fun on one, then I say look out for her interests first and buy the toy when he's financially capable of doing so.

He should find a way to teach her before they sign off on any contracts. That way he'll know.

StingrayJake > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:27

I don't know about all the other stuff, but if marriage makes you regret not doing certain things before marriage, then you're not ready to be married. Not saying you need to do said things, but you're not mentally prepared for it.

Montalvo > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:27

Can you get both? What if you get the GTI in auto and get a really cheap manual hoonmobile for when you want to go and have some fun?

Richtofen, Baron von Pickup > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:46

If driving is your passion, stand your ground. She ought to understand that.

gawdzillla > Kailand09
11/16/2014 at 23:49

thats is your car, u should be happy u are the only one that is able to drive it

seriously u'll regret the auto, ask me how i know.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 02:40

easy solution , find another lady

cletus44 aka Clayton Seams > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 07:01

You a grown ass man. Act like one. It's your money so spend it on what you want. You are not a bus. You are not a taxi. It is your own god damn car.

Brian Silvestro > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 08:04

The guy who gets married and whose life becomes boring.

well there's your first problem.

kiwi_matt > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 09:36

Get the manual if you want. Also, affordable + fun + good gas milage doesn't exist. Pick 2 out of three.

Eli's Got 2 > Brian Silvestro
11/17/2014 at 10:03

oh, Brian. I can't wait until you fall deeply in love. I'm going to be there to remind you of all your cynicism. LOL [dies]

Brian Silvestro > Eli's Got 2
11/17/2014 at 10:04

nopenopenopenever

Eli's Got 2 > Brian Silvestro
11/17/2014 at 10:07

Kinja'd!!!

Captain of the Enterprise > whatisthatsound
11/17/2014 at 11:15

I learned in 15 minutes and loved it

Kailand09 > kiwi_matt
11/17/2014 at 18:04

You tell me a FoST is not all three of those things. Under $20k new, fun, and pretty damn good mileage compared to many cars out there.

Also practical- 4 doors and a hatch.

Kailand09 > Brian Silvestro
11/17/2014 at 18:05

Lol. Ultimately, I believe we are here for each other. Humans > materialism.

But humans still need to understand my passions.

Kailand09 > cletus44 aka Clayton Seams
11/17/2014 at 18:05

Yeah, thanks man. I really just just step up and say this is what I want.

Kailand09 > pip bip - choose Corrour
11/17/2014 at 18:06

LOL. "easy solution" .

Nah, I love her and we will just have to discuss it more.

Kailand09 > gawdzillla
11/17/2014 at 18:06

haha were you in a similar predicament at some point?

Kailand09 > Richtofen, Baron von Pickup
11/17/2014 at 18:07

I hope she can get to understanding it.

Kailand09 > Montalvo
11/17/2014 at 18:07

Honestly the GTI does have the DSG... but not quite what I want.

Also, I'm working on the hoonmobile build, but it will take lots of time or lots of money. I'm going the lots of time route, so it will be a long while until I have something proper fast.

Brian Silvestro > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 18:07

I'm not going to argue about that kind of stuff on the internet, but I think life is all about experience. Therefore, having a partner that's holding you back will only limit the experiences you want to have. But that's just my take.

Get a WRX! Probably the cheapest good car with an auto that I'd buy.

Kailand09 > Axial
11/17/2014 at 18:09

I tried explaining these things and my parents' apparently completely disagree with those statements. But they know everything of course.

Kailand09 > Burrito de EJ25
11/17/2014 at 18:11

Yeah, I really need to get her into one. She has no idea what it is and really needs to at least experience it.

Kailand09 > SonorousSpeedJoe
11/17/2014 at 18:12

I am paying 100% of the car, yes.

Also, definitely need to get her to try a manual, that is the best idea I think.

Kailand09 > BrownMiataDieselWagon
11/17/2014 at 18:13

My biggest fear is reliability though. My dodge is pretty not great, and almost too big for my liking.

I just don't know that I want to jump into another dodge.

Kailand09 > windzilla
11/17/2014 at 18:16

Great response, thanks man! I definitely need to get her in a manual to test out.

Also, yeah I'm trying to compromise. She says 4 doors and somewhat practical, so instead of coupes I am looking at things like the FoST and GTI, maybe WRX, etc. I just hope she can compromise with me on the one thing that I want.

Kailand09 > CPT Speedbump
11/17/2014 at 18:16

Lol.

Kailand09 > LappingLuke
11/17/2014 at 18:16

We might, but we aren't sure. mostly I will be driving it all the time, but in the coming 3-6 months we will find out if we will share or if she'll have something of her own.

Kailand09 > Brian Silvestro
11/17/2014 at 18:17

wait WRX comes with auto?

Brian Silvestro > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 18:25

Yeah you can get the new one with a CVT. It's not nearly as good as the manual obviously, but if you're making compromises...it's not the worst car you can get.

Axial > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 18:41

Have you tried cornering just your father? Fathers will often say things in agreement with the mother purely to preserve the peace/make their lives easier.

Kailand09 > Axial
11/17/2014 at 19:26

Nah he's one of the main aggressors.

Kailand09 > Brian Silvestro
11/17/2014 at 19:26

Bummer, new are too expensive :(

Brian Silvestro > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 19:28

;_;

BrownMiataDieselWagon > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 20:18

That's understandable. I guess we'll just have to wait and see on "the new" Chrysler/FCA's reliability.

Kailand09 > BrownMiataDieselWagon
11/17/2014 at 20:46

Yeah, I mean if they proved to be more reliable I totally wouldn't mind going that route. New interiors are very very nice, and they look amazing. Just don't know about reliability at this point.

Kailand09 > Brian Silvestro
11/17/2014 at 20:46

Yeah. Even used WRX are pushing my budget, when I'm looking at new FoST under $20k.

Though I'm hearing some reliability issues on those anyway.

Brian Silvestro > Kailand09
11/17/2014 at 20:49

Yeah I'd rather have a new FoST than a used WRX.

Kailand09 > Brian Silvestro
11/17/2014 at 20:50

Me too, wise man, me too. I'm ready to buy if it weren't for my family.