An open memo to Jalopnik staff

"mkbruin, Atlas VP" (mkbruin)
12/12/2013 at 06:47 • Filed to: None

You may as well go ahead and give Mr. Demuro his early Christmas present and hire him now. Please allow me to explain.

1) He can actually write. He's not some college Lit major trying to win a Pulitzer through the back channel off-topic forum of a gawker media site.

2) He has a metric crapton of followers. I'm not sure what the SAE equivalent is, but I'm sure it's alot.

3) He amassed more comments and views in the first 5 hours than any other post from any other person I can recall here on Jalopnik. It has to be one of those random NFL style records, like "He holds the record for obtaining the most smartass replies from college Lit majors trying to win a Pulitzer through the back channel off-topic forum of a gawker media site in the first 5.374 hours."

4) Lets be honest, you publish all of his posts to the front page anyway.

5) His most recent post has nearly 1,200 replies. He will respond to each and every one of them. That's just cool.

6) Lastly, he has nearly 1,200 people clamoring for a year old set of Hummer branded sheets purchased from a truck stop. I'll let that sink in for a moment. Even the dude selling ice to eskimos is saying "damn."

That's all I've got.

Oh, and good morning Oppo.

DISCUSSION (57)

Anon > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 07:04

Was there some trauma in your life early on that caused this distaste for Lit majors?

sincerely,

A college Lit major

Jagvar > Anon
12/12/2013 at 07:05

I'm a journalism major with a lit minor. Represent.

Chase > Anon
12/12/2013 at 07:07

Best way to get rid of a Lit Major?
Pay him for the pizza

:P engineering school, liberal arts not so highly praised

Anon > Chase
12/12/2013 at 07:20

I'm sorry but you wouldn't even be able to read without us pizza delivery boys. Also at least we have more women than men in the english program! Bean counter! :P

zadtheinhaler > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 07:28

I'm trying to recommend this post, but Kinja is being a bitch, as usual.

My $0.02? Doug Demuro has one hell of a way with words.

HIRE HIM.

Chase > Anon
12/12/2013 at 07:34

"more women than men"
so does the BME department (BioMedical Engineering)
granted, i'm MechE, so, yeah, no women. the gender ratio at my school (overall) is roughly 70:30. which sucks, no doubt. it doesn't usually seem quite that bad though, as a good chunk of that 70 rarely leaves their dorms/apartments (LoL, WoW, etc, take your pick)
upsides? i get to play with SolidWorks (3d modeling) and the average starting salary for graduates of my schools is $62,000

Anon > Chase
12/12/2013 at 07:44

Oh well aren't you special! We English majors may not make that much but we enjoy what we do!...Though the 3D modeling bit sounds fun.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Chase
12/12/2013 at 08:00

oh my gawd that is so wrong. I'm glad I had already finished my coffee, or I would have sprayed it all over the monitor.

With-a-G is back to not having anything written after his username > Anon
12/12/2013 at 08:15

It doesn't require early trauma, just chronic exposure.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Chase
12/12/2013 at 08:17

Lol this reminds me of a story. When I was in college I took a few classes in the engineering college. I was walking down the hallways and a pretty good looking girl (amazing for engineering school standards) dropped a pencil, 3 dudes all ran over to try and pick it up for her. She was weirded the fuck out, haha.

In one of the larger lectures I was in, I was sitting in what I call girl-island, out of roughly 50-60 people, 80% of the 8 girls were sitting by me, haha.

Jayhawk Jake > Anon
12/12/2013 at 08:18

What do I need to read for anyways?

Jayhawk Jake > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
12/12/2013 at 08:21

I'm an aerospace engineer, and when I graduated my class of 22 aerospace majors was all male. It was apparently the first time that had happened in like 20 years.

Hooker > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 08:25

Agreed. He gets my vote. Do it.

André - Volvo4Life > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 08:38

Hear hear!!

DeMuro is the bomb.

ATL Represent!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
12/12/2013 at 09:08

You had six and a half girls sitting next to you?

corvairsomeday2 > Jayhawk Jake
12/12/2013 at 09:09

Aerospace grad here, too. Graduating class in 2007 was maybe 10% female.

The Transporter > Chase
12/12/2013 at 09:16

I was a Film Studies major. It took me a full year to realize my horrible, horrible mistake.

Now I'm a Computer Science major.

MooseKnuckles > Anon
12/12/2013 at 09:16

Excuse me, barista, I ordered my Iced-grande-non fat-soy-vanilla latte WITH soy.

Math is the universal language.

The male:female ratio is because men are verrry smart.

(Civil eng here)

DCCARGEEK > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 09:17

Never confuse entertainment with journalism. Opinions, written in well strung together analogies are fun, but they do absolutely nothing to inform or educate.

Having said that, I enjoy Doug's style and content, but I wouldn't call it journalism.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
12/12/2013 at 09:31

You must be an engineer...

Lol, just kidding (I would've probably done the same thing). That was a rough estimate. Let's just say it was 6 out of 8. Which would be 75%.

DCCARGEEK > DCCARGEEK
12/12/2013 at 09:32

To expand on this I see automotive content as a spectrum: On one end, entertainment, fun, laughs (aka Doug). On the other end, data, analysis, information (Patrick G)

Having a balanced mix of the both truly wins...at least in the game of impression based media. Not everyone wants to read my boring legislative research and data pieces and likewise not everyone wants to hear Doug's comical editorials, but I think the two can and should live in the same property. And neither shall harm the other.

The challenge for many auto sites, the lucrative monetization strategy of selling leads to dealers. It's a cash cow. Thankfully Jalop hasn't taken that route. Look no further than Edmunds who has recently hired retail buying writers to write pieces titled 5 ways to know you are getting a good deal on your new Civic. Why? They want to attract car buyer, not enthusiasts. Hence why InsideLine isn't really a thing anymore.

Ok. I've ranted long enough. My point:

Fun pieces need inform pieces and inform pieces need fun pieces.

Hooker > DCCARGEEK
12/12/2013 at 10:02

But I want to have my cake and eat it too! I want fun AND informative pieces! That's pretty much one of the only reasons I come to Jalopnik. I am entertained and informed.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
12/12/2013 at 10:08

I recall a class with around 40 people, and three girls, one of which I think dropped the class. Engineering class, of course - though math and Materials Science courses were closer to the campus average.

DCCARGEEK > Hooker
12/12/2013 at 10:12

That's basically what I said: you need both, this place has both.

Jayhawk Jake > corvairsomeday2
12/12/2013 at 10:38

To be fair, the next class was actually a relatively high percentage female. All the girls that started with me switched to a 5 year plan (or changed majors), so it ended up being a funny little anomaly

Textured Soy Protein > DCCARGEEK
12/12/2013 at 10:50

Erm, does everything on Jalopnik have to be "journalism"?

Wacko > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 10:54

I love all of Doug's work, but personally I find his quality of writing how can I say this, too good for a Gawker related site.

DCCARGEEK > Textured Soy Protein
12/12/2013 at 11:00

No. Read my response to my response.

Racescort666 > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 11:05

It has to be one of those random NFL style records, like "He holds the record for obtaining the most smartass replies from college Lit majors trying to win a Pulitzer through the back channel off-topic forum of a gawker media site in the first 5.374 hours."

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks that these made up records and stats are ridiculous.

Anon > Jayhawk Jake
12/12/2013 at 11:16

That is the most meta thing I've ever seen.

joemcm > MooseKnuckles
12/12/2013 at 11:16

Damn dude, damn. Everyone's getting aggressive! I'm at a liberal arts school myself, majoring in economics. All those classes in random subjects are annoying and seemingly useless at first, but as I sit here, one final away from the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year, it's starting to make sense. This shit is interesting. I took a religion class from an archaeologist this semester. It was the hardest class I've taken (this guy expects you to know fucking everything, it's absurd), and the most informative and interesting. Liberal arts isn't about becoming an expert in each field you study, it's about learning to think differently, allowing you to solve problems in the real world better and more intuitively. Not saying it works like that for everyone, but that's at least the idea. I wanted to leave this place a year ago, and there's times I still do, but I'm here for the rest of my undergraduate career for sure.

MooseKnuckles > joemcm
12/12/2013 at 11:39

I just feel like a lot of kids don't know or understand what they are getting in to when they go for liberal arts. I've seen so many people drop a ton of money on university just to find out upon graduation that demand is scarce and they end up as a bank teller, if they're lucky. They go in knowing they will have a degree and think everything will be all good.
When I finished high school a friend was more or less belittling another friend for opting to be an electrician (i.e. no formal post secondary schooling, just trade school, which is 38 weeks total in Ontario, I believe). The, at the time, self-proclaimed elitist with University on his horizon received a B.A in history. He can basically do nothing with that now. That is one example of many.

joemcm > MooseKnuckles
12/12/2013 at 12:11

I'm gonna sound like a monumental dickhead in this post, but try to hear my point.

First off, your friend made a great call being an electrician. My old boss was a lineman for the local utility company, made great money, started a pool company and now is loaded. The college educated to skilled laborer ratio is way off, and I have immense respect for those who take that route, I was just lucky enough to come from a family willing to pay for college.

I came into Centre (where I go to school. Google it if you like, I'm on the front page slideshow in the choir!) having no clue what I was doing. It's the best school in the area, it's small, pretty and I didn't have to major in music to pull a music scholarship. That's all 17-year-old college searching Joe really gave a shit about. Upon my arrival I was met with a humanities course every Centre student must take that I to this day believe is an utterly useless waste of time. I thought about transferring, but stayed for all the reasons I came, plus I made some pretty close friends. I'm glad I did because I started to really enjoy some of the courses I had to take to fulfill the liberal arts general education requirements.

Your argument about the job struggle is valid, but at the same time, the school and individual greatly influence this. Centre's the best school in Kentucky (Forbes), with an active alumni base and good networking. My pledge educator last spring graduated and came back for homecoming having landed a logistics gig for Nissan in Nashville. That same dude's girlfriend works for Toby Keith managing his brand of booze, ticket sales and other stuff all while on tour with him (I shit you not, would SR20, but personal information of other people). Sure, there's a bunch of weird-ass kids here with no friends who major in shit like philosophy, religion or art and walk around with this elitist "ooohhhh I go to Centre" attitude, (Yes, that's a thing here. Lots of wanna-be Ivy League kids here. They're the kids in high school who had the 4.0 GPA and the 34 ACT but just weren't good enough for Yale) but there's also the real people that go here. Not everyone is a stereotypical liberal arts loving doucher. There's ambitious people, who want to make something of themselves and will utilize their education at a good school to do so, instead of hanging a meaningless degree on the wall of a studio apartment in some city while trying to make it as a freelance artist or some shit.

What I'm saying here is out of your two friends, I identify the most with your electrician friend, despite going to a liberal arts school. I'm not elitist about it, and realize there's plenty of people who will be more successful than me through different avenues. They're not lesser people than me, we just chose different routes with the same goal of success. Sadly, all the hipster pussies who fap to the school website 8 hours a day and come here to learn, not learn how to think, give us a bad name and make liberal arts schools look like overpriced hippie farms, yielding failure after failure.

Doug DeMuro > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 13:32

Thanks for the post. I actually have the rest of the afternoon set aside to read every single comment and tweet. Then I actually have to, ya know, find a car.

I really appreciate the sentiment — it means more than you know.

Doug DeMuro > DCCARGEEK
12/12/2013 at 13:33

Absolutely. I disagree in that I certainly think it fits under the umbrella of 'journalism' but you're absolutely right that you can't have one without the other. I am very much indebted to the actual writers here for providing the legitimate, reasonable, well informed content that keeps people actually coming back.

Oh, and Grand Caravan? Jeez.

Doug DeMuro > Chase
12/12/2013 at 13:35

This joke is hilarious. Why have I never heard it before?!?!

Doug DeMuro > André - Volvo4Life
12/12/2013 at 13:36

ATL yo!

Chase > Doug DeMuro
12/12/2013 at 13:42

you must live a sheltered life :P

i've known that one for years, friend linked me to this page recently though, its got a couple of good ones on it
http://www.i18nguy.com/engineers.html

Collin > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 13:45

Why would they hire a guy who replaced his CTS-V wagon with something so stupid?

Chase > MooseKnuckles
12/12/2013 at 13:51

Civil huh?
Civil is thought of as one of the lower forms of engineering at my school. Not officially or anything, but to a lot of people its the liberal arts of engineering, along with environmental engineering.

Understand, I know that it is a real major, and can be quite difficult, that just tends to be the overall opinion at my school. Especially when compared to stuff like Biomedical Tissue Engineering, higher level ChemEng or some of the dual major ECE/RBE guys I know

The 4 Rules of Civil Engineering
- Dirt + Water = Mud
- You can't push on a rope
- Things go downhill
- When in doubt, add more cement

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

André - Volvo4Life > Collin
12/12/2013 at 13:55

hahahaha.

At this rate they will have yo hire you pretty soon!

Collin > André - Volvo4Life
12/12/2013 at 14:00

Obviously they should hire Doug before they hire me, but let's not pretend I'm not interested. Haha.

DCCARGEEK > Doug DeMuro
12/12/2013 at 14:36

It's journalism but not in the traditional taught-in-school sort if way.

And don't hate on the Caravan. I may soon trade the Jeep for one (uber sad face)

MooseKnuckles > Chase
12/12/2013 at 14:41

That's how Civil is viewed everywhere, and is kind of the truth. I did 3 years of Mech Eng prior to transferring to Civil. Not that Mechanical was too difficult, I just hated it as both a major and the thought of that being my life/career.

Doug DeMuro > DCCARGEEK
12/12/2013 at 14:44

"It's journalism but not in the traditional taught-in-school sort if way." The best kind of journalism.

Why might the Jeep leave?!?

Gamecat235 > Wacko
12/12/2013 at 14:59

Nonsense. We also have Torchinsky.

HeycanIgetaride > MooseKnuckles
12/12/2013 at 15:16

Speaking as an English major, you put this perfectly. 10 years after graduation, I wish the adults in my younger life (parents, h.s. guidance counselor, college academic advisors) had pushed me harder on what exactly I planned to do with an English degree. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had majored in something else more practical....and high-paying.

Chase > MooseKnuckles
12/12/2013 at 15:27

I think some of the opinion comes from how, if a more liberal arts school has engineering, its probably civil, and as such is viewed as the "hard" major at that school. But then in comparison to schools that are all engineering, its really not

i can't imagine not liking mechanical ( i am one after all) so to each his own i suppose

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 15:52

Nailed it.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Doug DeMuro
12/12/2013 at 15:52

I'll be waiting for my reply.

Pretty sure I nailed it on worst car recommendation.

Be warned, if you see my name at the top of a post, don't take a sip of coffee unless you want your monitor to get a coffee bath.

Bullitt417 > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/12/2013 at 16:26

This would be fantastic. I really enjoy his posts and think he would only add to the well rounded Jalopnik staff. I am very happy with the current staff and the site under Mr. Hardigree's command. Well done all around. Now add Doug!

DCCARGEEK > Doug DeMuro
12/12/2013 at 16:33

I keep reproducing.

Chase > Anon
12/13/2013 at 14:36

Seriously though, my school prides itself on being nerdy (our "fight song" includes Pi to 5 digits and integrals)

PeteyCrack > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/13/2013 at 19:36

Also, if you pay him by the pun, he may actually be able to afford moving out of his parents basement.....

DRFS Rich > mkbruin, Atlas VP
12/18/2013 at 11:15

Most entertaining reads on this site by a country mile. Vive Le Doug!

I Do It For Miatas, NC Owner > Chase
07/03/2014 at 16:09

NC State?

Chase > I Do It For Miatas, NC Owner
07/03/2014 at 20:31

Worcester Polytechnic Institute (the other engineering school in massachusetts)