The unanimous Declaration of the United Peoples of Oppositelock

"Leadbull" (leadbull911) 10/16/2014 at 11:29 • Filed to: oppositelock

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When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the economic softwares which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the Internet, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Internet and of Internet's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men (and $kaycog) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty of Transportation and the pursuit of Hoon.—That to secure these rights, Websites are instituted among Men (and $kaycog), deriving their just powers from the consent of the users, —That whenever any Form of Website becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Users to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Domain, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Posting Ability and Authorship. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Websites long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that userkind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Websites, and to provide new URLs for their future security.—Such has been the patient sufferance of these Blogs and Subblogs; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Website. The history of the present Nick Denton of Gawker Media is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Blogs and Subblogs. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has practiced Yellow Journalism to the utmost extent.

He has forbidden his Authors from deploring the extreme use of Clickbait.

He has refused to grant exception from Kinja for the accommodation of large online communities of people.

He has withheld the rights of Stability and Tranquility of Site Platform from the people who live under his rule.

He has repeatedly used the work of free men and women for his own gain, and has refused compensation of said peoples.

He has attacked the unalienable right we hold highest of all: the Right to Drive Free or Die.

He has erected a multitude of New Subblogs, and sent hither swarms of Authors to harrass our users, and eat out their free time.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed Trolls among us:

For cutting off our Discussion with all parts of the Kinjaverse:

For imposing Grey on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Moderator:

For transporting us beyond News to Rampant Sensationalism.

He has taken away our Ad Hoc Forums, abolished our most valuable Notification Systems, and altered fundamentally the Forums of our Discussions.

He has plundered our Website Layouts, ravaged our Sidebars, burnt our Personal Blogs, and destroyed the lives of our users.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Gawker Commenter Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions who don't agree exactly with them.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated disregard. An Editor in Chief whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free userbase.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Kinja brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our posting and discussion. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in Vile Discussion, in Polite Correspondence Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the United Peoples of Oppositelock, in General Comment Thread, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the internet (Al Gore) for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Blogs and Subblogs, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Peoples are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent Blogs and Subblogs; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Gawker Media Empire, and that all political connection between them and the Institution of Gawker Media, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Online Communities, they have full Power to levy Site Platform Stability, conclude Trolls, contract C&C Gatherings, establish Commerce of Merchandise, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Online Communities may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Hoon, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Tires and our sacred Miata.

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Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:32

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go post on r/oppositelock. Tell your friends. One rule only, don't be a dick.

505Turbeaux > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:33

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screw Miatas :)

Nibby > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:34

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http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/oppositelock-m…

Leadbull > 505Turbeaux 10/16/2014 at 11:34

1

*Gasp*

Party-vi > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:34

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DEMOCRACY!!!!

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:34

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A FUCKING MEN Brotha. A fucking men.

Leadbull > Nibby 10/16/2014 at 11:35

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The Constitution

For Sweden > Party-vi 10/16/2014 at 11:36

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Carl XVI Gustaf > Democracy

Leadbull > Party-vi 10/16/2014 at 11:36

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LET EAGLES ROAM FREE

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:37

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Fuck Carl "Speeding when I want" Gustav. :P

For Sweden > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:37

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We demand a return to journalism ethics! We demand that all Jalopnik writers MUST have sexual relations with the people who designed the cars being tested!

Unless they don't want to, but what are they, prudes? [scuffaw]

Leadbull > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:38

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Live like a King

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:39

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Schwerer Gustav > Carl Gustav

Party-vi > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:39

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Carl XVI Gustaf, a.k.a. Regal Jim Broadbent

For Sweden > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 10/16/2014 at 11:39

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The speeding law is in his name; he can do what he want.

Sn210 > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:39

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For Sweden > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:39

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[salutes]

RotaryLover > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:39

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What?...did I miss something?

Leadbull > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:40

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What if they're, uh, not into people?

EL_ULY > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:40

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For Sweden > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:41

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Orgies are mandatory in Sweden

Leadbull > RotaryLover 10/16/2014 at 11:42

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No, I just got bored and decided to do this.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:42

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;P Well.. OK then. :P

Leadbull > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:44

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[returns salute]

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 10/16/2014 at 11:47

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Rick > Schwerer Gustav

Cé hé sin > For Sweden 10/16/2014 at 11:47

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Not since 1974.

brian1321 > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:48

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Lol what.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut 10/16/2014 at 11:49

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Trick response: Rick is the Schwerer Gustav or its sister gun, but with a face. Faces make everything better. Therefore Rick > Schwerer Gustav.

For Sweden > Cé hé sin 10/16/2014 at 11:50

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Implying the "democracy" isn't just a ruse for the sheeple

Tohru > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 11:53

4

ACESandEIGHTS > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 12:10

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Funny that they decided to decrease their traffic by imposing gray on us. I don't even bother with Jalopnik, Kotaku, Gizmodo, Jezebel, any Gawker site anymore... I used to love it when I could occasionally comment, compliment, complement or otherwise participate in a post. Smelled like... community .

Sounds like they just want to bring their ad value down. Have at it, I say. Let the market correct your folly. Or not. Couldn't care much less.

Whatever and ever, amen.

ACESandEIGHTS > Nibby 10/16/2014 at 12:20

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Hah! not saying this in a bad way, but the most TL:DRish thing I might ever have seen: I feel if I read it in its entirety my IQ might either go up or down... or both, but regardless my psyche would be forever affected. Plus, I may be inspired, but could be mired in deciding just what does it all mean?! which of course speeds one along towards exceeding his/her insanity threshold. Borrowed or written in a caffeine frenzy?

Byron+Whitman+cummings+Kerouac+Vonnegut+acid= that.

pauljones > brian1321 10/16/2014 at 12:29

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Right? I'm getting too old this shit.

Nibby > ACESandEIGHTS 10/16/2014 at 12:33

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Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

Read more about the Futurist Manifesto here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Futurist_…

Nate > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 12:39

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ACESandEIGHTS > Nibby 10/16/2014 at 12:52

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Hahah, an entire work published w/o attribution! Oh dear. Didn't occur to me to copy and paste into Google. Fool me twice... you, ah, erm, you can't get fooled again or something.

Glad to hear at least that you're not the one who took the LSD home for further examination.

Love that feminism is assailed on all sides by all people: fascists, conservatives, libertarians, liberals, moderates. Everyone blamed it at one time or another apparently. Bravo to the Russians at least for pressing their women into cosmonaut and military service.

I'll tell U what though—them Euros were getting stir-crazy and fidgety as fuck even in the 19th Century. That's what millennia of claustrophobia and wars does for you I guess.

ttyymmnn > Party-vi 10/16/2014 at 13:24

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Representative Republic!

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 17:32

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Your wording hurts my brain, but I think I understand what you are trying to say. So I think I agree with you. Here, here (maybe)

Leadbull > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 10/16/2014 at 17:39

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It's the Declaration of Independence's wording, modified by me.

I kept the tenses of the substituted words the same, unless it just sounded too weird.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Leadbull 10/16/2014 at 17:45

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Thats what I thought it was. The mixture of old words with new ones confused me a bit, so I wasnt 100% sure

Leadbull > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 10/16/2014 at 17:50

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Thank God I didn't actually write that whole thing.

On the other hand, that would probably make me kind of brilliant...

Jordaneer, The Mountaineer Man > ACESandEIGHTS 10/19/2014 at 16:47

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Yeah, I wish we were all black but there was an option to flag people who spam, but the flag has to be approved by someone else.

Slave2anMG > ACESandEIGHTS 10/19/2014 at 22:14

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What he said. No point in commenting there if in the grey; just gets lost in the other stuff. Thank the spammers and the prOn douchebags.