How Car Magazines Are Just Like The Show "Ancient Aliens"

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
10/06/2014 at 16:24 • Filed to: Pure speculation, half life 3 confirmed

There is a TV show, which most people are aware of, called Ancient Aliens , this show features a bunch of lunatics spinning tidbits of information into outlandish claims that aliens were here on earth hundreds to thousands of years ago.

Here's how it works: The ancient Greeks and Romans had a myth that the sun was pulled across the sky each morning by a god named Apollo in his chariot of fire. The show's writers then claim that Apollo is an alien. Then the writers prove their claim by saying that rockets shoot out fire, therefore his chariot of fire was actually a rocket. Then they will reveal that they can claim that based on a vaguely phallic image carved onto a wall in an ancient Roman bathroom. The writers will further delve into this discussion until they can create enough evidence to back up their original claim that Apollo was an alien who came to Earth and fucked with the ancient Romans with his future space technology.

The producers, directors and actors of the show will then take this script and turn it into a TV show. They get paid by advertisers who use the commercial breaks to sell you Viagra and what not. The same things seem to happen at car magazines.

Rumors are constantly being circulated about a new RX7, "Mid-engined" Corvette, a new Ford GT, and many others. More often than not, these are all made up based on wishful thinking and the bullshit. But, the writers will perform research and ask people on the inside for bits of information, the more trivial and miniscule the details, the better, because it allows them to take greater liberties and leaps of faith.

So, will Ford say something like, "We are looking to continue racing."

The writers will get this and say, "How about a new Ford GT?"

Ford: "Our intentions are to continue with our DP and LMP2 EcoBoost engine program."

The writers don't get a "yes" or "no," therefore new Ford GT and it will race at Le Mans 2016 because the Ford GT first won Le Mans in 1966 which 2016 will be the 50 th anniversary.

DISCUSSION (25)

ly2v8-Brian > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 16:29

"Then they will reveal that they can claim that based on a vaguely phallic image carved onto a wall in an ancient Roman bathroom." That's pretty funny, and laser accurate to that show.

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 16:37

this show features a bunch of lunatics spinning tidbits of information into outlandish claims that aliens were here on earth hundreds to thousands of years ago.

I love this line. I could read it over and over.

JR1 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 16:38

The writers don't get a "yes" or "no," therefore new Ford GT and it will race at Le Mans 2016 because the Ford GT first won Le Mans in 1966 which 2016 will be the 50

anniversary.

YOU ARE WRONG OBVIOUSLY FORD WILL BUILD A NEW GT NO ONE CAN PASS UP THEIR 50TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!!! *typical internet Ford fanboy response

macanamera > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 16:48

I'm not saying the next Corvette is mid engine.

But it's mid engine.

Goshen, formerly Darkcode > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 17:01

You forgot the part where they (both ufologists and journalists) plainly pull shit out of their arse.

T5Killer > macanamera
10/06/2014 at 17:03

How many times has that rumor come and gone?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Goshen, formerly Darkcode
10/06/2014 at 17:05

That's in there.

Goshen, formerly Darkcode > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 17:06

No, you mentioned extrapolation, but not pure invention.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > macanamera
10/06/2014 at 17:07

Technically they all are...

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Goshen, formerly Darkcode
10/06/2014 at 17:07

until they can create enough evidence

Goshen, formerly Darkcode > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 17:08

I'm talking about the "facts" which are presented without any sort of evidence, but are obviously true because they're told by people who are obviously experts because the TV says they are.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Goshen, formerly Darkcode
10/06/2014 at 17:10

Yes, that is creating evidence. Not finding evindence, but creating it.

McMike > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 17:10

Kinja'd!!!

GhostZ > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 17:12

Nibby needs to post that version of that gif that starts normal, but gets progressively weirder and more broken up as he approaches the end, until it zooms into his forehead.

macanamera > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
10/06/2014 at 17:15

FME is not ME

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > macanamera
10/06/2014 at 17:19

It's not RME, but it is ME.

macanamera > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
10/06/2014 at 17:21

Yeah, no. I'm not talking about technicalities. I'm talking about real life. You know exactly what I mean when I say mid-engine and the Corvette is not it.

ACESandEIGHTS > macanamera
10/06/2014 at 17:23

Kinja'd!!!

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > macanamera
10/06/2014 at 17:28

Mid-engined is any engine in between the front wheel and rear. Sure, most people would assume that mid-engined means behind the driver, but what people assume and what is real are two whole different ballparks.

Manuél Ferrari > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
10/06/2014 at 17:32

True. But it's not ME in his heart

ranwhenparked > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 18:39

Pretty much. Throw a lump of tinfoil in the air and film it with a crappy camera and the UFO nuts will scream aliens.

Tape some trash bags on an old Cavalier and the car mags will scream top secret prototype out testing.

RallyWrench > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 19:31

Did you write this whole thing just to use that GIF? Because I wouldn't blame you. Well said.

Scb0825 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 19:37

OK I agree these guys have way to big of a boner for this... But I can't be the only one who thinks the ancient alien theory is plausible?

Hermann > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/06/2014 at 20:28

Ford has to come out with out special cars every time one of their cars has a birthday. Just to please their fanatics. They don't even care anymore. It's a huge brand with a huge history! They can't develop a new thing every time there's a birthday. They just throw money at the SVT team, give them a Mustang shell and a deadline.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > ranwhenparked
10/06/2014 at 20:52

Damn that is tempting.