"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
10/27/2014 at 01:59 • Filed to: legal help, lawsuits
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"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
10/27/2014 at 01:59 • Filed to: legal help, lawsuits | 0
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The fact of the matter is is that I seriously need help and I can't wait another second, so I have to make this post NOW, I mean it. Not the kind of "help" I endured nearly a week "getting," but I just need to talk to people. I am not desperate to kill myself. I am not desperate to harm others. I am not desperate to go back to that goddamned fucking looney bin again. What I am desperate for is to talk to people. Including, and perhaps especially, a damned lawyer.
I feel like I'm having an panic or anxiety attack right now. I've had tons of them when I was hospitalized sent to a minimum security prison that happened to have been inside a hospital, and I've been having them even after getting out. I've been having minor panic and anxiety attacks throughout the day, and on Friday, and especially Thursday. I very honestly don't know what to think because I was sent there to get better, but I think I came out worse. I'm now afraid to say or even think certain things because I'm afraid I'm going to be sent right back there. I feel like I'm being judged 24/7. I really think I've been traumatized, but I feel like if I were to admit that, I'd be laughed out of every meeting place for sane people. It's
still
been very hard to enjoy many of the things I had enjoyed before then. I'm feeling desperate to not want to go to college classes tomorrow and I might skip them, except I also have some critical appointments with some mental health care professionals, the same ones who convinced me to sign off on the hospitalization papers in the first place. I don't know how to talk about this with them because I'm afraid they're going to send me back.
To quote a post I made on Cigar Lounge that I might share in its entirety on OppoLock soon:
Since this is still pretty high up on CL I just want to add some other stuff and unload them off my chest. I hit on a security guard while she was on duty (or to be very precise about this, I asked her if she would like to go to lunch when she was off while she was on duty). A day later I got mad at a younger couple who cut me off and flipped me off and I tried to race past them in traffic. Then I got thrown into a psychiatric watch for a 72 hour hold (EDIT: as I forgot to mention the important part, of it turning into a 144 hour nightmare) and was convinced to sign off on it on very incomplete information, a bunch of assumptions not made by me but made for me, a lot of pressure by trusted psychiatric professionals to just get me to do it, and what I felt like was genuine deception including being mislead into thinking it was strictly to see outside psychiatrists with the very strong possibility of being released on the same day. Yeah, the road rage was more than a little irresponsible but I genuinely think it's unfair, I genuinely think it's a massive overreaction and I very genuinely think that something plain old went wrong. A small part of me even wants to call it illegal, or at least highly irresponsible on the part of a whole bunch of medical professionals who oversaw me over that ordeal, even the ones I still continue to trust the most, even the ones I spoke the nicest about in my journal/diary. A Major part of me keeps going back and fourth about being anxious and having anxiety attacks over it, how people will continue to judge me about it or judge my actions, and quite frankly being very angry about it. And a very major part of me just wants to fucking sue the goddamn pants off of someone. And that part of me thinks I have a God. Damn. Mother. Fucking. Strong case on this one.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm not suicidal, and I'm not in danger, and I'm not putting anyone else in danger, but I really don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I bring this up to my mental health care workers they're just going to send me straight back to that fucking place again. I really feel like there's no one to turn to without getting right back into that situation again, except actual legal counsel prepared to sue significant portions of the health care system and there is no way I can afford that.
I reserve the right to repost this for the morning crowd, or any damn time I want. I'm sorry, but I'm really going crazy over this, and I feel like the system as it's set up is only determined to send me further down.
bob and john
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:04 |
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ok, I skimmed over it because of the title, here is what I can say before.
just...calm down. I know its stupid, but close your eyes for 20 seconds. clear your mind. think of nothing. no us, not homework, not the counslers, not ANYTHING. take a few deep breaths.
I'm going to read through and see what other advice I can give.
Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:07 |
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Probably lawyer before health care workers. My Mom works in health care, and it's screwed up. After that, I don't know. I know signed contracts under extreme mental stress are void, so unless someone signed off on them, you have a case. And once again, my email is jpelkmont94@gmail.com if you need someone to talk to.
Dsscats
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:07 |
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If you are not in danger to yourself or others and are over 18, YOU CAN REFUSE. Don't go back if you don't think you need it. And find a therapist within your friends. The only way you can get through this is by talking to friends.
PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:07 |
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hey. man. just relax... listen to a chill song. just, do something to loosen up. Also, if you would like, I don't mind talking on facebook for a bit if you need to! if you know opponaughts JQJ213,VincentVan...., or norskracer98, try finding me in their friends lists.
Otherwise, names Petar Vrcelj Nikolic, if you need to talk
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Dsscats
> Dsscats
10/27/2014 at 02:11 |
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And if you want to go into more detail privately, feel free to email me at dsscats@gmail.com
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Dsscats
> Dsscats
10/27/2014 at 02:14 |
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And actually, that goes to anyone reading this.
Steve in Manhattan
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:14 |
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Echo Black - slow down, and your pals on this website will read through this and make a recommendation. I was once about to jump, but realized that jumping out a 3rd story window would result in only superficial injuries. Your situation is not critical, nor was mine. Stay sane. It is possible. I did it, and before that I was a shitshow of self-hatred. Today? Not so bad!
Dunnik
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:14 |
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To deal with your immediate situation, find something to occupy your mind: read (or re-read) a book, watch a movie, or Top Gear, or Wheeler Dealers.
CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:15 |
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dude. Take a deep breath. Sit cross-legged on the ground and breath slowly until you calm yourself. If you want to talk to someone, just comment below.
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bob and john
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:16 |
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ok, the road rage incident: big shit. it happens.
as for your mental health care workers. I really dont know what to say. reading your posts made me feel like it DID calm you down a bit to get separated from society for a little bit, but as you still had some connections (the workers inside) it kept your from completly relaxing.
fuck the classes. you have something a little bigger to deal with right now.
deal with your medical guys. tell them you were a little calmer, but the fact that there were so many other people in there made you feel a bit uncomfortable and that its not the right place for you
after that, I say go and grab a book. something thats light, not too in depth about politics, but still a good size (think 6-700 pages) go to the beach at night, bring a chair and a drink, and just sit down and read. you have the sand between your toes, the smell of the water, and just immerse yourself completly in the book
Also, buy an actual; BOOK. not an ebook. leave your elctronics in the car. try to seperate yourself as much as posible from everyone, including us. when your tired, go home and sleep. dont touch the phone, the computer, nothing. In the morning, you will hopfully be a little re-freshed, or at least youve taken a step back to calm down/take a closer more level headed look at the situation.
I dont really know what else I can say man. I'm a 19 year old studying mech eng in canada. This is just what I'd do to really get me away from any problems I have...
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PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power
> PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power
10/27/2014 at 02:16 |
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also, like dsscats, i'll chip in my Email, if you want\need it.
just, hit me up before 12PM Pacific time (because that's when I'm out for good)
HeathJokerSick
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:57 |
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Dude, chill. Just step back and think about how much worse things could be - there is always someone who has it harder. The lack of fairness in life is what builds a great personality and complex understanding. Hang in there.
SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 02:59 |
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Okay, Detroit. I've been trying to avoid getting into this because of personal reasons but I feel that my time to give some advice has come. I'm going to start out with telling you about myself, but I'll try to keep it brief.
My name is Sam, and I struggle with severe depression and generalized anxiety. I'm at an okay point in my life right now, but that hasn't always been the case. There have been plenty of incidences in my life where I found myself curled up on the cold bathroom floor clutching a razor, or a lighter, or a bottle of oxy and didn't know what I was going to do. I've leaned on substances for help, I've done some writing, I've listened to a lot of sad music, but do you know what helped me out the most? I had two friends who were very sympathetic to what I was going through, much like you have so many friends who want the best for you on here. Lean on us. Let us help you. But you need to take a deep breath and try to calm down.
I read most of your notes on your time as an inpatient, and I found a number of things to be worrying... One of which was your use of the term incarceration and consideration about talking to a lawyer. You may very well need to speak to some legal representation at some point, but remember this: getting through what you are going through is all about the way you look at things through those dark lenses of yours. The week you spent at the hospital seemed to be at least somewhat helpful, and you have to realize that. I understand that your time there was frustrating, and that you felt you were being kept there unfairly, but I don't think you gave it much of a chance. That week was not stolen from you, it was an investment in your mental health by people who, admittedly, may not have had the best tools to do that.
Consider this: I have a good friend who has spent years at programs in entirely different states in order for her time back home to be peaceful. She goes for a couple of weeks, or even months, and she comes back a little bit better. She does not see that time as stolen from her but as an important sacrifice to make her time at home, however long that may be, more bearable. This is a 20 year old who has literally spent years of her life in some type of program, and I don't think this pattern will end anytime soon. You feel that you have lost 144 hours of your life, but what I see is 144 hours that someone else tried to invest in your wellbeing. Did it work as well as you or the investor hoped? Maybe not, but try not to write off the experience.
Instead, try to put a somewhat positive spin on it. You made a good connection with the female security guard, and you had two nurses that you thought did an excellent job. You even made some friends and heard some stories that you will likely never forget. Now, you've returned to your normal life with some stories of your own and, hopefully, some decent coping strategies. But if you ever have to go back, don't look at it as an incarceration. Think of it as a shitty vacation even as a simple stay in a facility that has your best interests in mind, even if they aren't able to do exactly what they wish they could.
The truth is, none of us can. I wish I could hang out with you right now, play some good tunes, and help you through this but I can't. For so many reasons I am incapable of providing you the support I wish I could give you. Those nurses and doctors want the same thing, but when there are dozens of people who are in more immediate danger than you are (thankfully) they have a responsibility to make them a priority. I know that sucks for you, but there is a silver lining. You're nowhere near as bad off as so many others. You're a smart kid who will hopefully make a kick-ass teacher one day, and make an important difference in the lives of those you teach. You aren't some deadbeat who doesn't have a future, and, right now, you know that you'll be around to see that future.
As for your therapist, let me teach you a trick. As a patient, you obviously want to be honest with them so that they can give you the best help they can, but sometimes telling the truth can be scary. What I have learned to do is tell them that my current issues happened in the past, but I need to know how to deal with them if the surface again in the future. For example, there was a time when I really, really wanted to hurt myself but I knew that if I told my therapist she would have to take some sort of action, so I told her that "a few weeks ago I had almost unbearable urges to self harm, and I managed to get through it but I feel like I could have handled it better than I did. What should I do next time in order to deal with this in a healthier way?" That lessens their legal obligation to do something you don't want them to, but still allows you to talk freely. The best part is that once you say that you can freely talk about it, even if it was something that happened yesterday or an hour ago, because they are 'under the impression' that this is a past problem.
Panic attacks are tough, but a lot of people here have given you some good comments. Turn off all of your electronics, save for a nice, mellow song, and close your eyes. Breath deep into your stomach and visualize your breaths. Watch the new, good air replace the old, bad air in your lungs and let it be a metaphor for what you're dealing with right now. Breath in the good and breath it in deep, and let all of your anxiety rush out as you exhale. Then find a good book, find a good spot to read that book, and let that book take you somewhere else. Let the sound of crickets or water or the city be your soundtrack and don't let anything else in for as long as you can. Then, once you've felt the anxiety leave your chest (or wherever you feel it), come back to your normal life.
I hope this has helped, even a little bit. I'm going to bed now, but I will be happy to continue this conversation.
Tohru
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 05:37 |
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Our resident lawyer Steve Lehto from Michigan doesn't handle these kind of cases, but he may know someone that can for you. Hope that helps you man. Stay safe out there.
Timbo
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/27/2014 at 05:57 |
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Hey man, just read your post and it makes for some uncomfortable reading. As someone who has recently spent time in a similar sounding facility, I can sympathise (although obviously every situ is different). One thing I will add, if ok, is that you are obviously carrying a lot of anger/frustration and that's understandable. However, one thing I have learnt in my experiences lately is that whilst we're only human and we can't help the way we feel- being super pissed off only hurts you, and carrying that really brings us down. Ultimately the only person that is affected by us being furious is ourselves, and it doesn't do us good! Obviously it is easy for me to say, but if like some of the others here have said you can take a step (or three!) back from the situation, slow things down in your mind it really, really helps. For example, it may be misguided or executed badly but ultimately the only intention of putting you in hosp was for your greater good. Snap reactions will only work against you at this stage. Over here in the uk in 'therapeutic' circles they call it the golden pause- makes more sense to me thinking I've got the handbrake ready to go at a flash- there is nothing to be lost from taking an extra second to think!
We're all here for you man, feel free to ask anything or just chat away
Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready
> PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power
10/27/2014 at 06:41 |
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What nationality is your (fucking awesome) name from?
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Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready
> SmoresTM Has No Chill (O==[][]==O)
10/27/2014 at 06:46 |
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Very well written and articulated.
thebigbossyboss
> Steve in Manhattan
10/27/2014 at 08:12 |
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I am very glad you didn't jump. I think jumping from the 3rd floor could have been fatal.
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PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power
> Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready
10/27/2014 at 18:56 |
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Serbia. I have 2 last names! :)
Vrcelj is my dad's, Nikolic is my mom's
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Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready
> PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power
10/27/2014 at 20:16 |
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Cool!