To Kill, or Not?

"CB" (jrcb) 08/12/2013 at 11:58 • Filed to: Questions, Roadkills, Animals

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In driver's ed, I was taught a multitude of things: how to stop a car only using the emergency brake or without using ABS, how to parallel park, and also how to drive a Honda Civic when the power steering had failed (I don't think that last one was supposed to be on the curriculum). One thing that they also taught us was that when there was an animal in the road and traffic behind you, you run that bastard down. Let me explain.

In class, they gave us a few examples of people attempting to not run over animals. People either swerved to not run over small animals or slammed on the brakes, and they showed us pictures of what happened: death, destroyed cars, the whole shebang. Of course, if it's a deer, moose, or bear, they say swerve, but if its smaller than a dog and you have traffic directly behind you (where you can't stop safely) or there are people/things beside you that you shouldn't swerve into, you should just run it over. It seems pretty logical, since a bad car accident is probably worse than running over a beaver, but for a dude who likes to not kill things, it's pretty hard to swallow.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I was driving my friend to a party. We were cruising along, doing seventy or eighty kilometres an hour, when for a flash of a second, I saw a bird flailing around on the pavement in front of me. I knew there was traffic pretty close behind me, we were close to a hill, so I didn't want to drastically swerve into the oncoming lane, and to our right was a fairly small shoulder and loads of trees beyond that. I moved the car slightly, and fortunately avoided running the bird over (as made apparent by me seeing it flailing in my rear view before the next vehicle went past it). Of course, my friend let out a tiny scream and cursed over the duration of the incident, and she slightly scolded me for almost running over an animal.

Anyway, from this, I started thinking: who really avoids animals (smaller ones, of course)? And does it make you a bad person if you do? When riding with my dad, he runs over a fair amount of them. And my friend has run over three in my neighbourhood, apparently. So, opponauts, what's your stance on animals in the road? Do you swerve to avoid them? Do you aim for them deliberately? Do you carry on with your life? Sound off in the comments below.

(Title image is from !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , if all the links on it didn't already give it away)

f86sabre > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:03

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I try to avoid them if possible, but there are times when there is nothing you can do. My wife rolled her Subaru Justi when we were dating trying to avoid a cat. We had a long talk about that one. Do what is safe, try and be good, but don't kill yourself in the process. Having "Died trying to avoid a muskrat" on your tombstone doesn't buy you much.

GhostZ > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:04

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I absolutely avoid if possible. Thankfully I've never drove in an area where viability is so poor that you can't see something a few seconds ahead of time, and every time an animal has showed up there was just enough room to avoid it. I don't think I've had a panic scenario (aka, deer) where I wasn't able to maneuver out of the way safely, even if it means going on the shoulder or crossing the lines occasionally.

If I was driving a truck, van, or some heavy sedan however, I might not be as lucky.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:04

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I really, really try not to, but I killed the shit out of a bird on Friday. Any other animal and I do almost every thing to avoid, if I get rear-ended it's the person behind me's fault.

. . > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:04

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It's much safer to just tackle them head on than to desperately and suddenly attempt to avoid an animal. People may say that it's cruel, but it's the right choice. If it's in your way - you run it over. No significant swerving, braking or other manouvers should be undertaken. Even if the road is empty, a sudden change of direction can cause you to lose control. You may be taking the life of an animal, but you're protecting yourself, people who are traveling with you, and other road users.

ncasolowork2 > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:05

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Umm forget avoiding them to save them... I want to avoid them to avoid either A) damaging my car or B) making my car disgusting. That said I have felt bad the 3 or 4 times I've been guilty of creating road kill.

PelicanHazard > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:08

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I go around them (not sharply or suddenly enough to be a 'swerve' in my opinion) unless I have reason to believe the animal will run into me and is large enough to cause damage, in which case I stop. Unless road conditions make stopping dangerous, but I haven't run into that yet that I recall.

J. Walter Weatherman > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:13

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I do my best to avoid animals, conditions permitting. My safety always comes first though. This usually means that I will at least brake for them. Swerving is a rarity, because in most situations that I have been in, it couldn't be safely done.

The bigger question - if you do hit an animal, and it is maimed but not killed, then what do you do? It absolutely pains me to do so, but I usually go back to put it out of its misery.

Chairman Kaga > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:18

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I was riding home with my girlfriend and another friend from the big Spin Doctors concert (yeah, dating myself here) when she hit a cat. She screamed, took BOTH hands of the wheel and began sobbing. I had to grab the wheel, find the brake pedal and navigate us to the parking lot of a Dairy Queen, where she continued sobbing for a good 10 minutes. Then she made me drive back and spend another hour looking for the animal. We never found it. Then she dumped me the following week and I went to college.

Chairman Kaga > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:25

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Another story.

My friend Mike was driving home from a tennis match, coming through a rural cutoff between highways outside of town. Cresting a hill, he didn't see the dog laying in the middle of the road in time to avoid it. He swerved slightly, but still ran over his rear quarter.

Mike, being a human being, pulled over and got out to check on the dog. It's owner was walking over as well, his house right at the top of the hill. Another man from across the street was also making his way.

Here's the conversation.

Mike - Oh God, I'm so sorry. I didn't even see him.

Dog's owner - Y'aint from around here. Ol' Buck always lays here in this here road. Y'know to watch out fer'im. Dangit. You runt'ov'r Old Buck. Dangit all.

Other old man - Wha'happened heyah, Darryl?

Dog's owner - This sumbitch run'tov't Old Buck. Dangit.

Other old man - Dangit. Y'aint from around here, are ya?

Mike - No, sorry. I'm just heading home from a tennis competition.

Dog's owner - Tennis? Sumbitch.

At this point he pulls a .38 from his waist band and shoots Old Buck in the head.

Dog's owner - Poor Old Buck. You run't him over.

Othe rold man - Poor Old Buck.

Old Buck's owner picks up the carcass, flings it across his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and turns around. Then they both just walked away. God bless the south.

DocWalt > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:28

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If it's safe, avoid them. I don't want them ruining my car. If it's unsafe, run that furry thing down.

MountainCommand > CB 08/12/2013 at 12:34

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If im in my parents tahoe, i dont worry about running anything over, so i never swerve. When they had a suburban, i nailed a big pheasant on the highway one time. No worries, it hit the metal bumper/tow hook.

Now that i have my prelude, i will make every effort to stop or avoid (if possible) anything larger than a squirrel because the car is much lower. And the rabbit i hit recently broke my turn signal lamp, luckily it didnt crack my bumper. Hitting animals larger than a squirrel will without a doubt do more damage, and cause more headaches...

Hell, if there is a dead animal on the ground i will always go around it, never over it, for fear of it catching something on the underside. Its the tradeoff for a low ground clearance vehicle...

pdthedeuce > Chairman Kaga 08/12/2013 at 13:18

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aren't you glad ? imagine living with someone like that.

MrCrash > CB 08/12/2013 at 13:20

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I love animals and generally dislike other humans. I Also have a 7 foot crumple zone behind me and a full steel frame underneath me. Unless the vehicle behind me is bigger, I'm braking. To quote Mitch Hedberg, "Good luck, fucker."

Chairman Kaga > pdthedeuce 08/12/2013 at 13:22

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Yes. And she was so insanely hot that she intimidated me. To this day, 20 years later, I still don't understand how that happened...

I should find her on Facebook and ask. Yeah. That's a great plan.

pdthedeuce > Chairman Kaga 08/12/2013 at 13:23

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yeah, only good can come of that...

corvairsomeday2 > CB 08/12/2013 at 15:30

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I brake hard for deer, but I won't swerve.

I'll slow for anything bigger than a squirrel, to reduce the energy in the collision.

Squirrels are a lost cause anyway. Critters can't make up their minds.

I once hit a groundhog so hard that it pinched his fur between my steel rim and tire bead.

I feel sort of bad, every time, but it is what it is. I'm not going to swerve and endanger myself.

GreenN_Gold > Chairman Kaga 08/13/2013 at 16:26

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This should be a scene in a comedy, with a young intimidated driver, who thinks the old man is going to blow his brains out when he draws the gun to put down poor ol' Buck.

GreenN_Gold > CB 08/13/2013 at 16:43

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I honestly can't recall hitting any animals in my car, I've done some MILD swerving or braking to avoid a few, I remember getting lucky a couple times, unsure if the squirrel was gonna make it out from under my car alive.

Now as a grade schooler I do recall my mom running over a cat on the way to school, and it only crushed the back of the cat, and it was left dragging itself around the road with its front paws. I was a little shaken up by the imagery, but thought it might make a good show and tell story that morning. (You know, "Hey guys, my mom hit a cat on the way to school!") I "misunderestimated" my innocent young mind and I couldn't finish the story without crying. Dang it!!! Total loss of kid cool points!!!

The Opponaut formerly known as MattP123 > CB 08/25/2013 at 14:28

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