‘Lil Red Express Truck and a SRT Express Commercial Idea

"daender" (daender) 09/23/2013 at 13:45 • Filed to: Lil Red Express, SRT, Ram

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Aka, Ender has way too much time on his hands that he should be using to study.

Let’s have a little backstory before we begin. Back in 1976, Dodge released a concept/show truck called the Warlock. This short-bed, short-chassis black truck with gold pin striping featured fancy wheels, fat tires, bucket seats, authentic oak sideboards, a spruced-up interior, and of course the oh-so-iconic trucker exhaust stacks that stood definitely behind the cab. Immediately the public wanted it so bad that Dodge started production the very next year; you could buy your own tricked-out truck straight from the factory and be the talk of the drive-thru.

In ’78, Dodge wanted to refresh the Warlock by giving it a new shade of paint. The original plan was a bright fire truck-red Warlock simply named Red Warlock. However, somewhere along the line from concept to production, the name was changed to the iconic ‘Lil Red Express Truck. Cosmetically, it was a red Warlock with a new emblem on the door and tailgate and some more wood in the bed for style points, but it separated itself entirely from its black brother and gave Johnny Law the middle finger using a hot-rodded 360 cubic inch police-grade motor free of catalytic converters by extorting CARB loopholes.

225 horsepower at 3800 rpm was sent through a 2500 rpm stall, an upgraded A-727 automatic, to 3.55 gears contained inside a 9.25 inch rear axle, and put down to the ground on 15 by 8 inch wheels wrapped in wide 275mm Goodyear LR60’s. While not as rocketing as the muscle cars that preceded it a decade ago, it was one of the fastest domestic vehicles from zero to 100 mph as tested by Car and Driver , especially considering it moved 6100 pounds of blubbery U-S-of-A steel and iron.

However, like its distant muscle car cousins, a gas crisis in ’80 nailed the coffin shut on the ‘Lil Red Express Truck, ending its two-year production and just fewer than ten thousand sold, closing the books on a badass alternative to the neutered automobiles of the late 70’s.

Now then, let’s fast forward to more modern times, in 2009 the Dodge Ram received a major design overhaul with modern-day sharp edges and creases, along with a decently-potent 5.7L Hemi V8. In the midst of all the retro and nostalgia feelings created by the new Camaro, Mustang, and Challenger, someone decided it was time to dust off the classic red and gold emblem. Mr. Norm’s Mopars, a well-known name in classic Mopar performance equal to what Yenko did for Chevy and Shelby did for Ford, debut a 2010 Ram truck as a heart-felt love letter to the classic ‘Lil Red Express Truck.

A majority of the upgrades were cosmetic; the engine only receiving a larger intake and the iconic semi-truck exhaust stacks while the suspension was lowered a few inches. The interior features aftermarket leather over the stock seats and few other touches to separate it from normal Rams. The new Ram wore its forefather’s outfit well and Mr. Norm produced a limited-run of parts to turn your street truck into something that’d steal attention away from the usual modern-day muscle.

Two years later, Chrysler took it into their own hands to come up with their own revived Express. The 2012 concept featured a turbocharged Hemi V8 producing an estimated 500+ horsepower to move all that truck forward. Body-wise, the bed received a wooden makeover, blacked-out housings contained the 2013 model-year lights, and a Jeep SRT-8’s front bumper and LEDs were grafted into the front. Sadly, this vehicle remains a one-off show truck.

However, RAM and SRT have become branches of Chrysler, no Dodge badges to be seen on any Viper or Ram. This could potentially mean the rebirth of Plymouth but also a potential opportunity to bring back the ‘Lil Red Express once more. Now then, both SRT and Ram have been associated together in the past with their ludicrous Viper V10-powered SRT-10 Ram. Let SRT upgrade the Ram again with their 392 cubic inch motor found in just about every 300, Charger, and Challenger they touch along with either a manual six-speed or 7-speed paddle-shift auto. The suspension could be lowered greatly to improve handling and stability since it’s highly unlikely they would be taken anywhere near off road (when’s that Raptor-hunter due, Chrysler?). Give it the same look as your 2012 show truck and I bet you’d steal buyers away from Ford’s Tremors and Raptors. Oh, and make sure it stars in some popular movie or tv show, who wouldn't want a badass muscletruck?

Finally, here’s the commercial idea I came up with while in the shower, a great place for ideas.

The setting is the early 60s, a small boy, no more than 8 or 9 years old, wearing a football helmet lines up his red and gold wagon on the top of a paved hill street. Alongside him is a bully-looking kid that’s at least 2 or 3 years older than the wagon boy, riding a blacked-out bicycle with a clipped baseball card slapping against the rear spokes. Spaghetti Western showdown music plays as a girl, possibly the same age as the boy, purposely drops her lollypop and says “Go!” as the two kids roll down the hill. Rockabilly begins to play as both kids quickly build momentum and speed; the bike gets an early lead only for the wagon to pass him by in time to reach the finish line first, the wagon kid’s face stuck is an excited smile as he feels the rush of the wind.

The screen quickly transitions to a white fade-in and then fade-out to that same kid, now a grown up man in the year 1978. Disco playing, he’s walking the dog and pulling his toddler son, who’s playing with a die-cast car that looks like a Mopar muscle car, along in that same wagon he used to race in over 20 years ago, looking worn but still sturdy. He walks right by the Dodge dealer and there in the showroom, past all the beige cars and trucks, is a new ‘Lil Red Express Truck. The man smiles as he walks toward the dealer with in son and dog in tow before the screen fades to white once more.

The white fades away to the year 2013 (or ’14) and now the kid’s son, now a man himself, stands in front of an inviting Mopar dealership, lot filled with colorful Darts, Chargers, Challengers, classy 300’s, tough-looking Rams and Jeeps, and maybe one Viper T/A, with contemporary rock music playing in the background. However, the son’s eyes are fixed on only one machine, a gleaming red and gold SRT Express sitting right in showroom. He walks toward the dealership with a smile as the camera pans over to show the old man and his grandson, waiting inside the worn-in but still presentable ’78 ‘Lil Red Express with the aged but durable wagon tied down in the bed. The old man looks over at his grandson, who’s playing with a Mopar-looking toy, before looking back at his son, who’s now talking to a salesperson that soon shakes hands as the price is agreed upon, the camera focuses in on the old man's smiling face as the screen fades to white one final time, as the music fades out, to the Ram symbol with the initials SRT branded onto its forehead.

ncasolowork2 > daender 09/23/2013 at 14:23

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Someone forgot to feed nibbles dammit. This appears to be the only place I can post. I'm now going to attempt to share this with Oppo.

FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 > daender 09/24/2013 at 10:14

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Seriously considered buying a red Ram Express 1500. Then discovered it was made in mexico. Guess it will be a Ford STX.