"offroadkarter" (04RauderDTR)
12/03/2013 at 22:13 • Filed to: what the fuck
2
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"offroadkarter" (04RauderDTR)
12/03/2013 at 22:13 • Filed to: what the fuck | 2
| 59 |
I DID NOT WRITE THIS ARTICLE , but seriously, what the fuck?
http://modernwomandigest.com/five-reasons-g…
This year, Christmas has arrived early as B list celebrity actor Paul Walker was reported dead on December 1st, the victim of a high speed car crash north of Los Angeles. This has left many people devastated, a large majority of them being tasteless Fast & Furious fans. While I could sit here and bore you with more details surrounding his death, I’d rather move on from that and present a list of reasons as to why this is a blessing in disguise for the world as a whole.
1. No More Fast & Furious Sequels.
I think I speak for everyone, when I make this my number one reason why it’s a good thing Paul Walker is dead. This movie franchise became stale after it’s second movie, 2 Fast 2 Furious, or as we at the MWD headquarters like to refer to it as, “2 shitty 2 exist.” It just added insult to injury that they’d have the balls to release five more sequels after that. They really breathed life into the term “beating a dead horse.” Of course, there is a small chance that the owners of this crappy movie franchise may replace Walker, we’re confident that there are no actors left who are alive today that have the combined desperation to work and lack of self respect to take the job.
2. There hasn’t been a good celebrity death in a while.
We haven’t had a real, genuine celebrity death of this magnitude since the summer of this year, with Cory Monteith dying of a drug overdose on July 13th, and Lisa Robin Kelly dying of possibly “similar” reasons on August 14 (autopsy reports yet to be released as of this date). The public and media have been yearning for a good celebrity death. Thankfully, Walker was happy to fill the void in our hearts and sacrificed himself for the greater good. For that, we thank you, Paul Walker. At least now your family can say your life served a purpose.
3. His death has been a good distraction from the soldiers who died this week.
Thanks to Walker’s timely death, the media has something better to focus on besides the depressing news of war across the seas that the bleeding heart liberals want us to report on instead of what really matters. Face it, libtards, the citizens of our fine country don’t like being depressed 24/7 by the horrific things going on around them like you do, and would rather obsess over celebrities, what styles they’re currently wearing, or what type of cars they’re getting into high speed crashes in.
4. Vin Diesel will finally be forced to expand his career.
I’m sure I’m not the only one when I say I’m so glad that Diesel will no longer be able to ride the coat tails of Walker’s success, now that he’s dead. With no Batman, there is no Robin, and with no “Brian O’Conner,” there can be no “Dominic Toretto.” Perhaps now, Diesel will finally leave the Action movie genre and find a project he’s better suited for. Better yet, maybe he’ll just retire from his acting career altogether.
5. This proves that rich douchebags die young too.
You know the old saying, “only the good die young?” Well, now we have proof that this saying isn’t entirely true after all! Money can’t buy you happiness, and it apparently can’t buy you immortality either. Perhaps this tragedy will teach children that being rich and famous isn’t a free ticket to thinking you’re above the law and can get away with whatever you want, as the 2005 red Porsche Carrera GT taught Walker and the friend who was driving it.
These are but a few reasons why we’re glad Paul Walker is dead. What are yours?
D
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:17 |
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you could probably just delete this post and that would be great
PRBot II
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:18 |
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I left a comment...
"Hello, this message is for Andora Bull.
Hi Andora, we received your application for “crew member”. Thank you for your interest in working for Taco Bell NYC area locations. Unfortunately at this time, we will not be pursuing employment with you. While we realize you have many strengths to offer Taco Bell, we feel your qualifications are not up to par with the skills required for constructing artisan burritos to Taco Bell’s unrivaled standards. Upon reviewing your resume, we felt “TOP FIVE REASONS WHY WE’RE GLAD PAUL WALKER IS DEAD” was not in keeping with our strict ethical standards, and thus not in line with Taco Bell’s mission statement.
Again, thank you for your interest in working for Taco Bell. We encourage you to update your applicant profile frequently, as our needs change.
Sincerely,
Juan Diaz, Regional Manager Taco Bell NYC metro area North
(PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL, THIS IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE. TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE DIRECTLY, PLEASE CONTACT TACO BELL CUSTOMER CARE AT http://WWW.TACOBELL.COM/GOFUCKYOURSELF… )"
That'll learn her.
Jay Lauer
> D
12/03/2013 at 22:18 |
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Yeah, we get that shitty people wrote this stuff and it's an abomination, but god knows we don't won't to read it.
The last thing that excerpt deserves is more publicity.
Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:18 |
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lol at the article. Paul would never fit the bill as a douchebag.
Also, who says Vin Diesel has to change his career?
. .
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:21 |
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Judging by her Facebook page she doesn't appreciate the publicity this article brought her.
ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:21 |
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meh, Im over it, death happens. Its sad but dwelling on it wont change anything. Im sure if they were 'Susie-footing' it they would have made it to dinner.
Biased Plies
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:21 |
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Yeah, see, if we didn't give this drivel any more attention, that'd be great.
http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/desperate-for-…
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Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy
> PRBot II
12/03/2013 at 22:22 |
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Shoulda' sent her an email.
ttyymmnn
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:23 |
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You're a little late to the party.
http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/desperate-for-…
KB Garage
> PRBot II
12/03/2013 at 22:24 |
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Dear lord, thank you for this.
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Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy
> . .
12/03/2013 at 22:24 |
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Then why did she post it on a public website..
Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura
> . .
12/03/2013 at 22:24 |
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Damn it, I missed the facebook page.
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KB Garage
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:25 |
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I caught this earlier on oppo. It was just as bad then.
http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/desperate-for-…
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offroadkarter
> ttyymmnn
12/03/2013 at 22:25 |
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Dammit, I was out eating!
Paul, Man of Mustangs
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:26 |
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I wasn't aware that celebrity deaths were a form of entertainment.
Manuél Ferrari
> . .
12/03/2013 at 22:29 |
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I tried to go to her FB page to give her crap but it redirected to my home page. Maybe she suspended her account cause of all the hate she got?
This is the link I tried:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Adora-Bu…
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. .
> Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy
12/03/2013 at 22:29 |
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I'd wager it was a terrible attempt at attention whoring of which she lost control. Serves her right.
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PRBot II
> Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy
12/03/2013 at 22:30 |
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Her inbox is full.
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. .
> Manuél Ferrari
12/03/2013 at 22:32 |
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She must have done because it's not working for me anymore either. Last I saw she had a total of over 1000 comments under her profile photo and last 2 status updates telling her what a piece of shit she is.
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Manuél Ferrari
> . .
12/03/2013 at 22:37 |
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Haha that's awesome. I wish I had gone to it before she took it down.
I had clicked on the first FB link to the "Goths for Christ" page and it freaked me out so bad I forgot to click on the second FB link. I made a comment about that FB page to the other oppo post about this article.
This chick is really whacky
CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
> offroadkarter
12/03/2013 at 22:57 |
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I have to be sexist and misogenic.
The fuck, bitch?
PatBateman
> Paul, Man of Mustangs
12/03/2013 at 23:29 |
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SURPRIIIIISE!!! (Unfortunately)
Svend
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 02:40 |
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Not sure if she's a 'troll' or what is commonly known as 'an attention whore'.
cesariojpn
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 02:57 |
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Uh, I kinda see her point about the sequels, but for the wrong reasons. It kinda evolved from illegal street racing to "illegal street racing, with Ocean's 11 mixed in." I mean, is it even about the illegal street racing anymore? Fast Five had a grand total of maybe several minutes of illegal street racing plot, with the actual "race" happening off camera!! It was pretty much " dude, you in Brazil, you on my turf! Let's race!!" & "THIS IS BRAZIL!! (tons of guns brandished against the DSS Agents)"
I think the franchise really needs to get back to the roots. No more of this stupid grandiose crime capers where they have to steal a fucking ICBM full of Palladium Dust that is worth a Drazillion Dollars from some psychopathic North Korean exile in the former Soviet Republic of Elbonia.
The modified cars are a front for a crime ring.
SIMPLE.
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offroadkarter
> Svend
12/04/2013 at 03:50 |
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She's a lesbian religious goth and self proclaimed amateur writer....
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Svend
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 04:12 |
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Wait. She's Ellen Degeneres with religion?
Goshen, formerly Darkcode
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 05:26 |
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I'd be glad if the FnF franchise was over, but celebrating the death of anyone who isn't Ahmadinejad, Mugabe or some other cunt of that breed is disgusting.
Barbarian772
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 07:51 |
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Pretty sure they initially created the article just to generate views.... They underestimated the hate they are getting for this...
philsphan09
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 08:53 |
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Aaaaaaand shes on Suicide watch http://modernwomandigest.com/adora-bull-sui…
Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
> PRBot II
12/04/2013 at 10:11 |
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Your resume is a picture of Bruce Jenner???
Stupidru
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 10:12 |
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Obviously an attention grab. It's sad that someone is "happy" that someone is dead, presuming that she's never met him.
I, personally am glad that people like Hitler, Stalin, , bin Laden, and Mussolini are dead. Not Paul Walker
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Stupidru
> Stupidru
12/04/2013 at 10:14 |
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UPDATE: She's on suicide watch
http://modernwomandigest.com/adora-bull-sui…
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PRBot II
> Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
12/04/2013 at 10:14 |
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No your resume is a picture of Bruce Jenner!!!
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Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
> PRBot II
12/04/2013 at 10:21 |
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PRBot II
> Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
12/04/2013 at 10:26 |
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Lol!
NafisaK9
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 11:20 |
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Okay, since all these 'reasons' are so outrageous, I'm just going to go all the way back to the beginning. Andora, I am so glad you did not get that job, and I hope this article comes to a lot of peoples' attention - since clearly anyone and EVERYONE who admired the actor will see this and hate you - and so, hopefully, you will never succeed in life. Considering the amount of things Paul Walker's action has done - his movies are pure entertainment and thrilling whereas his contributions to charity and his views just make him all the more admirable - and when one is to compare that with YOU, all one could say is - "Who do you think you are?"
Frankly, no one would give your opinions a second consideration, since your mind process is only capable of making ostentatious claims. It would naturally be ignored, except in this case you're attacking someone and mocking their death which is disrespectful enough for them to feel the anger, waste their time and tell you off.
Anyways, I am going to make a similarly pretentious claim, based on my perception of how your writing portrays you as. You are probably an ugly woman, who has been deprived of all the fortunes people around you have gotten - clearly because you're rude and ugly which is the worst combination - and so, attacking public figures who seem to have the things you will never get, is just the way you can cope with your sad life. Your reference to this tragedy as 'a good celebrity death' just proves the twisted mind of yours, that considers death interesting. I'd LOVE to hear of your death - but no one cares.
Anyways, I hope you see this and never achieve anything in life.
Fuel_of_Satan
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 13:44 |
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She's threatened to kill herself after getting a taste of her own medicine? You know what, the media would go absolutely nuts if a fellow journalist killed herself because she did a messed up story. It's been a long time since something like that happened and we could use a happy story around Christmas time.
Do it, bitch.
McLarry
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 15:00 |
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Excuse me, I have to find my lower jaw...I think it fell off it dropped so hard..
I can't believe anyone would publish such a hateful, insensitive article... "We haven't had a good celebrity death in a while"????? Seriously?? What kind of sadistic asshole is this?
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McLarry
> PRBot II
12/04/2013 at 15:07 |
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Hopefully it'll stand out...I swear that comment section makes the denizens of youTube look like doctoral candidates.
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McLarry
> philsphan09
12/04/2013 at 15:10 |
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Right, because any 'modern' liberated feminist would go from gung-ho to suicide watch after the mean old internet threw rhetorical feces at her terrible article.
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McLarry
> Svend
12/04/2013 at 15:11 |
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Not really...Ellen is funny
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PRBot II
> McLarry
12/04/2013 at 15:20 |
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Well I hope it doesn't garner too much attention... I spelled her name Andora. It's actually Adora >_<
Dailygaraged
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 15:33 |
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In no way am I making fun, but does this state that she is in a homosexual relationship with a heterosexual female partner? I'm confused.
Mikeado
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 15:46 |
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So, she has no sense of humour when it comes to movies, is entertained by famous people dying and thinks the public are too, seems to be saying point 3 seriously, isn't aware that Vin Diesel was in the well-rated Pitch Black before FnF and has also been in other movies (Iron Giant! Woo!) and doesn't know anything about Paul Walker.
Haters gonna get hated on. Getting herself on suicide watch seems like an overreaction too.
If she did top herself, someone should (and will) come up with five reasons they're glad about that.
Kugelblitz
> cesariojpn
12/04/2013 at 16:15 |
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You leave Elbonia out of this!!!
Now you have upset my pig.
themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 16:26 |
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This is a parody website, right? Right?
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philsphan09
> McLarry
12/04/2013 at 16:30 |
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Couldn't have said it better myself. Article was tasteless, too soon and awfully written.
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offroadkarter
> Dailygaraged
12/04/2013 at 16:35 |
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Maybe, I guess its better than being in a homosexual relationship with her heterosexual life partner Janet's cat, Vincent Van Furrball. That would be fucking weird.
Invalidscreenname
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 16:52 |
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STORY UPDATE:
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
http://modernwomandigest.com/adora-bull-sui…
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Dailygaraged
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 17:41 |
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This gave me laugh, good stuff
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Realnab
> Dailygaraged
12/04/2013 at 21:07 |
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Read it again. No where does it say 'homosexual relationship'. smh.
Joseph R. Cooper
> PRBot II
12/04/2013 at 22:48 |
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And saved to the Copypasta Folder.
This one is a good one. You should be proud of yourself
Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment
> offroadkarter
12/04/2013 at 23:59 |
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I hope this waste of oxygen and carbon gets what's coming. I have never been so appalled by a piece of "writing" in all my life. What a disgusting POS.
Hardwarewars
> offroadkarter
12/05/2013 at 00:12 |
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sorry not sorry, you expletive expletive expletive halfwit expletive
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Dailygaraged
> Realnab
12/05/2013 at 00:43 |
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It implies a same sex (homosexual) life partnership with a heterosexual partner. I did not quote or word verbatim...I was wondering if anyone could clarify. Not for someone to be an asshole and dismiss my comment as ignorance. I'm open minded and have no place to say how others live their lives. I've taken a couple lgbt studies classes and have never been exposed to the idea of having a life partnership with a same sex partner who is heterosexual. If you know more than I do, please inform. The concept is new to me.
Stef Schrader
> themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
12/05/2013 at 02:19 |
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That's my first reaction. MUST be a failed attempt satire. MUST. The entire presence. They've got an article on why thirtysomethings can't be goth, for Pete's sake.
Wrong topic, though, and seriously disrespectful.
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Realnab
> Dailygaraged
12/05/2013 at 18:51 |
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It's a jokey way to say someone's best friend.
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Dailygaraged
> Realnab
12/05/2013 at 19:09 |
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I figured it was something to that note, her info and pieces she has written are clearly satire..... Or so I think ha....
I_AmDeath
> philsphan09
12/08/2013 at 04:45 |
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I actually hope the dumb bitch offs herself.