Dear mid40s dude innthe grand caravan

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa)
11/07/2014 at 12:02 • Filed to: shithead drivers

Don't flip *me* off, dickwad. You were the one camping in the right I MEANT LEFT lane for 9 miles doing 50 in a 55, and everybody else was doing 60. You know what that makes you? An obstruction of fucking traffic. You know what that is? Dangerous. And why did you flip me off, anyways? I wasn't tailgating. There was an easy three car lengths between us except for a couple brief moments where you felt it necessary to go EVEN SLOWER. I know that rolling advertisement to wearing a condom has shitty rear visibility, but just because my low-down youthmobile looks close to your precious rear bumper doesn't mean I am, dick jockey.

Also, it's overcast as fucking shit. Take your aviator sunglasses off, you look like a tool and you're too old to try pulling off Top Gun fashion.

DISCUSSION (32)

mcseanerson > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:04

I had no idea this is how kids view me....

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:05

Said driver is just angry they have failed in life and have been punished with driving said van.

Also they are jealous of your ride, and your single, child-less state of life.

Alternatively, said driver is just a total asshole and would have done the same regardless of what vehicle they drove.

Textured Soy Protein > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:06

This is why I like the loud exhaust on my 135is. Someone camps out in the left lane, I kick down a couple gears and blow by them with the exhaust singing. It usually gets the message across.

ACESandEIGHTS > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:06

HEY! Easy on the Top Gun fashion. It's timeless.

Dude, you're observing a syndrome. Man-in-a-minivan syndrome. You've fucking lost it at that point. You have no machismo in the tank whatsoever now. So you're apathetic and have a short fuse.

It's why I have I drive Suburbans, Envoys, Trailblazers, etc. So I can say with a clear conscience that I don't drive a minivan.

And, OK, God, if you're on this site and you're a man and you drive a minivan, I get it, fine, minivans are cool, you saw it in Get Shorty , alright already, it's in jest.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:07

I dealt with similar asshattery a couple of weeks ago on my way to work.

There was a tool sitting in a Sebring convertible in front of me in the left lane of a double left turn lane. When he didn't move after it turned green, I gave a courtesy honk to alert him that it's green. He refused to move, and I laid on the horn. He still didn't move. More horn for the asshat.

When he finally looked up from his phone, he creeped through a 6 lane intersection at 5 miles an hour. In the left lane. More horn for the asshat to urge him to get moving. He finally moves over and flips me off as I pass by. It doesn't end there. He passed me at a light further down the road. This time, he flips me off—again!

Bad Idea Hat > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:11

God I had a weird one the other day. I was driving home from somewhere, the whole family in the car, when I get stuck behind someone going the speed limit. This isn't the problem; it's the asshole behind me who continuously is speeding up right to my bumper, and then slowing down back about 10 or so car lengths. Rinse and repeat for 5 minutes. He ends up making 3 turns with me, including one into my neighborhood area. I know all of the cars in my neighborhood, and this isn't one I recognize. At the next light, I make a very quick right without signalling, and he goes flying behind me, horn blaring the whole time.

3 more rights and, thank god, he's gone. That's fucking scary. Fuck you, white pickup driving, small penis motherfucker (not you, Captain of the Murdersofa, just the generic redneck asshat who appeared to be wishing violence).

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:17

It's always the ones in the Grand Caravans man...

spanfucker retire bitch > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:19

Man, I've been flipped off after gently, and quickly tapping my horn at a light because it turned green and the driver wasn't moving.

davedave1111 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:20

"I wasn't tailgating. There was an easy three car lengths"

What kind of cars are each 50 feet long? You were tailgating him. At 50mph you should be leaving about 150 feet between you , ideally, but certainly not less than about 75 feet at minimum. You were leaving two-thirds (at best) of an inadequate distance.

Repeat after me: only a fool breaks the two second rule .

505Turbeaux > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:22

uh, if he is in the right lane he can go as slow as the minimum speed limit, usually 40-45. The left lane would be a different story

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > davedave1111
11/07/2014 at 12:28

Where do you live that you can have 150 feet between you and the next car? That is a recipe for being cut off endlessly where I live.

If someone is camping out in the left lane they are a douche.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > 505Turbeaux
11/07/2014 at 12:29

He meant left lane.

davedave1111 > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again.
11/07/2014 at 12:34

I live in a country where we actually have driving lessons before getting our licenses. And, like I said, two seconds is ideal, but one second really is the minimum.

Oh, and the post says he was in the right-hand lane. Unless that was an error, our Oppo friend here tailgated a guy going just under the limit in the right-hand lane.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 12:35

Kinja'd!!!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > davedave1111
11/07/2014 at 12:40

the law in the US on distance between vehicles (not that people follow it) is 1 car length for every 10 mph.

at 50 mph he should have been 5 car lengths back.

But i'm with you that if he was in the right lane that long what are you doing, just go around him

davedave1111 > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
11/07/2014 at 12:41

"at 50 mph he should have been 5 car lengths back."

Which is 75 feet - the bare minimum I mentioned.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > spanfucker retire bitch
11/07/2014 at 12:42

that pisses me off so much.

Don't get angry at me for you not paying attention, how else would you like me to let you know the light changed? get out and knock on your window?

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > davedave1111
11/07/2014 at 12:44

ok but there's no reason for 150. That's nutty distance. I always try and leave the proper distance on the highway in traffic (which is traveling at about 75-80 mph on our freeways) and it fills instantly.

Such a pain in the ass.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > davedave1111
11/07/2014 at 12:46

It was in error, he meant left lane.

Oh I understand why you should have lots of space, but in rush hour traffic I would rather have a smaller space than have people constantly cutting in.

davedave1111 > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
11/07/2014 at 12:48

Did you read the link I posted? The two-second rule is standard defensive driving procedure. Yes, you'll get the odd idiot who pulls into the gap, so you lift slightly for a couple of seconds and get it back. At the end of your journey, it might have cost you a whole thirty seconds or something. Easily worth it to be able to relax slightly, rather than constantly being on the alert to take instant evasive action.

On empty enough roads, I won't even get within a couple of hundred yards of the car in front unless I'm planning to pass. There's just no reason to do so, when hanging back will give you twenty or thirty seconds to react if anything happens.

Boss2452stolemylunchmoney > ACESandEIGHTS
11/07/2014 at 13:00

If your machismo is tied to the vehicle you drive, you've already lost. Game over. Man card revoked.

PilotMan > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 13:06

I apologize as I was a bit distracted. I had just buried my dead family members out in the desert, I just couldn't take their shit anymore.

Signed,

Minivan driver pushed to the limits

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > davedave1111
11/07/2014 at 13:20

Oh I agree. And the extra 30 seconds is multiplied by about 100 around here.

Seriously people are a pain in the ass and quite a bit of congestion. I really do work at it trust me that I'm with you.

ACESandEIGHTS > Boss2452stolemylunchmoney
11/07/2014 at 13:39

Agreed. Drive a Caravan?

davedave1111 > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
11/07/2014 at 14:00

"And the extra 30 seconds is multiplied by about 100 around here."

No, really, it isn't. Do the math and it's shocking just how little time you're losing to people cutting in front. That wasn't thirty seconds each .

Even worst case scenario, where some idiot pulls right in front of you, you only need to give up 75 feet. At 55mph, that's less than a second. At 70mph it's under three quarters of a second. And usually people don't pull right in front of you, so it's maybe half that.

Even if it's really bad, so a hundred people pull in front of you on your commute, you're still losing less than a minute in total.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > 505Turbeaux
11/07/2014 at 14:02

Proofreading's a bitch, ain't it? I meant left lane

505Turbeaux > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 14:03

aha I thought that read wrong!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > davedave1111
11/07/2014 at 14:09

OK Dave, king of all traffic flows

We've had these discussions before so I'll just end this one - it's tiring.

Just like it's tiring/ a pain in the ass to be cut off 100+ times at 70+ mph each way during my 30-40 minute commute.

Yes I adjust to be driving at a safe distance, that's why I've never rear ended someone on the highway, and also why I was rear ended on the highway by someone who didn't leave enough room.

It doesn't make it less annoying to drive safely and have some one F with your safe set up constantly.

Stephen the Canuck > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/07/2014 at 15:33

Did you just refer to a Buick as a youthmobile?!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Stephen the Canuck
11/07/2014 at 16:36

Yes.

Wachu gonna do bout it? :P

bob and john > Where have all the lightweights gone?
11/07/2014 at 18:05

I would have tossed a coin at his head

Stephen the Canuck > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/08/2014 at 04:23

Agree, because I'd like the Regal GS with a 6MT. Or the Verano 2.0T with 6MT.