Letters to NVA: 48MPH, A Prius, And No Seatbelt.

"Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert" (joshuagilbert)
10/01/2014 at 18:39 • Filed to: Letters

Dear Northern Virginia,

I know you're white, rich, slightly-left leaning, and on your way home from your six-figure salary consulting job in DC.

Your silver Prius has cut me off about 6 times in the last 10 Mintues. We are in a two lane road. And it's 9pm on a Monday night. No one is out in Fairfax, Virginia.

As you pull up next to me I notice your well-trimmed haircut, white shirt from Nordstrom and your relaxed posture AS YOUR OMG. NOT. WEARING. YOUR SEATBELT. I do a double-take. No, it's true.

You know it just rained right?

So not only are you a prius-driving dummy and an oblivious cutter-offer, you're a seatbelt lacking fool.

Being over 40, rich, white, and male doesn't give you a free pass.

But somehow the last couple P71s on this rainy night haven't noticed. You cruise along, the glaring red of your SEATBELT light glowing from your dashboard onto your arrogant face. A face I am staring at right now. Why sir, why? I can't tell if you're a numbskull or you just believe you are invincible.

You're American. And a male. This I know we have in common so I have in the most human sense, a collectivist respect for you. I don't want you to die. If somebody jumps a light. If you spill that Starbucks (or Greenberries or Pete's) or if, the two or three cars we've passed together in the last three miles decide to ohfuckslamonmybrakesonrainypavement , then you, sir, will probably run over yourself and/or enter the rear seat of the Sienna in front of you, falling into a Costco box full of Kimchi jars and shocking awake the the tw0 sleeping children of the Korean family driving in front of you.

Wear your fucking seatbelt. And don't drive a Prius.

All this college student wants to do is make it to his campus study-session alive and he wishes you the same.

Thanks for the inspiration, Dsscats

DISCUSSION (8)

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert
10/01/2014 at 18:43

There is plenty of material to be used from around here. Just today a Prius cut in front of some ricer in a poor integra GSR with cut springs and a poorly maintained engine and a straight pipe. The Prius jumps in front, prompting the integra to create late clouds of blue smoke and bounce off the rev limiter for a couple of minutes... People can't drive here an are total dicks on top of that.

Jedidiah > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert
10/01/2014 at 18:48

I was the only car on a road and was approaching a simple intersection.

Rather than wait an addition three seconds to let the car with the right of way pass, this lady decides to pull out in front of me.

Brakes locked and I nearly went off the road, then she does this little wave I think just to piss me off.

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > Jedidiah
10/01/2014 at 18:51

A lady? A lady doesn't act like a catty, insecure girl.

Jedidiah > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert
10/01/2014 at 18:55

This is not the first time this has happened to me.

People seem to completely disregard stop signs sometimes around here.

The worst kind of idiots are unpredictable idiots.

I'm about ready to put a train horn on my car.

Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert > Jedidiah
10/01/2014 at 18:58

As long as you couple this with a GoPro linked to a trigger, and upload the reactions. Then you win the internet.

Jedidiah > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert
10/01/2014 at 19:01

I'm thinking about buying a go-pro or dash cam.

You have a good idea with filming the reactions to a train horn. I could make my own youtube channel.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert
10/01/2014 at 19:14

One day, Mr. Dumbfuck McShithead was riding his motorcycle on a 2 lane road undergoing construction to become a 4 lane. I was merrily driving along (at the speed limit), when Mr. McShithead decides to pass me through the cones, in a blind spot. I happen to see Mr. McShithead swerve immediately in front of me, then he dissappears because he slammed on his brakes. I saw the top of his helmet less than 4ft from my hood, that's how I know I hadn't hit him. I then happen to see Mr. McShithead turn right into the gas station a good 50 yd. from where he began to pass. He passed me, to immediately turn right 50 yds. down the fucking road. He risked being crushed by a 2 ton SUV for this. I see "Watch for Motorcycle" bumper stickers everywhere, but I think the problem is the motorcycle riders, not the car drivers.

TL;DR: If you are on something that you will die on(or wish you would have), don't cut off SUVs.

JKER > Joshua "Dr. Science" Gilbert
10/02/2014 at 00:41

I almost never wear a seatbelt, too uncomfortable and I'm still alive!

#twowheelsgood