Life used to be so simple

Kinja'd!!! "crazedclay: SBC murderer" (crazedclay)
10/23/2014 at 20:34 • Filed to: None

Kinja'd!!!12 Kinja'd!!! 11

Herbert was a church car. A simple car with a happy elderly owner who took good care of him. Treated him well. A car who the owner's husband surprised the owner with, brand new off the showroom floor. And manual, too. And boy the owner loved him. And when the kids decided to take the keys away, Herbert sat for a while and didn't do much. But that was fine. Herbert knew that he had done his best to take care of his owner. Always starting and being there.

And then one day people showed up. Strange people. Not like Herbert's elderly owner at all. It turns out his owner's kids listed him for sale. And now strange flatbill wearing axe smelling-of plugged ear weirdos were taking him away while crooning to one another about 'How clean is this shit yo, what a find!" 'Doriftooooo' and something about "Cutting his springs down". Herbert didn't like that much. But he was a naive car, and had been always loved and doted on and taken care of with so much pride.

'What could possibly go wrong? Even though "Drift Missile" doesn't sound very churchlike.' Herbert asked himself one last time, musing idly before his new owner took the keys.

Life went downhill from there, for Herbert.

Kinja'd!!!

The exact moment when Herbert's will to live was broken. Like a blue light Guantanamo Special. Hydrophobic and fearful of the light of day.

And at the end of it, he was used up and washed out and battered. No fitting end for a good clean car. No end at all. For Herbert would never die. Being sold again and again like slave ship fodder with a little less soul each time. A soul whose torture would be cumulative like asbestos, and reductive like cancer, but never blessedly fatal.

A moment of silence for Herbert, whoever he is and wherever he is.


DISCUSSION (11)


Kinja'd!!! Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > crazedclay: SBC murderer
10/23/2014 at 20:38

Kinja'd!!!0

You must be a real blast at parties.


Kinja'd!!! Brian Silvestro > crazedclay: SBC murderer
10/23/2014 at 20:39

Kinja'd!!!16

Kinja'd!!!


Kinja'd!!! ly2v8-Brian > crazedclay: SBC murderer
10/23/2014 at 20:41

Kinja'd!!!0

I love these cars but it is SO HARD to find one that hasn't been douche'd out. It's a car I'd like to have to tool around with and participate in some autocross stuff. When I look I find extremely beat up examples, or ones with piss poor body kits, Fart cans, too much camber, big ass speakers, stickers, and chintzy mods of all kinds. Such a disappointment.


Kinja'd!!! ly2v8-Brian > Brian Silvestro
10/23/2014 at 20:42

Kinja'd!!!1

I know the feel bro


Kinja'd!!! Nerd-Vol > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 20:45

Kinja'd!!!3

Sorry about the suspension damage on your Nissan.


Kinja'd!!! Nerd-Vol > crazedclay: SBC murderer
10/23/2014 at 20:50

Kinja'd!!!1

I feel sad when ever I see a bro stanced Miata running around. That said, at least they aren't a rarer bird like the 240 or the s2000.


Kinja'd!!! Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Nerd-Vol
10/23/2014 at 20:54

Kinja'd!!!0

Not mine. I've never owned a Nissan.


Kinja'd!!! Big Bubba Ray > crazedclay: SBC murderer
10/23/2014 at 21:58

Kinja'd!!!0

The spring was like "LOL NOPE"


Kinja'd!!! wiffleballtony > crazedclay: SBC murderer
10/24/2014 at 02:19

Kinja'd!!!0

Life is unkind.


Kinja'd!!! uofime > crazedclay: SBC murderer
10/24/2014 at 11:26

Kinja'd!!!1

it sucks that they did this, but if you can find one that isn't too trashed mechanically you can probably get a good price then buy used OE parts super cheap said goober modders are taking off to fix up your car. Hell you might ever be able to sell the shitty mod parts back to the goobs in exchange for the OE parts you want!

It'll never be a show car and it'll take some work but I think it's do-able.


Kinja'd!!! Dsscats > Brian Silvestro
01/01/2015 at 02:51

Kinja'd!!!1

Star dis if u cry every tim