Batshit Babe Minigame, this time it's personal!

"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen) 12/18/2013 at 11:42 • Filed to: None

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I propose that in the comments in 1 or 2 sentences tell me the most batshittiest encounter you've had with a lady. I will take the resulting sentences and put them in a poll. Then we can figure out which oppo-commenter has dated the most batshit crazy babe. Should be fun right?

Any story of a girlfriend, ladyfriend, fwb or even just a one-date-girl is fair game. Just share the craziest thing she did! For you ladies, I'm happy to throw in batshit-dude-stories!

I'll start: I went bowling with my crazy lady friend and my roommate and his girlfriend, while I was in the bathroom, she propositioned his girlfriend for a threesome with her boyfriend, she got turned down... Then in the parking lot she sat on the trunk of my Jetta and wanted me right then and there... Needless to say, she was very drunk.

Party-vi > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 11:46

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Second time I saw this girl, she talked about the 5 Stages:

1) We date

2) We become official

3) We move in together

4) We get married

5) We have kids

Yeah. There was no third date.

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 11:52

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Well, back in the day when i drove a W140, i date a girl. She's a twin. And on our 1 year anniversary, she and her twin said they want to do some kind of "Road Trip" on my W140.

And in the end of the day we're do a threesome in the back of the merc. That's one of the best memories i have with the Merc..

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Party-vi 12/18/2013 at 11:52

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Oh man, that's scary! The only way to bring up that subject is in a extremely hypothetical and not-necessarily-with you type manner.

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 11:54

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I will bring up the onion story once more http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/i-got-alot-of-…

But beyond that, I was once married briefly to a very hot librarian, 4 years my junior. Everything was fine and dandy for years. Great, crazy sex, and then she decided I had to die. I was lucky to have a 3 bedroom apartment because I would sleep in a locked room. I woke up numerous times to her in the chair in the corner of the room with a knife staring at me. Then she tried to choke me out in front of my family at a gathering for thinking I was trying to have sex with a cousin (?!). Odd enough I told her we were getting a divorce, she literally packed a bag and left. Rented a car even though I had bought her a 79 volvo 242, a 66 122S coupe (automatic so she could drive it), and had a Grand Wagoneer and a Volvo 960 wagon, any one of which she could have taken. Saw her once in court after that and that was that. Didnt ask for a damn thing. Come to find out she was cheating on me with a friend of mine.

Bad Idea Hat > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 11:57

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I have two, but the first was a slow burn that would take days to fully get into. The second, though, was a goddamn solid rocket booster to hell.

Between my sophomore and junior years of college, my roommate and I were helping out a couple new freshman girls with computer problems. One was a blonde girl who was kind of average, but the other, well, she was a redhead. About an 9 on the scale, and she and I hit it off due to an ability to name more than 3 punk bands (which was the baseline around my part of the world for punk knowledge). She was a music major, and had all the music major stereotypes, but damn she was hot.

Well, my roommate calls dibs on the blonde, and I have to do the "oh man, okay I'll take the other one." Dumb move. We had a couple of "dates", the second of which ended just short of nudity due to her roommate and my roommate wandering in. However, I'm slowly getting this deep-seated feeling that I am about to touch hands with a power line.

Nope. Nope nope nope. She skips the audition, essentially blowing her music major. Proceeds to start drinking early, stays drunk, shows up at my apartment with her roommate acting crazy, decides to light up a cigar randomly (you'd have to have been there, it really just came out of nowhere). I pretty much make up my mind within a minute of her showing up that I was just going to cut my losses. Considering I had just gone through kind of a shitty breakup the year before, I was getting frustrated with women, and this one made me go celibate for...a couple months.

The epilogue is that I ended up hearing stories from my roommate's new girlfiend/crazy's roommate. Apparently, the crazy in head/crazy in bed thing is right. Crazy and her new boyfriend apparently would fight while having sex. So yeah, pulled the eject handle just before it was too late.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 11:58

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Uhh.. not really sure if I should share this.. And it's not THAT insane.

BUT.. My ex turned out to be a lesbian, she only dated me because she didn't want to tell her parents she was..

Oh, and we have that one who got mad at me because I wasn't English.. And I need more than 1 or 2 sentences to tell this story. Thing is, I have a few friends from England, who live here in Norway. When I'm with them I usually speak English. Anywho, we sat at the bar, chatting away, when this girl came up to us, drunk out of her frigging skull. She start trying to chat me up, in English. It's quite clear to us all that she's Norwegian and all, so I try to tell here that I am indeed Norwegian, and that she can speak Norwegian to me.. Alas, in her drunken stupor this doesn't register with the girl until an hour or so has passed. When it FINALLY dawns on her that I'm from Norway she get's proper pissed off.. starts screaming that I'm trying to fool her into sleeping with her. I then tell her that I wouldn't have gone to bed with her even if she paid me.. I guess you can figure out how well THAT went..

Sorry about that long unreadable story, but there was no way I could've written that with only two sentences.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 12/18/2013 at 12:02

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lol it's cool, I figured that rule might get bent.

Also I get this story. I spent 14 years in the Netherlands, moved there when I was four, now live in the US, I don't have an accent in English, so sometimes I can spend over an hour convincing some drunk chick that, yes, I really did live there for 14 years.

Bad Idea Hat > Party-vi 12/18/2013 at 12:03

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Jesus christ, eject.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > 505Turbeaux 12/18/2013 at 12:03

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I remember this story. That is pretty batshit! I think your chances are good, haha.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 12:08

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That thing about the accent (or lack of one) can be a bit troublesome at times, I know all about that. Sure, most brits can and will hear that I'm not from the UK. But usually they think I'm from the US. Same thing with Americans, they tend to think I'm from the UK.

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 12:09

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haha yeah I used to date/sex up only the finest nutcases

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > 505Turbeaux 12/18/2013 at 12:13

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Lol, sometimes I guess it has serious consequences when you stick your dick in crazy. It still won't stop most, haha.

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 12:15

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took me a long time to realize not to fuck with crazy. Speaking of which ms wont pump her own gas is working out very fine. Not a hint of crazy

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > 505Turbeaux 12/18/2013 at 12:17

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oh awesome! Thanks for the update haha. I'm still on the hunt, haha.

Right now I've been on a couple dates with a yoga instructor that seems pretty cool. But maybe I'm blinded by the thought of her flexibility? Haha. We'll see.

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 12:18

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my last ex was a yoga instructor. She was very flexible but the best part was she was really talented with her mouth. Could be a theme?

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > 505Turbeaux 12/18/2013 at 12:21

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oooh I certainly hope so!

Out of the last several girls only one was good at giving blowie's. It really is a combination of talent and enthusiasm, some tend to be lacking in one or both.

If I get the opportunity to find out, I'll certainly report back! In the name of science!

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 12:23

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do it! :)

Jordan Clifford > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 12:25

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Well I work as a VJ/sound guy, so lord knows I have more than a couple stories.

This one time after a long night at work we started after-partying around 2:30, and around 15 people showed up, mostly service industry workers. This girl and I start hitting it off, and SOMEHOW we end up cuddle/wrestling on the floor. She gets a little rambunctious and teeth come out... I ended up bleeding from a stripper bite on my arm as well as 2 on my chest. She almost took my damn nipple off. She doesn't come around anymore.

boobytrapsandtreasure > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 13:19

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One gem of advice my dad gave me boils down to this: Don't f**k crazy girls! I have seen many a young man crushed by not keeping it in his pants. You end up with a STD if you're lucky. Worse: A pregnancy or a psycho stalker.

Your boy, BJR > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 13:39

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I once had a girl try putting her finger down my pee-hole while pleasuring me.

Chatham Harrison dba SPANFELLER DELENDUS EST > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 14:24

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I dated a girl who believed in fairies. She left me because I wanted to have sex with her, and then boned her next three boyfriends because she thought she had to to keep a boyfriend. Bullet dodged.

SkarTisu > boobytrapsandtreasure 12/18/2013 at 14:26

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I've heard the same advice given a different way from a friend of mine: "Don't stick your dick in the crazy!"

Party-vi > Your boy, BJR 12/18/2013 at 14:28

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Nope nope nope nooooooooooooope

SkarTisu > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 14:31

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After my ex-wife and I separated and I'd moved out, I came back a few weeks later to collect the dining room table and chairs my parents had given to us as our wedding present. Having previously seen the pics she showed me of her bound and gagged standing in a circle of candles and seeing the eyebolts that had been screwed into the walls and ceilings of the bedroom, I thought I'd already been shown as much of her new lifestyle as I was going to see. When I showed up at the apartment with my friend, she'd "accidentally" left a cat of nine tails on the couch in plain sight and couldn't explain how one of the nice solid oak chairs from the dining room set had been broken.

She's not a person I miss.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 14:32

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Not me, that's for sure, but I did escape from one batshit duo of twins back in 2008 whose main flirtation techniques consisted of stalking and talking about their pet-torturing, doge head biting ways.

The craziest thing they did? Rumor has it one of them killed the other. Yep, that's how crazy they were. I'd already moved out by the time those rumors started flying around my old school, but some ex colleagues I kept in touch with told me it had happened.

Ilike_cougars > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 14:42

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Not exactly batshit insane, probably psycho stalker, this girl I knew a few years ago, quite pretty and understandably was interested, went around for a few months, then all of a sudden stops talking, stops taking my calls. So I moved on and from bits an pieces figured out she got married and divorced in a span of 6 months. Fast forward to 4 years later, I get a call, she wants to talk and stuff, I decided not to,cause i was going steady with a girl I just met. But the next day she shows up on my front door, and the crazy bit I had actually moved and very few people knew the address to my new house. And followed by incessant phone calls after that. Well she stopped calling about a week later, but I have a felling this is not over... feels like one of those villains in movies that just don't die, and wait in the tub to lunge on you in the last moment..

EL_ULY > Your boy, BJR 12/18/2013 at 14:44

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Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Your boy, BJR 12/18/2013 at 14:48

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I hope for everyone involved, she was of the age of legal consent, sober, and had the fingers of an infant.

rotarykid > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 14:50

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My story no where near the top but if a girl ever has any suicidal problems (wrist cutting) just tell someone and run. Wasn't worth dating for a year thinking if I broke up with her she could kill herself.

Walfisch > Jeff-God-of-Biscuits 12/18/2013 at 14:57

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I'm sorry if this ruined your day, but you forgot to mention "trimmed fingernails".

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 15:06

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CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

So I dated a girl my Senior Year of high school. We discussed the fact that I'd be leaving the state for college at the end of the summer so we knew things would end eventually.

So lets start. Eating issues. We were on opposing swim teams, met at a swim meet. She passed out on a starting block and fell almost 4 feet to the tile aaaaand concussion.

OK so we covered eating issues. Now onto the story she made up about being raped over and over. Yeah her parents have gone through this many times, she wasn't raped it's all in her head (had me convinced though).

Next step, now that we're quite a ways into the relationship (pushing 6 months) I cancel on one of her family events due to a medical emergency in the family (older relative + broken hip = I go to the hospital with family, sorry gf of 5-6 months). She proceeds to lose it on me for not going to her event. Sorry family is more important and you should understand that. I decide to break it off with her 2 months before going off to school, because this put me over the edge.

Ready? After 3 weeks of calling me non-stop (despite me saying stop calling nothings changing) she tries to off her self. I'm serious, this relationship didn't break the 6 month barrier and she tried to commit suicide. 6 months in mental hospital. Tried to kill herself again, some idiot gave her something sharp in there....another 10 months in mental hospital.

Continued calling and trying to be friends with me after all this, I tried to be nice and be friends but it was just too much. Had a new girlfriend at this point (now my wife).

Just. Insane. All that over a just about 6 month relationship.

Aaron James > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 15:08

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I touched on my experience a little in the Batshitbabes post. I dated a completely batshit redhead when I was in my early 20's. She was stunning, and a complete animal in the bedroom, nothing was off limits to her. This girl was literally as hot as they come. The problem was she had zero self esteem and serious anger issues. If a cute girl would walk by she would squeeze my hand telling me I better not be looking, I'd try not to but you know the eyes see what they see. One particular instance had her literally punching me and biting me while screaming at the top of her lungs that I obviously wanted to fuck that girl that just walked past us. We were in the middle of the mall. Security took pity on me and allowed us to leave without police intervention. That night to apologize, she suggested I become familiar with the booty, which I graciously accepted. This happened the first week we dated. It was pretty much the same everyday, she'd get boiling mad at something real simple, then "apologize" that night in the bedroom. For two months this went on, and for that brief time it was worth the daytime insanity for the nighttime shenanigans. One time we went through the Wendy's drive through, she ordered a hamburger without Tomato and of course it had tomato on it. She jumps out of the car screaming about "fucking tomatoes" and flings the burger at the poor kid's face who was manning the drive through. That was the first visit from the police we got. I apologized profusely and she wrote an apology to the kid and the cops let it go. Once I had to work late and I came home to find her hiding in my bushes, trying to catch me cheating. Craziness... I could go on and on forever but I can't get into too many more details because she tried to kill me and it made the newspaper so if I give too many specifics it wont be hard to find out who the actual people involved (me and her) are. So know it comes down to hindsight and if I would actually do it again given the chance, hell yes I would, in fact I tried several years ago, after my divorce we reconnected but she now lives on the other side of the country and has mellowed out quite a bit. I highly recommend dating a crazy chick at least once in your life, just keep your eyes open for impending murder and get the hell out before it goes that far.

Aaron James > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 15:13

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Oops I obviously didn't follow the rules, sorry about that, Once I started I just kept going until I was afraid I'd give out too much information. You can delete it if you want.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Aaron James 12/18/2013 at 15:16

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hahahaha. The part of "if I could, I would do it again" is soooo true. The crazy regains its allure after some period of time.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Aaron James 12/18/2013 at 15:17

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oh no worries, nobody is following the rules, lol.

The Stig Farmer > Your boy, BJR 12/18/2013 at 15:18

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What man-hating monster recommended this?!

Aaron James > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 15:22

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I think the biggest reason for that is you have all these incredible bedroom memories, and you kind of downplay everything else that was involved, because things get boring and you remember the glorious days of a completely uninhibited sex partner.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Aaron James 12/18/2013 at 15:26

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oh man... You really make me want to look up some old flings now, haha. The best of them moved down to Florida, so I guess I am SOL, I need to find a new one. I've got a line on one, she sends me naked pictures of herself all the time and we've only communicated through text so far*, lol. That's a sure sign of crazy, right?

*I know she's real because friends of mine know her.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Walfisch 12/18/2013 at 15:27

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yep, you win!

Aaron James > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 15:31

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I'll tell you what, after I got divorced I started looking up old female friends from high school and had an absolute blast for about two years before I got myself into another relationship. Lucky for me she was a freak in the bedroom but mostly sane, the best of both worlds. Her son was an absolute devil though, he'd hit and bite my boys (my kids, not my junk) and there was no way I was going to stand for that so I set her adrift.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Aaron James 12/18/2013 at 15:37

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"set her adrift" hahaha. Can't have someone's kids hurting your kids regularly and get away with it...

I'm running into women with kids now too, used to be a good 90% of the talent pool my age doesn't have kids, now that percentage is much lower. I could date someone with one kid, but no more than that, I want a kid, or kids of my own and no way am I setting myself up to have 3+ kids, lol.

The crazy I'm talking too right now has 2 kids, so there is zero long-term potential there. The yoga instructor on the other hand... That could work, no kids. We'll see.... We've been two dates and I am still trying to figure her out.

Walfisch > Aaron James 12/18/2013 at 15:37

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Sorry, but I literally LOLed when I read that part about the kid hitting and biting your boys, with that disclaimer referring to your kids and not your junk. No f-in idea where that came from, but I laughed.

Too bad about that lady, though. Sounds like she's a keeper, but yeah with a problem child for a son, that's going to be very tricky.

Aaron James > Walfisch 12/18/2013 at 15:51

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When I reread it before I posted it, I could just imagine someone thinking I was referring to my man tackle as my "boys" and not it actually being my kids, plus I knew the disclaimer would add a little humor, glad you got a chuckle out of it.

Aaron James > Walfisch 12/18/2013 at 15:54

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We're still friends, she's with a guy that has no kids and does well with her son so I'm grateful for that. Blending our families wasn't going to work so I'm glad she found some happiness.

Aaron James > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/18/2013 at 15:58

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How old are you? I can tell you it is very difficult dealing with other peoples kids. I love my kids more than life itself they bring me nothing but joy and are super well behaved. I expect other kids to be well behaved and it's rare to find these days so I have no patience with it. I'm not dating anyone now for the sole reason of it being impossible to find someone in their mid to late 30's without a flock of misbehaving kids. I refuse to be around nasty children.

Shiarlis > Your boy, BJR 12/18/2013 at 19:14

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PatBateman > Chatham Harrison dba SPANFELLER DELENDUS EST 12/19/2013 at 17:12

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Fairies? Like Tinkerbell?

Pardon me for asking, but... Where did these fairies live? Did she see them?

This is a person that I would love to brain-pick for about an hour (and then run out of the room, never to see her again).

Simplify, then add beer > Party-vi 12/19/2013 at 18:17

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You've obviously never dated a woman in her late thirties. That's pretty much their M.O.

Chatham Harrison dba SPANFELLER DELENDUS EST > PatBateman 12/19/2013 at 18:56

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Fields, mainly. Anywhere natural and pretty. She could see them if she closed her eyes, IIRC. She's actually a rather accomplished scientist; just don't look too closely at her whimsy.

PatBateman > Chatham Harrison dba SPANFELLER DELENDUS EST 12/19/2013 at 20:59

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Alrighty.

My head just exploded.

Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? > Chatham Harrison dba SPANFELLER DELENDUS EST 12/20/2013 at 15:41

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So I know this is a little late...but I just found this picture and I think it fits perfectly for you!

Chatham Harrison dba SPANFELLER DELENDUS EST > Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? 12/20/2013 at 15:51

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That guy has better hair than me. Other than that, an absolute bullseye.

getchapopcorn > 505Turbeaux 12/20/2013 at 15:52

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This movie, man. This movie right here consistently kills me as to all the skits.

V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me! > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. 12/20/2013 at 15:52

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....and you never sent this story into Penthouse Forum?

505Turbeaux > getchapopcorn 12/20/2013 at 15:57

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It never ever gets old. BTW Can I buy you a fish sandwich?

getchapopcorn > 505Turbeaux 12/20/2013 at 15:59

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Only if it comes with a complimentary glass of courvoisier.

505Turbeaux > getchapopcorn 12/20/2013 at 16:00

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haha lol. the best. I need to sit down with it and make a set of GIF's

Nick, Drives a Cobalt LT > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 12/22/2013 at 14:16

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Late to the party I assume. But. Here it goes I suppose.

So me and this girl met in 2008. Things were good. we were kinda off and on all through highschool, we stayed together for a while, and things took a turn around when I graduated Highschool. Through the summer she started acting weird, fighting me on random occasions, not talking to me for days.

One day while we were at get families cabin I heard her phone go off, I grabbed it to bring to her and let her know someoen texted her./

Turned out she had another boyfriend it seemed....I went ballistic. I kept calm in front of her family but the second we got into the car I blew up, I just sat there screaming at her. I gave her everythign I had, I got her a car, I got her anything she asked for. I paid for traffic fines, I bought her random expensive jewelry. And she went and did this. The worse part is she also had told me she had been raped a week or two before hand, so I did what I could to console her and help her through it.....Well she came clean sayign that she had had sex and that it wasn't forcive....

Well stupidly I listened to her and she convinced me to stay. Now I don't smoke weed or party or drink alcohol at all. Just my personal choice due to things that I have experienced in life. She had also agreed to not smoke weed and had said she would never drink.

well a week or so after what happened at her cabin I get a call at 1am from her.....she started talkign about how high she was, and all this other shit, utterly disgusted I hung up. She kept calling, leaving messages of her crying and stupid shit.

Finally I gave up, and since I was out of state I could not physically go to her and break up, so I called her, talked to her, explained that I can't be with her and everything.

Well now, turns out she is a heavy drinker, she just goes out and parties everynight, and works a dead end job.

The only good thing about this girl was...nothing actually. I can not put my finger on one thing that was good, or why I stuck around for so long.