Greatest Appellate Opinion Ever

Kinja'd!!! "boddagettaflyer is staying put" (boddagettaflyer)
08/02/2013 at 18:52 • Filed to: Legalopnik

Kinja'd!!!1 Kinja'd!!! 3
Kinja'd!!!

Porsche 356 Speedster unrelated (via !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! )

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

US v. Strong

The events in this case took place at the Edward T. Gignoux U.S. Courthouse in Portland, Maine on May 24, 2011...

On May 24, 2011, Strong arrived at the courthouse around 11:30 a.m. As he was about to pass through the metal detector near the entrance, Strong told the court security officer (CSO), Franklin Holcomb, that he needed to use the bathroom. Holcomb responded that Strong could do so as soon as he was screened. As Strong passed through the metal detector, Strong told Holcomb that he was defecating in his pants. Holcomb then escorted Strong to the first floor men's room, which was about seventy-five feet away. Holcomb remained outside the restroom door until two Deputy U.S. Marshals arrived. They arrived under a previously established protocol as to Strong, implemented because there was an ongoing improper communication case involving Strong and a court employee. When Strong left the bathroom five or ten minutes later, the deputies escorted him to the clerk's office. Strong said nothing about the condition of the restroom to the deputies. Walking again past the notice of the regulations outside the clerk's office, Strong left the courthouse five or ten minutes after that without any further incident.

No one used that men's restroom for approximately fifteen minutes after Strong left the courthouse. At that point, a male law enforcement officer went to use it, but could not because of its condition. The officer told one of the CSOs that someone had soiled the first floor men's room and asked for the CSOs to summon a cleaning person, which the CSOs did.

The supervisor of the courthouse's cleaning company, Christina Mason, arrived to clean the restroom after receiving a call requesting that it be cleaned. She smelled feces from the hallway, and when she opened the door she could not enter the restroom because feces were on the floor where one would need to step to get inside. The restroom was unusable because it was so soiled. She saw that seventy-five percent of the floor was covered in feces, in chunks. She also saw feces smeared in spots on several walls in different areas. In fact, some of the feces were smeared more than two feet up on the walls. Feces were smeared on the paper towel and toilet paper dispensers, on the toilet paper itself, and on part of the toilet seat and the left side of the toilet bowl. There was also urine in the toilet, which had not been flushed; no feces were inside the liquid in the bowl. Mason testified that the feces were not only all over the bathroom but were "smear[ed] in spots," and not splattered. Strong's plaid blue boxers, which were covered in feces, were found by Mason draped over the wastebasket where Strong admits he placed them because they were "destroyed."

The state of the bathroom was so bad that Mason, who had fourteen years' experience at the courthouse and training in cleaning up bodily substances, was initially at a loss for how to clean the restroom. She devised a plan and first used paper towels and disinfectant to remove the feces from the floor. She then cleaned the restroom three times with a bleach and water solution, and discarded the soiled underpants, the potentially soiled rug that had been outside the restroom, and the clothes she had been wearing using a biohazard bag.


DISCUSSION (3)


Kinja'd!!! DasHoon > boddagettaflyer is staying put
08/02/2013 at 18:58

Kinja'd!!!1

In other words, another day in the life of EMTs and law enforcement.


Kinja'd!!! Vizzini > boddagettaflyer is staying put
08/02/2013 at 19:05

Kinja'd!!!1

Great case, in its sheer stupidity. I love that there was even a dissent.

It takes guts to argue that you should not be convicted of spreading your own waste around a bathroom because you didn't see a posted notice. I guess he just didn't give a shit.


Kinja'd!!! Stef Schrader > boddagettaflyer is staying put
08/02/2013 at 19:12

Kinja'd!!!1

I believe that 356 is best used as a "u nicorn chaser " after reading that opinion. Hahaha.