If Cars Were

"POD" (podimus)
08/31/2013 at 17:27 • Filed to: If Cars Were, gaming consoles, Ariel Atom, Gaming PC, Type 34, Coleco-Vision, Neo-Geo, Hilux, 2000gt, atari, GT-R, PS3

Gather round the campfire, it's time for another round of If Cars Were! The weekly(ish) ramblings of your favorite eccentric Canuck.

This is the (admittedly) random musings where I, POD, take 5 of my favorite cars and equate them to something else. Last week we looked at what those cars would be if they were the loyalest of loyal companions, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

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What will this weeks theme be, and what will the cars be equated too? Lets find out!

Now, it's no secret that I love !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and you can not have a complete "If Cars Were" list with out including the driving force behind video games. Video game consoles. Home gaming consoles have wormed their way into the weekly (if not daily) lives of nearly every household in a first world country. They live in the home as snuggly as a car does in the garage. So in this run, lets compare the two. 5 cars, 5 consoles, toss them in a centrifuge and see who pairs up with whom.

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The Ariel Atom:

The Atom began as a student project by Coventry University transport design student, Nik Smart. The Atom was known then as the LSC (Lightweight Sports Car), it was developed in 1996 with input and funding from various automotive industry members. However, it's not exactly street legal in North America, ok, well it is, but you have to go about it creatively. To drive an Atom on the road in the good old US of A, you have to build it as a Kit Car. That means everything, including the engine, is shipped to the owner in pieces. An optional road pack (which includes turn signals, a horn, rear tail lights and headlamps) is also available. The owner assembles the car in his own garage, dogmatically following all appropriate, state-mandated, vehicle safety guidelines. Otherwise, the Atom is sold as an off-the-road-only vehicle.

So what gaming rig is also assembled from pieces and provides way more performance than the price suggests?

The DIY gaming PC:

You select, assemble, and troubleshoot your way to gaming nirvana. It's not a simple turn-key gaming solution, and it's not for everyone. Much like the Atom though, for those with the know how and patients, it provides unparalleled performance for its price point.

Now, moving on like an excited electron jumps an orbital!

The Type 34, Karmann Ghia:

The Type 34 was the second generation Ghia for VW. In September 1961, Volkswagen introduced the VW 1500 Karmann Ghia, or Type 34. It was based the Type 3 platform, featuring Volkswagen's new flat 1500cc engine design. Due to model confusion with the Type 14 1500 introduced in 1967, the Type 34 was known as the "Der Große Karmann" ("the big Karmann") in Germany, "Razor Edge Ghia" in the United Kingdom, or "European Ghia" or "Razor Back" in the United States. It was also the fastest production VW model of its day.

The ColecoVision:

Much like the Type 34, the ColecoVision is Coleco Industries' second generation home video game console. The ColecoVision offered near-arcade-quality graphics and gaming style along with the means to expand the system's basic hardware. A catalog of 12 launch titles was available, with an additional 10 games announced for 1982; approximately 145 titles in total were published as ROM cartridges for the system between 1982 and 1984.

Lets do a barrel roll and move onto the next one.

The Toyota Hilux:

We all know that this truck has a back bone. Its otherworldly durability has allowed a long production run and countless hours of use. It's not the flashiest, it's not the most well known, and it's certainly not the most powerful; but it did survive the long drop on top of an imploded building.

So what gaming console has had similar staying power? Well, only one comes to mind.

The Neo-Geo:

The Neo-Geo belongs to the 4th generation of video game consoles (along with the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo). Fortuitously enough, the Hilux in the fabled Top Gear high rise implosion is also a 4th generation. What's more, the Neo-Geo parodies the Hilux in another way; longevity. This console was one of (if not the ) longest produced consumer consoles of all time. 13 years of production from 1991 - 2004. Well done little Neo, well done.

Time to B A START onto our next car, the 2000GT:

This car is a classic, a true classic. Everyone wishes they had a NIB 2000GT. Beautiful wood inlays in the interior, counterpointed by black leather. Not to mention the meticulous attention to detail that Toyota of the late 60's/early 70's was world renowned for.

This is a car that you want to keep as is. You want to enjoy it despite it's age and limitations. You want to preserve and cherish the achievement it was at the time. So with this in mind, there is only one classic gaming console that can live up to the 2000GT.

The Atari 2600:

The 2600 is not the first foray in video gaming for Atari, but it is, perhaps, the most notable (and likely the most desirable). It popularized gaming the way the 2000GT popularized compact sport coupes. It is a legend in it's own right, too bad the commercials for it were only so-so.

So, lets grab that joystick (mind, gutter, out) and toggle the last car on the list. Mr. Godzilla Himself (or Herself if it is a Goddesszilla)! The GT-R:

This is a car that uses the technology it had at inception to the fullest. It has tunned and refined itself over the years, making it an affordable, real world powerhouse. It even embraced gaming and gaming culture to such an extent that it styled its customizable display after the infamous Gran Turismo series.

There is only one gaming system that could be right for this Japanese monster of a car.

The PS3:

When it comes down to current gen consoles, you can flip a coin between the PS3 and the X-Box 360. It really does come down to proprietary game titles and intended use. In this case though, I feel the PS3 is a better fit for the GT-R. It may not have had the best titles at launch, but over the years it evolved into a very capable all in one home media machine. It's primary use was, of course, video games; but it made itself at home as an entertainment multi-media streaming device. It's not unlike like the primary use of the GT-R. It really has been built to launch fast and hard, but it is also able to be almost as capable as a track car (despite its weight).

So there is my list. 5 cars and the gaming consoles I think that would best suit them. Agree? Disagree? Have combinations of your own that you'd like to propose? Leave them in the comments! Pissed off X-Box didn't have enough lip service? Make an X-Box combo and leave it in the comments!

Want to burn me at the stake for blasphemous remarks and general stupidity, leave that in the comments as well, but keep it civil, personal attack comments get dismissed. Remember, this is just a list and a personal opinion.

DISCUSSION (24)

desertdog5051 > POD
08/31/2013 at 17:42

Gotta love the Canucks. They smart folk.

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > POD
08/31/2013 at 17:47

Great list!

You're now making me to think if my W140 S600 was a console..

The closest thing that I could think is a Ruggedized Gaming Laptop with Thirsty engine.

POD > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
08/31/2013 at 18:15

Kinja'd!!!

Let me see...

Big, Manufacturer opulence, Performance even though it HUGE....

I'd have to say, ultra high end boutique gaming PC. Something that is black and has a crap tone of video cards plus water cooling.

Kinja'd!!!

Something out of the Origin series perhaps (they also eat power like no one else)?

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > POD
08/31/2013 at 18:23

Well, that's pretty close actually.

Altough I kinda thinking of Panasonic Toughbook at first. But I think toughbook is closer to my friend's S-Guard.

POD > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
08/31/2013 at 18:49

S-Guard, even bigger, even huge-ier (that's a thing now), even more impressive.

Kinja'd!!!

The Origin Big O perhaps?

Kinja'd!!!

POD > desertdog5051
08/31/2013 at 19:55

A better compliment could not have been paid. Thank you good sir.

Have you tried the Poutine? It's a staple here, tasty, fuels the brain.

desertdog5051 > POD
08/31/2013 at 20:23

No, but I bought a Tuque? when I was there last. (We call that a stocking hat.) But is has a Maple Leaf on it so I can masquerade as a non-American when I need to.

POD > desertdog5051
08/31/2013 at 20:29

So long as there was some kind of Canadiana on it: a maple leaf, a hockey puck, a hockey stick, a noble beaver (those rodents are noble btw's), The Stanly Cup, etc. Then we are all good. If not, the wrath of Canada shall be upon you!!!

We did burn down the white house. Once...