"McMike" (mcmike)
12/20/2013 at 13:20 • Filed to: Batshitbabes2013, 2013pageant
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"McMike" (mcmike)
12/20/2013 at 13:20 • Filed to: Batshitbabes2013, 2013pageant | 5
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Ladies and Jalops, thanks to youreffort in 2012 Batshit !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! Rounds , It is my honor to present you with the winners of the 2013Miss Jalopnik Batshit Babe Pageant
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Our second runner up, with 10% of the vote is……
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , Miss October 2013
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Pranks and mischief- we’re all guilty. Toilet paper in trees, soap on the windows,forks in the lawn.. All innocent enough, andcan build fantastic memories of adolescence. However, Draino bombs can only build memoriesof childhood hearing loss, blindness, skin burns and incarceration.
Kendra, theonly reason you are here to collect votes is because you were stupid. The only reason you are on the podium isbecause beauty pageant winner. To be honest, we would have rather you hadstayed out of trouble, and given our votes to the Miss Riverton runner up, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! who now wears your crown.
You’re luckyyou got off with !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Dumbass.
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Our first runner up, with 11% of the vote…..
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , Miss December 2013
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Sally was the last contestant to joinour pageant this year. After readingyour tale, it was hard to determine if it was crazy or drunk caused your lack ofjudgment (not to worry, we like both) I’m not only talking about thedrinking and driving, I’m talking about running a red light infront of a police car, leading the police car on a chase, and then ramming thatsame police car over and over again in a driveway. Your escape attempt certainly get an A foreffort, sweetheart.
Locals say you’re a spoiled party brat, and that yourlawyer daddy will take care of you.Allwe know, is you’re here on the podium because “ !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ”
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Good luck in court.
Sally also claimed one of our !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
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Hereshe is…. Your winner, with 49 % of thevote - Miss Jalopnik BatshitBabe 2013!!
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ,Miss February 2013
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It comes to no surprise that Sarah was our winner. Not only is she a beauty queen, she treatedher mug shot like a head shot. It wastoo early to call a winner when she joined our pageant 12 months ago, but somehowwe knew….that she would be somethingspecial.
Not only was she drunk enough to be unable to avoid alight pole (which took out a street light, and left part of the city withoutpower for hours), she smiled in the face of humility, and gave us all somethingto hope for - a future without shame. Sarah,you really know how to light up any (booking) room.
There is a chance you may have receivedvotes because you were responsible for getting a PT Cruiser off thestreets. Either way, we thank you.
May our crown fit you as well, and may you wear it longerthan your Miss Las Cruces Crown.
Sarah also claimed 4 of our !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Congratulations to Sarah, and all of our finalists and contestants.We hope you have a batshit-free 2014.
Slave2anMG
> McMike
12/20/2013 at 13:50 |
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Miss December would have done better if she'd had a better mug shot...one that showed some cleavage. Because men are pigs.
Oink, I say. OINK.
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McMike
> Slave2anMG
12/20/2013 at 16:51 |
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Agreed. I believe that's the reason Miss Six (later Miss April) won in 2011
http://jalopnik.com/5767056/this-w…
getchapopcorn
> McMike
12/21/2013 at 19:15 |
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http://www.nj.com/hunterdon-coun…
did we vote too early?!
Manwich - now Keto-Friendly
> McMike
12/29/2013 at 20:47 |
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I fully agree that the February one is the best one.