Lies and more lies.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 09/25/2013 at 13:46 • Filed to: None

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In this mornings Question of the Day I submitted that fake hood vents, scoops, etc are simply unacceptable, and I think we can all get behind that statement; they look bad, don't have any functionality and make the car look cheap...so why are cars coming with them from the factory?

The thought came to me commuting home yesterday as I pulled up along side a brand new Escape ecoboost.

Now the Escape is a good, forward looking design...so why does it have these

Seriously, they look like they came from Autozone (maybe that's why they are so popular?) but no, Ford put them there...on purpose even. I know they don't work, you know they don't work...but they are certainly trying to pull it off. I wish I could say that this was just a bout of bad taste brought on by !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

But this trend isn't just limited to Ford. Obviously Subaru is into it and has been for a while, but its getting so common in the industry that its just silly. Other new cars I can name off the top of my head that want you to buy into the lie:

Buick Enclave

Range Rover (real vents supplanted by "evocative vent styling")

Range rover sport

Range Rover Evoque

Toyota Tacoma sport

Ford Super Duty

Toyota FJ cruiser

And the list goes on. And if you think its just trucks and SUV's, think again

Dodge Challenger

The aforementioned BRZ

Chevrolet SS (jury is still out as to fake or not...but probably fake)

Why are we they doing this...why are we buying it!

There is one answer in the form of killing dead space. Cars are big and long and also tall and wide and big too...so its getting harder and harder to hide that fact and so designers often use then vent as a cheap and easy go-to to break up the dead space in the effort to reduce the visual bulk of the car, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The other, less reasonable explanation is "heritage" , i.e. our old cars had em, we need that "DNA" in our new cars. rebuttal: no you don't...seriously.

The thing that kills me is that, as a function over fashion guy I can't stand the though of my car telling other people its doing something its not, it kills the whole car for me. Especially for performance cars, what they are saying is: "Im pretty sure you wont notice this...yeah...im almost sure that I can get away with this deception." Am I alone? do you care? what car, new or old, is ruined for use due to this lie?

deekster_caddy > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 13:48

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They are all paying homage to Buick's awesome portholes (which used to be functional)!!! yay Buick!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 13:49

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I'll accept Buick and some others to a degree on the "heritage" argument. The Range-Rovers, though, if they want to pretend to have a heater vent there, why don't they have a heater vent there? (classic Land-Rover installation).

Pessimippopotamus > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 13:50

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The worst thing about the Escape isn't the porthole. It's that the entire grille is a lie!

Look at all that plastic!

NinetyQ > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 13:51

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You can't blame the Buick for that. Even back to the very first Buick portholes in the '40s, they were nonfunctional. The concept was originally that they'd have little amber lights behind them wired to the distributor so that they'd light up in time with the engine revs and look like the exhaust of a fighter plane.

The rest though, yeah I don't know. The BRZ's doesn't bother me. I never noticed the Challenger's. I think I just don't mind them, but it would be awesome if they were functional. Even the GTP version of my '96 Grand Prix had functional hood vents. Why not more modern stuff?

pdthedeuce > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 13:51

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unfortunately, it's been going on for quite some time...

dinobot666 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 13:56

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Okay, this was like a 5 second quick and dirty job, but it doesn't look any better, or worse for that matter without the faux vent.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 13:58

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My '63 Ranchero has a fake hoodscoop like this pic. Fake...but not for long. Functional fender vents also pending.

HammerheadFistpunch > dinobot666 09/25/2013 at 14:00

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with the FRS, its not that it looks bad, its that I KNOW its fake. If you are going to put a preformance related feature on a vehicle (vents should increase performance, otherwise whats the point) then it had better do its job. That was the only consolation for the ugle hood scoop on my subi...it did something.

Sn210 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 14:06

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I thought of this the other day when I noticed the side vents on a Jeep Liberty in the parking lot at work. I kind of get fake vents on sports cars like a BRZ because they are going for a sporty look. But on a Liberty? Come on...

HammerheadFistpunch > Sn210 09/25/2013 at 14:09

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off roaders have vents for various technical reasons...or did...and they seem to share the bulk of the shame for new cars with the disease so it must be important to suv designers...

Nibbles > NinetyQ 09/25/2013 at 14:09

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Totally taking this idea! Wire lights up to the ignition system and (somehow) design a system that lights up when I'm in boost. I have no idea what I'll do with it but it sounds novel I guess.

CounterTorqueSteer > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 14:09

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I happen to really like my fake scoop.

dinobot666 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 14:12

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I think the fakey do vent kind of breaks up the lines from the front fender and accentuates the slow slope of the rear quarter as it makes its way up. I could take it or leave it, but I don't think it's particularly offensive by any means.

HammerheadFistpunch > CounterTorqueSteer 09/25/2013 at 14:17

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I initially wrote some scathing remark, but I would like instead to ask...in all seriousness...why? When I test drove a sport Tacoma off road it made it harder to see the trail and compared to the non-sport i could hear extra wind noise, im just trying to get a handle on why this option is so popular (and it is)

Sn210 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 14:29

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Must be...
At least they could have painted them instead of black plastic that fades in the sun.

Mikeado > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 14:32

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Because Aston Martins have them, and Aston Martins are cool.

jmgadget > Pessimippopotamus 09/25/2013 at 14:42

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Holy crap! I never realized that.

I just realized the other day that the turn signals were way down on the bottom near the middle. I thought that was odd placement

505Turbeaux > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 14:53

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mmm Ventiports

CobraJoe > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 14:54

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Some should be acceptable, because if we didn't allow any design for design's sake all cars would end up loooking like boring jelly beans.

Where to draw that line is difficult though.

HammerheadFistpunch > CobraJoe 09/25/2013 at 15:02

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no its not. here is the guide:

Does it make the car functionally better?

yes no

do it dont do it

But what if I make it functional?

do it.

CobraJoe > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 15:28

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But that flow chart can lead to removal of all kinds of styling features on cars.

Any non-informational decoration doesn't make the car functionally better, so get rid of those. While we're at it, informational decoration such as badges don't make it functionally better either. Same goes for the slats in the grill, the shape of the headlights, alloy wheels, even the body lines and the body shape to a certain extent.

I can agree that trim pieces are often excessive and unecessary, I don't think it's worth banning all of them. Instead of a blanket ban, I say they should fit in with the styling of the car. Having them integrate into a body line should be the minimum requirement, so the Ecoboost Escape just barely fits in under that. It's better if the body panel was molded specifically to fit them in a hole or pocket, like the BR-Z. The absolute best is if there is some functionality included, either venting or incorporating a side marker light or even a hood latch.

Milky > HammerheadFistpunch 09/25/2013 at 15:43

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My car is a fake too, I haz a sad about it.

TylerJ > CounterTorqueSteer 09/25/2013 at 21:04

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Don't forget the ones on the side!

CounterTorqueSteer > TylerJ 09/25/2013 at 22:00

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Haha, those I don't like as much.

TylerJ > CounterTorqueSteer 09/25/2013 at 22:03

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I don't like them either. The honeycomb is so obviously filled with more plastic.

HammerheadFistpunch > dinobot666 09/26/2013 at 13:06

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Thing is, we don't have to look far to find a BRZ wihtout a fake vent

Well it still has a tiny fake vent, but mostly its gone.

magman007 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/26/2013 at 14:45

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love my real scoop.

hethoughtofcars > HammerheadFistpunch 09/26/2013 at 14:49

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It drives me crazy too. Here's yet another egregious example:

It seems to have gotten so bad that even functional vents and scoops bother me. The 4 series and the Mazdaspeed3 both have uses for them but I like the cleaner look of a plain old Mazda3 or a 3 series.

Alex87f > dinobot666 09/26/2013 at 14:54

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Or they could just make it a real vent!

With that being said, a good friend of mine owns a 2000 Subaru Impreza wagon:

See those two double vents at the front of the hood? We'll they're real. BUT! They came from the factory with a blocking panel bolted on the inside of the hood, that shut them completely. And since the car is 100% stock, they still are. So really, they're fake.

My point being: this isn't new.

dinobot666 > Alex87f 09/26/2013 at 14:55

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In different markets, those covered up vent holes were functional for vehicles that were turbocharged.

HammerheadFistpunch > hethoughtofcars 09/26/2013 at 14:58

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good call, man its a shame what has become of the patrol.

HammerheadFistpunch > magman007 09/26/2013 at 14:58

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I had a forester xt and I hated the hood scoop, but I loved that it actually did something.

magman007 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/26/2013 at 15:31

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never been behind the wheel of an XT, but my buddy has an 04 sti (04 and 05 had larger scoops) and I can see how the larger scoop would be annoying. I hardly notice mine, but its such a visual component to the car, so outlandish and so awesome :) It looks right at home on the WRX and STi. any other car and it would look ridiculous (outside of subaru).

Alex87f > HammerheadFistpunch 09/26/2013 at 15:46

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Wait, is the QX56 really nothing more than a glorified Patrol?

HammerheadFistpunch > Alex87f 09/26/2013 at 15:50

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yup.

YouretheRhoda > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 09/26/2013 at 16:02

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beauty.

Alex87f > HammerheadFistpunch 09/26/2013 at 16:03

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What the slush?
I wonder how many buyers know that..

HammerheadFistpunch > Alex87f 09/26/2013 at 16:07

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Approximately none. Its the same story with the LX570, but at least the LX still has some real off road chops.

RidgeFish > HammerheadFistpunch 09/26/2013 at 16:11

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I am a fan of cars that have "hidden" scoops. On both the early Mazdaspeed 3s and the current Forester XTs the top section of the front grill is ducted through the hood to the TMIC, creating a ram air effect but being totally stealth about it. Pure function without any "look at me", which is just how I like it.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > YouretheRhoda 09/26/2013 at 16:15

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Regrettably, that one's not mine, but it's got me seriously considering the merits of light brown paint.