Formula Oppo: The Chi-Chi's Grand Prix of The Republic of Texas

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 10/31/2014 at 11:02 • Filed to: FO

5

56

Why howdy there, partners! Welcome to the 17 th round of !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , Oppersitelock's strange and fanciful F1 nose pickery. Now circle the wagons and come gather 'round the campfire, cause y'all in for a treat here in the People's RE-pub-lick of Tex-Ass where the only two things that come from here are steers and no-longer politically correct derogatory terms for people, and you don't seem to have horns…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , the circus traveled to Putin's Playhouse where a boring race lead to a Mer-sadees 1-2 finish with them silly folks making rubbers last too long. Finally, a Finn finished in third place because he's so fast. Putin showed up to the race with a few laps to go and then had butt sex with Bernie and a large Russian bear, the San Francisco type of bear that is…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Now, here in Tex-Ass, we pride ourselves on our beef, chili, salsa, Alexis Texas's fine ass, the Alamo Electronics NCAA bowl, and our strong stance on illegal immigration. So we're on to your sneaky plans, Valtteri and Kimi. Aside from our big bootied porn stars and beef, the People's Independent Republic is known for our Oil, Oil money, the Dallas Cowgirls, dumbass governors, and our fine establishment of internet automotive writers. These writers include: King George XVI, Kat Callahan (Tommy's sister and heiress of the Callahan Auto Parts Empire), Steph Puffalump, and Hardibird (who moved to NEW YORK CITY, Get a rope!). For the racing, it should prove to be interesting as some folks got lost during the cattle drive down here which will make for a small grid, even though everything is bigger in Texas, including Alexis's booty. With less slow pokes, on the track, the fast cars shouldn't have to worry about being caught up in slower traffic. Will the champion team Mer-sadees go yard on the field or will Johnny F1 and Tony Romo go out instead? Can Williams win their first race since Pastor's miracle in 2012? Will Fernando make up his mind on where he's gonna be next year? Will Ricciardo make it a spaghetti western? Will Vettel accidentally pull into Ferrari's pit?

The drivers who might be at this race:

Sebastian Vettel- Red Bull

Daniel Ricciardo- Red Bull

Max Chilton Alexander Rossi- Marussia

(Jules Bianchi (get well soon)) Alexander Rossi- Marussia

Nico Rosberg- Mercedes

Lewis Hamilton- Mercedes

Kimi Räikkönen- Ferrari

Fernando Alonso- Ferrari

Romain Grosjean- Lotus

Pastor Maldonado- Lotus

(Marcus Ericsson- Caterham)?

(Kamui Kobayashi or Andre Lotterer Mystery Guest - Caterham)?

Sergio Perez- Force India

Nico Hulkenberg- Force India

Felipe Massa- Williams

Valtteri Bottas- Williams

Kevin Magnussen- McLaren

Jenson Button- McLaren

Esteban Gutierrez- Sauber

Adrian Sutil- Sauber

Jean-Eric Vergne- Toro Rosso

Daniil Kvyat- Toro Rosso

My picks:

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Nico Rosberg

3. Valtteri Bottas

Q. Lewis Hamilton

Curse: No curse of Rick Perry's wild fires

The rest of you have until Q1 (Saturday 1, 1:00 pm EST) to get your picks in or it's off to the gallows.

YeeeeeeeHaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bricks > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 14:42

1

I want to punch you for that awful texan impression :P

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 14:42

0

Needs more Matthew driving a Lincoln

Brian Silvestro > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 14:42

1

I can't handle this much Jalopnik

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Vettel

Q. Hamilton

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > For Sweden 10/25/2014 at 14:43

0

I would have, but he was driving a Lincoln before he got paid to do so.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Bricks 10/25/2014 at 14:43

2

PushToStart > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 14:57

0

YESSS this whole picture is great, lol

Tohru > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 14:57

0

Alright alright alright

Bricks > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 15:02

1

very well

RTeeJay > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 15:12

1

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Bottas

Q. Hamilton

Clown Shoe Pilot > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 15:50

1

(He's not a Texan. He's from Connecticut)

kinjasignedmeout > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 15:54

1

1. Rosberg

2. Magnussen

3. Hamilton

Q. Hamilton

Curse: Romain Grosjean

Dusty Ventures > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 16:07

5

Well played

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Dusty Ventures 10/25/2014 at 16:17

2

I figured somebody would like it

BaseTrim > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/25/2014 at 18:09

0

Far and away my favorite cover photo yet for this season.

Manuél Ferrari > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/26/2014 at 13:41

0

Straight up amazing

Haimatox > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/26/2014 at 13:50

2

1. ham

2. ros

3. bottas

Q. ham

hike > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/26/2014 at 15:05

1

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Riccardo

Q Rosberg

That seems so predictable, but Hamilton has just been so good on this track it's hard not to pick him.

Agrajag > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/26/2014 at 16:32

1

1. Nico Rosberg
2. Lewis Hamilton
3. Valteri Bottas

Q. Rosberg

FormulaArty > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/26/2014 at 20:26

1

In my picks, I stand defiant of your expectations:

1. Botas
2. Hamilton
3. Rosberg

Q. Botas

EL_ULY > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/26/2014 at 20:52

2

The best part of this post and even the official F1 announcers is that they are calling this the Grand Prix of Austin, Grand Prix of Texas, or something similar. A clear united thought that this GP is primarily Texas titled over the United States GP. Muah haa haa, Texas > United States :]

It's ok all you smaller and less wealthy states. You are welcome to move down here, everyone else is. Plenty of jobs for educated people willing to work. From the tech boom in Austin to energy/engineering in Houston.

15th largest economy in the world and growing. What's up fu!

Plus lots of yummy food, cheap land, and human trafficing for everyone! Lol

Q. Rosenberg TX

1. Hamilton TX

2. Rosenburg TX

3. Botas de averstruz

ly2v8-Brian > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/27/2014 at 11:35

0

same as last time, the time before, and the time before that...

Fred (FreddsterExprs) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/27/2014 at 16:43

1

1. Lewis

2. Rosberg

3. Massa

Q: Rosberg

Fred (FreddsterExprs) > Brian Silvestro 10/27/2014 at 16:44

0

Vettel? Even after starting from pit lane? Courageous Mr. Silvestro.

Brian Silvestro > Fred (FreddsterExprs) 10/27/2014 at 16:48

0

I haven't been following the sport lately, nor to I read anything related to it. So yeah.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > EL_ULY 10/28/2014 at 10:54

0

You're going to be there, right? Where's the meetup thread?

EL_ULY > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/28/2014 at 11:03

1

as of now, i'm 90% sure I'm going :] Sunday only though. Not sure of any thread yet. the was a post on the FP but for a Friday party

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > EL_ULY 10/28/2014 at 11:34

0

I saw that, but doubt we'll get out there, as we'll be rolling in late Friday night (and we're staying with my brother and his family).

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2014 at 12:57

1

1 - HAM

2 - BOT (killed it last year)

3 - ROS (didn't kill it last year or the year before at USGP)

Q - HAM

Curse - ROS (not out of the race, but will be delayed by an error or slow start)

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 10/28/2014 at 13:02

1

You will get no points for the curse as it is for DNF's

Bandit > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2014 at 13:09

1

Ham

Ros

Bot

Q. Ham

I need to regain that 1st spot!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2014 at 14:56

1

Hard to bet against him at this track.

1. HAM

2. ROS

3. RIC

Q. HAM

Stef Schrader > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/29/2014 at 00:40

3

1. Fluffy

2. Fluffy

3. Kimi

4. Fluffy

5. Fluffy

Predictions made not for actual race results, but rather, winning. Just winning. At stuff. In general.

Curse: Failure to bring unicorn mask. Fail.

PushToStart > FormulaArty 10/29/2014 at 20:06

0

wait, you know thats not a TX flag, right?

Tim (Fractal Footwork) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/29/2014 at 21:23

1

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Nico Rosberg

3. Jenson Button

Q. Lewis Hamilton

McLaren are looking stronger every race. Also, you're welcome to share this to Formula Freak

SilenceOfTheStig > FormulaArty 10/30/2014 at 09:37

0

Nice Chilean Flag there bro...

FormulaArty > PushToStart 10/30/2014 at 11:38

0

1) Yes, I know that isn't the Texas flag.
2) It's the Chilean flag
3) Jeremy was being defiant when he took the picture; I don't remember the exact context, but he basically says he is being good and not causing trouble while posing next to the Chilean flag in another country while claiming the Chilean flag was that country's flag. Typical.
4) I didn't even think of the Texas misconstruction until just now: my wit knows no bounds! >:)

Lachlan - #ForzaJules > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/30/2014 at 11:42

1

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Bottas

Q. Hamilton

Lachlan - #ForzaJules > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/30/2014 at 11:50

1

Do we get double points for Abu Dhabi?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Lachlan - #ForzaJules 10/30/2014 at 11:51

0

Yes.

PushToStart > FormulaArty 10/30/2014 at 12:07

0

Oh, ok. I just saw that and thought that maybe you posted it because this was the US GP in Texas and got confused, lol

Gated Manual > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/30/2014 at 14:58

1

1. HAM

2. ROS

3. BOT

Q. HAM

Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/31/2014 at 11:09

0

1. Hamilton

2. Riccardo

3. Vettel

7. Alonso and is involved in post-race violence in a Ferrari hospitality area

11. Button because can't we all take turns in the front?

DNF: Rosburg's car breaks because the team secretly hates him.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius 10/31/2014 at 11:12

0

Please stick to the proper format.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > EL_ULY 10/31/2014 at 11:33

0

If you do the Twitter thing, I'm @dclange. Hope we can make some kind of Oppo/Jalop meetup happen out at the track.

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/31/2014 at 17:16

1

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Riccardo

Q. Hamilton

JEM > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/31/2014 at 17:28

1

1: Hamilton

2: Rosberg

3: Ricciardo

Q: Hamilton

KnowsAboutCars > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/31/2014 at 20:27

1

1. Hamilton

2. Rosberg

3. Bottas

Q. Hamilton

Skif6996 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/31/2014 at 22:49

1

The Mercedes gearbox is scaring me. However...

1. Ham

2. Ros

3. Massa

Q. Ham

I haven't picked a curse but I missed the deadline for a few weeks so I need to make up points.

Curse of the Chi-Chis food poisoning- Crashy Grosjean

Bobololo23 is waiting for the FT86 to come > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 11/01/2014 at 08:51

1

1.Ham

2.Ros

3.Mas

Q. Ham

pirates-ecu > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 11/01/2014 at 10:39

1

1.ham sandwich,
2, roseberg
3. smiley mister Ricarrdo

Q. hamilton


now I am crawling back into my bed and pasing out again. My ass+ copious amounts of alcohol last night, means i am out of here.....

Be glad your not in NC, we dont even get Quali today... because of a fucking UNC -Miami game...... Fuck the cheat heels and tyhe local nbc station fro being shitty enough to show that over f1 quali.

vorspringing > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 11/01/2014 at 12:00

1

1. Hamilton.

2. Rosberg

3. Ricciardo (helmet power!)

q. Rosberg

PushToStart > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 11/01/2014 at 12:11

1

Q. HAM

1. HAM

2. ROS

3. RIC

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > hike 11/02/2014 at 20:30

2

100%!

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > vorspringing 11/02/2014 at 20:33

0

100%

vorspringing > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 11/02/2014 at 21:34

0

Aww yeahhhh!

hike > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 11/02/2014 at 21:52

1

I honestly thought I missed this week. Sweet! 1st time I've gotten it all right! And to think I was rooting for Massa...