SHOW PITCH: ``What Porsche Should I Buy?''

"matt miller" (mattmiller1973) 11/07/2014 at 15:26 • Filed to: None

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I'm thinking about pitching a new show that would be called `` What Porsche Should I Buy .'' It would be a weekly show, 30 mins long, and each episode would feature a different guest or guests. Possible bookings include Spike Feresten, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Harris, Travis Okulski and Matt Hardigree, Mike Spinelli, Jason Harper or Patrick Long, Magnus Walker...the list goes on and on.

The show would only discuss 911's. We'll get the odd guest who suggests a Cayman as the modern Porsche of choice, but there will be no Cayennes and no 928's, and this is not a show to discuss million-dollar 917's that aren't streetable. This is for me, the average dude, who wants to buy a car with the engine in the back.

Of course, I can't really afford a Porsche, but that's not the point. Or maybe it is — the show wouldn't work as a full series if I actually did buy my very own 911 right after episode 2. Plus, I have a feeling that many of us who spend our days and nights on the Porsche car configurator, trying to build the perfect 911, could never really justify the price tag of even a base Carrera with no options other than the Sport Chrono package and a fire extinguisher.

Ok, wheel spacers. And a rear wiper. Why not spend a little bit more on the Guards Red seat belts, to add a personal touch? And frankly, at only $270, you kind of have to take the Power Steering Plus to more easily maneuver in parking lots.

*This Fuel Cap with Aluminum Look Finish is only $160!

But that doesn't stop any of us from weighing the virtues of the the 993 — the last of the air-cool Porsches! — with the 997.2 GT3, with real-feel hydraulic steering. Maybe you're the type that has to have the newest of the new and, let's be honest, we all know of at least one major mechanical issue with each and every single previous gen 911. But you're hesitant to embrace what you see as the ``Panamerisation'' of the current gen 991, and he wouldn't approve:

A new Porsche might lack the character of the tried and true, the steering is by wire, hell everything is by wire in the 991. The center console runs all the way back to the seats behind you, which are increasingly usable. The rear end has a little ledge, which truly ruins the shape of the 911. Plus, there's an image consideration:

If you buy a new Porsche you run the risk of looking like someone who has a lot of money but knows nothing about cars. You might as well buy a Ferrari California.

*Looks amazing, but engine in front: might as well be a 'Vette.

But I digress. In our real fantasy lives, we want the warranty. If I'm going to pretend to spend money I don't have, then it's not going to be in the shop, and if I'm going to spend all my time daydreaming about owning a Porsche, then it's not going to be in the garage all the time. I want to imagine buying a Porsche I can envision as reliable and on the road all the time. Cruising for babes, like this guy:

But the discussion doesn't end there, hell it's only beginning. A lot of journalists today, even purists like Travis, are in favor of the PDK — an ``automated manual.'' Guess what? Fuck. That. Noise. I row my own gears. (You see how heated this show is going to get?) Plus, you know Harper will want the most track-capable model from next year, while Spinelli will want the drop-top, to let his hair blow in the wind. Cabrios are not on, I don't care if the guy started Jalopnik or not.

*At the Jalopnik Film Festival, with all of our future viewers.

Also, dudes here in the Northeast will tell you a C4s is the way to go, to beat the snow. And some !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , proving the all-wheel drive system from Stuttgart isn't just acceptable, it's actually better (and drifts like a motherfucker). On the other hand, the STIG says the traditional C2S is the better buy because RWD. I'm going to have to agree with the man in white, if you want grippier front end, go buy a Z/28.

We wouldn't have the British guys on the show, but we respect him for ripping it *manual* in the C4S — that model is typically for dentists who go with the autobox. The point is there is a ton to talk about. And we haven't even gotten to the kinds minor decisions that will fill the C-block, like: ``BOSE vs. Burmester.'' Or, ``Color: Which Shade of Brown Should You Buy Your Porsche?'' ``Whether to Option the Alcantara Delete in a GTS to Get the Seat Ventilation (Front).'' And, ``Do you need a Multi-function Steering Wheel?'' (You do not.)

Some people even think sunroofs are a sin. What do you think?

Sweet Trav > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 15:29

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The correct answer to what Porsche you should buy is: You shouldn't buy a Porsche, you should buy a Corvette Z06 and finish first.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 15:29

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We need to get Clarkson on the show.

m2m, apex detective > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 15:31

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There is not a single screw I would change.

Seems like a more natural way of putting it. He found it ideal, hence changing a thing would have lessened the quality.

Interesting idea overall. :)

matt miller > m2m, apex detective 11/07/2014 at 15:41

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Das war ja nur ein Witz! Ich weiss, wie er das meint. Aber danke trotzdem. ;)

m2m, apex detective > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 15:57

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Auuugh ... looks like I dropped a brick then. Disregard my nagging and not getting the joke. ;)

Mike_Smith > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 17:23

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" This is for me, the average dude, who wants to buy a car with the engine in the back. "

"Average dude". The winner of this week's Out of Touch Guy award is...

The "average dude" looking for a Porsche better hope he can find an 944 in decent shape.

KylesPerGallon > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 18:28

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yes, you an every other oppo writer wants to host this show

matt miller > Mike_Smith 11/07/2014 at 18:37

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you maybe overlooked the part where i said, ``of course, i can't really afford to buy a 911.'' but that has never really stopped a good american before!

matt miller > Sweet Trav 11/07/2014 at 18:37

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you are lobbying HARD today!

Sweet Trav > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 18:44

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because i fucking hate these backwards engineered cars that are a proper engine placement away from greatness, it bothers me so much that they arent as good as they could be.

 > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:26

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Sounds like this could be answered in about an hour. Don't see it as a weekly show.

Maxxuman > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:26

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Methinks you're limiting your audience a bit much.

Mary, Mary, Knotty Pine > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:27

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I will watch this show.

Stef Schrader > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:28

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Sunroofs are poop. I want a full coupe roof. Smooth lines as it should be! However, they're almost unavoidable in classic 911s. :( I really want a 964 or a 911SC, but I think I'll be stuck with a stupid sunroof I'll never open, for fear of it leaking!

ejp > Sweet Trav 11/07/2014 at 20:31

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Proper engine placement: Front with front wheel drive, like a New Beetle?

matt miller > Stef Schrader 11/07/2014 at 20:31

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I want a full glass roof, but not a squeaky targa. New needs less maintenance. Singer costs more $$$.

davedave1111 > m2m, apex detective 11/07/2014 at 20:34

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Also known as 'the only winning move is not to play'.

davedave1111 > Mike_Smith 11/07/2014 at 20:36

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The 'average dude' is in his late forties, and could afford a 911 if that was the priority. Well, average for our economies. The 'average dude' worldwide dreams of a car, full-stop.

Bg8780 > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:38

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Please, please, make this show.

matt miller >  11/07/2014 at 20:40

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Really? I was thinking it should be lengthened to an hour a week.

matt miller > Maxxuman 11/07/2014 at 20:41

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No one who doesn't already know everything about 911's is allowed to watch.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > m2m, apex detective 11/07/2014 at 20:41

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Also known as "steal all your big engineering ideas from the Czechs."

Tom McParland > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:42

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Can I be the guest that suggests the Cayman? Suggesting cars is kind of my thing you know. :)

AdmiralAkbar > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:43

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I hope you plan to invite former manager for Porsche Cars North America Doug DeMuro.

El-Verde > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:47

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10/10 would watch. The answer is 997 C2S by the way.

TheStigsGermanCousin > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:55

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This is the most beautiful Porsche I have ever seen.

Matt Griffin > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 20:59

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You should contact my dad - http://www.petrolicious.com/he-built-the-o…

Nimrodical > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:08

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The average dude can easily afford a 996, you can find em with low miles for less than a new miata. The IMS thing has been completely resolved with some solid fixes and most of them have had the issue addressed. Funky interior and older style lights mean they are light, well at least lighter than a 997 or 991

If you want a P-car that'll eat ZO6's for lunch than the 996 Turbo is your car, look for one with the X50 option. If you wanna mess with just about any Porsche on the road throw a $2000.00 tune on the turbo and your 12 year old car will have no problem with any Pcar except the 190K 991 turbo S and for a $3000.00 tune with an exhaust even the turbo s will be left behind.

Ultraworld > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:11

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A started to go the 911 route a not too long ago. The last of the air cooled cars appealed to me. I looked at several of them. I put together my wish list of mods to build a lightweight street/track day monster. Instead I picked up a 2 yr old ZR1 for $75k.

Renault R8 Gordini from 1966 > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:11

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"All of them!"

Mike_Smith > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:13

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That's right, make sure you throw in that dig against Americans. Wouldn't be Gawker Media without that.

Nimrodical > Nimrodical 11/07/2014 at 21:17

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I'm a nimrod but I'd rather spend 24 grand for a 996 then 33 grand for a late eighties carrera.

Jonathan Harper > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:17

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911 rear seats are only usable for people with no legs.

Wild Weasel > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:19

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heh. I sprung for the fire extinguisher, and mine's only a Boxster. :)

matt miller > Mike_Smith 11/07/2014 at 21:29

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This is supposed to be all in good fun, and I am obviously American too.

You are a spoilsport.

Cayman My Pants > Tom McParland 11/07/2014 at 21:33

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Having just picked up a new (to me) Cayman S, I'd have to concur.

Tom McParland > Cayman My Pants 11/07/2014 at 21:35

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Your screen-name wins all the internets.

matt miller > Tom McParland 11/07/2014 at 21:44

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I'm honestly leaning towards a 997.2 GTS, although Spike thinks that's a pansywagon. The GT3 is possibly too hardcore for my Bronxville-NY commute.

matt miller > El-Verde 11/07/2014 at 21:46

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I'm thinking 997 GTS for the power pack and alcantara.

matt miller > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 11/07/2014 at 21:48

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Maybe Hammond better?

ejd > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:50

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Can you have a bit where all of these guys explain to me why they want a car with torsion beam suspension that (still today) looks like a frog? Because I'll watch that.

matt miller > AdmiralAkbar 11/07/2014 at 21:50

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Wait, why doesn't he drive a Porsche now??

TimSee > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:50

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You completely lost me at "no 928s". Not that I give a crap; for me the correct Porsche is the 944. Not the Turbo, not the S.

So I don't think we're on the same page....

Tom McParland > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:51

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I think that's a fine choice...See Demuro's post about the GT3. Great track car, crap for a DD. Really what is your budget?

matt miller > Nimrodical 11/07/2014 at 21:51

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I think I disagree but it really matters which late 80's Carerra.

matt miller > Ultraworld 11/07/2014 at 21:52

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Jesus, that is a chunk of change.

matt miller > Matt Griffin 11/07/2014 at 21:54

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Love that flick! Will do.

Judd > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 21:58

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If you buy a new Porsche you run the risk of looking like someone who has a lot of money but knows nothing about cars. You might as well buy a Ferrari California.

This is amazing.

sgoldste02 > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 22:08

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I'm trying to decide between a used Cayman S and a 1989 Carrera....

matt miller > TimSee 11/07/2014 at 22:09

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You can have your own show called "Front Engine Porsches of the Cocaine Era." I will watch.

matt miller > sgoldste02 11/07/2014 at 22:12

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Difficult decision maybe. Not sure about the older Carerra, but a Cayman is tough for me at 6'3" and all legs.

whoosh > Sweet Trav 11/07/2014 at 22:20

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They did figure out where to put the engine - the Boxster and Cayman. Unfortunately, Porsche intentionally hobbles those cars so it won't go faster and be better than a 911.

Think how much better the Boxster/Cayman would be by now if they didn't start crippling it years ago and developed them at a higher rate over the years. They would have had a GT3 engine in it long ago and it would be sensational by now.

Dusty Ventures > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 22:29

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If I hosted the show it would only last five minutes.

El-Verde > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 22:38

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Yeah... Thats actually probably about right. I won't argue.

matt miller > ejd 11/07/2014 at 22:43

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we can have one segment in the show for 911 critics called, ``Save Me Some $$$$.''

ejp > Sweet Trav 11/07/2014 at 23:06

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OK - I've read your old posts, and you're not just trolling. Have you ever driven one? On a race track? Who cares if it doesn't work on paper, they work gloriously (at least the air cooled ones that I've driven).

That being said, I do think that it's ridiculous that Porsche holds the Cayman back, which could be a better car in every way than the 911.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:18

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Nah. Clarkson would bring some unique insight to the program.

AdmiralAkbar > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:22

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I'm pretty sure his current car is a Lambo.

Nimrodical > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:24

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Well any Porsche is better than no Porsche and the Carrera's are awesome. I'm old and lazy so a newer car with OBD and a great ac system is worth being water cooled to me.

matt.mara > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:26

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I fear this show might end up like Jeremy Clarkson's bit some years ago (and because I can't find video online, I'm paraphrasing):

"I want to buy a Porsche."
"Which one would you like? We have the 911, the 911 Turbo, the 911 GT3, the 911 GT3 RS, the 959, the 989, the 909, the 942..."

It's like ordering breakfast in America. "I just want eggs!"

matt.mara > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:29

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Better idea: May...assuming you want to turn that episode into an hour-long lecture on why the gear knob is that precise shape.

(I for one love James May explaining things. Even in books. And his column in the magazine kicks ass.)

TulsaMtnBiker (OkieRising) > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:32

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Yes, Sunroofs are indeed a sin.

Flat Six > Jonathan Harper 11/07/2014 at 23:41

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My kids do okay in the back of mine. Family motoring is fun! Though calling them seats is a bit of a stretch - they are more like snap in throw pillows.

Flat Six > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:45

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I finally got mine last weekend! I will still watch your show though! Do a halloween IMS episode ;)

WarShrike > matt miller 11/07/2014 at 23:51

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"Soft tops for soft cocks."

-Mark Webber

Jonathan Harper > Flat Six 11/08/2014 at 00:14

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They are not seats. They are like cupholders for small humans and amputees.

My X-type is too a real Jaguar > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 00:49

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Who should buy the $700 "I cut down the Kudzu and found a Porsche" 944

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/nat/cto/474110…

smithvmi > Cayman My Pants 11/08/2014 at 01:05

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yeah I got a baby cayman and I second this. I can't imagine how nuts the S is let alone the GTS.

The Burner Kept Rubbin > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 02:01

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if youre planning to have porsche fanatics like magnus and seinfeld etc as guests, you might only get 2-3 episodes tops. Since they will most likely suggest the same type porsche. (Imagine every week, the episode ends up showing an air-cooled 911 turbo :D )

Oh if you invite me as a guest, i'll probably say: the 1st gen boxster with 2.5l flat 6 and tiptronic transmission, just for the giggles.

Art > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 02:43

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No list can be complete without a Beetle

Art > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 02:45

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I am leaning toward a 2005 Carrera S as my car of choice 40k on carmax

matt miller > whoosh 11/08/2014 at 02:57

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That will happen soon.

matt miller > PanchoVilleneuve ST 11/08/2014 at 02:58

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Everybody's always stealing from the Czechs!

matt miller > Tom McParland 11/08/2014 at 02:59

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How horrible would it be for me to just get a base Carrera, brand new? Has anyone ever done that? Who's not a dentist?

matt miller > Nimrodical 11/08/2014 at 03:03

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agreed — I'm old too and don't feel like spending all of my time and $$$ on a never-ending mod addiction. I mean on *anothet* never ending mod addiction. I have Ducati Monsters already.

matt miller > Flat Six 11/08/2014 at 03:04

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You lucky bastard! Time to change your screen name.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalls > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 03:51

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Also, went to go look at 80's targas on Craigslist today... when did they become $30,000 cars?

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalls > Art 11/08/2014 at 03:55

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... with hope that the IMS goes out during the warranty period :)

Frank Grimes > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 04:34

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can I host the quiz portion where a picture of every porsche ever made is shown and people have to guess which one it is? I can bring my own sportcoats.

m2m, apex detective > PanchoVilleneuve ST 11/08/2014 at 05:04

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Stealing is a big word ... maybe he just czeched them out?

etype > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 07:02

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Guest No.1: Mike Pincherello or what was his name? The guy from CCC who drives an old 911 as a daily driver. Always an interesting guest. And he will definetly talk about my car (Z4 M Coupé) :-)

mierdv > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 08:14

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I wouldn't they're expensive to maintain and I call them Crisco...cause they're fat in the can.

classbutnostile > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 09:08

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Owned and Cayman, own a 911. The Cayman IS without a doubt more fun. If you love the connected feel of a two seat go kart that's for you. Note: I bought a 911. A 991 C2S to be precise.

The rear wiper blows my mind. In rain, this cars rear window doesn't even get wet over maybe 50mph. Don't quote me, but it is comically minimal. I did the GT Silver so I got the silver seat belts to match, and threw on the black 20s. The silliness ends there.

Row your own 7 speed. PDK is a work of art, but who gives a shit about straight line 0-60 when you can be one with that engine. Screw the asshats who talk about "launch control." Do go "S." Bose over Burmeister unless you can hear the difference. Heated AND cooled seats. The ventilation makes a difference for fatigue. Please no glass roof. If you have to have a sunroof go full metal.

PASM is always worth it, PDCC not so much. Composite brakes no way. Never consider the Powerkit. Dumb.

The only other thing I'd add if you do custom order, do not get anything but the sport design steering wheel. I overlooked it, and it's gonna run over $2k to get one installed which just seems douchey to spend $$ on at this juncture.

Chasaboo > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 09:31

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What's the difference between a cactus and a Porsche?

emilminty drives an E30 but the '89 Cavalier blew a head gasket > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 09:34

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

The show would only discuss Miata's. We'll get the odd guest who suggests a S2000 as the modern Japanese sports car of choice, but there will be no Solstices and no Z4s, and this is not a show to discuss SBC transplants that aren't streetable. This is for me, the average dude, who wants to buy a slow Japanese retro british sports car with the engine in the front.

Tom McParland > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 09:45

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I'm going to put on a Jalop flamesuit for a second and say that might be the best option if your budget supports it. The reality is what are you looking for in a 911? You want a nice DD that you can enjoy and not beat you up. No Porsche say for a 911 Turbo S is ever going to feel as quick as your motorcycle. A regular 911 is still a fantastic car. I met a doctor (not a dentist) who was searching frantically for a used 996 Turbo, but couldn't find a well maintained example within budget. So he factory ordered a base 991 with the 7MT with all the options he wanted and none that he didn't. He picked it up in Germany and has not regretted the decision.

WINGZERO > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 10:00

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I'm thinking about pitching a new show that would be called `` What Porsche Should I Buy .''

Hell yeah!!, I would support that show.

DrBombay > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 10:00

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had one. fantastic DD.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 10:01

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(In Clarkson voice)

"A Smart Fortwo! It's basically a Porsche 911. The engines in the back,it comes with 3 pedals, you can get a turbo model. There is an array of overpriced options to choose from. It is the exact same as a 911!"

WINGZERO > Sweet Trav 11/08/2014 at 10:07

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LOL, Corvettes aren't many peoples cup of tea.

WINGZERO > Nimrodical 11/08/2014 at 10:10

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I can't wait till 997's get as cheap as 996s are now.

Chris Splendoria > El-Verde 11/08/2014 at 10:37

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You, sir, are correct.

(GTS was a little spendy and hard to find.)

matt miller > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 11/08/2014 at 11:09

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Hahahaha

matt miller > DrBombay 11/08/2014 at 11:10

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And you got rid of it?

matt miller > classbutnostile 11/08/2014 at 11:15

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Hey thanks, this is great advice! I'm not as much after the go-Kart feel as I'm looking for a GT. Why do you think the power kit is a waste? Only asking because I've been considering the GTS. On the other hand, why is the S necessary at all? Do you find the base Carrera too slow? I go back and forth.

matt miller > Tom McParland 11/08/2014 at 11:19

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I'm leaning that direction but people keep saying I have to get the S. This show aside, I'm kind of deciding between a new, blue 991 Carrera optioned as I like and a 2012 997.2 GTS manual — unfortunately in red — with almost no miles for 20 thou less.

El-Verde > Chris Splendoria 11/08/2014 at 11:24

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Right there with you.

tapzz > El-Verde 11/08/2014 at 11:41

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Agreed on the '10/10 would watch'.

How anyone manages to actually pick a Porsche is beyond me. Even if you disregard all the convenience and cosmetic stuff, the sheer volume of options that have a material impact on dynamics -which, surely, is the whole point of a Porsche- is such that it becomes an non-computable problem for any punter.

My personal response is that 'less = more' is the only viable guide. If there were a way of ordering a base Cayman with windy windows and no A/C or central locking, I would. But I have no evidence that a stripper Cayman is best, because no-one ever tests them against a wide enough range of others.

Tom McParland > matt miller 11/08/2014 at 11:43

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Matt..."they" have to have the S, GTS, Turbo, etc....go drive a base 991 and really ask yourself if you need "more." The GTS seems like a great value, but red is a dealbraker for me. I don't care how quick it is.

tapzz > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 11/08/2014 at 11:43

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yes: the illuminating insight of gratuitous and irrelevant dickery. Any tv program that is actually about cars needs him like a hole in the head.