S4 Update: It's a goddam Volkswagen! (Ranting)

"KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs" (kusabisensei)
10/16/2014 at 23:02 • Filed to: rant, idiotlopnik

So I guess I got lucky. Passed emissions on Wednesday, so what do I get in return the next day? How about an entire bank of cylinders misfiring...How does that sound, Jack???

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So as we already know, the APB engine is an overly complicated German piece of I-dare-not-say-engineering-because-its-really-black-magic which can only be truly diagnosed by VCDS.

So I bought the cable. It came today, and so out I went with the laptop to the old Audi...

Misfires on cylinders 1, 2, and 3. But none on 4, 5, and 6. Currently it runs like an Olds Quad 4, and you just wonder if it's going to shake itself to death. So it's settled. New plugs and coil conversion kit are on order, so I can run the cheaper to buy 2.0 FSI coils. You have to resign yourself to the fact that a VW engine will eat ignition coils. It's a wear item, just like the oil, coolant, and filters.

Then we took a trip over to the local race suspension and tire shop. Gran Turismo East, for those of you in the Atlanta area. I'm pretty sure I'm now officially known there as "That Idiot With The Audi". Up the car goes on the alignment rack...

Surprise number one: Inner CV boots? What inner CV boots? Yessiree, Bob, the boots were torn all the way around, and I'm not certain there was much grease left in them. On BOTH sides of the gearbox. The outside ones look fine, but I'm more than willing to bet I just drove that thing from Chicago to Atlanta via Asheville, NC while slinging molybdenum disulfide grease everywhere.

Surprise number two: I have to figure out if I can even make some of the adjustment rings even turn on the tie rods and the coilovers. If not, new tie rod ends and new suspension pieces.

OK, you say, It's a 14 year old Audi that you bought for $2900. What the hell did you expect?

A goddamn Volkswagen, that's what. That, or a cookie.

Instead I got BFGoodrich R1s for $500 for the set. It's about as close to a cookie as you can get with this whole idea of a German track car.

DISCUSSION (23)

Manuél Ferrari > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:09

This is why friends don't let friends buy Audis

(unless R8, cause then it's a Lambo, dude)

McChiken116 - Patrick H. > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:09

The B5 platform is notorious for being a shit box. I bought one, it was junked nearly a year later do to all of the issues it had. Cut and run.

Herr Quattro - Has a 4-Motion > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:12

So this is how my friends feel when I talk about cars...

Chris Clarke > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:14

Those probs are nothin. It'll all be worth it. The one thing I've learned, though, is don't start throwing money at a fix until you know the problem. I'm on stock coil packs for the past 50k miles. You don't get an entire bank of misfires from a bad coil pack. Might as simple as a loose intercooler connection. Might be icm. Anyway. I've been through it all so I'm a great resource if you've got questions.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:15

$2900? You sir are a brave man. How many miles?

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Chris Clarke
10/16/2014 at 23:27

If its one bank, my thoughts would tend toward ICM and plug gap. My plan is pull all the plugs this weekend and see what they look like and check the gap.

I know the car wasnt as well maintained as is possible, but neither is it the worst I've seen a German car be treated. All things in due course.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
10/16/2014 at 23:29

161,000. I knew that its going to be a money pit for a while, but the number of issues is relatively short compared to what I actually expected.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > McChiken116 - Patrick H.
10/16/2014 at 23:30

You could just say all late 90s VW products... Because then it would be completely true.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:31

but the number of issues is relatively short compared to what I actually expected.

I was just getting ready to say that. It sounds like you actually ended up with a relatively reliable, trouble-free example in that price/mileage range.

The fact that I, knock on wood, have yet to have any mechanical problems with mine, is nothing short of a miracle.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Manuél Ferrari
10/16/2014 at 23:31

So no Ducatis then? (Thank Dr. Piech for that)

Manuél Ferrari > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:33

No that's OK. Cause it's like a Lambo motorcycle

When you want fun and affordable used cars go with a trusty N/A RWD Manuél Bimmer that wasn't built during their less reliable years

Are there any Manuél E34 wagons left or did everyone on Jalopnik/Oppo buy them all already?

Kaizer Soze > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs
10/16/2014 at 23:34

That is perfectly normal. I'd budget at least $1,000 in maintenance a year for that thing.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
10/16/2014 at 23:35

Its one of those things when you can go to VCDS and only get two stored codes. One headlight aiming sensor (I blame the idiot suspension lowering for that) and one for the exhaust gas temp sensor.

I expected at least two codes from every module.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Kaizer Soze
10/16/2014 at 23:37

That sounds about right for a late 90s VW product.

Thank God its a track only car.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Manuél Ferrari
10/16/2014 at 23:40

You mean like my E85 Z4? As it has power nothing, its reasonable compared to, say, a 5er or even an SLK Mercedes of similar vintage.