Dear Car Companies, (RANT)

"Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast." (twostrokesmoke)
10/23/2014 at 16:38 • Filed to: None

In the past decade or two I have noticed a disturbing trend with almost all of you. By your very design and engine compartment layout, you make what should be a very straightforward job a gigantic pain in the ass.

On my last car, I needed to change the battery. This should be simple. Pop the hood, unhook the wires, drop in a new one and call it a day....but NooooOOOOooo, that would be too easy. You had to jack the car up, take off the front tire and remove the wheel well cladding to get to the battery. One of my friends has to remove his back seat to do the same thing. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

I need to change out the low beam on my wife's Mazda 6...It should be a straight forward job, right? NO! IT FUCKING ISN'T!!! It's the same thing as the the battery on the other car I mentioned. I suppose I should be grateful it isn't the model that requires you to remove the front bumper and cladding for the same thing. It's like having to do heart surgery first in order to get a hair cut. Too much work for what you need. Godamnit.. STOP IT!

Sincerely,

Everyone

DISCUSSION (23)

505Turbeaux > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 16:40

B6 Passats with the HID's. Whole bumper comes off to do it. Did it, tested it, put it back together, ballast blows 20 minutes after I get it back together. FAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU VW

Blue 300 > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 16:45

Kinja'd!!!

You need one of these for your front bumper. I can hook it up yo. Stance fo Lifez.

FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 16:46

There are many factors that contribute to this disease. I think one of the top 3 has to be fuel economy regulations. While it seems somewhat counterintuitive, the quest for lighter cars, and reducing the pain of vehicle downsizing by making smaller cars seem bigger (space efficiency), has really accelerated this trend on automobiles. Expect it to get even worse as the government pushes for electrified vehicles and more start stop tech.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 16:47

I'm planning to put a battery behind the seat of a car, when it was originally just under the hood.

I'm probably the devil, as consequence.

Takuro Spirit > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 16:54

Ever since fenders started becoming part of the hood changing headlight bulbs have been an issue. Chrysler had it right, crank the steering wheel, remove round fist sized plug in fender well, reach in and remove bulb.

Now design takes place over ease of repair. Better to piss the customer off and have to have them take the car to the dealer and pay assloads to do what was a simple job on most cars ten years ago.

The Real Unsharer > FJ80WaitinForaLSV8
10/23/2014 at 16:56

My 2013 Civic is pretty darn efficient, yet I can get to the battery, air filter, and headlights without having to tear the thing apart.

I think a lot more of it comes down to design practices than anything else (see: my parents' old Pontiac Montana minivan that required at least 15 minutes to replace the air filter and would guarantee cuts in the process).

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Takuro Spirit
10/23/2014 at 16:57

If it were the high beam, it wouldn't be an issue. That part is right there out in the open. The Low beam s hidden away in the deep dark recesses of the fenderwell. Which pisses me off even more.

cayman2007 > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 17:00

I suggest you research how to change the air filter on a new 911 (hint: you have to remove the entire rear bumper)

FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 > The Real Unsharer
10/23/2014 at 17:01

I would put design practices in the top 3 as well, see that vast majority of modern German cars.

I have trouble with the headlights on the new civics (still doable though), my brother who is bigger than me can't contort his hand to fit in the gap.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > cayman2007
10/23/2014 at 17:03

I can't magine how hard I would rage if I had one of those and didn't know that.

Takuro Spirit > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 17:05

Yeah. Crank the wheel, remove plastic retainers, DON'T BREAK ANY, then reach in blindly and try not to cut the shit out of your hand and arm and HOPEFULLY you can remove the right bulb.

BoulderZ > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 18:01

Everything old is new again, I suppose? Early VW Beetles had the battery under the back seat. Great fun when the cover wore out and a passenger sat and pushed the springs down to touch both terminals. How about the Honda of a few generations ago where you had to remove the exhaust manifold to change the alternator ('cause those never wear out...). My 80s-tastic Toyota truck requires you to remove the entire grille assembly to change a headlamp assembly (and the NLA plastic fasteners for that are very brittle now, 30 years on). That truck is terrible for oil filter removal, too. I recall retrieving the spare from my Dad's Dodge Prospector Club Cab was a nightmare of crawling under the back and dealing with rusted brackets that looked suspiciously like bent ready-rod. Changing the plugs on our 80s Subaru wagon required a massive ratchet extension to get in/under to the plugs, which was fine except one plug required you blindly fishing it past the alternator and its unshielded positive terminal (Zap! Ow!)

On the other hand, changing a burned out brake light bulb in my wife's 2004 Jetta is a breeze: velcro panel in trunk, bayonet mount for socket/bulb assembly, bayonet mount for bulb, reverse and done. The hardest part was figuring out a way to have the brake pedal depressed so I could see which bulb was the brake (snow brush wedged against seat), because I was by myself. The go-in-through-the-fender thing is a newer devilish wrinkle, though, to my knowledge, but manufacturers intentionally or accidentally making simple services difficult is a time-honored practice, unfortunately.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > BoulderZ
10/23/2014 at 18:16

Does that truck have the 20 or 22 r engine? If so, that is the only engine I've ever had any luck on doing repairs myself on. If you have a Phillips head screw driver and a 10mm wrench you could do just about anything on those! Shitty alternators though. Bad enough that I kept spare ones for my old Celica.

Racescort666 > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 18:25

While I don't work directly for any OEMs I can say with some authority that most of the pain in the ass service situations are caused by a compromise driven by cost. Whether it's design time, or parts cost is one thing, but the big one that gets overlooked is assembly time. The faster a car can be assembled on the line the cheaper it is so there ends up being serviceability sacrifices driven by assembly time.

Some OEMs give different engineering groups more authority over the design when it comes to these compromises. A good example is the big 3 German manufacturers (Audi, Mercedes, and BMW) giving more authority to other groups over whoever is responsible for assuring serviceability requirements are met. Why? Most people who buy one of those three brands don't do the work themselves. It's usually a tech at a dealer with the special tools and a lot of space and gets paid by the hour.

I'm not saying it's right, I'm just explaining why it happens. It usually comes down to a management decision rather than an engineering decision. This is why I'm always happy to hear about engineers in management positions.

cayman2007 > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 18:32

Ohhhhh it gets better. The battery is in the front of the car, and to release/open the frunk you push on an electrically powered switch. So what happens if your battery dies? You can't open the trunk to jump/charge/replace it.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Racescort666
10/23/2014 at 18:41

Audi specifically was one of the brands that kept popping up when I was googling about this issue. Seems you have to remove the front clip for just about everything on those cars.

BoulderZ > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 18:50

It had a 22R. Now it's a bored-out (22+? 23?) R, E, T. Weirdly, I got 180,000 out of the stock alternator. I just replaced it a few months ago, because the belt got loose, seemed like it wasn't providing enough current (lights dimming at idle), etc. Got under to replace, come to find out it was because half the fasteners had dropped out (my fault, most likely). I replaced it anyway. Seemed like going to failure would have been pushing my luck.

Racescort666 > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 20:00

Totally unsurprising. They have over hung engines, AWD on pretty much every platform, plus being a premium brand they don't necessarily plan for the consumers to be doing the maintenance and they will also put more priority on styling since image is probably more important than ease of serviceability.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Racescort666
10/23/2014 at 20:02

Almost seems counter intuitive to building up appeal to increasing their market share. instead what you will end up with are lots of cars that you can't unload anywhere at any price, eventually.

Racescort666 > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 22:01

The funny thing is that it doesn't matter when they're new. They work fine under warranty because they get fixed at dealers and the MFG pays for it (they take this pretty seriously) but after they're out of warranty, it doesn't matter. Used luxury cars are cheap regardless of their serviceability and have been for a while. Depreciation is a killer. I'm finding that out the hard way.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2014 at 23:16

My dad's 2004 silverado was the easiest to change. Step 1 pull pin, step 2 unplug back of bulb, remove bulb, place new bulb in, screw in, insert pin. I think I stood in line longer to buy it than actually changing it.

Kinja'd!!!

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas
10/24/2014 at 00:44

My wifes old Malibu had pretty much the same set up. It was nice.

Svend > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/24/2014 at 14:57

Thankfully not an issue with my baby. The DRLs can be a bit of a pain but there is a door in the lower air splitter to take off to aid changing the DRL or foglight bulbs.

Kinja'd!!!

Please excuse the mess, I've not cleaned the engine bay for a couple of months but will next week when I've a few days. Unfortunately the engine is the only part of the car that sees dirt these days, even bird poop is washed off by the rain. :(